Why?

Why?

I sit on this hill again, thinking. I know I shouldn’t understand so clearly. It’s dark. The Goddess of the moon, whose tides drive my soul, is smiling palely above me as the breeze passes around. I hear the words in the wind. I feel the clouds passing swiftly above me. I sense the earth...alive. Why? Why do I see with unending clarity that leaves me feeling lost and disjointed? As if this world is merely nothing but wool pulled over my eyes. This gift, I have been blessed with, is also my curse. To be one with the energies of the universe, to feel the awesome power of the heavens makes this everyday tedious existence feel like a plastic prison.

But still I digress. This, I have learned to live with, this I can block out to play the little pawn of everyday existence. I hide my true nature even from myself, even from you. The power that flows, I know you feel it. You so calm and steady, completely in control of your own power which hums beneath the surface. In the dark hot room, in a frenzied passion when you and I disappear and only the Goddess and Consort remain, locked in the great rite. Can you feel the light and dark rage inside of me?

As I age, it comes more frequently. The sadness, the love, the hate even the visions of a destroyed future. Is it truly the future I see, I feel? It leaves me lost, sick, heartbroken for a future that I can’t know will pass. But you. You are my rock. You are my ground, my center. You keep my soul here with you while the heavens tug it into their quiet, knowing oblivion. The light to my shadow, the mind to my heart. You see my shadows and do not look away. I suppose I will continue as I have. The heaven can pull me apart from within but you will hold my soul in place. I just wish I could answer, why? Why me? Is there something she wants me to do? I guess I’ll just keep watching...and waiting. Searching for answers in her face.