Starting Over

There were several students standing outside the doors to the auditorium, but Catherine only recognized one of them. Emma, she believed her name was. She had been in the audition for the play with Catherine. Nervously, she approached the group. “Hi,” she finally said, turning her attention to Emma. Everyone’s conversations suddenly stopped at the interruption, and they all looked at her. “Is this where we’re supposed to meet for rehearsal?”

Giving the nervous girl a warm smile, Emma nodded. “Catherine, right?” As Catherine nodded, she continued. “Oh, I’m so glad you made it! I knew in the audition that Mr. Martin just had to choose you. You’re really good.”

Blushing slightly, Catherine thanked her. “I felt like I messed up so bad. I was just so happy to see my name on the cast list.” Emma was smiling kindly at her, and Catherine appreciated it. Emma was a pretty girl, most likely Hispanic in decent, and round in figure. Her smile was completely engaging, and from what Catherine had seen in the audition, she was an amazing actress.

“You only started here recently, right?” Emma asked.

“Yeah,” Catherine replied. “Last month, actually. My family just moved here from Long Island.” As Emma moved towards her, Catherine couldn’t help but notice that the six or seven other students were standing around, listening intently to the conversation.

With a kind smile, Emma tilted her head. “Wow, it’s got to be rough, moving here in the middle of high school.” She looked over towards the eavesdropping group. “Well, since everyone’s obviously listening,” she turned towards the group and started speaking loudly. “Everyone,” she said, grinning widely and making a grand sweeping gesture with her hand. “This is Catherine. She’s new here, and, unfortunately for her, she chose to try out for theater, automatically making her one of the outcasts of this school immediately. Welcome her,” Emma concluded, bowing regally. Catherine couldn’t help but giggle.

A chorus of voices began to greet her. Glancing over at Emma, Catherine nodded in appreciation.

“Okay, rather than make you go through the awkwardness, let me introduce everyone,” Emma told her, and Catherine smiled thankfully.

“This is John,” Emma gestured towards a tall boy with light hair, wearing a punk tee shirt. “He thinks he’s funny, talented and charming.” Emma gave him a mockingly reprimanding look. “He’s actually none of the above.” Catherine was surprised when John grabbed her hand and kissed it exaggeratedly. “Seriously, ignore him,” Emma smiled.

“And this is Sandy,” Emma continued, pointing to a large smiling redheaded girl. “And Daniel,” she indicated the tall, skinny, smiling boy beside Sandy. “They’re the stars of the play, very talented,” she said, jokingly covering her mouth yet speaking loudly. Both people blushed simultaneously.

“And this, well, I’m sure you’ve already heard of the lady-killer, Andy Bates, or Batey as everyone else calls him,” Emma introduced the next person. He was very good-looking, with longish brown hair and a wide smile.

“Hi Catherine,” Batey greeted her warmly, taking her hand. “It’s great to meet you.”

“Oh, just try your best to ignore his charms,” Emma said, touching Batey’s arm affectionately to let him know she was joking. “He’s trying to break the heart of every attractive girl in the school before he graduates, so watch out.”

“Only until you’re ready to offer your love, Emma,” Batey smiled happily.

“And this is Allie,” Emma gestured at one girl. “And Ivana.” Suddenly her smile faded, and she pointed at the corner where Batey had wandered off to. “And that’s James DeLuca.” She pointed at a gorgeous boy with black hair and blue eyes who was talking animatedly to Batey. “Seriously, he’s a prick. Best voice in school, I won’t deny that, but… just a dick. You’re very pretty,” Emma told her, making Catherine blush, but Emma shook her head. “But that just means you have more reason to stay away from him. He’s seriously awful.”

Her head spinning, Emma tried to take in all the people Emma introduced her to, but suddenly the auditorium doors opened. The theater teacher, Mr. Martin, a heavy-set man in his late fifties, walked out dramatically. “Okay, all interested in being in this play will come inside NOW,” he said theatrically, sweeping back into the room.

