Edmund the Impotent Mule

~*~~*~~*~Edmund the Impotent Mule~*~~*~~*~

Once there was a mule named Edmund. Edmund was a lonely mule with low self-esteem because, as we all know, mules are impotent since they\'re the offspring of two different species, donkey and horse. Even though this made him very popular with the mares and donkeys who didn\'t want to have foals, he desperately wanted children of his own. He saw only two solutions to his problem: cloning, and magic.

Edmund was a poor mule, and cloning was expensive and magic was scarce. So he left his green farmy home one day to seek out either a great magician or a whole shitload of cash. He packed some mule food in a bucket and set down the long country road, and walked for three days and three nights.

As the third night turned into dawn, a small starling flew into Edmund\'s mane and became hopelessly entangled. She screeched and cried, and Edmund did all he could to help her, which was limited to shaking his head. Her high-pitched twitters hurt Edmind\'s sensitive ears, so after about 25 minutes he walked into a nearby pond and drowned her.

As he stood in the water, waiting a few minutes to ensure the motionless bird was indeed dead and not merely passed out, something tugged at his tail. He brayed and kicked in surprise, and was astonished to see a bright green and gold fish fly out of the water, propelled by his hooves, and land flopping on the shore.

\"Help me!\" gasped the fish. \"For I am a magical talking fish, and I will grant you a wish if you save my life.\"

The mule walked onto the shore and stood between the fish and the water. \"I wish to father children of my own,\" he said. \"Can you grant that wish?\"

\"Yes! Yes!\" panted the fish. \"Anything you want, I\'ll give you a whole busload of children, I\'ll give you so many children that the government will owe YOU money after deductions!\"

Now Edmund was no stupid mule, having learned the ways of life from a chicken that cheated him out of ten bucks with a rigged card game. Instead of putting the fish back in the pond, he tipped the food out of his bucket, filled the bucket with water, and put the fish inside.

\"Hey, what are you doing?!\" shouted the fish between large gillfulls of fresh water. \"Release me into the pond at once! I do not grant wishes under incarceration!\"

\"That really is a pity,\" said the mule, \"For how can I know you are truly magic until I get my wish? I will return you to your pond when I have children. If myself or a girl mule don\'t give birth in a year and a day, I will expoit your ability to talk until I have enough money for artificial insemination, or perhaps cloning.\"

\"Cloning is such a new science that they will gladly attempt to clone you for free as an experimental volunteer,\" said the fish. \"They might even pay you.\"

\"Hmmm,\" said Edmund, flicking his tail thoughtfully, \"But how do I know you are not lying?\"

\"Go to the nearest cloning institute and ask!\"

\"Why don\'t you just grant me my wish?\"

The fish swam around agitatedly in the bucket. \"I refuse to grant wishes under force. It\'s a matter of policy. I offered my services in fair exchange for your assistance in saving my life. This is incarceration without cause, forcible coercion, and robbery. I won\'t stand for it.\"

\"I don\'t think you\'re magical at all. Why can\'t you just save yourself?\" laughed the mule incredously.

\"It just doesn\'t work that way,\" sniffed the fish with a dignified air.

\"Hn.\" snorted the mule. \"Well, then, I shall continue towards a cloning facility to ask if they will clone me for free, and on the way I shall try to make money off of you, my amazing talking fish.\"

\"I won\'t talk!\"

Edmund looked darkly into the fish\'s wide eyes. \"You will if you want to breathe.\"

The fish paled a little. \"Are you really sure you\'re fit to raise children?\"

\"It matters not!\" shouted the mule maniacally. \"I shall have my children, and you shall speak for me, or you will suffer a slow painful death of suffocation and slow crushing beneath my hoof.\"

\"Jesus fucking Christ!\"

And so the mule set out with a talking fish in his bucket and a dead starling in his mane. Eventually he came to a farmhouse. He put down the bucket and knocked politely with his hoof. A lovely maiden opened the door.

