LacriMimoza

LacriMimoza

Author: Ebraheart
Warning(s): Language, gang violence, fluff/lime...mentions of drug use...that’s about it!

Ebra: Sorry for pooddling about with the whole updating thing...took me a while to get up and going again (writer\'s block...) Note to all readers: Both Ebraheart\'s are me...but I can\'t remember the password for the other one and I can\'t be bothered to bother the Admin. for the old one...-_-. As long as I can update and write, it\'s cool. Sorry again for being slow. This is a massive chapter...enjoy! ^_^


~!@!

Chap.4: This Time Tomorrow

~!@!~

{Ike}

I roll over and bump into Zonne for the hundredth time that night and he mumbles in his sleep. I doubt he’ll be up for at least another hour or so since it’s about six in the morning and it’s a Saturday. I stay still when Barzonne’s arm (which is currently wrapped around my bare waist) slides further up and his fingertips rest against my lower spine. I try not to squirm and wake him up but this hand on my body thing was kind of going to my head. I sighed as quietly as I could and reflected on some things I was a little preoccupied with.

One of these things was the fact that I was a little worried about possibly losing my voice in the near future. My throat hurt a little lately and talking sometimes was a little harder than it should be. My family doctor once told me that people who are deaf are usually ‘dumb’ too. So, I can’t hear and I might not be able to talk either. The idea of getting shut off from the people around me like that made me worry. I already felt that it was hard enough as it was, not being able to hear everyone...it would only get worse if I got mute too...

I curled up against Zonne and pressed the length of my body to his. I was always aware of the fact that I was taller than he was but when we were sleeping together, that advantage in height disappeared. I liked it better that way anyway because I liked to sleep close, my head on his shoulder and his chin on my head. I felt secure sleeping like that...somehow. I wondered what we were going to do today since it was Saturday and everything...I had a few things I needed to get done...like dye my hair again. I wondered if I should dye it some other color besides brown. I decided to ask Zonne about it when he got up and contentedly rubbed my nose against his neck. I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep...

~!@!~

When I opened my eyes again, it was morning...or at least it was later than it had been when I first woke up. The sun was streaming it thru the open window and Barzonne was gone. I rolled over onto my back and ignored the way the sheets tangled around my bare hips and legs. It was going to be hell to get out of here...Sighing; I sat up against the headboard and rubbed at my eyes. Seeing that Barzonne was nowhere around, I reached over the side of the bed and groped for my jacket. It was slightly rumpled but I still managed to fish out the glasses case sitting inside the interior pocket. I opened the case carefully and my glasses fell out onto my lap. I picked them up and made sure they were clean before perching them on the end of my nose. I glanced around and realized that I could see everything more clearly. I didn’t need glasses for everything but saw more clearly with them on. I’m nearsighted so I can’t see stuff that’s far away too clearly.

When I was about to risk getting out of bed, the door slides open and two pairs of gold eyes identical to Barzonne’s peer in at me. I smile sheepishly, “Hey guys, good morning...”

This seems to be all the invitation they need because Susy, with Sarnetto in tow, walk into the room and carefully shut the door behind themselves. I grin crookedly at them and Susy laughs and crawls right into bed with me, oblivious to my state of undress. Sarnetto stands near the foot of the bed and eyes me. Susy curls up in my lap, “Big brother said you was sleeping...”

I shrugged, “I’m not now”

Susy nods and turns to her brother, “Netto, are you gonna give it to him or not?”

The nickname didn’t suit the serious looking boy at the foot of the bed but he only shrugged then nodded slightly. Still not crawling into the bed, the nine year old walked around and hoisted himself up onto the edge. Turning to face me solemnly, Sarnetto held out a closed hand, palm down, as if offering me something. I hesitated before reaching out and placing my own hand, palm up, underneath his. Sarnetto slowly uncurls his fingers and a small, thin golden chain trickles into my hand. There is a small silver cross on the end and it looks to be, despite its thinness, to be an expensive piece of personal jewelry. I stare at its simple design and shake my head when I realize that it’s being given to me, “I can’t accept this”

Susy pouts and Sarnetto’s eyes narrow, “Yeah, you can...”

I was going to apologize and return it but Sarnetto shook his head stubbornly, “ Susy says big brother is always worrying about you. That cross was a present I got from Nana. Nana says that it’s blessed with the Holy Spirit and will keep anyone who wears it safe...” he then hoped off the bed and walked towards the door. When he reached it, he ducked out and popped his head back in at the last minute, “Don’t make my special people worry...just wear it...” and just like that the door shuts and Sarnetto is gone. For a nine year old, he’s very bossy. I grin thoughtfully and Susy plucks my glasses off my face.

She almost puts them on before I notice. Taking them gently from her and slipping them back on I look at her over the rims, “Glasses aren’t good for people who don’t need them”

I mock scowl and Susy tries to pout at me but fails and starts laughing. I smile, “Nice try”

She bounced out of the bed and smiled at me from the door, “I’m gonna find big brother okay?”

I nod and she disappears. Taking this as my chance, I dive out of bed (and nearly trip and kill myself) while making a grab for my pants. I blush and frantically search the room with my eyes when I don’t see my boxers anywhere and flush a deep crimson when I remember what happened to them...Just then, Barzonne walks in on me standing half naked in the middle of the room, navy blue pants clutched to my chest, the sheets slowly slipping off my bare body and a strong blush coloring my cheeks. I, still clutching my pants, reach down and quickly draw the white sheet up and around my shoulders.

Zonne grins and playfully whistles, “See now...this is what I like”

I blush harder and don’t look him in the eyes. It’s only now that I remember just how drunk I had gotten last night and what kinds of things I had asked Zonne to do. I didn’t remember much of anything, especially about what we might have gotten around to actually doing, but it was slowly coming back to me now. I feel a hand lifting my chin and I look into warm, golden eyes, “Hey, what’s with that look?”

I shake my head and smile as best I can knowing full well that I’m still blushing full force, “Nothing...I was...uh, looking for my...um...” I trail off, too embarrassed to continue.

Zonne grins widely, “You can borrow one of mine, okay?”

I nod dumbly and Zonne kisses my nose before walking over to the dresser. I breathe a sigh of mild relief but jump when a pair of boxers lands on my head. I reach up and grab them, feeling a strangely silky material beneath my fingers and look at the pair of deep, slightly shimmery blue silk boxers. I stare at them incredulously but almost end up dropping the stupid things when two arms wrap securely around my waist, “They’d suit you better than me any day…keep ‘em”

I flushed and turned to look at Zonne over my shoulder, “Their silk…”

Zonne winked, “And definitely perfect for you”

I yelp when the hands around my waist slide thru the feeble barrier that the white sheet provided and rubbed slowly over my lower stomach…which, in my professional opinion, was a little too damn close to something else. I squirmed minutely, pressing back against Zonne to get away from those hands. I felt Zonne nuzzle the back of my neck and move lower until he had pushed the sheet down and was licking the hollow between my shoulders. I shivered, “Zon~ne…”

He laughed darkly and a hand slid over my stomach and rubbed at my hip, “Relax…just havin’ a bit of fun…it’s not like I’m gonna eat ya or anythin’”

I grin and resist the urge to play along. I pull out of his arms and clutch the sheet around myself, “Cut it out! I just got up…”

Zonne doesn’t seem to be actually listening to me but his eyes are roaming the length of my body. I shiver. It’s almost as though he can see my body clearly even with the sheet covering the more private parts. He grins again and walks calmly towards me. I ‘eep’ and move away quickly. Knowing that he’ll catch me doesn’t mean I have to make it easy. I move around until I’m closer to the doorway and Zonne is closer back against the bed. He sighs, exasperated and sits down on the bed. I eye him and slyly smile at him when he glares at me, “C’mere…”

I blink slowly at him but don’t move. Zonne looked at me pleadingly, “Please?”