“Martin’s the best,” Emma whispered, linking arms with Catherine as they entered the room with everyone else. “I don’t know why he teaches high school drama, but I’m glad he does.”

Catherine could only grin at Emma. She had barely said two words to the girl, but already Emma seemed to have taken her under her wing. She was glad that she had taken a chance and auditioned for the play when she’d seen the poster. This was the first time since she’d started school there that she didn’t feel like a complete outsider.

------

“That was...” Martin began after rehearsal. “It was… truly awful. All of you, every last one.” Catherine felt her heart jump, but everyone else in the room laughed. “You are all terrible actors, and not much better vocalists,” he continued. “But luckily, I am a fantastic director, so I do believe we’ll not make tremendous fools of ourselves by opening night, at least if you all do exactly what I say until then.”

Standing on the side of the stage with a couple other cast members, Catherine was listening intently to her director. “So we’ll meet again Wednesday, same time, same place… but hopefully, you all won’t be as dreadful then.”

Batey walked up to Catherine suddenly, touching her elbow and taking her by surprise. “You’ve got a beautiful voice,” he said, making her blush. His voice was deep, and he looked older than most high school boys. “No, really, you’re… quite phenomenal.”

“Thank you,” Catherine managed to force herself to reply. “And you…” She didn’t even know what to say. They were performing a musical which only had five real main roles. Catherine was just in the chorus, but Batey was a lead. His voice was so strong, and he exuded confidence on and off the stage. “You were great,” she finished lamely, blushing more. But this just seemed to make Batey smile wider.

“Hey, Andy,” Emma came up, putting her arm around Catherine. “What did I tell you about hitting on the new girl?” She smiled fondly at the boy.

“I only do it to make you jealous,” Batey answered, smiling widely at Emma. “No, really, I was just complimenting Catherine’s voice.”

“You really do sing well,” Emma agreed admiringly, watching Catherine self-consciously look down at the floor. “Martin only made you a part of the chorus because he doesn’t know you. If you prove yourself in this show, he’ll definitely make you a lead in the next. That’s how he works.”

“I agree completely,” James said, walking up and patting Batey on the back. “You’ll be my female lead in the next show.” His cocky smile immediately gave him away as over-confident, and Catherine glanced at Emma, who was rolling her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” James said, putting out his hand. “I don’t think we were properly introduced. I’m James.”

“I intentionally didn’t introduce you,” Emma said clearly, her voice slightly hostile.

“Oh, don’t be like that, Em,” James replied. “I’m just trying to make Catherine feel welcome at her new school.”

“I was trying to keep her away from people like you-” Emma began angrily, but Batey tastefully cut her off.

“Now, now,” he said, putting her arm around Emma. “We all have to work together for the next eight weeks, so we might as well get along.” Biting her lip, Emma resentfully nodded agreement.

“Good,” Batey continued. “So, in the true mark of co-workers, would you two lovely ladies like to join us for a cup of coffee?”

Emma looked over at Catherine and shrugged. “Have you been to Karma yet?” As Catherine shook her head in puzzlement, Emma went on. “It’s this really cool coffee shop, not too far. Everyone hangs out there… I mean, everyone from theater at least.”

“That sounds good,” Catherine smiled. “But I don’t have a car with me…”

“I’ll drive you-” James began.

“No,” Emma answered clearly. “I will. We’ll meet you guys there in about twenty minutes, okay?”

“Fine,” James replied, clearly pissed off.

“That sounds great, Emma,” Batey said, sweeping down to kiss her cheek.

“Are they always like that?” Catherine asked after the boys had wandered away.

“Always,” Emma confirmed. “Andy, you have to keep an eye on him, he is a heart-breaker, but he’s a good person. He doesn’t even understand his own attractiveness and charm. But James is… he’s…. just stay away from James.”

“Okay,” Catherine smiled. She felt very lucky that a girl as sweet as Emma was taking such an interest in her so quickly.

