Today I Woke Up
folder
Angst › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
875
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Angst › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
875
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Today I Woke Up
a/n: just something i wrote using my friends names... i actually did fall for the guy in this, whoops, that part is so very true. everything else though might be based on real events, but are prolly made up. dream is a real dream i have been having...
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Today I woke up, and I knew I loved you. It was an idea that had been floating around in the vast abyss that is my sub-conscious for weeks, even months now, and this morning now there is no denying it. Not from myself anyway.
It all started with that dream. For the last three nights, it has plagued my sleep. I have always believed that dreams are important, how could you not when you have my history with them? This one was an oddity, even for me. It was so real; I could feel the emotion as though I were really experiencing it at that moment. I was in a kitchen, and there was a couple across the way from us. They were not my parents, but from the way I felt about them, I knew they were probably close family friends. At this point in my dream, I realized that I was not leaning against the counter, but that I was wrapped in a pair of strong arms, and I was leaning on whoever they belonged to. There was an air of total contentment around me, and I felt completely at ease. A face came into view, and a light feathery kiss was placed tenderly on my forehead. As the face retreated from my own, my material self recognized that it was you whose arms I was in. My sleep self didn't find this at all strange, in fact it felt as though you had been doing this for years. Over the next few moments, not a word was spoken, but there was no awkwardness. You kissed my forehead four more times, and I had never felt so at peace. So loved. An emotion I haven't had much experience with. The last time you kissed me, I turned around. As I put my arms around your neck, your gorgeous eyes turned cold. Finally words were spoken. "Find someone else to hang on". I literally felt my heart break as I felt all the pain I have ever felt that was of your causing multiply by a thousand and settle like a dead weight on my chest. I just wanted to die. And when I woke, my pillow was soaked with tears.
Alright, I lied. It didn't start with the dream. Recalling the dream though made me realize when it did start. It started the second day of school. When we started, unknowingly, to become friends. By Christmas, we had bonded more quickly than I usually do with guys, and you became almost as close to me as my other friends. Now, we are practically inseparable. In the last week of school, I tried to be cheerful. I tried to laugh and be the happy-go-lucky spirit everyone expects me to be. Really though, my heart was breaking. The prospect of not seeing you for three months was enough to make me downcast. But then I had to see that.
You had her pressed against a wall; you were kissing like there was no tomorrow. Her hand was inside your shirt, feeling your toned chest. I have always supported your endeavors with girls, but seeing you with her, my best friend; it killed a part of me. It was then that I realized that I was jealous. I wanted to be the one who was pressed up against the wall. I wanted to be close to you in that way which I knew I never would be. I burst in to tears. I didn't see the point in trying to hide it. As I ran into the corridor, I realized that neither one of you had even bothered to stop snogging for a few moments just to see if I was okay, even though both of you saw. When finally she came to check on me, I put on a happy face and said it didn't matter, that it was only a little immature crush and that I was over it. Both of you wanted to believe me, so things returned to normal.
The last day of school we had a dance. You were going with her; all my other friends had dates. Despite this, I was determined to have a good time. I was not over you; I doubted I ever would be. But life goes on. I danced a dance with you, it was heaven. She was out getting drinks. If I had you for a date, I would never let you leave my site or my arms. As the bell rang for the end of school, tears welled up in my eyes. I then vowed not to see you over the summer, it would hurt too much. I hugged you fiercely; you hugged back a little less enthusiastically. I yelled at my two best friends, and told them I loved them. I turned to you and told you I loved you. I meant in the friendly way, but you said nothing. It stung, as you rushed off to find her before she left.
A few weeks later I was set to go to a party where I knew you and a couple of our friends would be. At the last moment I decided not to go. I just couldn't bear to be around you. All I had heard since then was how wonderful she was, how much you loved her. Don't you see that she doesn't love you? She doesn't love anyone. It's purely about the sex for her. It means nothing, and you are going to get your heart broken. When she cheats on you, as I know she will, I will hold you; comfort you, even though it kills me to do so. I will tell you how stupid she was and I will refrain from saying anything along the lines of "I told you so". Don't you see, like everyone else sees, that I am the one who will love you until the day you no longer want my love? Don't you see that I would do anything for you? Give up everything for you, die for you? Anyway, back to the party. I didn't want to go. Actually, I was quite curious to see if anyone would notice that I wasn't there, and to see how long it would take before someone called. Shallow, I know, but I was feeling particularly insecure. At twelve thirty, the phone rang. I knew it would be someone from the party.
