Death Trail

Author\'s Note: An idea that came to me was what would happen if a promise was broken, even in death.

Disclaimer: I wrote this myself, and I make no money from it.

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As I sit here and wait for you, I don\'t know what I\'m going to say. Will I cry? Yes, I already have. Will I want to scream, to hug you, to turn my back to you? Yes. I\'ve watched the video unfold before me and I wish it was as simple as watching a video, but instead I watch real events unfold before me. Even in my twenty years as a Police Officer I hadn\'t seen something that struck me so hard.

I was assigned to take on your case, to decide what you are to do as your reprisal, but I am not fit to see you right now. I realize you want nothing more right now than to see me again, but due to your selfish acts, I won\'t grant it.

As to be expected, you are unsure of where you are, and who I am. Let\'s make this clear now. I am Keaira, your daughter, which I have no doubts you remember me. However, I\'m afraid I don\'t remember or recognize my mother anymore. Her breath is too liquor stricken and her once elegant walk is now wobbly and swayed. You aren\'t the mother figure I look up to anymore.

Mother, when I entered this business twenty-three years ago, I talked with you. I hadn\'t even really entered yet, I was simply thinking of applying. It is obvious that you don\'t remember this conversation, otherwise we would not be having this direct moment right now.

I asked you if you were alright with your only daughter applying to the Police Academy. A question I asked sincerely, and got direct assurance that I had your support behind me in whatever I chose to do. I set out the details of what my training and theory work and all my classes would entail--and you supported me and assured me that I would have no problem acing it all. I finally outlined the dangers of the profession.

I was looking into going into the road patrol, the direct Police-to-criminal contact. This entailed me to be properly trained in all weapons, in all methods of attack and self defense. This included knowing how to asses the situation and decide in split-seconds whether I had to shoot to kill or injure. This also included the danger to myself. There was no guarantee that when I left for work, I\'d be coming home that evening. I made sure you understood how dangerously I\'d be working. This was unnerving for you, yes--but I made you promise that no matter what ever happened to me, you would understand that I passed on doing what I\'ve always wanted to do. You smiled and shook your head telling me that was so silly of me. I\'d be fine, nothing would ever happen to me--I was too perfect.

I was perfect, for 20 years. Three years of training and twenty years in the force, I\'d never let my Chief down, never failed an assignment. Until another of my own cops set me up. We had an underdog, and someone that hated me with a passion. Worse than their passion for drinking.

Upon the drinking topic, you were always so clear with that to me. You always told me that alcohol was a horrible substance to consume, that it clouded all judgment and could he deathly if you consumed too much, or if you get behind the wheel. I always listened to you, and I never once saw you drink. Until tonight.

Mother, on this date, you have been charged with operating a vehicle under the influence. On top of this charge, you have also been responsible for a severe motor vehicle accident, which involved one death. By law, such a sentence would earn at least ten to fifteen years in prison without bail. However, this charge has been changed.

I have been watching you for a year and a half, struggling with my absence. You knew Police work was my life, and it had finally called me in to standby. You didn\'t see me anymore, yet i saw you everyday. I know how many tears you shed, and I apologize for putting you through that. I was proud that you were still moving on and going out, that you weren\'t consumed by your loss.

Then I saw you break. I don\'t know why you had asked to keep my badge mom, but it was was broke you. You took it out of your drawer, held it, and wept. You wept for hours and I understood this. What I didn\'t understand, and what I wish you hadn\'t done, was when you went out and fell under the hypnotic sway of the whiskey in the bottle. You tried to dry your tears with the loud music, and tried to drown your thoughts in liquor, and when it wasn\'t working, what did you do?

You got behind the wheel.

I started to cry then, I screamed at you. You knew better, I know this. Yet you continued.

There is no jail here Mother, and though I am no Judge, you are under trail. I could not face you after what you did to so selfishly try to see me again, which is why I am not speaking with you face to face.

You made a promise years ago that despite what happened to me on the Force, you wouldn\'t do anything--at all. I took you on your word, and your word had always been your honor. Yes, I died, but in death I knew that I\'d still be able to watch you live.

I want you to fulfill that promise Mother. With permission from the Higher, I\'m sending you back to a day before your death. You won\'t remember this letter exactly, but you will. The memory of it and how you\'ve reacted will be with you, but the words will not. I want you to live your life, not drown in what used to be mine. I love you Mother, and when it is *really* your time, I shall greet you with all my heart.