Fragments of my mind

A/N: This little piece is just something I HAD to write. Something about love in one of it\'s... twisted(?) forms.
I put it in original, \'cause I didn\'t think it really fits the pairing I had in mind....so...no characters...just...\"fragments\"
I hope you \"enjoy\" the shortie and I\'d highly appreciate comments ;)

You make my day.
Did you know? I guess not, and you’ll never know if I have a say in it.
I think you’d be disappointed if you knew, since you wanted me to promise, that I’d tell you, if I felt THAT way about you.
But guess what? I didn’t promise.
‘Cause I knew.
I know myself quite well sometimes. This little coward I am.
I keep waiting for you everyday. Like a loyal pet I sit on the floor in this dark room and wait for you to come back.
My eyes are fixed on that one spot, the door. I never switch on the lights ‘cause it wouldn’t matter.
For me, every room is dark when you’re out, when I can’t see you, can’t hear your voice, can’t follow your beloved figure with my eyes.
What a sweet, sweet person you are.
Not once did you let me down… and at the same time you’re cruel like no one else ever was.
“Say, are you satisfied with your life?” I asked once.
And you looked at me, at first with this nice little confused look on your face…
And then…
You just smiled.
You didn’t give me an answer, but I think you understood.
‘Cause you always understood… everything about me, everything I tried to tell you…except for that one thing.
“I love you.”
I whisper it when you’re not there and start laughing at myself, at this pathetic me.
I’m afraid of telling you.
I love you, that cruel and wonderful being.
Sometimes, when I think I’m going mad, when I think my brain just goes missing, at those times you suddenly appear, offer me a helping hand and the sun seems to shine again in this darkness that is my consciousness.
I actually don’t know you.
It bothers me so much, I can’t sleep.
I’m tired of life, but I’m also tired of running away.
Did you know?
That nothing would make me happier than dieing with your lips on mine?
You are my universe, my everything… my only reason to get up in the morning and to lie down in the night.
My dreams are filled with your face and only yours.
‘Cause I love you more than anything, you…my friend… nothing more than a friend.
I can’t say that you’re my most special person…out of fear that I might lose you.
I don’t know what to talk to you about.
I don’t know how to look you in the eye.
I don’t know…
Just don’t know…
Say, did you know?

‘Cause I just wanna die.
I’m mad… drifting into lunacy. I’m gonna kill you ‘cause I just love you.
Would you still pat me on the back to comfort me, if you knew?
Would you still be that kind and gentle person, with those tender smiles you show me?
I don’t think so.
I don’t know.
You are a riddle I can’t solve.
You are what makes my day.
You are what is most precious to me.
You are what I hate the most.
You are… what I want to possess.
You are the only one I want to hold…the only one I want to be held by… The only one I want to kill…
And the only one I want to die with.

Love me,
hold me…
hurt me…
kill me…
please?

Please…
My pure white Venus. Please, bath in my blood. Please, show me you’d do everything for me, you’d understand everything? Show me, how far your soothing acceptance goes. Show me…

Did you know?

Did you ever think that I could be so disgusting?
So obsessed with you?
So obsessed with death….
Please…
I’m begging you… kill me…
…please?

Did you know?