Face(s) of Evil

The Face(s) of Evil

Nervousness rose inside her stomach. The acidic anxiety had been churning all day in her stomach, so when she had to run to the bathroom to puke, she wasn\'t really surprised. Relieved really that it was finally out of her system, and perhaps now she could continue her day with some amount of normalcy.
It was almost noon when she pulled into the parking space. Today she would meet her child. Would it be a girl or boy? How old would the child be? Would he or she like her? The volunteer coordinator met her by the front desk. This was the second time she had seen her. The first time had been for the interview which had gone well. Now she would meet the child she would be placed with. \"Oh good, you\'re on time,\" the coordinator said approvingly. She mustered a smile and nodded her head politely.
As they walked towards one of the cottages, she ran over everything in her mind. It had been a guest speaker in her college psychology class who had introduced her to this specific children\'s center. She knew right away that she wanted to volunteer here when he described it. She had always loved children and gotten along well with them, and she did want to become a child therapist. So the experience would be good for her. The agency was for the kids the schools didn\'t want because of their severe behavioral problems. Most of them lived there because they were so misbehaved, their parents were having too much trouble with them too.
\"His name is Jordan,\" the coordinator was saying. She nodded her head to indicate that she was listening. \"He\'s...umm...well he\'s not doing too well right now. We thought you could probably handle him, but if you have any trouble, you can always switch kids,\" she assured the new girl. Again, she nodded her head. *They are disposable like that? Oh don\'t like this one? Trade him in for a new, better one. Like a kid who wanted a different toy.* \"Here is his folder,\" she said handing it to her. \"You can read it in more detail after your first meeting with him. For now I think it\'s just important to know that he has serious attachment problems with both of his parents; however, they have both been investigated and no child abuse was present. The mother and father are both very busy, so it\'s possible that he was so sensitive he took that too personally. We think he acts out to get their attention, but we are trying to teach him better ways to express his need for attention. Both of the parents are in counseling now for how to handle having such a difficult child as well as to learn to be a bit more attentive than they have been in the past. They\'re not perfect, but they love him and they are going to the sessions and learning rapidly. We have great hope for them. It is Jordan who seems to refuse to change.\" *Usually the younger you are, the more open you are to change,* the girl thought to herself.
\"There are four levels we put the children on. At the beginning of the day, the children pick out goals for themselves. For example, not cussing at the teacher all day. When they reach their goals, they move up a level. If they fail to meet the goal, depending on how many times they failed to meet it, they may remain where they are or go down a level. It works well because the children hold each other accountable. Even if a staff member doesn\'t catch the child, usually one of the other children will let us know at the end of the day when we review goals. They\'ll call each other on their lies.\"
\"That\'s good,\" she said absentmindedly.
\"Yeah, so if they are on the level of grounded, they lose their priviliges. If they are on level working, they are beginning to work on themselves. Helpful is the level they want to get to because it means they are doing really well. The last level is the transition level. It is for those who are getting ready to leave. We keep them for a few more weeks to make sure they remain on that level and are truly ready to leave and return home with their parents.\"
She was afraid to ask where Jordan was, but the coordinator told her. \"Jordan is on grounded right now.\" A pause. \"You\'ll do fine,\" she said brightly, patting her on the back and opening the door to the cottage for her.
The room was creative and artistic. Definitely a place she would enjoy coming to as a kid. The kids were making a fair amount of noise, but not as much as she expected. \"Can you get Jordan from his room?\" the coordinator asked one of the cottage staff members. The staff member nodded her head and went to get him. *I hope he likes me,* the girl thought nervously.
Her stomach dropped when the child came out. His arms were crossed, but that was not unexpected. It was his attitude that was disconcerting, the way he carried himself. Even worse, there was a look of undying hatred in his eyes. \"You\'re the next one huh?\" he asked.
She gulped and nodded her head. \"My name is Grace,\" she said shakily, holding out her hand.
He looked amused. \"This is going to be too easy,\" he said confidently, grabbing her hand and shaking it firmly.
Grace tried to calm herself. The rest of their meeting went about the same. He remained closed off and exhibited an amused, hateful attitude that confused her. She tried to be as friendly as possible, but the child was grating on her nerves.
The next meeting was much more eventful. They walked across the street to the park. \"Would you like to feed the ducks?\" she asked him. \"I brought some bread pieces.\"
\"As if I can\'t pick apart the damn pieces myself,\" Jordan spat out.
\"Hey, what does the staff say about cussing?\"
\"Well, they\'re not here are they?\" he challenged her.
\"I am though Jordan, and that is not an appropriate expression. If you\'re upset, just say I\'m upset Grace, and we can talk about it.\"
\"I\'m not upset. I\'m fucking pissed.\"
\"Jordan,\" she cautioned.
\"I\'ll say whatever the hell I want bitch.\"
\"Ok that\'s it. We\'re going back, and you\'re going to your room Jordan,\" she said in exasperation.
He punched her and ran off. Clutching her stomach, she ran after him. She wasn\'t very fast though, and he was. When she finally caught up to him, she had a feeling he had let her. \"Jordan, that was not ok,\" she said angrily.
\"I dare you to say how you really feel,\" he challenged her yet again.
\"I really feel like you\'re a heapload of trouble kid,\" she said honestly.
\"And you really want to fucking kill me don\'t you?\"
Shock ran through her body. \"What?\" she asked.
\"You heard me.\"
\"I heard you, but I don\'t believe what I heard.\"
\"Believe it.\"
\"Where do you get this stuff from Jordan?\" she asked. \"And no, to answer your question, I don\'t want to kill you.\"
He shrugged his shoulders. \"Sure, whatever.\"
\"Let\'s go back,\" she said, holding out her hand.
He crossed his arms. She reached for his hand. \"Take my hand and I\'ll cut your fucking hand off,\" he said, dead serious.
She recoiled. \"Let\'s go Jordan,\" she said tightly.
He smiled a little, not a smile of happiness, but of triumph and satisfication with himself.