That was my undoing. I really am too easy. Not wanting to see Zonne pouting, even if it wasn’t real, I moved into the circle of his arms. He grinned and pulled me close, wrapping strong arms around me again and pressing his face into my stomach. I make a soft sound and he glances up at me, “You smell really nice…”

I smile and reach out to tap on his nose with my finger, “Thanks…though I’m pretty sure I’d smell better after a shower…”

Zonne nodded and leaned back, bringing me down on him and into his lap, “Gotcha…uh, you sure you wouldn’t want some company?”

I redden and shake my head, “Maybe if you’re good I can arrange something…”

Barzonne’s eyes narrow and he shakes his head, “Not good enough…guess I’ll have to get what I want on my own…”

I don’t have time to anything before he yanks me down and kisses me fiercely. I’m instantly submissive and open my mouth instinctually when his tongue slides slowly over my lower lip. He leans further down and away from me but I automatically follow him. His hands reach up and twine with mine… that turns out to be a bit of a bad thing because those hands of mine were previously occupied with keeping my body covered with the sheet. I got distracted though when Zonne bit my tongue to get my attention and sucked on it to sooth the small pang of pain. I felt myself melting into the gentle kiss and didn’t really notice when warm, chocolate brown hands untangle themselves from my own and slid up my bare arms, rubbed my shoulders for a minute and then slid down to fit into the ridges were my ribs were. I gasped lightly when I felt his leg come up between my own and blush furiously when his knee rubbed my bare arousal.

Zonne stopped long enough to give me a cheeky grin before rubbing his knee up against me again. I feel a faint treble work its way thru my body and I don’t feel as if my arms will hold me up any longer so I lean down and brace my hands on Zonne’s shoulders and press my forehead to his. My eyes are clenched shut but I know Zonne is looking at me. I feel it. If anything, it makes me blush harder, but then again I doubt I can get any redder seeing as how the slightest thing makes me go pink. The hands that were cradled around my chest slide lower and steadily down over my stomach. One hand stays on my hip, the right one I realize in an odd moment of sudden clarity/coherency, and the left one gently takes a hold of me. I bite down on the collar of Zonne’s shirt to keep from moaning out loud. I was really really out of it right now but there was enough common sense still present and it persistently reminded me that there were kids in the apartment and they might…hear.

God, I’d really die if they did…

Zonne seemed to think this was amusing because he kissed my cheek, his lips trailing over my high cheekbones and curling downwards to trail over my jaw and down my neck, and laughs against my skin when I muffle another deep moan. I’m too into this to get irritated in the least. Thinking that I needed to hurry this along before I exploded, I decided to let Zonne have a little taste of his own medicine. Leaning further into his hand and his body, and press my face into his neck and the next deep throated moan I let loose reverberates against his throat. I know I had scored points when he shivered beneath me. Feeling oddly bold (trust me, I never get this bold!) I rub up against him, my hands cradling his head and initiate a deep kiss. I nip at his lips and teasingly pull away when he goes to kiss back properly.

My revenge is short lived though because he suddenly is rubbing faster. I start panting and that doesn’t seem to be enough to get the air I need into my lungs…His hand is so warm against my sensitive skin and I wonder how I could have ever lived without this…without him. The pressure coils in the pit of my stomach and my breath is coming shorter and shorter no matter how hard I try to force air into my now starving lungs. Shutting my eyes tightly, I let him do what he wants with me and I can only muffle a near scream when it finally all comes to an end. My body shivers for a thousand years and a second. My breath gradually slows and I realize that I collapsed on Zonne. He doesn’t seem to mind that I’m probably crushing him…

“You are so damn cute…”, Zonne murmurs to me quietly.

I blush at the compliment and it reaches my shoulders when, at the same instant, I realize that there is a whole lot of sticky something plastering Zonne and I together, “Uh…sorry…I really need a shower now…”

Zonne laughs, “Don’t worry about it…side’s, now I have an excuse to get into the shower with ya…”

I grin slightly, “No way. You got yours this morning. I want my fifteen minutes of privacy…”

Zonne chuckles lightly and runs a hand thru my damp dirty blond hair. I lean into the touch and it feels so nice, even for being such a simple caress. He plucks my glasses off my nose (which I had totally forgotten I was wearing) and puts them on. He grinned like the king of the world, “Fine, fine…get your damn privacy, but hurry the hell up. I gotta clean up too ya know…”

I stare at him instead. My glasses, to me, have always been plain. On Barzonne right now? They looked brilliant. They were simple whole-rim glasses but had a unique pattern my mom picked out for me. The lenses were very thin and the frame was stripped methodically with white, baby blue, navy blue, and black. It was nice altogether, but like I said before, after seeing them on Barzonne…that was when I really got to like them. I stared until it got me licked on the nose, which had the not so nice effect of partially scaring me and making Barzonne laugh his ass off. Disgruntled, I sit up and wrap the sheets around myself, “Alright you, point me in the direction of the bathroom and I’m gone…”

Zonne eyes me in a way that makes me think he wouldn’t mind an encore, “You sure ya don’t want company?”

I blush furiously, “What did I just say?! Fifteen minutes of privacy!”

He bites his lower lip in an attempt to stop laughing but it’s no use. I glare at him until he vaguely motions to the world outside this bedroom, “Second door on the right…”

I huff and make a production of stomping out, only stopping long enough to grab my clothes before, dramatically shutting the door behind myself. Once outside, I look down the empty hallway and take a minute to lean against the door and smile to myself. I really did love him…

Snapping out of my reverie, I glance around again before dashing to the bathroom. I was, my conscience reminded me disapprovingly, still in a state of undress that was very inappropriate for my current surroundings.
Grinning foolishly once I had locked myself in the bathroom (I only locked the door because Zonne was likely to come in even if I told him expressedly
Not to), I started the shower and stood, letting the water slide over my body. I ran a hand thru my hair deciding then that I would let Barzonne chose what color I should dye it now. As I lowered my arm, I caught site of those peculiar criss cross scars that cover my wrist. I starred at them sadly for a moment…if I hadn’t survived that time, I would never have met Barzonne. I also decided that I needed to let Zonne know everything there was to know about me…I owe it to him. He’s the other half of my heart…he’ll understand.