-----

A group from the play had already conglomerated by the time Emma and Catherine arrived at Karma. John was standing on a chair, a guitar wrapped around him as he sang and played.

“You don’t really love that guy you make it with, now do you…” While his voice wasn’t as strong as Batey or James’s, it was quite beautiful. He also exuded a quality that stated that he wasn’t self-confident, but that he would do anything to make people believe that he was.

“John has been one of my best friends since fifth grade,” Emma confided as she and Catherine approached the coffee bar. “He can be abrupt and insulting and abrasive… but he’s got the biggest heart in the world.” Catherine felt like Emma was protecting him, despite the fact that Catherine hadn’t said one word against him so far. “He just… he got beaten up a lot when we were younger,” she continued defensively. “So now he constantly feels like he has to… I don’t know, prove that he’s not afraid to be himself.”

Glancing up at the boy singing with over-exaggerated expressions on his face, Catherine immediately liked him. He seemed to be putting himself on the line for absolutely no reason, and that was the exact opposite of how Catherine was now. But she liked his moxy, his guts.

“So here are the two most beautiful girls in our school,” Batey approached the girls, putting an arm around Emma’s waist. “I wasn’t sure if you two would show.”

“What is this?” Emma smiled at him. “An episode of Sweet Valley High?”

Barely having said anything all afternoon, Catherine had instead enjoyed making observations. It was clear to her that her new friend Emma had a crush on Batey, but that she never thought that he’d feel the same way about her. It might be true, because, in turn, Batey, a strikingly handsome guy, seemed to know he was attractive but not take it seriously; he seemed more content to flirt innocently with sweet girls like Emma than with the beautiful but generally stuck-up girls that would likely be interested in him.

On the other hand, John, demanding attention from the small crowd at the coffee shop, seemed to think very little of himself, yet wanted people to believe he had all the confidence in the world. And finally, James, who had taken a moment’s opportunity to move closer to Catherine, seemed like a typical hot guy looking for action.

After they had ordered their drinks, the foursome sat down at a table and looked at John. There really was no other option; he was demanding attention, this time bursting out in a song Catherine wasn’t familiar with. “That kid is so annoying,” James said, shaking his head.

“I like him,” Batey replied, smiling. “He’s got balls.”

“Whatever,” James replied, picking up his coffee and looking at Catherine with a smile. “So you’re from New York?”

“Not the City,” Catherine answered. “Long Island.”

“Say coffee…” James urged, pulling at Catherine’s nerves. That was the most continuous request she’d gotten since she’d moved there.

“Caw-fee,” she replied with a smile, not wanting to cause a stir. “Yeah, I know, I sound like a dork.”

“I think you sound sexy,” James replied with a grin. As much as Emma had warned her about him, Catherine couldn’t help but notice how deep blue his eyes were and how sexy his smile was.

“So you’re a junior?” Batey asked, noticing the hostile glare Emma was giving James as he flirted with Catherine.

“Yeah, I turned seventeen last month,” Catherine answered.

Catherine, Emma and Batey all began talking easily about the differences between Long Island and northern Virginia. After about fifteen minutes, James stood up, looking frustrated. “I need a smoke,” he said. “I don’t suppose you smoke,” he asked sarcastically, looking at Catherine. He was obviously annoyed that she had been more interested in the conversation and John’s performance than what he had to say.

“Actually,” Catherine admitted, blushing. “I do.” She looked at Emma, hoping she wouldn’t be judged for this vice.

“Half of theater does,” Emma shrugged. “Batey included. Go have one. You too, Andy.”

“No,” Batey smiled, putting his hand on Emma’s on the table and making her blush. “I’ll wait. I’d much rather spend a few minutes alone with you.”

“Great,” James rose, looking content with the way this was turning out. “Come on, Cath, let’s smoke.”

Looking questioningly at Emma, Catherine just raised her shoulders. She grabbed her jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders, following James outside.