"Hello?"
"Uh... is Kenzie there?" it was you. I didn't think it would be you.
"This is her." Same bored tone as before.
"Kenz, are you coming?"
"No, I don't think so." Still monotonous.
"Ke-nz, why not? You promised me you would!" your whiny drama queen voice made my laugh inwardly, but outside I remained cold.
"I know, but I just"¦"
"What?" you actually sounded concerned. Huh.
"I just don't feel like it. I am in a severely pissy mood. You know how I get."
"Darlin', please come over!! Please??" you are the only guy in the world who could ever call me that.
"Fine, you win. But when I get there I am going to kick your ass, cuz I was in the middle of music of the night, and you interrupted me."
"Just as long as you come over." You sounded happy. We hung up then, and I returned to my movie, trying to put off as long as possible what I said I wouldn't do all summer; see you again. Fifteen minutes later, the phone rang.
"Hello?" this time I knew it would be you.
"Uh... Is Kenzie there?"
"Yes, dude, how may I help you?" still sounding pissed off, although really I could never be mad at you.
"You said you were coming! Honey, you come over here NOW before I have to come get you myself!!"
"Calm, luv, calm. I will be there whenever my madre gets out of the bathroom" I said in my normal sarcastic tone.
"Okay, you better."
"I will."
Okay, then I will see you later."
"Alrighty then. Bye Darlin'."
"Bye luv." The little pet name you have for me, one I had heard so often, made my heart skip a beat.
My mom got out of the bathroom, and we got in our little silver eclipse. I listened to the Killers "Hot Fuss" CD I had just received as a graduation present ad one song stuck out in particular. "Change your mind" seemed to voice all that I was feeling.
Tragic eyes that I can't even recognize myself behind"¦
So if the answer is no
Can I change your mind?
The first line related back to the recent depression I had been battling with"¦ somewhere in my lust for love I lost myself. I am trying so hard to get myself back. The next two lines related back to your relationship with her. Maybe, I thought, someday I can change your mind about me. Maybe someday you will love me. It shares the passion I have for having something more than our wounded friendship. I would have done whatever was needed to get you at that point.
My musings came to an end as we pulled up to a little brick house. I got out, and our friend's father pointed me towards the back gate. As I stepped inside, my breath caught in my throat. You were standing right there, saying something. I heard my name, but nothing really processed at that point in time. There you were, merely three feet from me. Never had you seemed so gorgeous. Your face and arms, usually pale, had been tanned to a dark brown. You wore a black muscle shirt that showed off your amazing figure, your beautiful chest and defined abs. Your jeans, which usually seemed out of place, were tight in all the right spots. You took my breath away. I snapped back into consciousness when you came over and whispered a "hello" in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. You put your arm around my shoulders, something you never did at school, unless I was in need of comfort, and I knew that had she been there, you wouldn't have. But she wasn't, and I had you all to myself. I put my arm around your waist, leaning my head against your chest. We walked over to where everyone else was, and when you pulled away, I could feel the ghost of your touch remaining. It cooled my skin, and I felt it even half an hour later. That is what you do to me.
People talked, you played cards, and I sat under my tree, in the shade, just watching you. You never noticed though. You spent most of your time complaining about how much you missed her. Your raves sounded strained, though. Was it my imagination, or did you sound like you were over-compensating for something? I cannot let my thoughts wander there, though. If you have no expectations, you can never be disappointed. I learned this the hard way.
Fifteen minutes later, we had agreed to go in for some lunch. I wasn't hungry, so I was rather reluctant to go in. As I slowly got up, I saw you make your way towards the hammock on the other side of the yard. Deciding now would be a good time to fake yelling at you for interrupting my movie, I followed you. You sat down on the hammock. I was almost there, and I tripped. Luckily you grabbed me, and I ended up almost in your lap. You laughed your deep laugh, music to my ears, and you pulled me next to you as you reclined. I expected you to let me go then, but you didn't. I was pulled into you warm arms as my short body fit perfectly into the curve of your tall one. It was like coming home. Even though I had known you for not even a year, I was more comfortable there in your arms than I had ever been with anyone else. Normally guy-shy and self-conscious, I relaxed completely until I couldn't remember where I left off and you began. I felt complete. I breathed deep that scent that was completely you, a mixture of sweat, old spice, and that distinctly masculine aroma I have always associated with your being. We chatted for a while, meaningless things that with you seemed more important than anything else in the world. Our friend came out. He asked us what we were doing and I yelled something rude at him.