Feeling oddly nostalgic (but it a good way) I continued my shower, immersing myself in the feeling of muscles relaxing under the hot water. I was turning pink too, but that didn’t bother me right now…

~!@!~

{Barzonne}

I cleaned up pretty damn fast and hurried into the kitchen when my mom called me. She had one of her free days off and was home for the day. Mom eyes me suspiciously but with a faint smile on her lips, “I thought you were going to get Ike to come for breakfast…not prevent him…”

I grinned crookedly and shrugged, “Got a little preoccupied…”

Mom laughed knowingly, “Yes, dear, I’m sure you did…”

I really loved my mom. She was really a chill lady. When I came out and told her about Ikey and I, she took it very well and encouraged it as long as we didn’t take it too far too fast and all that other crap. I was kinda relieved to tell the truth. I’ve been dying to tell absolutely every freakin’ person I know that Ikey’s mine but someone somethin’ tells me he isn’t ready to be monopolized like that. I can live with that though. He trusts me and he’s always careful in everything he does. I was glad to see that he wasn’t so embarrassed and uptight as I thought he was gonna be.

I stirred the pancake mix and was already making them when Ikey wanders in, hair still wet and with my four rugrats trailing after him. He’s smiling so much and his eyes look so warm. It’s a big change from the quiet, introvert I had met at the hospital not so long ago. My mom set the plates and I served everyone. We ate mostly in silence (when I mean silence though, it’s cause those damn brats my mom calls her ‘babies’ are chatting bout anything and everything under the god-forsaken sun! Ikey’s real smart and he seems to be able to explain certain things real clear) and I didn’t really get a chance to talk to him.

Breakfast was over pretty fast and my mom said she’d take the kids down to Miss Loretta’s while she went shopping. Me ’n Ikey were free to do what we wanted…after we cleaned up the kitchen. That was fine with me. Ikey and I worked in this odd sorta ‘comfortable’ silence if you can even call it that. It wasn’t bad but I could feel that there was somethin’ Ikey wanted to ask me.

I pinched his ass when he wasn’t looking and nearly die laughing when he almost dropped half the dishes we owned. I mean, holy shit! I really love this kid…

He glared at me, “Does it say ‘Public Property’ anywhere on my bum?”

I grinned, “Bum?”

Ikey looked at me thoughtfully, “I like that better then saying ass…sounds more…dunno, civilized?”

I grinned, “Okay, ‘bum’ it is, and no, it don’t say ‘Public’, it says ‘B-Zonne’s’…”

I ducked when he tossed a sopping wet dishtowel at me. I stopped laughing long enough to see that Ikey was a bit preoccupied, “Hey, I’m sorry, alright? I was jus’ teasing”

Ikey looks up at me, blue eyes murky, “Oh, it’s not that. I was just thinking that I needed to talk to you later about something…remind me if I forget to, okay?”

I frown at his serious tone of voice but comply, “Sure…”

Ikey suddenly perks up, “Hey, I wanted to ask you what color I should dye my hair…I wanted you to, um…pick, if it’s alright with you…I mean…”

I eye his attractive dirty blond hair and laugh, “Why you wanna dye it? It looks fine the way it is now…”

Ikey doesn’t seem to agree with me, “But I really look gay with blond hair…really, I’m not kidding…”

I muffle a laugh and Ikey looks at me with big, hurt looking puppy dog eyes. I smile softly at him, “Okay…okay. Just don’t use the look…if I really had to pick though, I’d say…” I pause for dramatic effect.

Ikey nods and I continue, “…Probably black…”

Ikey’s shoulders slump. I try to look as scandalized as possible, “What?!”

Ikey’s head snaps up and he smiles at me nervously, twisting the dishtowel he picked out of the drawer in his hands, “Well, I doubt I’d look good with black hair…”

I knew I must have been giving him the weirdest look because he trails off into silence. I shake my head, “Trust me on this, I spent at least an hour starring at you this morning and I honestly wasn’t doin’ it cause you’re funny lookin’…anything would look good on you. Sides, “ I add, smiling secretively, “…you’d look hot with black hair…”

Ikey turns that very fetching shade of red-pink and I have to resist the overpowering urge I have to just jump his pretty bones, right here, right now, on the damn kitchen floor…Anyway, I promised myself that he had to be as ready as he was ever going to be before I actually went ahead and did anything. Ikey, seemingly happy, went back to stacking the dishes. I watched him work for a moment and know that, even though others may look at him and want him, he’s totally mine. I inwardly smacked myself for getting lovey-dovey and got back to cleaning up…

It was time’s like these that I forgot all about Harlem and our problems and the only thing that became important was his presence, his warmth…him being close, sharing what little he had with me…I felt so happy sometimes that it made me want to look at the world outside and hope that everyone was as happy as I was…this kind of happiness was so unreal…so breakable, but at the same time, so very strong…

~!@!~

{Alice}

I curled into the pillow I was sleeping on and buried my head underneath the covers. It smelled like flowers in here, which was odd because my room didn’t usually smell like flowers. I blinked bleary eyes and stared at the dark blue, almost black sheets I was lying on, and shut my eyes again sleepily. That was funny too; my sheets were gold/yellow right now…I smiled into the warmth and almost fell back asleep when I realize one very freaking important thing. THIS ISN’T MY FUCKING ROOM! I sit up straight and stare around the completely unfamiliar room. In a moment of panic I check under the covers and realize that I’ve got all my Friday nightclothes on.

Once the initial shook wears down, I start cursing: colorfully and worse then any damn sailor ever to sail a freakin’ sea. By the time I actually start winding down, I start thinking clearly and noticing key things about the room. One, it was fucking gigantic…and I thought I had money…second, was that it was lined with posters, pictures and trophies…which is typical for a girl’s room (why did I wanna think this was a girl’s room?) but the last thing, and probably the most shocking, was when I glanced over at the night table, and there was a picture of Clyde. In the background though, I was walking by.

I realized that last night…Clyde and I…OH MY FUCKING GOD! I’M FREAKING GAY! I calm down and stare at the me in the picture and grimace. Wow, I look friggin’ flaming…
I sigh and snuggled into the bed some more, “WHY didn’t anyone tell me?!” I wailed plaintively to no one in particular

“Tell you what?”

I jump about three feet into the air. Clyde is standing at the doorway, a food tray in hand and a robe in the other. I glare for all I’m worth, “FUCK! You scared the SHIT outta me!”

Clyde grins secretively and walks in, shutting the door behind himself, “Well, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger right?”

I growl under my breath, “Fuck you…” I only half mean it though.

Clyde grins mischievously, “Ah…so you remember?”

I paled, “What? Remember what?”

Clyde smiled coyly, setting the tray in my lap, “Fucking…me…”

His voice is low and makes me shiver…but then the words are sinking in and I’m off the bend again, “ARE YOU FUCING KIDDING ME?! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT END TO STICK IT IN WITH A GUY!”

Clyde collapses into another one of his giggle fits and I glare at him until he stops, “I’m…really, gah…sorry…I was just…(dissolves into giggles)…teasing…”

I frown and pout, “Then what am I doing here?”

Clyde straightens up, slides into bed smoothly and sits close to me. His dark eyes study me for a minute and I start to blush under that look. Clyde hesitates before asking me in a real soft voice, “You don’t remember last night do you?”

Now, I’ve see this kinda shit happen all the time in soap operas. When the girl goes and asks the guy that…means they did the nasty and she’s pregnant. In this case though, I didn’t have sex with him (THANK GOD…I doubt I’ll ever be mature enough to have any kind of sex) and I didn’t get into any kind of trouble as far as I can tell. I was going to answer but I concentrated instead on the breakfast Clyde brought me.

A delicate looking soup and tea.

Very healthy...