\"Good day, lovely woman,\" said the mule with a deep bow. \"I have the most wonderous talking fish, and I will have him talk to you for two hundred dollars.\"

\"A talking fish?\" laughed the maid. \"Why, you certainly are funny, little mule! Why don\'t you come inside?\"

The mule graciously picked up the bucket with his mouth and followed the maiden inside. She led him to the living room, then took the bucket from his mouth and placed it on the table. She took a box out from behind a stack of books and removed $200 in gold coins, dropping them in the bucket. Then she turned her back to the bucket.

\"Follow me,\" she said, walking out of the room.

\"Madam?\" asked Edmund, confused, as he followed her away from the fish. \"Do you not wish to hear the fish speak?\"

He found they had come to a bedroom, decorated in flowers and pink. The fair maiden knelt in front of Edmund and started stroking his ears. \"I was thinking of a service YOU could provide me with, as a matter of fact,\" she breathed through a strange smile.

\"Would you like me to haul a plow for you?\" asked Edmund nervously, looking around.

In response, the maiden flung the mule onto her bed and jumped on top of him. He brayed in surprise. She pawed her fingers through his mane, pausing momentarily when she encountered the drowned bird but quickly ignoring it and moving her hands to his furry belly, if anything seeming more excited by the presence of the dead little starling. Her hand pressed between his hind legs.

He bucked with a loud \"Hee-haw\" and pushed her away with his head. \"Madam, what on earth ARE you doing?! Get off at once!\"

The maiden pushed Edmund back down and purred, \"I\'ve given you $200, and I most certainly won\'t take it back now that it\'s been in that icky fish\'s water. You owe me. Now fuck me, Edmund. Fuck me hard like the dirty beast you are.\"

Several things raced through Edmund\'s mind. He did not want to do something like this with a human. He was aroused. He didn\'t want to defile himself by selling his body. He felt her hand teasing his haunches and caressing his tail. He feared the fish in the next room could hear what was going on. He wanted her to stop. He wanted to run away. He didn\'t want her to stop. But above all, he wanted $200.

He submitted.

~*~~*~~*~

The fish stared forlornly at a crack in the ceiling. He felt sick. He had escaped being forced to talk this time, but he knew the situation would arise again soon. His sense of pride was so strong that he was almost determined not to talk even under threat of a painful death, but his sense of self-preservation made him think twice, then thrice, then ten times about this decision.

He was still worrying over his predicament when the head of a cat appeared over the bucket. The fish choked in surprise and said automatically, \"Please don\'t eat me!\"

\"Ea\' you? Ha!\" said the cat. \"I\'m a veggi\'arian.\" His eyes widened. \"I woooooove peanu\' butter.\" His face twitched.

The fish paced a little. \"Look, if you do me a favor, I\'ll grant you a wish.\"

The cat\'s eyes widened. \"Wiw you give me PEANU\' BUTTER?\"

\"Why yes,\" said the fish. \"I will give you all the peanut butter you can eat, if you carry my bucket to the nearest pond or stream and let me go.\"

\"Prove i\',\" said the cat. \"I wan\' my peanu\' butter firs\'.\"

\"Look on the shelf,\" said the fish. \"There is a jar of peanut butter there that will never run out.\"

The cat looked on the shelf, and there was indeed a jar of peanut butter there. He jumped on the shelf to sniff and and the fish noticed his tail seemed to be broken in several places.

The cat returned, satisfied that his wish had been granted. He took the bucket in his mouth, but couldn\'t lift it. \"You\'re \'oo heavy,\" said the cat.

The fish cursed. \"Then call 9-1-1! Tell them my name is Florence McGranger, I\'m a fish from Clovergrove Pond who has been abducted by a mule named Edmund and threatened with my life! Tell them the address we\'re at and to HURRY!\"

The cat leapt away, and the fish heard him dialing the phone and repeating the information to the operator. Then he heard the cat say, \"No, this is no\' a prank. The fish is magicaw, tha\'s why he \'awks. Hewo? Hewo?\"

The cat appeared over the bucket again. \"They didn\' beweive me.\"

\"Oh no, oh no.\" said Florence. \"Why must I suffer such persecution for being a talking fish?! I didn\'t ASK to be born this way! Yet everywhere I go, I\'m discriminated against by the blind eyes of bigotry!\" His wail of despair was joined by a loud braying moan from the other room.

