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Should I?
folder
Angst › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
822
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Angst › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
822
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Should I?
I find myself standing on the edge of a great void, thinking"¦should I just or not? And if I do decide to go down to what is surely to be my death"¦.why jump"¦why not just dive, or fall into the embrace of the darkness? I will not jump yet. I look down into the inky depths before me, the swirling mass showing nothing. I know this void is the end to everything that is me. And yet I have to wonder"¦why would that be so bad? I look around and see nothing left for me now.
This isn't the first time I have thought this. I find myself looking at each one of my parents in turn and asking myself the same question: "why did you ever create me?". Surely it would have been easier to abort me when my mother grew ill, or simply to have given me up for adoption. I sometimes think, maybe I wasn't supposed to be born, I must be this horrendous mistake placed on my mother for some unknown sin.
Maybe that is true, and if so I should kill myself right now. But how to do it? There are pills everywhere, I could simply overdose. The knife in my room is sharp enough to cut paper, surely it would cut open skin and veins. But what I desire is a simple painless way to go. An end to the suffering I know I must be causing. I've already told my mother I don't want children. What I cannot tell her is that I fear becoming like her. A woman who is trapped because her child holds her back at every turn. A child she no longer wants, a child who has caused her nothing but heartbreak"¦.a child she no longer loves.
She can deny this all she wants, but I have seen it in her eyes. And for that reason I cannot doom a child to my existence. I refuse to be the mother mine was. She did well for herself and me. But I know she would have been happier had I never been born. She could have gotten out, remarried and had a child she would be proud to claim as her own. Instead she has me.
I am no ones daughter now. Accepted my neither parent, and loved by neither as well. I wish they could have taken the time to understand me, but I guess that is not to be. I shall say my good-byes now"¦.I have much to do in so short a time. Good bye mother"¦.I hope you have a better life someday"¦.
Spreading her wings to the sky she jumped"¦out into the darkness, out into the void. There was no sound as she fell through the air. Nothing rushed out to greet her as she slid between the cracks of humanity. The wind blew away any screams she would have uttered had she been so inclined. It was only a matter of moments before she was gone. Her body was never found, the remains lost in the sand and heat of the rocky canyon. At the base of the cliff where she fell, there is a small stone unlike the others. It sits quietly, and unassumingly. A marker on a grave that doesn't exist"¦for a girl who disappeared into the darkness on a lonely summer night"¦
This isn't the first time I have thought this. I find myself looking at each one of my parents in turn and asking myself the same question: "why did you ever create me?". Surely it would have been easier to abort me when my mother grew ill, or simply to have given me up for adoption. I sometimes think, maybe I wasn't supposed to be born, I must be this horrendous mistake placed on my mother for some unknown sin.
Maybe that is true, and if so I should kill myself right now. But how to do it? There are pills everywhere, I could simply overdose. The knife in my room is sharp enough to cut paper, surely it would cut open skin and veins. But what I desire is a simple painless way to go. An end to the suffering I know I must be causing. I've already told my mother I don't want children. What I cannot tell her is that I fear becoming like her. A woman who is trapped because her child holds her back at every turn. A child she no longer wants, a child who has caused her nothing but heartbreak"¦.a child she no longer loves.
She can deny this all she wants, but I have seen it in her eyes. And for that reason I cannot doom a child to my existence. I refuse to be the mother mine was. She did well for herself and me. But I know she would have been happier had I never been born. She could have gotten out, remarried and had a child she would be proud to claim as her own. Instead she has me.
I am no ones daughter now. Accepted my neither parent, and loved by neither as well. I wish they could have taken the time to understand me, but I guess that is not to be. I shall say my good-byes now"¦.I have much to do in so short a time. Good bye mother"¦.I hope you have a better life someday"¦.
Spreading her wings to the sky she jumped"¦out into the darkness, out into the void. There was no sound as she fell through the air. Nothing rushed out to greet her as she slid between the cracks of humanity. The wind blew away any screams she would have uttered had she been so inclined. It was only a matter of moments before she was gone. Her body was never found, the remains lost in the sand and heat of the rocky canyon. At the base of the cliff where she fell, there is a small stone unlike the others. It sits quietly, and unassumingly. A marker on a grave that doesn't exist"¦for a girl who disappeared into the darkness on a lonely summer night"¦