I usually have toaster strudel or something equally prone to cause the oh so wonderful effect known as ‘sugar-high’…

The longer I stare at the tea though, the more I seem to remember. Like the fact that I was chilling at the club like I like to…hung around the bar…met Clyde there…(this is were it gets iffy…or should I say ugly?)…I got drunk pretty freakin’ fast…I dirty danced with Clyde…made out with him in some obscure corner of the night club…and told him thinks that I would never have said had I been…sane…or not drunk outta my mind…

Realizing that I may have said things that I wouldn’t have normally said (which is so fucking likely when taking into account my big freakin’ mouth and my loose tongue…and the fact that I can’t hold alcohol at all…) I had caused something odd to develop between Clyde and I.

I starred at him hard for a second. Orange hair with black roots, light skin and deep, soulful dark eyes…a distinct nose and smooth skin…I had to admit (even though the inner me was currently freaking out over the whole: “I’m into girls, right?” thing…) he was really very pretty.

Really easy on the eyes.

I grin crookedly, “Yeah, I remember…”

Clyde seems relieved, “Well, alright…”

Silence falls heavily between us and Clyde starts to fidget, “I’ll go…”

He doesn’t even finish his sentence because I already hauled into bed and under the covers with me. I don’t look at him but start eating my breakfast. Clyde giggles, a slight sound, that makes me wanna look over…so I do. He’s smiling very softly at me and I can feel my cheeks coloring, “What?”

Clyde winked, “Nothing…nothing at all”

I didn’t question him further and ate quietly. I already looked like an ass as it was, might as well not get myself into any more trouble…

~!@!~

{Ike}

We went out a little later and got the hair dye for me. I was still a little apprehensive about getting my hair dyed black but Zonne insisted so what was I supposed to do? We got back and went ahead and dyed it, I kept my eyes closed the entire time. I was too worried about what I looked like to peek. Right now, we had just finished and Barzonne was drying out my hair with the blow dryer. It was the last step and then my hair would be done…and I’d have to look…

“Okay, turn this way…”

I do and Zonne runs a hand thru my hair, “Man you gotta see this…”

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to but I was also confident that Zonne had done a good job. He’d not only dyed my hair but also trimmed and styled it for me. He told me that he ended up doing his community service in grade ten at a local barbershop owned by a bunch of women. He learned a lot of different things there including braiding. I open my eyes and I swear my jaw drops.

I don’t really look like myself anymore. My hair is jet black and not even the roots are visible. The bangs I had grown out are still hanging in front of my eyes but the sides and trimmed and cut in distinct layers. Zonne put gel in my hair before and styled it so that the individual layers all spiked their own way. Turning to look at my back in the mirror, I see that Zonne left them their original length but trimmed and spiked it back there too. The hair reaches the base of my neck and stops neatly. The hair completely changes my face. I was pale before but the hair made me look even paler…which actually wasn’t a bad thing. It also brought attention to my eyes… which looked like wide blue pools of emotion and the faint freckles at the corner of my eyes stand out noticeably.

Zonne smiled at me in the mirror, “I’m good or what?”

I grinned and pounced on him, “Thank you!”

He laughed and rubbed my cheek with his knuckles, “You’ll just have to pay me back somehow…”

I blinked and smiled slowly, “I guess I will…”

Zonne’s eyes were darker then I’d ever seen them and it made me wonder if he had the type of eyes that changed with his mood. He snickers though and starts laughing loudly, which had the effect of totally destroying the golden moment. I pout at him and pinch is cheek, “What?!”

Zonne just whirls me around to look at my reflection in the mirror. There is this one strand of dark hair stinking straight up. I mean not straight but it sure was pretty noticeable. I take the comb and brush it out and destroy the layered spikes in the process. My hair becomes soft and wispy, falling around my face. Zonne’s looking at me oddly and I blush, “What? You probably didn’t put enough gel in anyway…” When he doesn’t answer, I grin sheepishly, “ Sorry I killed the spikes…”

Zonne smiled slowly and just shrugged, “You look better like that anyway…”

I paused, eyes searching his face, before pouncing on him again, “Why are you so nice to me?”

It wasn’t a question and I’m pretty sure that the way I said it didn’t sound like it was either but Zonne answered all the same, “Cause your mine…and I don’t mind taking’ care of ya…”

I’ve noticed that slowly but surely, Zonne had changed me. I didn’t feel like keeping all my secrets to myself or hiding them in the bottom of my heart…I wanted to share even my silliest thoughts with him. I wanted him to know me so well that it would be like we had always been together and he knew everything about me until we understood each other without needing words. Of course I was being stupid, but that was what I really truly wanted. Complete understanding…no barriers…and above all, never any fights or misunderstandings. It was a lot to ask for but I figured that I had a while to do something about it.

I think though, that I should let my parents know about us…tell Alice more about it…not be so scared to let people know…Just because people were prejudiced’ it shouldn’t stop me from holding Zonne’s hand or kissing his cheek. I was becoming someone who liked the world because I found something in it that had made me happier than I had ever been. I started to hate myself less…and like the things that Zonne liked about me…I stopped hating things that I didn’t understand…because Zonne could explain them to me…I stopped wanting to punish myself by pushing people away and being introverted…because Zonne wouldn’t let me.

I realized that my self-damaging attitude was soon to disappear forever and leave this new person that I am becoming in its place…and the idea didn’t seem like at bad one.

Not bad at all…

~!@!~

{Barzonne}

Ikey was all excited and wanted us to go crash over at his house. He said his dad wasn’t gonna be there but his mom might be. He was in such a freakin rush that I almost forgot to lock my front door. He seemed a heck of a lot happier after I dyed his hair. He really did look hot with black hair…

We took the elevator down to the lobby and Ikey grabbed my hand the second we were outside. I wasn’t gonna complain, but I knew that people would find it odd that we were holding hands and walking so damn close. I was just a little worried about meeting Ikey’s mom but he was just so excited I figured I’d just go with it. I dressed up before leaving and was wearing a dark green hoodie with long sleeves under my favorite black jacket. Like most of my other jackets, it’s faux-fur lined and puffy. My pants are black and I’m wearing my black and white air force ones. I felt a little childish walking next ta Ikey since I’m so damn small. I never really cared about it before and I still didn’t but…fuck, this guy’s has gotta be at least a whole foot taller!

I got cold even after we entered the subway tunnel and zipped up my coat and pulled my big hood on. I musta’ looked bout fifteen when I do that but I’m cold, so screw appearances. I felt safe walking thru the huge crowds with Ikey. I haven’t let him know yet, but I’m seriously claustrophobic.
Were talking about every little thing from being in my room alone for too freakin’ long all the way to not being able to go to those nasty public bathrooms. I’d start freakin’ out and having trouble breathing. It doesn’t even need to be said how embarrassing it is for anyone to see me hyperventilate when I’m feeling trapped.

We board the subway and sit in the back. I like it there the most cause people who wanna stare gotta crane their necks and turn ‘round to look at you. Which is fun cause you have time to either ignore them completely or do something very obscene that will cause them to keep starring at you until people start to notice something is wrong. You stop doing whatever freaky shit you were doing a second later and the dumbass that was starring at ya looks like a shit…

Classic subway fun…

Ikey hasn’t let go of my hand yet and I curl my cold fingers around his warmer ones. How the hell he manages to stay warm in that flimsy thing he calls a jacket is beyond me…anyway, I let my head settle on Ikey’s shoulder and close my eyes.