"I thought you were in love with him?" your voice tingled as it hit my ear.
"Him? Not nearly as much as I wanted to believe"¦"
"But... I thought"¦ then who are you obsessed with now?" your phrasing of my little problem with guys irked me, but ah well.
"Gerard Butler"¦ he is such a hottie." I said in a light tone. This is true, even though I know that's not what you meant.
"Who?"
"The guy from Phantom of the Opera"¦ you know I can't resist a guy who sings." This was directed at you, since you sing constantly, but if you got it, you didn't let that on.
"Oh. Well that's not what I meant. What I meant was who you have a crush on?" Damn, I was hoping I could distract you"¦ but no such luck. Why do you always care, anyway? You have your love life, unless you want to be in mine, stay the hell out.
"No one..." I couldn't look at you. I am a horrible liar, and you know it. Much to your credit though, you dropped the subject.
We laid there, no one spoke, but the silence was not at all awkward. In fact, it had been a long time since I was that content. You poked me, and I laughed. I am so terribly ticklish. You have the same problem though, so I poked you back. You grabbed my hand.
"No tickling"¦ if I started I don't know If I could stop." The last part was mumbled, and I pretended like I didn't hear you. What the hell did that mean? But before I could ask you, you had gotten up, and were walking towards the house. You left me there, alone and hurt. It wasn't the first time.
The rest of the day went by uneventfully, even though I didn't speak to you much. I was so confused. Right before I had to leave, you grabbed my hand. You pulled me over to a discrete bunch of trees, and you just looked at me. I looked back. I lost myself in the swirling mist upon a stormy sea that was your eyes, and for the second time that day there was only me and you. Before I knew what was happening, you leaned forward and brushed your lips across my cheek. Then you were back with our friends, and I had to go. I said goodbye to everyone. When I said goodbye to you, you didn't even look at me. You mumbled "bye" and then I got in the car and left. Could you see the hurt on my face as well as everyone else? Why the hell did you do that? To torment me? Am I now your replacement since your beloved girlfriend is gone for the summer? Would you really do that to her? Could you expect me to do that to her? She is my best friend. Or do you have feelings for me? I find this hard to believe. It could be my inferiority complex playing up, but really, even though I would be perfect for you, I am not the gorgeous tall beauty you usually go after. I am short, muscular, a little heavier than I wished, but not fat. I am no competition for my friends looks-wise. I know this. Why then?
I heard several days after that later that day you called her up and told her that you loved her. She didn't say anything back. What the hell are you playing at? I don't understand guys. Especially not you.
So now it's June 10, 2005, and I am going to summer camp for the rest of the summer. We have no classes together next year, so I may never see you again. It's the most depressing thought I have ever had. What have I got to lose? Absolutely nothing, except the last ounce of my pride, but that will heal. I don't expect anything from this. I sincerely doubt that when you break up with her, you will ever be interested in me. Oh well. You are at my house, along with the rest of the gang. I threw a party to say goodbye to everyone for the summer. It is drawing to its end. I tap you lightly on the arm.
"Hey... can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure". You sound slightly confused. We enter my room, my black curtains over the window opened to let the light in. My black daybed has been transformed into a couch. Behind it, the wall is completely covered with pictures of the sexiest man alive, none other than Johnny Depp, my one true obsession that has survived the years. We sit down on my bed.
"Uh"¦ Steven... I don't know how to tell you this."
"What is it?" your face registers concern.
"Uh"¦ steveniloveyou." It comes out in a mad rush as I try to avoid your piercing gaze.
"Whoa, what did you say?" you look so confused.
Deep breath. "I said, "˜Steven, I love you." You say nothing.
"I know that nothing can come out of this, and I know you don't return my feelings, but I thought you should know." I lean forward and capture your lips in a swift kiss before heading out to the door and into the safety of the crowd. As you leave, I press an envelope into your hand silently. You walk out the door. I see you open the envelope. On a scrap of tear-stained paper in messy handwriting is written:
To think I might not see your eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our sad goodbye
I nearly do
You know the symbolism behind this. My favorite song, the verse I sing whenever I am around a guy I like who I know I can't get. Only you know this. You then take out the long folded paper. As you walk down the hall and quite possibly out of my life forever, you read:
Today I woke up, and I knew I loved you"¦
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Today I woke up, and I knew I loved you. It was an idea that had been floating around in the vast abyss that is my sub-conscious for weeks, even months now, and this morning now there is no denying it. Not from myself anyway.