~*~~*~~*~

The 911 operant put down the receiver and knitted her eyebrows. Something didn\'t seem right. She switched on line two.

\"Mack, I got a strange call. Send a unit down to 311 Cottage Drive to check and make sure everything\'s alright.\"

~*~~*~~*~

Edmund exited the room and walked stiffly to the fish. He picked up the bucket without a word and walked straight out the door, ignoring the call of \"come back again if you ever need more cash\" from the naked maiden.

\"What happened in there?\" asked the fish, trying to sound casual.

\"Nothing.\" said Edmund in a strange voice.

Florence decided not to pursue any further. He changed the subject. \"You, eh, seem to have gotten a bit of a limp.\"

Edmund stopped. \"Do you want me to kill you?\"

The fish froze. \"No,\" he squeaked.

\"Then shut up.\"

~*~~*~~*~

The first thing the mule did was find a stream and bathe in it. The fish desperately wanted to jump out of the bucket and try to flop to his freedom, but Edmund had the foresight to arrange some wood on top of the bucket that he couldn\'t move no matter how hard he jumped.

Edmund stood in the stream a very long time, not able to wash off his dirty feeling. He ached in several places and he was pretty sure his tail was broken. It was covered in something sticky but Edmund knew it wasn\'t blood. He shivered.

The mule would have stood there all night if at that very moment a little spaceship hadn\'t flamed from the sky and plunged into the bank a mere 6 meters downstream, scraping a path all the way to dry land. The resulting splash almost drowned Edmund but miracuously his disoriented hooves stuck shore.

He stood dripping at the shoreline, aghast at the smooth silvery object that rested next to the river, embedded in the bank.

The hatch opened.

~*~~*~~*~

The fair maiden was feeding peanut butter to her cat from between her legs when she heard a knock on the door. She shoved him away despite his protesting merowls and threw on a bathrobe.

\"Yes?\" she asked, opening the door.

Two police officers stood there, one stocky and sharp with a red moustache and the other huge and dark with a menacing air. \"Good day. We received a strange call from your home about fifteen minutes ago, regarding a... mule? Might you know anything about it?\" His eyebrow raised as his gaze slid to a red hoofprint on her chest.

The maiden started to panic. Damn, she thought, that bastard called me in! She broke into tears. \"He- he raped me!\" she cried. \"He came in saying he had a talking fish, and he\'d show it to me, but as soon as I let him in he forced me onto my bed and- and- and-\" she let out a wail- \"had his way with me!\" She sank to the ground, crying.

The moustached policeman moved to comfort her while the dark officer said, \"So the mule did indeed have in his custody a talking fish?\"

\"Yes, he di\'!\" said the cat, running up. He licked peanut butter from his jaws and continued, \"I\'m the one who pwace\' the caw! The fish is magicaw, i\' gave me a jar of peanu\' butter for cawing you! I\'s on the shewf!\"

The moustached officer ran to the shelf, and there was indeed a jar of peanut butter there. He nodded to the big officer, who cracked his knuckles and said, \"Get your jumpsuit, Mitch. It\'s time to hunt us down a perverted-assed mule.\"

They escorted the maiden to the police car. \"You\'ll need testing for evidence of the mule\'s entrance,\" explained the moustached officer. The maiden hoped the peanut butter wouldn\'t scew the results.

The officers took their mechanized jumpsuits out of the trunk of the police car and gave its computerized controls instructions to return to the station. The car acknowledged the order and cruised away with alarm lights flashing.

\"Mitch, you ever kill a mule before?\" asked the dark officer as he donned his jumpsuit and powered his sonic blasting disrupter rifle.

\"No, I can\'t say I have, Bubba.\" replied the policeman with the moustache.

\"Well I\'m telling you, it\'s easy as all hell.\"

~*~~*~~*~

My Very Elegant Mother Just Sat Upon Nine Pins.

