Bleeding Phoenix

He loves her, not me
What have I done so wrong?
Wrong place? Wrong time.
Ah, the story of my life
I bear the name of no star,
I am not worshipped,
Cupid’s psyche reincarnate

I am Earth
I am breath
I am sweat, tears, dirt and blood,
The skinned elbow and the battle wound
I earn my keep
I must pay rent
To remain in this world
And I pay with all this
Plus the blood of my heart

Men do not want this
He does not want this
They all want a you,
None want a me

Your trouble, good sir?
And hers…
You shine like stars
True
But you also number as the stars
Truer yet
All alike,
But a rare few
Who shine a shade whiter,
Burn slightly hotter
A greater magnitude
But mere glittering specks the same

Me?
I am a stone
A leaf
A drop of crystalline water
Singular, exceptional
Willing to do my part
Asking no less
No more
Than you
Only you

But, you say, I do not shine
No gloss permeates me
I am not smooth, delicate
No porcelain gilds my brow

Tangled hair
Brittle cuticles
Bruised knees (and heart)
This is my life
My testament

Go then, run to your Galatea,
You living lump of immaculate marble
But you will find that an idol is no warmer,
No mire unique,
Than the stone from which it was wrought
Shelter your cruel face in her pearl breast,
Her tiger’s eyes
Her jeweled lips

Forget my love for you,
Let us see how long
Her affection will truly last
When will the gilded surface slough,
To reveal the lead muscles and charcoal heart?

Go away,
Return to the skies,
The place where you erroneously
Believe you deserve a seat
Dust to dust, and to soon you will return
And your dearly beloved with you.
Thrown from your ethereal, self-made thrones

And me?
I will not be content.
You cannot make me remain,
Covering me with ashes in your wake.
Trying to make me return when you have at last discovered your folly
You cannot force me
To the slimes of the ground with you

I am no Aphrodite, this is true
No Helen.
A thousand ships?
Not even a rowboat will ever be lauched in my name.

I am Demeter, finding strength in loss
Diana, running wild after the hunt
Helena despondently pursuing her Demetrius
I am the woman overlooked
Because of the physical form
Because her gems were not of material
Because she never succumbed to the allure of the expected,
And the ideal

I will grasp the flame
She dares not even light
I am ashes
I am air
I am death and smoke and flame
Like sister Phoenix,
I rise once again.