~!@!~

{Alice}

I started at the mirror and wondered if hair gel had too big a role in my personal style. I had finished my breakfast and Clyde had ushered me into the bathroom so that I could shower and get dressed. Clyde is a whole hell of a lot smaller then I am but he still managed to dig out something for me to wear. I had showered and dressed a little afterwards. Clyde had given me this big tie-dye orange shirt with no sleeves and a pair of soft white jeans. Despite how dumb the clothes looked at first, I looked pretty damn good in them…currently; I was having a bit of a dilemma. Never, in the history of my entire freaking life, have I ever gone out in public without any hair gel in my hair. Styled and spiked was a must for me. Unfortunately for my demanding sense of style, Clyde doesn’t seem to have any hair gel. How the boy lives without the stuff is just too much of a frightening reality for my poor brain to phantom.

So, no hair gel and this mess I like to call my hair is wet and still clinging to my face. What the hell am I supposed to do with it? I mull over it for a minute and decide that there is only one thing to do. I grab a comb and brush it out carefully. The bangs are so long that they can touch the slight ridge of my nose. In the back, it’s a lot shorter though so I worry less about that. The sides are long too and brush my cheeks and my jaw. I tuck a few strands behind my ear and brush a few bangs outta my face but that’s about all I can do with it right now.

I sigh and look at my reflection. Not bad…but I really wish I had hair gel right now. Someone knocks lightly at the door, “Have you died in there?”

I don’t answer but yank the door open. Clyde looks a little startled but only blinks at me, “You look nice…”

I blow bangs out of my face with an exasperated breath and walk past him and back into the bedroom, “Thanks…”

Clyde followed me and plopped down on his bed while he watched me pace.

Arg! I needed to go home…I needed hair gel…I needed a nap…I glance over at Clyde and the red head is muffling a giggle in his pillow.

I glare at him, “WHAT THE FUCK IS SO DAMN FUNNY?!”

Clyde shakes his head and motions for me to come over, “Nothing…”

Irked, I walk over and collapse into bed with him…he stares down at me and I get the distinct impression he’s about to do something. I’m just the tiniest bit surprised when I’m the one who actually makes the first move. Sitting up, I lean into him and wrap my arms around his way smaller waist, “Your really small…”

Clyde blinks at me, eyes half lidded and downcast, “Yeah?”

I hum a mild response that I’m pretty sure he didn’t really hear and kiss him quick. He blinks, “That was fast…”

“Just checking to see if you’re still alive…” I mumble, leaning even closer.

I guess I did it partially out of curiosity and partly because I wanted to…but either way, I kissed him properly and decided that I did like it…maybe.

I pulled away and eyed Clyde, waiting for what he might say.

He eyed me much the same way but ended up laughing.

Scowling, I pout at him. Clyde stops laughing and reaches up to touch my face, “What is it? You look like something’s wrong…”

I turned my head away, “I should be kissing a girl…or maybe a certain pretty boy should’ve been a girl…”

Clyde’s hand lever left my body, it only slid behind my neck and turned my head back to where we could look at each other clearly, “ You’re prettier than I am anyway…”

I huff and Clyde starts laughing again, “Fuck you!”

Clyde muffles his dying laughter in my shoulder and slowly pulls away, eyes dark and downcast, “Go ahead…”

I stare at the top of his head, puzzled. Clyde grins cheekily and decides to explain what he meant in these following, most eloquent words, “Screw me…”

I pale and glower at him. He, ever the giggler, burst into warm laughter again. I can’t help but want to laugh too…it was funny because I think I was beginning to like this guy that should’ve been a girl. And that maybe, liking a guy wasn’t so damn bad. Maybe I even wanna try more than just kissing but unfortunately for me, the guy I wanna try it on is still laughing. Maybe I’m not mad though. I take one look at Clyde’s shaking shoulders and closed eyes with crinkles in the corners and only think that maybe I want to laugh too.

While I’m busy thinking all this, Clyde had time to calm down and leans over and plants a big wet kiss smack on my open mouth. Spluttering, I yank back and glare, “What the HELL is wrong with you!?”

Clyde smiles smugly, small dimples and secrecy wrapped into one, but quickly covers the look over by pretending to look offended, “Why are you so pissed? I’m hurt…”

I glower and growl, “Shut up, I’m not your play thing!” Pouting, I turn away and curl into the pillows.

I didn’t see when Clyde smiles warmly at my turned back.

~!@!~

{Barzonne}

I wake up right around the time that we actually hafta get off the subway. Ikey seems to be in a damn hurry and instead of complaining and being an ass, I tagged along obediently. The subway was packed which, as I mentioned before, is a hell of a problem for me. I hate crowds! Ike waded thru and cleared a kind of path for me and I actually made it out alive with both my sanity and all my valued body parts in tacked. Ike drags me down the street crowded with tall, three floor, apartment-house building whachamacallits, expensive cars in every driveway, and lawn ornaments that probably cost more than anything I’ve ever bought. Laughing cynically at my weird perception of the place (which was that only a bunch of snotty, pencil pushing, BMW driving, office freaks lived here…) I was content to keep my evil opinion to myself and concentrated on being worried about meeting Ikey’s mom instead…if she was there. (Let’s just all pray to God that she isn’t…)

To say I was feeling uneasy about the whole freakin’ idea was a huge understatement.

We stopped in front of a house that was like all the others, flashy and extravagant, and Ike hopped up the steep steps two at a time. That in itself almost killed me. I almost tripped and fell all the way back down. Luckily for me, Ikey can catch. At the front door, I stop Ike from opening the door, “I really dunno if this is a good idea…”

Ikey grins, “We’ll I think it is. My mom’s really nice and I already met yours. Fair is fair, right?”

I nod uncertainly and Ike takes my silence as a yes and opens the door. We both peer inside and see that it’s completely dark inside. Ike looks bummed that his mom probably isn’t there but I sigh in total relief. I like to think I’m a tough guy but even I can’t handle every damn curve ball life throws me. I glance up at the sky.

Thank you, God.

“C’mon, let’s go in…”

I nod and with Ike’s prompting, actually step into the house. The first thing I notice is just how big the place really is. I mean it’s really damn big! Like I can stretch both my (admittedly small) arms out and not even be close to touching either side of the hallway walls. Ike laughs slightly at my probably childlike fascination with his hallway house walls. I shrug and let him take my coat. It’s nice and warm in here and I briefly take a minute to appreciate the wonders of home heating.

Ikey grins at me, “What’s with you?”

I shrug, “I’m in a rich persons home…and I ain’t stealing nothing…”

The joke seems lost on Ikey but he catches on fast enough. Scowling, he swings me around by the shoulders and leads me down the hall, “Not all black people are trouble makers…”

I grin and laugh, “I guess, but ya’ll white people got your little taboo beliefs bout us blacks…”

Ike stops me and turns me around to face him. He’s frowning slightly as if something is bothering him, “What?”

I frown back, “I said: Ya’ll white people got your little weird ass beliefs and theories bout us black people. Didn’t ya hear me?”

Ike flushes but scowls at the same time, “In case you forgot, your talking to a deaf person…and besides, not everybody judges…African-Americans” That said, he walks around me and heads down the hall.