It all started with that dream. For the last three nights, it has plagued my sleep. I have always believed that dreams are important, how could you not when you have my history with them? This one was an oddity, even for me. It was so real; I could feel the emotion as though I were really experiencing it at that moment. I was in a kitchen, and there was a couple across the way from us. They were not my parents, but from the way I felt about them, I knew they were probably close family friends. At this point in my dream, I realized that I was not leaning against the counter, but that I was wrapped in a pair of strong arms, and I was leaning on whoever they belonged to. There was an air of total contentment around me, and I felt completely at ease. A face came into view, and a light feathery kiss was placed tenderly on my forehead. As the face retreated from my own, my material self recognized that it was you whose arms I was in. My sleep self didn't find this at all strange, in fact it felt as though you had been doing this for years. Over the next few moments, not a word was spoken, but there was no awkwardness. You kissed my forehead four more times, and I had never felt so at peace. So loved. An emotion I haven't had much experience with. The last time you kissed me, I turned around. As I put my arms around your neck, your gorgeous eyes turned cold. Finally words were spoken. "Find someone else to hang on". I literally felt my heart break as I felt all the pain I have ever felt that was of your causing multiply by a thousand and settle like a dead weight on my chest. I just wanted to die. And when I woke, my pillow was soaked with tears.
Alright, I lied. It didn't start with the dream. Recalling the dream though made me realize when it did start. It started the second day of school. When we started, unknowingly, to become friends. By Christmas, we had bonded more quickly than I usually do with guys, and you became almost as close to me as my other friends. Now, we are practically inseparable. In the last week of school, I tried to be cheerful. I tried to laugh and be the happy-go-lucky spirit everyone expects me to be. Really though, my heart was breaking. The prospect of not seeing you for three months was enough to make me downcast. But then I had to see that.
You had her pressed against a wall; you were kissing like there was no tomorrow. Her hand was inside your shirt, feeling your toned chest. I have always supported your endeavors with girls, but seeing you with her, my best friend; it killed a part of me. It was then that I realized that I was jealous. I wanted to be the one who was pressed up against the wall. I wanted to be close to you in that way which I knew I never would be. I burst in to tears. I didn't see the point in trying to hide it. As I ran into the corridor, I realized that neither one of you had even bothered to stop snogging for a few moments just to see if I was okay, even though both of you saw. When finally she came to check on me, I put on a happy face and said it didn't matter, that it was only a little immature crush and that I was over it. Both of you wanted to believe me, so things returned to normal.
The last day of school we had a dance. You were going with her; all my other friends had dates. Despite this, I was determined to have a good time. I was not over you; I doubted I ever would be. But life goes on. I danced a dance with you, it was heaven. She was out getting drinks. If I had you for a date, I would never let you leave my site or my arms. As the bell rang for the end of school, tears welled up in my eyes. I then vowed not to see you over the summer, it would hurt too much. I hugged you fiercely; you hugged back a little less enthusiastically. I yelled at my two best friends, and told them I loved them. I turned to you and told you I loved you. I meant in the friendly way, but you said nothing. It stung, as you rushed off to find her before she left.
A few weeks later I was set to go to a party where I knew you and a couple of our friends would be. At the last moment I decided not to go. I just couldn't bear to be around you. All I had heard since then was how wonderful she was, how much you loved her. Don't you see that she doesn't love you? She doesn't love anyone. It's purely about the sex for her. It means nothing, and you are going to get your heart broken. When she cheats on you, as I know she will, I will hold you; comfort you, even though it kills me to do so. I will tell you how stupid she was and I will refrain from saying anything along the lines of "I told you so". Don't you see, like everyone else sees, that I am the one who will love you until the day you no longer want my love? Don't you see that I would do anything for you? Give up everything for you, die for you? Anyway, back to the party. I didn't want to go. Actually, I was quite curious to see if anyone would notice that I wasn't there, and to see how long it would take before someone called. Shallow, I know, but I was feeling particularly insecure. At twelve thirty, the phone rang. I knew it would be someone from the party.
"Hello?"
