Hitori No Rei

Author\'s Notes: It\'s a different, completely angst y take on this RP (roleplay) that I\'ve been engaged in for about a year now. Since I really like the OC that I\'m Rping as, I wanted to write a story involving her and letting it be totally angsty because me and my friend have kept it only semi angsty so far.

-----ooo-----ooo-----ooo-----

It’s not so bad here…in fact, I rather like living in the human world compared to Hell. Many people think this world is a horrible place, and that there obviously has to be somewhere better. Somewhere which didn’t involve suffering, greed, and the likes which humans have attached themselves to. I don’t mind so much, demons have, after all influenced man’s ways so much, and it’s inevitable that this was to come. This place, it’s comfortable for me.

I mean, it could be worst, and it could be like home. And when I mention home, it’s in a complete different text than what most of you are thinking of. In fact, hell is so very much like this place, and not the representative sulfuric place with fire and shit. We have towns and cities too; we live much like humans do here on Earth. We work, we go to school, and we find something to do in our spare times that don’t involve corrupting humans or eating them for that matter. The only true difference between humans and demons are that humans are protected from demons by demi gods. That and the whole body structure/life span thing.

Other than that, we are pretty much alike, we laugh, we cry, we love, we hate, we dream and hope. Some more than others. You might find it amusing that a demon can do the same things as humans, but it’s true. Why, you might ask, but that question, I don’t think I could answer it. It’s just something that demons can do.

Do I dream you wonder?

I suppose.

You wonder what I dream about. Well, I guess, just living. Most demons dream of-honestly, I don’t know what most demons dream about. I don’t socialize with enough of them to know. I’ve found myself the black sheep of the demon town I lived in. From the time I was still small, up to now, I’ve been shunned by my peers, looked down upon and tossed aside by everyone else around me.

Why you ask?

My beliefs more than anything else. Not many demons know that I’m a child of mixed, forsaken birth. My father was a demon who lusted after a half elfin fairy. My mother, my real mother, such a loving woman who I can hardly remember now, allowed me life. She ran away from my father, hiding my true nature from the faerie clan which she lived with. I can hardly remember life back then, but the memory of happiness is sometimes felt on those lonely rainy days. We lived peaceful for a few years, with no worries over my true birth.

Things were like that until my father found my mother and me. That selfish man exposed the truth to my mother’s clan. Instead of taking me and being kicked out of the clan, she renounced me. Saying in a fit of insanity, she was made to believe that I was of pure blood. Alone, into my father’s waiting arms, I was tossed out. And taken to hell, where I met my older half brother and my older half sister.

To this day, I remember locking myself away from my family, crying for hours at being betrayed by the woman who was supposed to love me. Who was supposed to take care of me no matter what. Yet, here I was, in this new, alien environment. With a family who I could not relate to. Eventually, when I came down, they welcomed me with open arms; however, those arms were not going to remain that way for long.

I believe it was the first meal together that set the stones into work. The look in their eyes when they saw the horror on my face at the human meal which they feasted on, it said enough. My older brother tried to coax me into trying it, so did my mother and father. However, I knew I would never be able to eat a meal like that, the very scent of it turned my stomach, causing me to vomit where I sat. I was scowled for it after my bath, and sent to bed without food. For once, I was thankful for it. Every meal after that was awkward. My brother and sister always watching me with that disbelieving look when I would eat everything off my plate but the human parts.

Eventually, when they realized I would never eat human flesh, it was removed from my plate all together. Yet, the stares never stopped when I ate. It got to the point that I avoided eating around them. I would always been too busy to eat with the family, then sneak and eat later. To this day, the smell of spilled human blood, or raw, dead flesh nauseates me to the point of passing out.

Due to my system rejecting the nutrients my demon side needed, I grew up with many problems. I was always smaller than the other demon children my age, I weighed less, my own power manifestation appeared late, along with the signs of my horns and wings. When I finally began growing my wings, I had to go through months of therapy to build them to the point where I could actually fly with them, without the bones snapping in places from the force of the flaps. Now I take nearly twelve different vitamins, to keep my energy up, my wings from going brittle, and my senses giving out on me from malnutrition.

I was a sorry sight growing up, the only demon in hell who could not do the same things as the other kids because I was so sickly. It was hard to make friends when others know you’re different. I was treated as a leper of sorts. I could hear the whispers when I was finally able to attend school. How some would stop when I came into the room, or when they thought I wasn’t paying attention, they would laugh and imitate me. There was a time growing up, my brother would invite his friends over to dinner, just to show them that I could not eat human flesh. My father never scolded my brother for it, nor encourage my older sister to take me under her wings and invite me to do things with her.