I think I pissed him off.

Shit…

I wander after him and catch him in a huge kitchen-dinning place rummaging thru a freezer. It was stupid to forget that Ikey is deaf. I mean, what kind of dumbass person would? Honestly though, its probably because Ike manages to do everything as easily as anyone else. He’s so good that you even forget that he has that kind of disability in the first place. Sides, its become such a natural thing between us that I hardly notice any little glitches that we might have in conversations or when Ikey takes a minute to read my lips and then answer me. It’s so seamless with us….natural even…that having conversations is as easy as anything else. So much that I neglect to remember things like his little problem. In my opinion, it ain’t much of a problem anyway…

Now that I just had that great conversation with myself, I should actually try saying some of that out loud so that I can apologize to Ikey. I walk over to where he’s standing and am about to get his attention when he turns partially and bumps into me, “Sorry”

I blink at him and eye the tub of double chocolate chip and banana ice cream that he’s holding, “Good God…”

Ike smiles, “What? I’m hungry…”

I smirk, “You got enough ice cream there to feed a freakin’ army, sides, eat all that sweet shit and ya gonna get fat…”
To prove my point, I poke his stomach.

Ike shrugs, “No, I won’t…”

I roll my eyes, “I bet you that was what Elvis said too when his best friend told him to lay off the junk food”

Ike clutches his ice cream protectively, “Elvis could sing and that’s all that matters…”

I roll my eyes again and smirk, “Uh Huh…I’m so damn sure…”

Ike ignores me and walks away to find a spoon. Or at least that’s what I assume cause he don’t look like he’s letting go of that ice cream container any time soon. I decide to look around. It really is a nice place…

I spot a black cat sitting on the counter not too far from me. Check that…*completely* black cat with glowing yellow eyes. Damn creepy if ya ask me. The cat blinks coolly at me and waltzes over. It stops just a little way away and seems to be studying me. Grinning, I reach out and pet its head. The cat curls into my touch and lets me pick it up. The fur is soft and short and the cat is real warm. Taking a minute to look at it up close, I read the name engraved on the small silver collar around its neck: ‘Miserable’.
Okay…that’s an interesting name. I blink at the cat and she blinks back.

“Ikey…”

He’s looking at me absently, “Yeah?”

I grin, “Do you have a ‘Black Stuff’ fetish?”

Ikey laughs slightly, “There’s no such thing as a black stuff fetish…”

“Yeah?”, I pause, “Well, what do you call it when you have a black cat and a black boyfriend?”

He doesn’t answer. Ha, score one for the B-man!

Ike wanders back into my line of sight. He looks from the cat to me, “She didn’t scratch you or anything?”

I shrug and rub the cat’s belly, “Nope…why? She likes to do that?”

Ike shakes his head, amused smile coming to his face, “She doesn’t like people…. and she hates Alice…”

I laugh and talk to the cat, “You an’ me got somethin’ in common”

Ike pouts, “That’s not very nice”

Yeah I guess it isn’t nice but I guess I was feeling a little demoralized because of our ‘not even’ two minute fight. First real fight we’ve ever had come to think of it. The cat crawls up onto my shoulder while I’m distracted and Ike laughs when it starts to climb into my hood. I absentmindedly catch her and Ike heads to the stairs, “C’mon, I’ll show you my room”

I eye the tub of ice cream he is still carrying suspiciously and decide that I won’t actually let him eat all of it. With that settled, I follow him up the winding staircase obediently. The walls are lined with weirdo abstract paintings. Like those strangely plain and boring pictures that you see on the wall of your doctor’s office, only these seem a little livelier. More colorful I guess. I didn’t really know what to make of them. We hit a landing but keep going up. I pause on the stairway and peer down the hall. It only looks like there’s a one or two rooms on the floor. Seemed to be mostly empty space or something. Shrugging, I head up after Ike who has already disappeared around the next corner and left me alone in the stairway all together.

Ike looks at me curiously when I see him at the top, “What were you doing?”

I shrug, “Standing around and starring in awe at the size of you house?”

Ike nods slowly, “Just don’t get lost”

I smirk, “Who? Little old black me?”

Ike smiles but turns away to head down the third floor hallway. There are four heavy oak doors lining the hallway. Each of them has names engraved on little bronze tag things, clearly indicatin’ who’s sleeping where. One door, the fifth one, is some weird glass door thing. I peek in and it only turns out to be a very big bathroom. A damned big bathroom actually…

At the end of the hall, the big oak door is sporting a tag that has Ikey’s name clearly printed on it in flowing cursive.

“Oh…spiffy…”

Ike rolls his eyes at me, “Ha-ha…go in…”

I push the door open and walk in.

The room is bright, even for early afternoon but that’s when I realize that Ikey’s room doesn’t have a conventional ceiling…it’s made of glass. All four walls of Ike’s room are painted differently. The one right across from me is all black with the exception of a few white stars painted haphazardly across the surface. Imitation sky. The wall on my right is painted entirely baby blue with a couple of puffy white clouds. The wall parallel to the baby blue one is a dessert landscape with a big setting sun. Surprised, I step further into the room and Ike shuts the door quietly behind us. I turn around and see that the wall where the door is a painted landscape of a lake with the moon reflecting on the surface. I then look more closely at what is actually in Ikey’s room. His bed is closest to the center. The head board against the dessert/sunset wall. The sheets are white linen, the pillows are light green and the comforter is a dark forest green. There is an oak desk, dresser with a killer sound system perched on it, and a bookcase that must be at least eight feet tall. It practically touches the damn ceiling. It’s full of books too. Apart from what I could see, there was hardly anything else in the room. Nice but pretty empty. I had to admit though that this was more than I was expecting in the first place.

Ike prompts me, “So? What do you think?”

I grin teasingly at him, “Does that bed squeak?”

Ike looks lost again, “In what way?”

I laugh secretly to myself but only blink innocently at Ikey, “Good beds don’t squeak when you do the horizontal tango on ‘em…”

Ike flushes, “…”

Ah yes, the joy of making your boyfriend blush. This was never going to get old. I grin roguishly and set the cat down before walking over to his bed and collapsing on it, “Hmmm, that’s nice…”

“Cut that out…”

I lazily open an eye and look up at the sky thru the window ceiling, “Cut what out? You should stop complaining and get in here…”

I hear Ike pad around for a bit then a weight settles down beside me. I let my eye slide shut again and settle down to luxuriate in the soft sheets. Ike prods me, “Don’t fall asleep. I know my mom isn’t home yet but that’s no reason to take a nap…. besides”, Ikey’s presence drifted off the bed, “I have to tutor you a bit…your History project probably hasn’t even been given any thought yet…”

I groan. Oh…right…
We had a history project due in a week or so and I hadn’t bothered with it. I was actually gonna take it easy and let it slide. Sides, who wants to study when there’s a nice bed and a boyfriend that could do with some sexual education?

A heavy book landed on my chest with a hollow ‘thump’, “Get up, lazybones…”

I roll over and let the book slide off. I eye Ikey and he leans on his right side, hand on his hip and manages to look both resolute and patronizing at the same freakin’ time, “Don’t look at me like that…besides, the sooner you behave and learn something, the sooner you get to do whatever else you want to do…”

I grin, “Anything?”