Or, as Edmund prefered to remember it, Mary Voraciously Eats My Juicy Semen Under Naughty Pants.

Mercury Venus Earth Mars Jupiter Saturn Uranus Neptune Pluto.

The hot topic in the news recently about the nine planets in our solar system was whether or not Pluto was to be considered a proper planet, or reclassified as an asteroid due to its small size and extreme orbit that, at times, brought it closer to the sun than Neptune. Supporters of maintaining Pluto\'s status as a planet argued that the existence of its moon, Charon, made it not only a planet, but was proportionally large enough to qualify it as a double planet.

There was nothing in the news about aliens.

A breeze sighed through the trees, a woodpecker continued its search for bugs, the fish swam obliviously in his bucket, and a very frightened mule was carried into the ship by three grey amorphous blobs.

~*~~*~~*~

The cat twitched a few times, unscrewed the cap from the jar of peanut butter, and stuck his head inside so deep that he couldn\'t get it out. He bashed around blindly and fell off the shelf, then ran howling into the woods.

~*~~*~~*~

The aliens stuck things on Edmund, who was too frightened to protest, although he preferred to consider himself brave for facing such a situation so calmly.

Suddenly the plopping pop sounds the aliens were making began to register as speech in his mind.

\"Do you understand?\"

\"Yes.\" said the mule.

\"We need assistance. We need to fix our propeller. But our ship landed in such a way that we cannot reach it. Please help us move our ship.\"

Edmund stared at them. \"Don\'t you have the technology to lift your own ship off the ground?\"

An alien replied, \"Yes. But we left the car jack at home.\"

The mule said, \"I have a friend who can help you. But first, can you do me a favor?\"

One of the aliens said, \"Of course. We come from a highly developed culture and are proud of our conviction to return favors with more favors. It is the way of our God, the Great and Glorious Pop. It is in thanks for the favor of creating us that we return the favor by spreading His word. Would you like a free copy of the Holy Slab of Pop Our God\'s Great Word?\"

\"Um, that\'s quite allright.\" said the mule.

\"You cannot be saved if you do not praise the Great Pop our God and spread his word. You will suffer in torment in the Ammonia Spring of Eternity. Thus will be your fate if you do not accept His Word.\"

Edmund was getting impatient. \"Okay, okay, I will talke a copy of your holy book.\"

The aliens made noises of pleasure and laid a metallic slab at his hooves. \"Now what favor do you wish us to do you in return for helping us move our ship?\"

\"Can you clone a child from me?\"

\"Of course.\"

The mule\'s heart soared. All this searching, all this wishing, and finally his dream was about to come true!

\"Come this way to the Cloning Chamber.\"

The aliens led Edmund into a smooth room with lots of blinking lights. Then two of them began chanting a cloning prayer while a third seperated into two entities before his eyes. One half joined the other aliens in chanting, and the other half engulfed his body.

Before Edmund could panic, the contact of the alien froze his body. It rested, pulsing, for several minutes, then slid off. It was much smaller and denser. One of the aliens lifted it into a high-tech basin that resembled a breadmaker, put a pseudopod on the dial and asked, \"At what stage of development do you wish this clone to be?\"

\"Six months old.\" said Edmund after breif consideration.

\"How long is a month?\"

\"Uh... thirty days.\"

\"A day is 52.970 pipdps, correct?\"

\"Ummm I guess.\"

\"Very well.\"

The alien turned the dial, and a light lit up on the machine. \"It will be done in half a pipdp.\"

Another said, \"Will you help us move our ship while we wait?\"

***
\"Praise Pop, for he is fair and good.\"

The wood was removed from the top of Florence\'s bucket, and he was flabberghasted to see a shapeless gray blob bending over him.

\"I am a missionary of Pop from the planet Zoop. Our ship has crashed. We have been told you can help us lift it so we can repair the propeller. Will you please assist us?\"

Self-interest hurtling boldly over his disbeleif, the fish said, \"Yes, if you put me in the river.\"

\"Very well.\"

The alien started to carry the bucket to the water when a voice from above shouted, \"I\'VE SPOTTED THE MULE!\" and a large figure in a mechanized jumpsuit slammed from the sky three meters away.