Once they were out of the coffee house, Catherine pulled out a cigarette and put it in her mouth. “Here,” James offered, his voice much more content than it had been when they were inside. “Let me light that.”

Accepting the offer, Catherine smiled at James. She suddenly realized why she thought he was so attractive. He looked very much like a preppy version of her ex-boyfriend, Marcus. She was so taken aback by the realization, she didn’t know what to say next.

“Sorry this place sucks so much,” James began, leaning against the building and taking a deep drag of the cigarette. “Bates and I have been best friends since kindergarten, but I don’t get why he likes coming here. It’s like loser central.”

“I like it,” Catherine told him, taking a drag of her own cigarette. She had been dying for one all day, but she’d been afraid to sneak it at any point. She had no urge to get in trouble at this school. “Everyone seems really nice.”

“You know,” James continued, a little nervousness showing in his voice. “I did notice you before today. At lunch, last week. You were in front of me in line, and you barely got anything.” He gave a quick glance at her body. “Guess that’s how you stay so thin.”

Feeling invaded suddenly, Catherine gave James a cold look. “I’m not big on lunch,” she replied. “But I eat – a lot, actually.”

“I wasn’t making any judgments,” James said soothingly, giving her a smile. “I think you look good – very good. I just wanted you to know I noticed you.”

So James wasn’t just like Marcus in appearance; they also shared a love of cheesy pick-up lines. And Catherine seemed to also have a weakness for both of them. Despite Emma’s warnings, Catherine couldn’t help but be attracted to James’s unapologetic confidence – just like with Marcus.

“So what do you think of our school so far?” James finally turned the conversation back to Catherine, who seemed almost startled.

“Um, well,” Catherine began, trying to clear her head of the ways that James reminded her of Marcus. “Well, Emma seems nice.”

“Emma hates me,” James said quickly. “I don’t know why. I’m always nice to her. So, I guess if you’re friends with her, you wouldn’t be interested in going out with me on Friday night, huh?” Biting his lip, James gave Catherine a seldom-seen look of uneasiness. “I mean, just us, dinner and shit…”

I promised that I wasn’t going to date this year, Catherine reminded herself. But, in truth, she had noticed James last week during lunch as well. His midnight-blue eyes and cocky smile were hard to ignore, not even figuring in the complications of how his resemblance to Marcus turned her on.

“Well,” Catherine said, trying to retain some dignity by putting on a sarcastic edge. “I might consider it, if you were to, say, be really nice to Emma for the rest of the night.”

“Done,” James said, before the words had finished coming out of Emma’s mouth. He gave her an easy, relaxed grin. “Awesome. We’ll have fun, I promise.”

As Catherine finished her cigarette, a knot started forming in her stomach. I shouldn’t have made this date, she told herself. There was no way her parents could meet James, that was for sure; they’d notice the resemblance immediately. Additionally, she had told herself she wasn’t going to date this year. But looking at James’s beautiful profile, she melted. What harm could one date do?

Back inside, James was true to his word. He was nice to Emma, even when she was difficult, without being patronizing. Around nine o’clock, when Catherine admitted that she had promised her parents she’d be home early, James looked at Emma with a sincere expression. “I’d like to drive Catherine home,” he said simply, causing Catherine to blush and look down into her hands. “But only if it’s okay with you, Emma…”

Taken aback by James’s change in demeanor during the evening, Emma looked at Batey. “So,” she asked shyly. “If he drives Catherine home, will you need a ride?”

“I guess so,” Batey replied with a grin, taking no notice of changes in anybody’s voices or demeanors. “If you could drive me, Em, I’d owe you.”

Feeling her heart break a little for Emma, Catherine almost hated Batey. He had no idea what power he had over the girl sitting across from him. Glancing over at James, though, Catherine couldn’t help but grin a little. He looked very excited by the prospect of just driving her home.

“Okay, so I’ll see you tomorrow after school?” Emma asked. Earlier in the evening, she had invited Catherine to join her and a few friends on an excursion to a nearby park.