Ike shrugs, clearly not catching on to what I really meant, “Yeah, anything…”

“Promise?”

Ike smiles and looks instantly less bossy, “Yeah, I promise…”

~!@!~

{Ike}

I finally get Zonne to settle down and look up a few research points for his project but end up having to let him use my bed as his ‘workplace’. He said he was ‘too damn comfortable’ to bother moving. I didn’t mind; at least he was working. I stuck another spoon of ice cream in my mouth and let some of it melt before I slowly pulled the spoon out of my mouth and went for another bite. Miserable had somehow managed to get the door open and leave without either of us noticing until a little while ago and I was getting bored. Bored because even though Zonne needed to get some of this done, I’d rather he’d be paying me attention. That wasn’t the point though…if I let him, Zonne would take any chance he could get to get out of working on this.

Resigned, I sat back against the headboard and had another spoon full of ice cream. Maybe I was going to get fat…Glancing at the mirror partially concealed by the huge afternoon shadow my bookcase created, I look at myself carefully. Aside form looking bored; nothing seemed to be wrong with me at all. Alice once said, though, that: “Fat takes time to settle and when the fucking shit does…it’s in you ass and your thighs…” I blink at my reflection. Alice actually says the oddest things…

Another spoonful of ice cream makes it to my mouth and I turn away from the mirror only to find Zonne looking at me. I smile around the spoon in my mouth and am a little surprised when he sits up, pulls the spoon out of my mouth and leans over to kiss me. His tongue slides into my mouth and when he pulls away a second later, I shallow shallowly.

Zonne grins, “You taste like chocolate and bananas…”

I smile shyly back. There was a time that I would have thought swapping spit, even with a boyfriend or girlfriend, would be nasty. French kissing had never held much appeal to me…until now. Blinking and suddenly realizing at the same time that Zonne was trying to ditch out on working by distracting me, I decide to see how much he’s done. Turns out he managed to even start a little. Happy with that, I let the notebook and history text fall off the edge of the bed and land on the wood floor with a thump. Zonne grabs me and shoves me down into the mattress. He settles himself between my legs and uses my chest as a pillow. I don’t protest much and we drift off to sleep.

~!@!~

{Deuce}

This was supposed to have been an easy job.

In and Out.

Seven good guys.

Two drivers, three bodyguards and two dealers.

Still, shit hits the fucking fan and I gotta go see how much shit needs cleaning up.

Fuck…

I light a cigarette and answer my ringing cell, “S’up?”

Arno’s smooth voice answers, “There yet?”

I turn another sharp corner in my new silver Mercedes and blow smoke out impatiently, “No, but I will be. So don’t worry about it…”

Arno sighs, equally exasperated, “Call me when you do…and by the way?”

I fish around for a second cigarette, “Yeah…”

Arno pauses for a second, “…quit smoking that shit…”

I chuckle around the finishing cigarette in my mouth and easily, with practiced motions that have become second nature to me, I slip another cigarette into my mouth, toss the other out the open car window, cup my hands and light it, before answering, “Tried…”

Arno laughs, “Apparently, not nearly fucking hard enough…”

I start to slow down when I reach the rendezvous, “Listen, I’ll call you back…”

The only answer I get is a quiet, “Ai’t…” and the buzz tone.

The first thing I notice about the scene is that there isn’t anyone around. Quiet as a fucking tomb. I step out of the car and walk the short distance to the café up the street. Two cars are parked outside. The driver side windows of both cars are shot in. The cars look shot up. Walking still, I peer in them as I discreetly pass by. Both drivers are dead. Grimacing, I head into the café itself.

‘Blue Mandela’ is an old café. Nobody comes here to eat though…
I glance around when the chime above the door gives off a sound. I puff on my cigarette and pull my gun slowly from my pocket though I keep it low enough so that it was still concealed. Walking in further, I don’t actually see anything till I reach the back. There are two tables, a total of six dead people and a hell of a mess. The merchandise isn’t anywhere to be seen.

I examine the bodies and can identify easily which ones is one of ours. Everyone is accounted for ‘cept for one guy who was from the other party. He’s face down, his head towards the door. Got shot running away…figures.
Mumbling around my cigarette, I take a closer look. The dealers, one of which I personally know is a kid named KJ, are both shot in the shoulder and one of them is still dripping blood. I can tell they were shot at close proximity. The seats across from them are now empty but I lean over and take a quick look anyway. There’s white powder smudged against the seat.

I look closer and even go so far as touching it and sniffing it lightly. Coke. Straightening up, I figure that the guys who came to ‘pay and pick’ up decided to do a ‘hit and run’ instead. I frown. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure of the details but…all I’m pretty sure about is that someone just jacked us of about thirty-four thousand dollars worth of cocaine. I turn to look at the bodies of the other guys, two sitting in booths nearby and one lying on the floor close to the unknown dead guy.

Either somebody’s got a fucking great shot or the guys who were the dealers have the greatest point blank shots I’ve ever seen. Both guys in the booths are shot clear thru the head; the one on the floor has several holes visible in the back of his bullet-torn jacket. Sick of looking around and noting who each of the guys were, I start to leave. A slight sound catches my attention. Turning back, I see KJ moving, his breath shallow. I hurry back and grab him…

~!@!~

“Yeah…course it was a fucking mess…”

Arno sighs, sounding tired, “Fine. Get KJ to tell you what he can, alright?”

I glare at an old nurse who’s giving me the eye, “Yeah yeah…”

Arno says a quiet goodbye and I hang up.

After I found KJ, I called his big brother and took him to the hospital. He was the sole survivor and probably the only person who could really tell me what happened.

~!@!~

Monday…

{Alice}

“Please…somebody end my misery…”

Ike turns to eye me over the top of his upraised French textbook and I only close my eyes and try no to look too pained. Ike nudges me and mouths a silent question: “What?”

I grin sheepishly and shake my head. Well, I was having a tiny weensy bit of trouble accepting the new reality that was my life. Aside from that, everything was a hundred percent peachy.

Madame Lalonde launches into one of her dramatic explanations about the conjugation of action verbs and I try hard not to start crying.

I have never had a weirder weekend. Really. Finding out your probably bi if not gay, actually hanging out with someone who seems to be your boyfriend (even though you can’t actually remember when you actually decided all this and the relationship, which you weren’t aware of until now, actually started) and coming to realize that you thought you looked cool and had the whole ‘not gay guy look’ down pat and finding out you never did at all… it kind of culminates to meaning you’re an oddball with fucking weird problems.

Argh…

Moping wasn’t helping in the least but then again, when has thinking logically ever helped out anyway? Sides, my freaking life hadn’t really changed. That was the logical conclusion my mind came out with. The fact was that all the crap I had started to deal with on the weekend actually didn’t really make a big difference since one, all the girls still flirted shamelessly with me, two, I still had issues with my bitch stepmother, and three, football season had ended and ice hockey had just started. Nothing essential had changed. Cept maybe if I told anyone I was bi, all hell would break loose.

I can’t say I’m ready for any of that…

Besides, I heard that girls always like hanging out with gay guys and blah blah. I didn’t hate the Barbies and some of them were even really good looking but if God could spare me having to spend any more time with them then I already do, it would be appreciated.

