Early moring in London

November 18, 2004

I\'m not sure what time it is now, but the apartment is quiet and it is dark outside. I think it might be near dawn but it is hard to tell. With the overcast sky becoming ambient with reflected light from the city below it could be dawn or midnight. But seeing as how I spent midnight in a cafe earlier and have already been asleep, my money is on dawn. There are birds chirping, but who can tell with city birds. They may keep schedules reminiscent of their human counterparts.

Other than my stomach resettling, I\'m not really sure what woke me up. Probably jet lag, but whatever the reason I decided to get up from my comfy couch and open the sitting room blinds. I am in London. My sleep replenished mind can take that in now. Oh, I got brief flashes of reality yesterday. But standing at the window looking out into the darkened courtyard and taking in all the brick buildings with the different architecture, I think I can fully comprehend the thought and idea that I am in London.

London, which I have always wanted to see, to experience. It\'s amazing the idea that I am now standing in the former center of the world. Last night I saw a theater show and then went out for coffee and sat and talked for hours with one old friend and one new friend. SoHo teamed with life and swirled all around us as we traded consensuses and different opinions on ideas and thoughts. Then we walked the streets until we stopped for Belgium Crisps and we sat and ate them while some of the patrons and employees sang along to the radio. Then we walked back to the apartment, through the last of humanity on the street. And this residual of humanity was not something to be feared for it was only reflections of ourselves as he walked home for our rest.

It is definitely dawn. I can now see the words written on these pages. I did not want to turn on the light when I woke up. I saw a few windows across the courtyard light up and I wonder if they\'re students, workers, or travelers with jet lag that went ahead and turned on the light.

What I find the most fascinating, is that I have no desire to open up my story notebook and start wrestling with scenes and plot lines and characterizations. I mean, it is not abhorrent to me, but I\'m quite enjoying the present moment too much to want to leave it for a fictional reality, if I may use that oxymoron. I am right now and that is cool with me.

I watched a man get ready for the day. It was quite enjoyable as most voyeurism is for me. It really wasn\'t much, I especially enjoyed the end when he put on his black coat and then wrapped a tan scarf around his throat and flicked it over his shoulder. It was the flick that did it for me. I think I\'ll buy a scarf today.

We are going to the Tower of London today. I\'ll probably feel more comfortable there in my clothes than wandering about SoHo. But then, it\'s rare I\'d feel comfortable in an outfit. Actually, the clothes are cool, it\'s the jackets I brought that are so not working. Perhaps I shall buy a coat today with my scarf.


I want to call Jenn. It never ceases to amaze me how very dependent on her I am and, yet, at the same time crave independence. I think I am a paradox. And not in the \"I\'m so deep and complex\" way. I think that I always just want a little of everything. A sampling of life, if you will. I wish to take my plate to the buffet of the world and take only smatterings of things but never over indulge. I wonder if that\'s bad. Jenn would plunge in and take as much as she could and I love her for that. Curt would be highly selective and yet feel he needed only the main offerings on one table. Whereas I would need to try a little of everything so that I would have a good basis for comparison. Hmm, now I\'m hungry. I don\'t know, perhaps I\'m wrong. My greatest fear is that I am delusional about myself. And perhaps that is what I am doing. I mean, I was petrified of coming here. But, then again, I did come. I traveled halfway around the world by myself with no previous experience. Yeah, I am patting myself on the back.

I want to call Jenn. Not because I am homesick but because I want to talk to her, hear her voice, be called \"babe\".

Oh, it just started sprinkling outside. No, it\'s raining. How nice.