"Uh... is Kenzie there?" it was you. I didn't think it would be you.
"This is her." Same bored tone as before.
"Kenz, are you coming?"
"No, I don't think so." Still monotonous.
"Ke-nz, why not? You promised me you would!" your whiny drama queen voice made my laugh inwardly, but outside I remained cold.
"I know, but I just"¦"
"What?" you actually sounded concerned. Huh.
"I just don't feel like it. I am in a severely pissy mood. You know how I get."
"Darlin', please come over!! Please??" you are the only guy in the world who could ever call me that.
"Fine, you win. But when I get there I am going to kick your ass, cuz I was in the middle of music of the night, and you interrupted me."
"Just as long as you come over." You sounded happy. We hung up then, and I returned to my movie, trying to put off as long as possible what I said I wouldn't do all summer; see you again. Fifteen minutes later, the phone rang.
"Hello?" this time I knew it would be you.
"Uh... Is Kenzie there?"
"Yes, dude, how may I help you?" still sounding pissed off, although really I could never be mad at you.
"You said you were coming! Honey, you come over here NOW before I have to come get you myself!!"
"Calm, luv, calm. I will be there whenever my madre gets out of the bathroom" I said in my normal sarcastic tone.
"Okay, you better."
"I will."
Okay, then I will see you later."
"Alrighty then. Bye Darlin'."
"Bye luv." The little pet name you have for me, one I had heard so often, made my heart skip a beat.
My mom got out of the bathroom, and we got in our little silver eclipse. I listened to the Killers "Hot Fuss" CD I had just received as a graduation present ad one song stuck out in particular. "Change your mind" seemed to voice all that I was feeling.
Tragic eyes that I can't even recognize myself behind"¦
So if the answer is no
Can I change your mind?
The first line related back to the recent depression I had been battling with"¦ somewhere in my lust for love I lost myself. I am trying so hard to get myself back. The next two lines related back to your relationship with her. Maybe, I thought, someday I can change your mind about me. Maybe someday you will love me. It shares the passion I have for having something more than our wounded friendship. I would have done whatever was needed to get you at that point.
My musings came to an end as we pulled up to a little brick house. I got out, and our friend's father pointed me towards the back gate. As I stepped inside, my breath caught in my throat. You were standing right there, saying something. I heard my name, but nothing really processed at that point in time. There you were, merely three feet from me. Never had you seemed so gorgeous. Your face and arms, usually pale, had been tanned to a dark brown. You wore a black muscle shirt that showed off your amazing figure, your beautiful chest and defined abs. Your jeans, which usually seemed out of place, were tight in all the right spots. You took my breath away. I snapped back into consciousness when you came over and whispered a "hello" in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. You put your arm around my shoulders, something you never did at school, unless I was in need of comfort, and I knew that had she been there, you wouldn't have. But she wasn't, and I had you all to myself. I put my arm around your waist, leaning my head against your chest. We walked over to where everyone else was, and when you pulled away, I could feel the ghost of your touch remaining. It cooled my skin, and I felt it even half an hour later. That is what you do to me.
People talked, you played cards, and I sat under my tree, in the shade, just watching you. You never noticed though. You spent most of your time complaining about how much you missed her. Your raves sounded strained, though. Was it my imagination, or did you sound like you were over-compensating for something? I cannot let my thoughts wander there, though. If you have no expectations, you can never be disappointed. I learned this the hard way.
Fifteen minutes later, we had agreed to go in for some lunch. I wasn't hungry, so I was rather reluctant to go in. As I slowly got up, I saw you make your way towards the hammock on the other side of the yard. Deciding now would be a good time to fake yelling at you for interrupting my movie, I followed you. You sat down on the hammock. I was almost there, and I tripped. Luckily you grabbed me, and I ended up almost in your lap. You laughed your deep laugh, music to my ears, and you pulled me next to you as you reclined. I expected you to let me go then, but you didn't. I was pulled into you warm arms as my short body fit perfectly into the curve of your tall one. It was like coming home. Even though I had known you for not even a year, I was more comfortable there in your arms than I had ever been with anyone else. Normally guy-shy and self-conscious, I relaxed completely until I couldn't remember where I left off and you began. I felt complete. I breathed deep that scent that was completely you, a mixture of sweat, old spice, and that distinctly masculine aroma I have always associated with your being. We chatted for a while, meaningless things that with you seemed more important than anything else in the world. Our friend came out. He asked us what we were doing and I yelled something rude at him.
