Missing
folder
Angst › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
563
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Angst › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
563
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Missing
Missing by black fungi
It is time like this, that death validates living... in a sense. The absence of someone makes us realize their importance, too late.
The thing is he had always been there. I did not notice it before. He was a part of me that I never understood and perhaps now, I never will. And I've never understood how close we really were. I recall the innocent pats on the shoulders that lingered; the brotherly hugs we shared that spoke more had I listen; his moving into my life in quiet stealth, uninvited but embraced nonetheless. No, I never realize how much he meant to me and how much MORE he could have meant to me if I had let him.
He wrenched from me a deep protectiveness and love I never knew existed and in spite myself, I was almost helpless to refuse him. Yet I could not say that that fault was his alone...
I wanted it as much as he wanted me to.
And when that knowledge first came to me, I pushed him away... that part of me that wanted to connect to the people I love, that same part of me that would've laid my tender soul bare and trusting to the world, and for the life of me, I could not allow any of that to happen. Though now I wonder if I should then, for the price I paid did not justify my loss - I have known no peace since the day he left.
In my denial, I tried to douse him with my pretense and flay him with my undeserved anger. I wanted him to hurt, to feel the chaos he caused in my head and the pain he fired in my heart. And when I did what I did, he stood there unwavering, his faith and love for me unknowingly soothed away my misery.
I remember his pain, shining out from his eyes... the pain I helped put it there and still he seek more out of an empty hand.
But like all things, there is a limit to one's pain and I fear I've pushed him well beyond the edge. It was my blatant rejection of him that finally drove him to his silent death.
I miss him... I miss myself.
FIN
It is time like this, that death validates living... in a sense. The absence of someone makes us realize their importance, too late.
The thing is he had always been there. I did not notice it before. He was a part of me that I never understood and perhaps now, I never will. And I've never understood how close we really were. I recall the innocent pats on the shoulders that lingered; the brotherly hugs we shared that spoke more had I listen; his moving into my life in quiet stealth, uninvited but embraced nonetheless. No, I never realize how much he meant to me and how much MORE he could have meant to me if I had let him.
He wrenched from me a deep protectiveness and love I never knew existed and in spite myself, I was almost helpless to refuse him. Yet I could not say that that fault was his alone...
I wanted it as much as he wanted me to.
And when that knowledge first came to me, I pushed him away... that part of me that wanted to connect to the people I love, that same part of me that would've laid my tender soul bare and trusting to the world, and for the life of me, I could not allow any of that to happen. Though now I wonder if I should then, for the price I paid did not justify my loss - I have known no peace since the day he left.
In my denial, I tried to douse him with my pretense and flay him with my undeserved anger. I wanted him to hurt, to feel the chaos he caused in my head and the pain he fired in my heart. And when I did what I did, he stood there unwavering, his faith and love for me unknowingly soothed away my misery.
I remember his pain, shining out from his eyes... the pain I helped put it there and still he seek more out of an empty hand.
But like all things, there is a limit to one's pain and I fear I've pushed him well beyond the edge. It was my blatant rejection of him that finally drove him to his silent death.
I miss him... I miss myself.
FIN