I was on my own. I think I learned to open portals just to get away from them. To escape to the human world. I would slip through and watch the human children play. Longing to have contact with someone, anyone who would smile and play with me. But my wings stopped me. I could not fold them in like the other children, not without breaking the bones in them. I tried once, and that was the end result, causing my father to take me into months of therapy. My mother never wanted much to do with me.

On the outside, she would smile and bear it. But inside…oh you could tell she didn’t want a sickly child like me to care for. When I was sick with illnesses no other child in town got, she would check on me for a few minutes, smile and tell me to call her when I needed something.

Once, I called her.

Once for nearly an hour. My frail voice trying to carry down the steps. My pain my own to bear alone while she went off somewhere. Eventually, I gave up and swallowed my pain. Later my father came up to tell me how thankful he was that I didn’t cause my mother any trouble. How she bragged that I was a big girl and was quiet all day. I said nothing. What was I suppose to say? She lied, I called her for an hour and she never came to check on me, yet she brags how I was quiet? I knew better than to try and state such claims. He would never tell her to be more attentive. Why should he when he thought so much the same as her.

My father thought I would be a great demon addition to his family. Only he gets me, the sickly child who was more different than he ever wanted. He never spent the time with me that he spent with my older brother or sister. I myself resented him, for taking away the only comfort life had given me: my real mother. I took everything in alone, never letting him in, of course he didn’t try to get in. He had more plans with his son and other daughter. He took them places while I stayed home sick. When I could do things the other children had been doing years ahead of me, he barely smiled.

I never once heard him brag to the other parents about what I could do. No one asked either. I was that subject lost in a dusty corner. When I was five, my life changed forever when I found my first demi god while in the human world. He was injured, and without knowing what he was, I thought he was like me. Yearning for a friend, I brought him back to hell. My father was furious when he realized what I had snuck into hell. The fury in his voice as he was ready to kill the boy could only be rivaled by my anger. I tried stopping my father from harming the boy. I only bought time until he woke up, killing my father.

That day, a part of me was set free by this brutal act, and another part was shackled when that demi god allowed me to live, seeing the state I was in. Knowing I could not do anything to save myself if he attacked. Leaving, my life embarked on a new journey as the outcast that allowed her father to die. From then on, my mother became distant, my brother only seemed to grow angry at me, my sister disappeared from my sight.

My back was against the wall in schools, the students giving me a hard time, I think it had to do with my brother’s influence. Not just his words that caused others to harass me, but because he was such an exceptional student. My grades were nothing like his, because I did not have half the energy to succeed in the assignments. I studied extra hard, often times failing completely by the amount of time I put into exhausting myself into it. The teachers just figured I was dumb, or too lazy to do the work. The student parent meetings…my mother never came for me, and the teachers didn’t bother asking why.

I would watch the teachers brag to her about Caelan’s abilities, my mother’s smiles hearing the news. Only to turn around and find me sitting there, waiting for her to see my teachers. But we both knew she never would, she didn’t want to hear about what a failure I was. It would cut us both too deep. So I never asked, and she never came. Over time, the pain dulled when parent days came around and no one was ever there for me. It was sort of fun to be ignored and not bothered by things out of my control. I didn’t feel any jealousy at all, it all had numbed so long ago growing up.

Working hard, I eventually made it out. All the words were taken in stride, though I didn’t make it out as high as my brother or sister, I managed to graduate. I congratulated myself on making it out. Even if close to the bottom, I had accomplished something, making my life worth more than others gave it credit for. That day, was also the day I left hell, moving here to the human realm where I make my living being free of those pains which scarred me for life, but will never show to another person.

Mainly here, I keep to myself when I’m not across the hall. It’s funny, a demi god is my neighbor, and probably the one person I trust more than anyone I’ve ever known. I’m sure he knows what I am, but his other side hasn’t fully awakened yet. I wonder if it will be a repeat of my childhood when he realizes what he truly is.

-----ooo-----ooo-----ooo-----

The knock on her front door jarred the young half demon woman’s thoughts from the past, getting up from her seat to walk to the door. Opening it, her mouth nearly fell open, seeing Caelan standing in the doorway with their cousin. This was definitely a shock to her system to see people who had overlooked her this far coming to visit her after so many years of indifferent silence.

“Well, you look the same,” her cousin, Kajou replied with a quick look over. “Still the same weakling shortie that barely graduated.”

“You realize it took us forever to find you. Considering your energy signal is dismal because of being too weak to pick up, it took us longer than we expected,” Caelan said. “So, are you going to let us in, or not?”