\"FUCK! ALIENS!\" shouted the figure, seeing the alien. \"WE UNDER ATTACK!\"

The alien put down the bucket and fled to the spaceship. \"Warning! Warning! Hostile natives approaching!\"

Inside the ship, The three aliens and the mule were protected from the shaking blasts from the police officers. Outside, they heard over a megaphone, \"EDMUND! YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR THE RAPE OF FAIR MAIDEN GOODY ANDALIE AND THE ABDUCTION OF MAGICAL TALKING FISH FLORENCE MCGRANGER. COME OUT WITH YOUR HOOVES UP AND SURRENDER IMMEDIATELY OR WE WILL BLOW YOUR ASS HARDER THAN A HOMO ON CRACK.\"

\"Don\'t you have missles or laser guns or something on this thing?!!\" asked Edmund desperately.

\"The Great Pop does not beleive in the use of violence,\" came the serene reply.

The timer on the breadmaker dinged.

~*~~*~~*~

The fair maiden\'s test results were positive for mule semen, cat saliva, and peanut butter. The doctor collecting the sample joked about making a sandwich with the evidence. The police put her under arrest for bestiality. The maiden decided not to use her one phone call to contact her mother.

~*~~*~~*~

\"What\'s WRONG with it?!!\"

Edmund was not pleased with his clone. It had... feathers. Its hooves split three times, its muzzle was covered in a hard beaklike substance, and vestigal wings twitched on its back.

\"Is this not what a youth of your species looks like?\" asked an alien. \"Our methods are infallible.\"

Then Edmund remembered the dead starling still tangled in his mane. \"Oh no,\" he said.

\"Are you not pleased with me, father?\" asked the child.

\"It TALKS?!!\" exclaimed the mule.

\"We programmed it with your speech patterns and also installed the Word of Pop, basic knowlege of your planet, and Tetris.\"

Tears brimmed at the eyes of the newborn clone. \"Don\'t you love me?\"

Edmund\'s heard melted. \"Of course I love you. I\'m your daddy.\" He nuzzled his clone. \"I\'ll name you Cedric.\"

\"I have already been named. I am Podokipip, Ambassador of Pop.\"

\"Oh. Okay.\"

An unusually large blast rocked the ship. \"GET YO ASS OUTTA HERE YOU PEICE OF SHIT!\"

\"They seem to want you,\" said one of the aliens. \"And the existence of your clone pushes the number of beings on this ship to five, which exceeds mazimum capacity. We are now violating the fire code. Pop will not stand for such opposition of the law.\"

And suddenly Edmund and Podokipip were standing outside the ship.

~*~~*~~*~

The cat stumbled further into the woods, trying to call for help but muffled by the jar and the peanut butter inside his mouth. He dimly heard sounds through the gooey blockage, and, thinking it may be the construction site down the road, tripped blindly towards it.

~*~~*~~*~

A sonic blast hit Edmund hard and he flew to the ground, stunned. Podokipip screamed in fright and ran behind a tree. His alien presence and the magnificent aura of Pop that eminated from him motivated the tree into locomotion, and it began flailing its branches with a great wooden moan. A stray blast from the cops had broken some of its branches and it wanted cold sweet revenge, revenge like ice cream that would melt and drip like blood down its bark.

The two police officers were about to cuff the unconcious mule when the great and furious oak came crashing down on top of them, its mighty branches beating against their armored suits. Bubba leapt away, but Mitch did not follow. The tree had hit him too hard, and continuted to pummel the unfortunate officer with dozens of branches.

\"YOU GET OFFA MY BRO YOU MOTHERFUCKER!\" shouted Bubba, blasting the tree with his super exploso-raygun. There was an explosion of sawdust and chips and hunks of wood flew away. He ran to his fallen comrade. \"Mitch? Mitch?\" He removed his helmet and felt for his pulse. Alas, he was too late. His companion of 15 years lay dead on the ground.

