Losing Cabrera

Calyx was having a hard time coping, but that wasn't so surprising; we were all having a hard time adjusting, all having a hard time just fucking breathing. So what, right? But no, the kid had seen too much as it was, and now one of the worst possible things to be had, had happened: we lost a team member. Sure, JD had lost members before, but they had been new to us- people we hadn't yet had the time to grow used to. And now... now, it was like a funeral for someone close enough to you that they could finish your sentences. Someone closer than family.
"Hey," Haney whispered, sitting down beside me with a heavy sigh and a nod to the door. "How's he holding up?"
"The doctors said it was a mental breakdown. Like he just... shut off."
"Yeah." he choked. Cleared his throat. Took a breath. Cut off a quiet sob. -Tried hiding it with a cough. His hands twisted and wringed until finally moving up to adjust his cowboy hat.
"Said when he wakes up, he should be okay to leave."
A heavy pause, and then, "You taking him home?"
"Why not?"
"I mean you taking him home... with you?"
Another pause, this time for me. "Yeah."
He nodded, hands returning to his lap. My own fluttered against the insides of my thighs as I fought between pressing them between my knees, or twisting them around at the wrists to interlock my fingers.
"Good." he said. I nodded in response, silent and with pursed lips. When he spoke again, it was quieter this time, with more of a 'concerned father' tone of voice. "Just get some sleep, alright?"
Again I nodded, my sight fixing on the door across the small hallway as it opened and closed, hoping to get a glimpse inside; but all I saw was a flash of closed green curtains, and it was closed off again, leaving me in the dark as to what was happening on the other side of that wooden door. Was he awake yet, I wondered? ...Was I really so worried that my chest was aching with the racing of my heart? Or was it another kind of ache? . . . Shit.
"Mister... Zell?"
I looked up, taking in those questioning, optomistic blue eyes, the bright dyed-red hair, the wrinkled smile... and I suddenly didn't feel that ache inside, as it had now suddenly turned to something hard, and cold. "Yes?"
"Calyx is awake, now. You may go in to see him."
I gave Haney a pat on the back and stood, tense as I crossed over and turned the knob; I don't think I've ever been this tense, even when entire operations were set up on my shoulders, and my shot. The door opened quietly, shutting quickly behind me before I could catch it. Thud!
I wince at the sound, taking a breath as I edged closer to the pastel green curtains. "Calyx?" No need to barge in when he could be stripped down or something, right? But the very thought was making my head spin.
"Zell?" was the quiet plea. That's right, plea. But... maybe I was imagining- Suddenly the curtain flew back, and before I knew it, the runt had latched himself onto me like some sort of brat. "Zell!"
I tugged gently at the arms wrapped around my neck. "Leggo, Gaffey."
"No, stop being so cold."
I froze, I think, catching myself only after he'd noticed it. Why was it that whenever it was just us, just Calyx and myself, that I began to lose my edge? Why was he able to catch me offguard, if no one else had been able to?
"Shut up and let go." He actually complied, leaning back on his knees on the bed, and my stomach knotted. What the hell? Did I want- no, no I didn't. I didn't want those arms around me, I didn't want those trembling lips. I didn't... I didn't want to see where that bare expanse of creamy thigh led to. I couldn't want any of it, because it would be the end of me. "Look at you, getting off work for going and passing out like some girl."
He pouted, crossing his arms - a movement which only furthered to lift the edges of the robe, exposing more of his untouched skin.
"I didn't faint, you ass. I... I..." His arms fell, eyes suddenly so sad that it bit into me and my breath caught. Who knew someone could look so helpless? Who knew someone could look so beautiful when they were sad. "I don't know what I did. I just remember feeling like I couldn't breathe."
Fuck. I knew what I was going to do before he even said what he did. I was going to be fucking human, and hold and comfort him. And there I went, pushing him gently back to lie on the bed as I climbed over him.
"Shut up." I whispered, pushing his hair back from his face as my right knee moved between his thighs. "Just shut up, alright?"
He nodded softly, just once, and before I knew it I could feel my lips pressing into his. He whimpered beneath me, lips parting in a silent beg for more. I must have been caught up in it, because the scary thing was- I wasn't aware of anything until I felt his tongue slide against mine, wasn't aware of anything until I felt one of my hands move up his thigh beneath the robe. I had to regain control of my body, but it was like trying to keep a matchstick lit in the middle of a storm; it was a pointless, damned little fight I just couldn't win. Like watching myself do this, like feeling it, but not knowing how to stop it; I was acting out of want, impulse, and reaction, which could turn dangerous if the slightest prick got to me and shocked my senses.
The kiss broke as a gasp tore itself from Calyx's throat, his hips jerking as my nails slid down the insides of his thighs, and back over his hips. So maybe I was a glutton for punishment - Karma would do me in, and when that happened, I wouldn't be surprised if all hell broke loose.
"Zell," he whimpered, body rocking beneath the weight of mine as he tried to get some of the friction he so desired. I pulled back just enough to deny it. "Please don't tease me." His hands moved to pull my shirt up, cool fingertips rubbing against my ribs- damning me, smiting me, taking me and screwing me over.
Now who was the tease?