"I thought you were in love with him?" your voice tingled as it hit my ear.
"Him? Not nearly as much as I wanted to believe"¦"
"But... I thought"¦ then who are you obsessed with now?" your phrasing of my little problem with guys irked me, but ah well.
"Gerard Butler"¦ he is such a hottie." I said in a light tone. This is true, even though I know that's not what you meant.
"Who?"
"The guy from Phantom of the Opera"¦ you know I can't resist a guy who sings." This was directed at you, since you sing constantly, but if you got it, you didn't let that on.
"Oh. Well that's not what I meant. What I meant was who you have a crush on?" Damn, I was hoping I could distract you"¦ but no such luck. Why do you always care, anyway? You have your love life, unless you want to be in mine, stay the hell out.
"No one..." I couldn't look at you. I am a horrible liar, and you know it. Much to your credit though, you dropped the subject.
We laid there, no one spoke, but the silence was not at all awkward. In fact, it had been a long time since I was that content. You poked me, and I laughed. I am so terribly ticklish. You have the same problem though, so I poked you back. You grabbed my hand.
"No tickling"¦ if I started I don't know If I could stop." The last part was mumbled, and I pretended like I didn't hear you. What the hell did that mean? But before I could ask you, you had gotten up, and were walking towards the house. You left me there, alone and hurt. It wasn't the first time.
The rest of the day went by uneventfully, even though I didn't speak to you much. I was so confused. Right before I had to leave, you grabbed my hand. You pulled me over to a discrete bunch of trees, and you just looked at me. I looked back. I lost myself in the swirling mist upon a stormy sea that was your eyes, and for the second time that day there was only me and you. Before I knew what was happening, you leaned forward and brushed your lips across my cheek. Then you were back with our friends, and I had to go. I said goodbye to everyone. When I said goodbye to you, you didn't even look at me. You mumbled "bye" and then I got in the car and left. Could you see the hurt on my face as well as everyone else? Why the hell did you do that? To torment me? Am I now your replacement since your beloved girlfriend is gone for the summer? Would you really do that to her? Could you expect me to do that to her? She is my best friend. Or do you have feelings for me? I find this hard to believe. It could be my inferiority complex playing up, but really, even though I would be perfect for you, I am not the gorgeous tall beauty you usually go after. I am short, muscular, a little heavier than I wished, but not fat. I am no competition for my friends looks-wise. I know this. Why then?
I heard several days after that later that day you called her up and told her that you loved her. She didn't say anything back. What the hell are you playing at? I don't understand guys. Especially not you.
So now it's June 10, 2005, and I am going to summer camp for the rest of the summer. We have no classes together next year, so I may never see you again. It's the most depressing thought I have ever had. What have I got to lose? Absolutely nothing, except the last ounce of my pride, but that will heal. I don't expect anything from this. I sincerely doubt that when you break up with her, you will ever be interested in me. Oh well. You are at my house, along with the rest of the gang. I threw a party to say goodbye to everyone for the summer. It is drawing to its end. I tap you lightly on the arm.
"Hey... can I talk to you for a minute?"
"Sure". You sound slightly confused. We enter my room, my black curtains over the window opened to let the light in. My black daybed has been transformed into a couch. Behind it, the wall is completely covered with pictures of the sexiest man alive, none other than Johnny Depp, my one true obsession that has survived the years. We sit down on my bed.
"Uh"¦ Steven... I don't know how to tell you this."
"What is it?" your face registers concern.
"Uh"¦ steveniloveyou." It comes out in a mad rush as I try to avoid your piercing gaze.
"Whoa, what did you say?" you look so confused.
Deep breath. "I said, "˜Steven, I love you." You say nothing.
"I know that nothing can come out of this, and I know you don't return my feelings, but I thought you should know." I lean forward and capture your lips in a swift kiss before heading out to the door and into the safety of the crowd. As you leave, I press an envelope into your hand silently. You walk out the door. I see you open the envelope. On a scrap of tear-stained paper in messy handwriting is written:
To think I might not see your eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our sad goodbye
I nearly do
You know the symbolism behind this. My favorite song, the verse I sing whenever I am around a guy I like who I know I can't get. Only you know this. You then take out the long folded paper. As you walk down the hall and quite possibly out of my life forever, you read:
Today I woke up, and I knew I loved you"¦