“Can I inquire to what I’m sought out for?” the woman asked, doing her best to ignore the hurtful words they tossed at her.

“Maybe if you let us in, we\'ll tell you,” Caelan said with a roll of his eyes. For a long second, the demon woman pondered over it, before motioning her hand into a gesture to come in. Moving aside, she watched the two demon men enter her apartment, then shut the door behind them. Turning her attention towards her brother and cousin, she awaited for what they had to say.

“So, why have you come all this way to track me down?” she crossed her arms over one another. “I don\'t believe it\'s due to the fact you miss me.”

“You got that right,” Kajou stated. “You aren\'t worth the trouble to come see you without a purpose. That purpose is to find out whether or not what we know is true.”

“I\'m not following you,” she said.

“Of course you aren\'t. We don\'t expect someone like you to understand what we\'re saying. We\'ll just have to spell it out for you,” Caelan remarked.

“I\'m not stupid,” she glared slightly. “Am I really suppose to know what you\'re talking about when no one has bothered me for this long? It\'s not fair to consider that I would have an inkling of thought towards whatever it is you\'re trying to find out is true. So, why don\'t you clarify for me what you want?”

“It looks like the little reject found her backbone after all this time, Caelan,” Kajou smirked. “Otherwise, she would know that what we\'re talking about is the demi god that lives near her.”

“What about him?”

“You\'re so pathetic. A demon from our town saw you together with him one day while hunting down a meal. From what we heard, you were really chummy with him. So, are you screwing him, because if you are, you\'re more pathetic than we gave you credit for. Couldn\'t get a demon lover, so you have to whore yourself out to a demi god,” Kajou scowled.

“Are you planning on shaming the family more than you have by screwing a demi god? You\'ve made mother hold her head in such shame Kajou and I had to come up here to make you stop disgracing our family,” Caelan said.

“I\'m not sleeping with him,” the young demon woman glared. “The only reason I\'m \'chummy\' with him is because he\'s my friend. Considering that I have no one else to talk to about things, he listens to me.” There was no way she would let them know that Katen didn\'t know he was a demi god. They would try to kill him while he was unaware of his true nature.

“He listens to you?” Caelan raised his brow, turning a glance to his cousin who had the same expression. “Either he\'s finding time to humor himself, or he\'s as stupid as you. Why would a demi god listen to a demon?”

“I\'m no threat to him.”

“You\'re no threat to anyone, you can\'t do anything that could possibly hurt anyone of us. So there\'s no reason to put up our guard around you,” Kajou retorted. The words cut in too deep, arising a pain she had thought was buried too deep to get at. All those years of loneliness, struggling on her own came back sending a tremble down her spine.

“Is that all you really wanted to say?” she questioned, putting up a wall to shelter herself from their eyes. “Because it\'s definitely a waste of my time. So, if you don\'t mind, I have things to do, so you need to leave.”

“What\'s the rush for us to leave,” Caelan said. “You don\'t want to see your big brother?” She didn\'t say a word, keeping her mouth shut. Why did God want to punish her? What had she ever done that was so wrong that she needed to be treated this way? It wasn\'t fair to her to take away happiness she fought so hard to find.

“My guess is she wants to spend more time with her demi god,” Kajou smirked. “Why else would she usher us out so fast?”

What was she to say? Of course she didn\'t want to see someone who brought her only tears. It wasn\'t her place to speak, Caelan and all the others had given her that choice. Explaining the life she now owned to them was no option. Everyone took things into their own account with no regard to who it hurt, namely her. All she could do was bear it until they tired of ripping down the walls of shelter she fought tooth and nail to gain.

“I have things that need to be done today,” she voiced. “If I don\'t begin them today, it\'s going to take me forever to accomplish. So...could you please leave so I can get started?”

“Well, well, seems like our little reject has gotten some spine after all. So, was it your demi god that gave it to you?” Caelan smirked.

“I say we teach her a lesson, Cae,” Kajou stated, walking up to the young woman who was staring wearily at him. “I think she\'s lying about her little demi god. He won\'t be able to protect you from everyone when we have evidence. So tell us, is he the same one that killed uncle? Is that why you hang around him?”

She couldn\'t move fast enough as a fist smashed into her ribs, knocking her back and cracking two of her ribs. No matter the amount of vitamins she took, she had always known that was no great substitution for the nutrients she really needed. Those vitamins just allowed her to build enough power to get through life. Never to take on someone who didn\'t suffer from her handicap. Ready to go down and pass out, she was caught by the collar of her shirt, and hauled up by her brother. Staring into his crimson eyes flared with disgust and fury, she could only let out a muffled scream at the fist smash into her abdomen.