When they returned to the cottage, she told the staff member everything. He was promptly sent to his room with all his priviliges revoked. \"Just be patient. I\'m sure he\'ll come to trust you more in time,\" the staff member said, her voice confident yet not very reassuring. She nodded her head but spent the whole week dreading their next visit. By the time she had pulled up to the cottage, she had decided to try a new approach. She wouldn\'t allow him to see any weakness. She would remain calm and cheerful if it killed her.
\"Hey Jordan!\" she said, spotting him right away and waving as she came up to him.
\"Who put sunshine up your ass?\"
She raised her eyebrows a little but continued to smile. \"Oh just life Jordan,\" she winked at him.
He looked disgusted. \"Go back to the way you were,\" he demanded. \"I hate this happy shit.\"
She smiled more. *So there is a way to get to the little bugger,* she thought in triumph. It crossed her mind that she was having a power struggle with an 8 year old kid, but she dismissed it from her mind. This was no typical 8 year old.
\"What would you like to do today Jordan?\" she asked, coating each word with as much sweetness as she could muster.
He shrugged his shoulders. \"Whatever. Doesn\'t matter to me.\"
\"What are you interested in?\" she asked, a little more genuine.
\"Guns,\" he said.
She hesitated. \"Okay...umm...a video game maybe? I could see if they have one. Or I could ask to go out and rent one to play.\"
\"No, real ones.\"
She wasn\'t sure if her fake cheerful routine was such a good idea anymore, but she went with it for a little while longer at least. \"Jordan, someone can get hurt with real guns.\"
\"Good, there are several people who deserve it.\"
\"Like who?\" she was afraid to ask, but the question came out anyway.
\"I wouldn\'t mind blowing your head off.\"
She froze. All bets were off now. The smile faded from her face, and she kneeled stiffly to look him in the eyes.
\"You just made a big mistake. No one threatens me.\" She grabbed him by the wrist to take him back into the cottage. A look of complete terror passed over his face, but it was gone so quickly she assumed she had imagined it. His shoe made a direct hit with her knee, and as he twisted out, he punched her so hard in the face, she was seeing spots.
When she came to, she was in a bed in one of the cottage rooms, and one of the staff was holding a washcloth over her face. \"You ok?\" she asked.
\"Yeah,\" she groaned as she tried to sit up.
\"Don\'t try to sit up yet,\" the staff member said.
\"Yeah, I gathered that,\" she responded.
\"Don\'t worry. We wouldn\'t even dream of asking you to continue working with him ok?\" she said.
\"All right. Fine, thanks.\"
But the case wasn\'t closed. She couldn\'t stop thinking about Jordan and wondering if he was ok. So she returned a few weeks later. \"Can I start mentoring Jordan again?\" she asked one of the staff during break.
It was a different staff member though. \"You used to mentor Jordan?\"
\"Yes, we had a difficult time. I don\'t want to give up on him though. Can I see him again?\"
\"Probably, but you\'ll have to take it up with the subacute unit.\"
\"The crisis unit? Why?\"
\"He\'s been transferred there for suicidal ideation.\"
Her heart almost stopped, but she nodded her head and walked over to the subacute cottage. She introduced herself to a staff member there and explained her situation. The man looked hesitant, but he could tell she was earnest. \"All right. He could use all the help he can get.\"
She met with Jordan, and he was surprised to see her. He warmed up to her a bit more than previously, and she felt glad because she had obviously done the right thing.
During the next visit, Jordan\'s parents came to visit him for a few hours as well. As his father walked in, she was shocked. This man was nothing like Jordan. He was a little on the heavy side and adorned a bright smile on his face. He was warm and inviting and jolly and cheerful. His mother seemed stern and uptight, but not overly so, and she had a caring side to her too that Grace liked. As they chatted, Jordan remained silent and apathetic. He didn\'t respond to anything either of his parents said to him, nor did he respond to anything Grace said to him. His parents shrugged it off, so Grace went along with their judgement though it did concern her a bit.
After the visit was over, she talked to Jordan for awhile. \"Your parents seem nice,\" she ventured.
\"I bet they do,\" he said indifferently.
\"You don\'t like them much do you? Why?\"
\"I like them fine,\" he snapped. \"Let\'s talk about something else,\" he said.
\"Ok,\" she conceded.
After awhile they began to go to her apartment to watch videos and such. Jordan took to her dog, Kelsey, right away. He was playing with him and petting him all the time. He treated the animal with such a tenderness that he never showed to human beings that Grace felt encouraged.
One day as Grace, Jordan, and Kelsey were playing and listening to music in her bedroom, Grace went out to the living room to look for a dvd. She went back to the bedroom. The door was closed. *That\'s odd.* She began to open it. It was locked. \"Jordan why is the door locked?\" she asked in alarm.
\"Oh hang on a second,\" he said casually. \"Just give me a minute.\"
\"What are you doing?\"
\"Just looking at something. Be there in a second.\"
In another minute, he was opening the door. His face was a little flushed, but she saw nothing else wrong. Against her better judgement, she let it go.
They were going to the swimming pool another time, and she was in her bedroom changing into her simsuit. When she was done, she opened her door. \"Let\'s go Jordan,\" she said and stopped dead in her tracks. Jordan was on top of the dog, having sex with him.
She became enraged. Even though he was getting up as he heard her enter the room, she pulled him off so quickly he didn\'t have time to think. \"Grace, wait,\" he said, stuttering and embarrassed.
\"I don\'t want to hear it,\" she snapped. \"Get in the car now you little molester.\"
He was hanging his head, and he quickly ran to the car and got in the back. She was glad of that. If he had sat in the front, she would have been tempted to hurt him.
When they got to the cottage, she didn\'t even say a word to him. She handed him over, and she told them she would not be returning to this agency. The man started to ask her what happened, but she had already walked off. Of course she got a call later that day from him, asking for details. \"Jordan is really upset,\" the man said in concern.
\"Good. That little monster needs to be locked up for a very long time. He molested my precious dog. That dog has been my only companion for many years, my best friend. And he has been violated by that evil demon.\"
The man gasped. \"We will not let him get away with this. I\'m so sorry about your dog. Don\'t worry, you won\'t ever have to see him again.\"
\"Good,\" and she hung up.
She had looked into the face of evil, and it was a rebellious little boy.