“Absolutely,” Catherine replied with a smile. She rose and began to reach for her jacket, but James grabbed it before she could and helped her put it on.

“Goodnight,” Catherine waved to Emma and Batey. As she and James headed towards the door, though, Catherine paused. John was singing again, and she knew that somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew the lyrics.

“This is incredible, starving, insatiable, yes, this is love for the first time.” Catherine’s eyes got glassy listening to the words. “Well, you\'d like to think that you were invincible. Yeah, well weren\'t we all once before we felt loss for the first time? Well this is the last time.” Taking a deep breath, she willed her tears away before turning to James and giving him a watery smile.

“Ready?” James asked nervously, seeing Catherine’s expression change.

“Yeah,” Catherine nodded. “Totally.”

-----

Pulling up outside Catherine’s house, James turned off the engine and turned to her. “I’m really glad you agreed to go out with me on Friday,” he smiled.

“It should be fun,” Catherine agreed nervously.

“You know, you really are beautiful,” James said.

Blushing, Catherine looked down at her hands. “Thanks,” she finally forced out. But suddenly, she felt James leaning towards her. Without warning, Catherine laughed out loud. “Not going to happen,” she said firmly.

Taken aback, James leaned into the driver’s seat. “So I can’t kiss you?”

“Not without an invitation,” Catherine said softly but firmly, forcing herself to look into James’s eyes. “Emma’s not the first person to warn me about you,” she explained. “This date might not be the best idea, actually-”

“No,” James cut her off. “No kiss. That’s fair. I’m cool with that. But let’s keep the date…” As Catherine studied him, he seemed to be telling the truth. Of course, so had Marcus last year…

“I… I go out with a lot of girls,” James interrupted her thoughts. “And I like it that way. I’m not the type of guy that is going to pretend I can promise the world to get you into bed, and then bail….”

Okay, so he’s not exactly like Marcus, Catherine thought, her cheeks growing warm. “So why do girls like Emma hate you so much?” Catherine finally got up the nerve to ask.

“Because… I can be a dick,” James admitted, and Catherine thought she saw a little blush rise into his cheeks. “Because I date girls, tell them I’m not into a relationship, sleep with them, and then don’t feel bad when they expected more.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Catherine asked suddenly. James seemed as if he was being completely honest with her, but she wasn’t sure what his angle was. Did he think admitting he fucked girls and ditched them would make her like him?

“Because… because… I don’t know,” James finally told her. “I guess because I haven’t liked myself recently, and you… you’re new and you don’t know me… and, I don’t know, maybe I feel like I can redeem myself with someone new.”

Nodding as she took that in, Catherine smiled. “Well, it’s one of two things,” she told him. “Either, you’re feeling guilty for fucking girls over in the past, like you said or… or you’re just as good an actor off stage as on.”

Taken aback by this quiet girl’s frankness, James laughed. “I guess so. I guess it’s one or the other.”

“So which is it?” Catherine grinned. “I mean, I’d love to know before I actually commit to this date.”

Looking into Catherine’s hazel eyes, James just shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he said, sounding sincere. “I honestly don’t know.” He paused momentarily. “Are you still willing to risk it?”

“Well….” Catherine said, wrinkling her nose. “I don’t know.” As James’s expression began to look nervous, she suddenly leaned over in the seat and pressed her lips against his. Both people were obviously experience in this department, and as Catherine’s mouth opened invitingly, James quickly let his tongue wander in to massage hers. His hand went to her shoulder, massaging it hard, and he nipped at her bottom lip several times before they finally pulled apart.

“So does this mean you don’t think I’m going to use you?” James asked, his expression a cross between amusement and bewilderment.

“You’ve forgotten,” Catherine said haughtily, laughing. “You don’t know me. I might be the one toying with you.” With that, she leaned over and opened the car door. Climbing out, she looked at James one last time.

“That’s very possible,” James smirked at her as she closed the door and walked up the steps toward her house.