“You disgust me. I don\'t know why father wanted to bring you into our family. He should have left you with that whore of a meal you call a mother. Then again, even she didn\'t want you. The minute there was trouble, she saved herself. That\'s how worthless you are,” Caelan spat, flinging the girl to the ground. Clenching his fists at his side, he kicked her in the back, taking satisfaction in her cry as a stream of blood spilled from her lips.

Trying to curl up in a fetal ball, the young demon woman felt another hard kick in her side, a sharp pain racing through her. Why did God hate her? Why was he forsaking her and allowing them to get away with this horrendous act? Had she deserved this for living? Had she deserved this for wanting to live? Wanting to find some place in this world where she could be accepted?

“You\'re nothing! You\'re worthless! You shouldn\'t have been allowed to live in hell and to call my father by such a title!” Caelan yelled, kicking the young woman again, this time she expelled dark red blood, a sign he had ruptured something. By the pain in her face, he was happy it was something serious. It would teach her not to shame his dead father and grieving mother. “They took you in, and this is how you repay them? I wish you would die!”

“I\'ve done nothing,” she coughed, feeling the tears spill free. The pain in her chest coming back to stab her repeatedly. No matter how much she ran, she could never escape the convictions. “I\'ve lived without love, without comfort, without a kind word for so long my heart almost was callous with misuse. My own mother...it\'s true...she tossed me out to save her own life. But from that day on, I\'ve walked alone because I wasn\'t accepted for who I couldn\'t help but be.”

“Don\'t talk to me like I\'m the one who needs to be scolded,” Caelan shouted. “Get up and bring out your wings!”

“I\'ve done nothing to cause your harsh scorn.”

“Get up and bring out your wings or I swear I\'ll go kill your demi god lover where the filthy bastard stands,” Caelan threatened darkly. Seeing no choice if she wanted to protect Katen, the young woman, struggled to her feet, fighting the pain coursing through her body, allowing her wings to unfold.

“She admits it!” Kajou sneered. “What demon would get up for a demi god? You little slut, you deserve this.”

“You\'ll think next time you want to shame us,” Caelan growled. He and Kajou each took a wing, forcibly ripping the fragile objects from her back. The scream that torn through her was nothing in comparison to the sheer volume of pain crucifying her. Blood sputtering from her back in a fountain as she drop to her knees sobbing. Her hands clawed at the throbbing pain in her back, unable to do more than curl into a feeble ball and choke on blood in her lungs and throat.

“Let\'s go Cae, we\'ve done what we had to,” Kajou nodded, dropping the flimsy wing. Caelan said nothing as he kicked the woman once more, letting go the object in his hand to walk out, followed by Kajou. Neither looking back at the girl they left bleeding on the floor.

\'Why have you forsaken me again? What do you want from me God? What do I have that you hate me for it?\' she thought as she began going into shock. Her body temperature dropped immediately due to her malnutrition. She would never have the power to heal wounds this extensive. She would die alone on her floor, a thought she had always known from the moment she was shunned. Even if the blood flow stopped, human blood couldn\'t be transfused into her due to different blood structures. It would only make her sick in the long run. And there was no demon who would willingly give her blood, seeing as how she was a traitor.

“Taisha?” The soft voice of her demi god friend called from the doorway with concern minutes later. “Someone said they heard screaming from your place? Are you okay?” Footsteps reached her ears preceding a gasp of shock. It was even hard to tilt her head up as pain swam within her brain. However she didn\'t need to see him to know what was there. Shock and fear at the wings resting close to her, the blood sputtering from her back. He would know what she was, and his other half was going to come out.

“Katen…” She reached up for him only to have the young man give a horrified cry, stumbling back away from her. That sound hurt, worst than the throbbing pain in her chest form the kicks, worst than the pain in her back from her wings being ripped viscously out. She laid exposed to him, but she knew that she was going to die alone regardless; she felt it in the rejection he forced between them.

“What…what are…” he stammered, seeing the twitching bat wings bleeding beside her, the stumps of bone and tissue clinging to where they had been attached to her back. Horns protruded through her hair from the sides of her skull. “You’re not…you’re not human…are you?”

“No…” she gasped, trying to catch her breath. “Katen…”

“Don’t call my name, youkai,” the boy said, his eyes glazing over with the familiar trait of a demi god taking over. The once warm blue eyes were now tinged with malice, the color shading until they were glowing green with energy. “Your kind has no right to be formal with me, even if you have bonds with my other half. I won\'t accept them as being part of me.”