\"NOOOOOOOOOO!\" he shouted. Tears sprung to his eyes. \"That... bastard\" He turned to where the mule had fallen. \"You... because of you.....\"

But Edmund was no longer there. A heavy blow landed on the back of Bubba\'s head. He swung around and received another hard kick in the face. His fist slammed out and connected with Edmund\'s side, and the mule stumbled a moment before lowering his head to charge.

\"Oooh, you wanna fist-fight, motherfucker?\" hissed Bubba murderously.

Edmund glared back in challenge.

\"Bring it on.\"

~*~~*~~*~

The loud sounds had stopped, but the cat continued forwards, having no other direction to prefer. He thought he heard the muffled sounds of fighting. His paw hit water.

~*~~*~~*~

Bubba clutched at the sucking wound in his chest and fell. His body knocked something metal over that clanged and rolled down the bank. A distant splash was the last thing Bubba heard before his hearing failed. His body convulsed and the pain began to fade as his body sank into terminal shock. \"Damn that mule bastard,\" he hissed between clenched teeth. \"I wish a 1972 Chevy lands on his fat ass.\"

A voice from the river shouted, \"GRANTED!\"

A green Cheverolet plummeted from the sky, crushing Edmund to a bloody pulp.

The fish said, \"Friends from the sky, take this gift from me. Your ship has been fixed!\"

The aliens on board started the motor and to their amazement, all systems seemed fine. \"Thank you friend!\" they called over the outspeaker. \"Take these free copies of Holy Slab of Pop Our God\'s Great Word and live in peace.\"

The spaceship soared away and disappeared into the clouds.

~*~~*~~*~

Podokipip contemplated what he had just seen. Rather than being horrified and devastated at the sight of his father dying so violently, he praised himself for having taken the path of peace and hiding rather than getting involved like those lowly beings had. Now the wretched violence was over and things were once again well with the world.

He heard a noise, and saw a cat struggling by the shore, its head wedged inside a jar. He approached the strange creature.

\"May I help you?\"

The cat made an unintelligible response, so Podokipip removed the jar to hear him better.

\"Oh, thank god, thank you!\" said the cat. \"My head was s\'uck in there, I though\' I\'d NEVER ge\' i\' ou\'! I--\"

The cat stopped when he looked straight at his savior. It looked like an angelic mule, with beautiful feathered wings lit bright and glowing by the setting sun. Podokipip smiled at the cat, for his face was absolutely covered in peanut butter.

Podokipip said, \"Your face...\" and leaned forward to lick it off. The cat chuckled self-conciously and tried to move away. \"It\'s allright,\" said Podokipip comfortingly. \"I am Podokipip, Ambassador of Pop. Tell me, what is your name?\"

\"Cun\'wicker.\" said the cat.

\"Hnn... Cunwicker...\" sighed Podokipip, closing his eyes as he licked down the cat\'s jawline and around his mouth. He moved closer. He cleaned the peanut butter from Cuntlicker\'s face and ears with soft wet licks that continued to his neck and chest.

\"Podokipip...\" Cuntlicker gasped.

\"Shall we continue this in the car?\" asked Podokipip sensuously, indicating the green Chevy.

\"Yessss\" sighed the cat.

The entered the car and made with the naughty, and the magical fish watched through a crack near the bottom of the door.

Podokipip laid on his back, his wings out and curled up invitingly. Cuntlicker padded up and down his chest and belly with little paw steps, purring in time to Podokipip\'s soft moans. The cat\'s tail swept back and forth teasingly over Podokipip\'s member, bringing it seductively out of hiding.

Podokipip strained his neck forward to nuzzle the cat\'s cheek, and his toungue streched to lick at his face. Cuntlicker sighed and met Pokokipip\'s warm, soft, thick tonuge with his small rough one, rubbing his furry lips against the tip. His tail continued to tease, flicking faster as their kiss deepened. Podokipip moaned and his legs spasmed a little. The cat\'s soft paws continued to beat gently at his chest.