Now back to the fucking program…

Nothing much has happened since I started my internal monologue besides the fact that Madame Lalonde is now sitting on her desk and yapping. Turning my head to look around class I can see every single Barbie paying rapt attention while the rest of us fall asleep. I look over at Ike and he’s looking at his book, or at least that’s what I thought until I see that he’s actually doodling on one of the lesson pages.

Hn…didn’t figure Ikey for a doodler…

Sitting at the back of the class has several advantages…my favorite being you can get some shut-eye without the fucking teacher catching you, jumping down your throat to rip you a new asshole, or giving you detention…

Glancing to the front of the room then out the window, I decide that after lunch, I’m gone.

~!@!~

{Barzonne}

I skip out on lunch knowing that Deuce needs to see some of the guys and I. I don’t tell Ike because I don’t think that he needs to know. He’ll just worry anyway…

I leave the cafeteria and hop the yard fence where it’s pretty low. Once over the fence, I just have to walk over to where the street is visible and there is a cluster of trees near the bus stop. Deuce, Marshal, Clyde and Jay are already there. Walking over casually, we greet each other.

Deuce doesn’t waste any time in telling us what’s up, “ Ya’ll know KJ?”

Most of us do. I met him a few times. He’s just a Kid. Translation? He sells drugs…Kids always start off that way. Even I did…

Deuce pulls out his carton of cigarettes and pulls one out and lights it before saying anything else, “A little transaction Arno had planned didn’t go so well. Six of our guys are now gonna be six feet under. K’s in the hospital till he wakes up…the point is, somebody’s trying to bust our balls. We ain’t gonna let that happen…”

He trails off and puffs at his cigarette while pulling something halfway out of his pocket. We all can see the butt of his gun sticking out, “Stay sharp, if ya know what I mean, ai’t?”

We all nod. That was loud and clear.

Deuce casually puts it away and drops his almost finished cigarette and steps on it with the left heel of his Lugz, “I’ll be letting you know who’s up to bad shit and when we’ll be doing something ‘bout it”

The conversation is over and we all know it. We casually say goodbye to each other and make our way back to where we can hop the fence. We don’t say anything to each other. There isn’t anything to say.

Remembering something, I stop the gang, “Guys…” They pause to hear what I need to say. I look around and see that there isn’t anyone in earshot, “Nobody tell Ikey, okay?”

They all nod but Clyde frowns slightly to himself. The rest of them walk off but he stays put, “Can we talk later?”

I shrug, ”Sure, when?”

He smiles, “After classes”

Nodding, we both make it back into school for third period.

~!@!~

{Ike}

Today sucked. Class was boring, Alice was cranky and Zonne was nowhere to be found at lunch. Having given up looking for anyone decent to hang out with, I made a beeline for the hospital after classes. Although Zonne and I spend a lot of time together, he still (apparently) manages to get away and look after the kids at his part-time job in the hospital. Dr. Johnson called late yesterday to let us know that Carmen was feeling well and that they might actually proceed with the surgery in the next week or so. I hadn’t been visiting enough so instead of going with my parents like they planned to later, I went there straight after school.

The subway seemed crowded full of people I had the distinct impression weren’t really going anywhere. People sat facing windows and starring blankly at the air around them. Maybe I was just imagining this but I really felt like I was the only person who had actually had some sense of direction. Then again, I felt this disquieting sense of loneliness. I always ride the subway with Zonne. I got off at the right stop and headed up to Sixth Avenue.

I took the elevator up and saw Flo slouched in her seat in front of her computer. She was absently chewing on a thick wad of yellow gum, twirling hair around one of her fingers and tapping a black pen irritably against the wooden desk. For the first time in a while, Flo didn’t look stoned out of her head. Caution bit me hard and I was a bit worried about walking over but as if on cue, Flo looked up and smiled at me, “Hey! Long time no see!”

Blinking, I walked over and smiled slightly at her, “Hi Flo…”

She dropped the black pen and fished around in the pocket of her pink mini-skirt and came up with one of those big pieces of Hubba-Bubba bubble gum. Before I could protest, she had leaned over the counter and pressed the gum into my hand. Sitting back, she smiled cheerfully, “This is my favorite…”

I grin, liking Flo coherent, “Thanks”

She nods quickly, the curls in her hair bouncing with the movement and sat up straighter, “How ya been, Hon?”

I smile slightly, “Okay…uh, Flo?”

She tugged her skirt down and crossed her long legs, “Yeah?”

I fidget on the spot. I knew what I wanted to ask but I was pretty sure that isn’t the kind of question you can ask.

Flo smiles knowingly, “I’m clean!”

I blink, not quite catching on and Flo rolls her big green eyes and laughs, “I got a bit of rehabilitation. I was in a tough relationship with this maladjusted fuck named Toby with a major chronic case of asshole. He was seriously insecure and fucking abusive and about as appreciative as a…never mind, you don’t need the details. Anyway, my mom introduced me to this doctor friend of hers. Turns out that the guy specializes in helping out screw-ups like me, so here I am…clean”

I smile, “That’s great Flo”

She smiled happily, “I know it is…here to see your baby sister?”

I nod and she tags me, “Go on in then…”

I smile one last time and head down the child care wing. My sister’s room isn’t that far from the entrance to this floor. You only have to go thru double doors at the end of the hall and her room is about two rooms down on the left. I stop when I spot her name on the big white door and pause to look in before going in. Carmen is curled up like a cat in her sheets. Her dark brown hair in all tangled and her small hands are wrapped around her pillow. Grinning slightly, I tiptoe over and gently shake her shoulder. She mumbles but doesn’t wake up.

I was going to shake a bit harder but someone knocks at the door and I whip around to see Dr. Johnson smiling at me thru the glass door. I wave slightly and she motions for me to come out a minute.

She smiled gently at me, “She’s getting good. She might been able to go for the operation soon you know”

I nodded slightly, “How is she?”

The doctor looked at Carmen thru the window, “Well, she’s solid. Her vitals are good. Most of the test results that we’ve needed to see her overall condition have come back positive. The only thing is that we need to get her to eat a bit more. Other than that, her underweight problem is the only thing stopping us from proceeding”

I smile, “Really?”

She nods, amused, “But I’m afraid that you won’t be able to talk her till tomorrow. You came in a bit late and she already been given a bit a help to get to sleep. She really was looking forward to seeing you all, but I’m afraid she tired herself out”

I nod and shrug, “Typical Carmen. It’s fine. I’ll tell my parents”

I left the doctor a later after asking if she’d seen Zonne come in but she only told me that I should ask Flo. I returned to the front desk and did just that, “Has Zonne come in today?”

Flo eyed her computer with a scowl on her face and took a minute to pop another piece of gum into her mouth, “We’ll, he’s off today and won’t be coming in for a few days. Called and said he had things to do…”

I nodded, accepting the answer and said goodbye before turning to leave. Flo called after me, “You know, it’s alright to be worried about him. He gets into trouble sometimes…”

I smile, “I know”

I didn’t really…

~!@!~

Ebra: Mini cliffhanger… I’m actually trying to masquerade this as a feeble attempt at a cliffhanger but it’s actually a sad attempt to conceal the fact that I have serious writers block. No worries though…

P.S. Sorry again that it took so long to update…I was really hung up on a few critical problems…and with my lack of problem solving skills, it was all just a big nightmare. Grins