“I beg you...please...help me,” she whimpered, her breath wheezing in the back of her throat.

“Help you? Why would I want to help someone of your kind?” the demi god sneered. “It\'s your kind that destroyed my entire family. My family begged to be saved, but were they? Of course not, they were slaughtered like cattle. How can you expect me to feel remorse for you, when your kind took away those I loved more than anything else in the world?”

“They...they took away something important from me...too,” she choked. “The one person I would have...remained blind for. My one...person I loved...more than anyone else. Who discarded my life...to save herself.”

“Demons don\'t care,” the demi god informed.

“She wasn\'t...” Taisha whispered. “My mother was elfin.”

“Do you realize that she never loved you? Those with elfin blood are more respectful with raising their children. Even if they have half bred bastards like you, they will burden themselves with that child, until there is an opportunity to rid themselves of that child they never loved,” the demi god stated. “If you believed she loved you, you are highly mistaken. Who would want a demon child? They only bring bad luck.”

“I don\'t care...she has been the only one to show me that my life meant something. Children know no difference when it comes to being accepted.”

The young demon woman closed her eyes, a pressure slowly lifting from her back. Even the pain was slipping away, drifting far away. This was probably the closest thing to comfort she had in a long time. Maybe it wasn\'t going to be so bad to leave this place, maybe wherever she ended up would accept and love her. Maybe there would be no convictions, no stares, no pain.

“It\'s fine now...as long as Katen is fine...”

“You did this for my other half?” the demi god laughed wickedly. “You fool, even if they tried to lay a hand on him, I would have taken care of them. You wasted your life in vain.”

“He was my life,” she sighed. “The only person who needed me. Who wanted me around. Who smiled and laughed with me. You have no idea how it feels to hear someone talk to you after darkness for so long. It feels so refreshing, it makes you feel alive.” Her eyes slowly closed, reminiscing over the time with her only friend; it brought her peace at the end here.

“It saved me from falling...”

“Demons are such fallible creatures,” the demi god muttered, able to hear the faint beats of the demon\'s heart slow. He couldn\'t understand anything she spoke of. To him, all demons lived in the shadows on their own. What about that made her eyes so hollow and painful? Turning from her, he walked out, closing the door behind him, but not before sealing off the place. It would never do good for humans to see a sight like that.

Heading back across the hall, he was met at the door by his adopted elfin mother. After his family was murdered, the young demi god wandered around alone for a while until this woman picked him up, taking him back to her elf village. He had been welcomed with open arms, growing up learning about elf and his demi god customs.

“Katen, where did you go?” she questioned, her gold eyes staring at him worriedly. A smile graced his lips, shaking his head.

“My other half went across the hall to that youkai,” he answered.

“Did you kill her?” his mother asked worriedly. “We don\'t need trouble from that brand.”

“Don\'t worry, it seems that her own kind did the job for me. She was such a piteous creature. I\'ve never seen demon eyes which looked like that.” Walking inside, the demi god sat on the couch. His elfin mother walked over, seating herself beside him.

“Like what?” she tilted her head to the side.

“Dead, even before she breathed her last breath.”

“What was her name?”

“I think my other half called her Taisha,” he contemplated. Looking over at his mother, he was alarmed to see her pale. “Mother? What\'s the matter?”

“That forsaken child lived across the hall from us?” she whispered.

“Do you know her? She mentioned her mother had been an elf.”

“My sister took birthed that child...”

“Aunt Namine? But, she\'s married now with elf children. It\'s impossible for her to have given life to something like that,” the demi god argued.

“This was before you came to the village with me, my child. This was when she wouldn\'t listen to reason, and became pregnant by a demon. We all thought that child was of pure blood, because she never told us otherwise. When that creature\'s father came back for her, she denounced her sin and purified her life. And the child went with its father, however, even now I could hear those screams of that child begging my sister to help her. My sister nearly went insane, until we made her forget about that child.” The elfin woman thought about what that child was like, yet was unable to after all this time.

“Did you love her? That demon offspring?”

“Who didn\'t when we were unaware of what she was? That child was full of life and love, we gave that child everything we had. Had she grown to live a elfin life, there was no doubt she would have been a powerful one. It\'s best now that she is forgotten, thoughts of her can only bring tragedic thoughts.” She could only imagine the loneliness inhabiting her demon niece\'s heart at the end of her life, the pain she must have endured while growing up was unfathomable by any of them. If only someone had stood up for that girl, just maybe...things wouldn\'t have had to end this way.