U-G-L-Y

U-G-L-Y

Blood oozed out from the letters freshly carved into my arm, dripping down into one of the puddles surrounding me before slowly fading until it was invisible…as if it had never been there. I wished I could be like that…invisible…I wished that one day I would just fade away and no-one would notice, because it was true, no-one would notice…and I knew it. Rain crashed down on me…reducing my hair to a tangled mess that stuck to my face, and my body into an aching, shivering lump of flesh. Not even my blood felt warm as it ran down my wrist, pooling into the palm of my hand before flowing between my fingers and onto the pavement. I started to feel faint…the blood loss was never usually this much. I took one of the rags from my satchel and gently tied it around the cuts. I wanted desperately to go home…id catch my death otherwise, sometimes I’d be tempted to welcome the death, but each time I’d think of Mae and how she would cope without me. It had stopped every suicide attempt.

But Mae wasn’t home right now…not there for me to look after, but I knew who would be there, waiting outside in the shadows for me to come home. He would be there. It always amazed me how one person could have such complete control over me, how someone who was nearly the same age as me, had the same intelligence as me and not much more money, could fix every aspect of my life to make sure I had no escape from him. I often wondered why he did it. Why he would spend so much time getting me on my own so he could shout at me. So he could tell me how stupid and repulsive and worthless I was…so he could tell me things I already knew. I suppose I disgusted him so much that it pissed him off and he had to tell me. Usually if I just nodded my head and agreed with him he wouldn’t get violent, but that was only when Mae was in the house. On days like this when Jimmy took her out for a while he wouldn’t restrain him self at all.

6 o’clock.

Mae should be home.

I quickly realised there was little point to walking fast as my soaking wet clothes were weighing me down, so I decided to just give in and slowly trudge home. He’d be there anyway. Mae loved him. Invited him in for tea whenever she spotted him. Of course she never saw the side of him that I saw. He seemed to think it funny that Mae, my supposed guardian, would keep inviting him in, unknowingly allowing him to torture me daily. I could tell by the way he would smirk at me each time he came through the door way.

I finally turned into my avenue. Thinking of the warmth my house would provide gave me more incentive to hurry. Just a few yards from the gate I slowed. There was no car in the drive-way…Jimmy usually stayed over with Mae until I came home. I felt the panic rising up in me just as a strong hand gripped the back of my neck. I felt a cold cheek press against against my own as I stupidly tried to squirm away. “Where have you been, Elsa? I was awfully worried about you..” he spat fiercely, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

“I..um….I..I..” I stuttered

“Lets talk about this inside shall we?” he said as he dug through my pocket for my keys, all the while marching me forward by my neck. Once the door was open he pushed me forward almost forcefully causing me to topple over and smack my face against the concrete floor. It took almost three seconds for the pain to kick in. I let out a small yelp as I touched my lip. It was split open and bleeding heavily, not to mention the cut where my teeth had been smashed against the inside of my mouth on impact. I tried to pull my shivering body to it’s feet but I soon stumbled back down again.

I heard the door slam shut.
“So where the fuck where you?”he snarled, circling me.

“ I..errr..”

“and don’t even try those pathetic lies…Mae ain’t here to save you now…I can use any means necessary to get the truth out of that hideous carcass of yours”.

“I wasn’t..I was…I was just walking”

“Walking?”

“yes..I..I swear”

“who were you with?”

“with? No-one..I..I was on my own”

“You expect me to believe that?”he laughed.

Calmly he lifted me up and looked me in the eye.

“Who were you with?”he snarled.

“I told you..no-one”

His fist collided with my face so hard I could’ve sworn I heard my neck crack. Rolls of hot tears started to stream down my face. Even though he knew I was crying I bowed my head anyway, just so I didn’t have to look at him any longer.

“Hey” he called, slapping me. Not enough to badly hurt me, just enough to humiliate me by showing how defenceless I really was.

“Who were you with eh?” he said, speaking gently yet still slapping me repeatedly. I was whimpering by now but not moving, just shaking my head.

“I wasn’t with anyone”

“Last chance Elsa..who were you with?”

I was began sobbing, knowing there was only one answer I could give him and it wasn’t the one he wanted.

“..nobody..I was just walking al-”

I felt him grab the front of my jacket. I hadn’t had time to re-act before I was thrust up against a wall.

“I bet you fucked him aswell didn’t you?!! You little slut” .He was shouting now.

“w…what?”

“He probably wasn’t even your first either was he?! I bet you’re the fucking town whore! So desperate for attention you’ll spread your legs for any guy who looks your way, huh?!! Is that it?!! They won’t even think about you either…when they’re fucking you just they’ll be imagining their dream girl, trying to forget that their doing some filthy fat slag up against the wall. Are they sick afterwards when they open their eyes and see how revolting you are? So who is he? I’m shocked you’ve been able to find a guy willing to touch you.”

“No-one..there is no-one…there never has been anyone I don’t know what your talking ab..” you sucked in air through your teeth to stop yourself screaming as he grabbed onto your arm, pressing into your wound. He looked puzzled for a second before a knowing look appeared. You struggled to move away but you were weak today. Your sleeve was pulled up.

“What the fuck is this?”

“Nothing” you protested pulling your arm away only to have it snatched back. Another blow came to your face.

“You’re a disgrace. Y’know if people see this on your arm they’re gonna know how fucked in the head you really are. They’ll all see what a pathetic attention seeking little freak you are and they’ll hate you more than they already do, is that what you want?” he said in a dangerously low voice. Slowly you shook your head.

“Ugly” he whispered as he traced his fingers over the cuts. He lifted his head up to look you in they eye . “That’s exactly what you are. I wouldn’t even try to get a guy if I were you. They’ll laugh in your face..and if they do appear to like you then it’d just be some kind of joke that they were playing. Everyone would be laughing at you behind your back and everyone will now how easily you’d put out. He’d tell all his friends how your such a whore…that you come on to him every second with laughable attempts to seduce him” he let out a chuckle at this point.

Finally you heard the sound of a car pulling into the drive. He released your hands and took a step back letting you retreat quickly to your room.