Six months later, in a restaurant, Grace enjoyed a burger with her friend. \"No way!\" Grace exclaimed. \"That\'s hilarious!!\"
Her friend was holding her stomach, giggling uncontrollably. \"Yeah,\" she finished lamely. Grace\'s phone rang.
\"Just a minute,\" Grace said, a few last giggles escaping from her mouth. \"Hello,\" she said, her voice still cheerful.
\"Hello is Grace Cansack there?\"
\"This is Grace,\" she said cautiously.
\"Hello, Grace. I\'m afraid we have some bad news. A boy you knew named Jordan has killed himself.\"
Her friend was still laughing, but it sounded so faint and distant now. She tried to find the words. Nothing came out.
\"We know you didn\'t have anymore contact with him, but he left a note referring to you. We thought you should know...\"
\"Of course,\" she said quietly.
\"We\'ll let you see the note if you can come over in the next few hours.\"
\"I\'ll be there in a few minutes.\" She clicked off the phone. \"I have to go. I\'ll see you later Pam.\"
\"Okay,\" Pam said, obviously confused, but sensing the importance of this.

When she arrived, the police were everywhere. She didn\'t see his parents anywhere though. Before she could think too much about this, a police officer came up to her and said something. \"You are Grace?\"
\"Yes,\" she said quietly.
\"Come this way,\" he requested. \"This is the note,\" he said when they got to Jordan\'s bedroom, handing it to her.
She read it. The first line confirmed to her that it was definitely Jordan writing this.

Dear Fuckers,
I\'m evil for what I did to Grace\'s dog. My parents did the same thing to me, but they aren\'t evil. I don\'t understand. I don\'t think I want to understand. I hate life. I hate people. Everyone loves my parents and hates me. I am nine, and I have to live with them for a long time. I don\'t see why to go on living.
Jordan

She couldn\'t see anything. She handed the note back to the police officer. He said something. She may have responded with something appropriate, or she may have just walked off. She can\'t remember. She does remember only the tearing at her heart.
She had looked into the face of evil, but it wasn\'t that little boy. It was the ones who looked so friendly and jolly. Evil was human. What appeared to be evil was often confusion and fear and pain and rage, and what appeared to be charming was, in fact, true evil.
She had faced a scared little boy and labeled him a demon.
She had seen the faces of two demons and labeled them caring.
Evil is an illusive concept.