Podokipip nudged the cat towards his face with his leg and engulfed his feline erection in hot licks. Cuntlicker panted and purred, his hind paws pressing into Podokipip\'s throbbing jugular and his fore paws caressing his lover\'s face. This was nothing like what he had done with the fair maiden. It had always been food for him and pleasure for her, but she had never made such a caring effort to pleasure him. His pants and purrs turned to moans and screeches as the slick mouth moved faster. He came quickly, and Podokipip eagerly lapped everything up. \"You taste like peanut butter,\" he smiled.

\"Roll over.\" whispered the Cuntlicker.

Podokipip complied, and the cat climbed onto his back. He licked and nipped gently at Podokipip\'s wings, teasing the edges of the feathers. He batted them playfully. The wings spread and folded, sometimes elegantly, sometimes shaking and jupmping at the cat\'s light teases. He moved down to Podokipip\'s rear, braced his forepaws against the thighs, and nuzzled against the tight rim. Podokipip gasped and started to tremble away, but Cuntlicker reassured him with purrs and caresses as he slid his tongue into his ass. It was rough and dry, though, and despite the pleasure that came with the contact of Cuntlicker against his most private place, Podokipip said, \"Nnn... stop, let me do it to you...\"

Cuntlicker was deposited onto the car seat as his partner rolled, and he soon felt the wet tongue of his lover caressing his entrance, pushing just inside. He stretched and mewled at the tongue that throbbed and swirled and occasionally took one long teasing swipe along the furs on his back. Podokipip\'s hooves appeared in front of him, and his body was suddenly above him, the tongue now gone, but he soon felt something new in its place- flowing, stiff, hairy: Podokipip\'s tail.

Cuntlicker\'s own crippled tail twitched and he said, \"No, don\'- don\' hur\' yoursewf--\"

\"It won\'t hurt,\" whispered Podokipip.

He thrust his tail inside Cuntlicker, causing the cat to yowl and screech in pleasure. His back arched with millions of hairs straight upright and he clawed at the seat. His head bumped against Podokipip\'s belly. Podokipip moved his tail in and and out, hitting his prostate with each thrust, each strand of hair making its own dance across the cat\'s sensitive insides. Cuntlicker\'s erection was stroked back and forth against the seat, and when he came with a butt-clenching screech, his lover came too, filling him with creamy mule-bird semen.

A feather fluttered to the seat, and Podokipip rolled over, panting. His lover crawled onto his stomach and they shared a long, tired kiss. \"I love you,\" murmured Podokipip through half-lidded eyes. This was wonderful; he had never loved anyone so much or felt this loved in his entire life.

\"Wove, yesss,\" purred Cuntlicker, nuzzling his cheek. \"this is differen\'... wha\' I had with the fair maiden... this is more...\"

Cuntlicker lured Podokipip\'s tongue out with his, then tickled it with his whiskers. Then he moved away wrapped himself around Podokipip\'s huge erection and purred, pulsing between loud and low. Podokipip\'s wings clenched and squirmed,and his legs kicked wildly as the cat continued to vibrate and throb. A loud bray squaked from his mouth when he came, and the cat was covered in dick juice.

The cat licked the milky liquid from Podokipip\'s softening penis, then curled on his lover\'s chest and began to lick it off of his own fur, slowly, sensually, like an exotic dance. Podokipip couldn\'t stand simply watching, so he leaned forward and helped lick him off, tongue dancing around the cat\'s head as they both set about the same pleasurable task.

Then, mouths full of come and fur, they slept, Cuntlicker purring softly into the warm nest of Podokipip\'s wing.

Florence the magical fish found a quiet spot and wanked off to what he had just seen.

~*~~*~~*~The End.~*~~*~~*~

Please review! Constructive criticism welcome!!! Requests, too! *does the Please Review dance, complete with corny disco moves and moonwalk*

Author\'s Note: After reading this, one of my friends had a dream that his girlfriend\'s vagina was very small, in fact too small for him, and then a squirrel came up and started fucking her. He attributes this dream to my fic. ^_____^