Not So Beautiful

A/N: There may be some references in here to other MSTs. Comments/Flames to the reviews section please. The original story has not been altered in *ANY* way. Feel free to tell us how cruel we are. We\'re cats. We\'re catty.

Disclaimer: We don\'t own the original version of this story. We don\'t own the boys. They probably don\'t give each other headjobs, but we can dream. We\'re making no money from doing these MSTs, the only thing we\'re making is reading this a little bit easier. Enjoy.


Presenting: \"Not So Beautiful\"


Close in on Galadriel\'s Mirror. Dom, Billy and Sean stop shagging
long enough to shuffle in and read thrutarutally awful tale of
lesbian love. Or is it? OR IS IT?

Sean: What\'s this then?

Billy: No author\'s notes. That means it should be pretty
straightforward, right?

Dom: *muttering* Or absolute shite.


//Beautiful


They are beautiful no matter what they say
they are special in every single way
Angelica Bolger, 1428//


Sean: Ooh, me toes are gettin\' all tingly.

Dom: Angelica Bolger shot straight to number one with this..
*titters*

Billy: *fingfing* That\'s *our* song.


//The fourth age was now upon Middle-Earth. It was a time for new
rights, laws, acts and
new consequences to unfold and set free into the quickly developing
world.//

Sean: There was a new law about shagging your neighbour\'s pig on a
tuesday. That was a good\'n.

Billy: Is it wise to set consequences free? I\'ve heard they\'ve got
a pretty vicious bite.


//Afteryule 7th,1422//

Dom: 1422? Angelica Bolger\'s single\'s not even been released y
No
Now she can see into the future?

Galadriel\'s Voice: She stole my superpower! Bitch.

Dom: WHAH! What the holy shite was that?

Sean: *withdraws hand from Dom\'s crotch* Sorry about that.


//She looked up from the old tattered book she held firmly in her
slender, pale hands.//

Dom: This sounds suspiciously like..

Sean: Fucking grey fluffy gloves!

//Brown eyes glanced up at the light blue sky,//

Billy: What.. hers or somebody else\'s?

//the sun shone brightly stretching for miles//

: Th: The sun always felt better for a bit of a stretch in the
morning.

//around, letting everyone know that it was still winter in the cold
breeze that blew
patterns in the air and weave in and out of the ancient trees,//

Dom: *falls on the floor laughing*

Sean: What is it? Sun shining brightly for miles around or \'nad-
chappingly cold??

Billy: *blowing* I don\'t see any patterns...

Sean: You\'re not doing it right. H I\' I\'ll blow, you just.. sit
back and relax.

//trying to make the left over leaves fall from their branches.//

Dom: Come on, you stubborn twats! FALL! Damn you!

Sean: Don\'t say twats. You\'ll throw off my groove. *suck*

Billy: *Ueargghhh...*

//She leaned her cotton covered back against the dark
trunk of the tree were she was seated.//

Dom: *looks at Sean and Billy* Please don\'t leave me on my own with
her. *cries*

//\"She slept for a hundred years\" she whispered to herself as she
slowly closed the book
and sighed to herself, realising that nothing is actually perfect
even in fairy tales.//

Sean: Why do the people of Middle Earth need books of fairy tales?
*suck suck*

Dom: LOOK AROUND YOU! The elves are all bloody fairies. *sniggers*

Billy: *strangled groaning*

//The lass looked around the uninhabited field. None was in sight
not even the birds even
though she could briefly hear them with her small, pointed ears.//

Sean: She\'s a cat then?

Dom: A cat with bad grammar skills.

Billy: *purrs*

//Or the wild animals that
would shy away but every now and again poke their heads out of the
bushes.//

Dom: I\'m not.. even... gonna... *falls on the floor again*

Sean: While you\'re down there, Dom...

//She bite her lip as she struggled to stand, sitting down for a
moderate length of time wasn\'t
good as it made your feet and legs tingle and ache afterwards.//

Dom: Like deep vein thrombosis..?

Billy: Having Sean suck you off makes your feet and legs tingle.
Somebody should tell her.

//Once standing she fluffed her emerald coloured skirt out of it\'s
creases and shoved the
paper back book underneath her right arm, as she merrily walked away
from the old oak
tree, her golden brown hair, flowed behind her as a breathy cold
wind danced around
her. She shivered in protested and tightened her woollen shore round
her shoulders.//

Dom: *speechless*

Sean: *throws a dictionary into Galadriel\'s mirror*

Galadriel\'s Voice: Hey! Who threw that?

Sean: *whistles*

Galadriel\'s Voice: Bitch.

//\"Bother this wind and weather\" she scolded as she found her way to
the dusty main
road that led towards Hobbinton market. Squinting her eyes as the
wind picked up some
dust and whirled it around before sending it away, she walked north
of the town.//

Dom: I\'m sure the wind and weather were quaking in their boots.

Billy: That well known place, Hobbinton. Where the Hobbints live.

Sean: Nah, just bints. Silly bints.

Dom: The wind\'s a bit of a bastard, isn\'t it? Sending dust away.

Sean: Should\'ve just kept on with the dust and choked the silly bint.

//~***~
\"Good morning Rose, you still want the usual?\"

\"Yes please Miss Estella, eight eggs, six apples and a carton of
milk will do fine\"//

Dom: \'Yes please Miss Estella, double vodka and coke will do fine.\'


//The young lass behind the stall quickly gathered the contents
counting the numbers in
her head as she worked,//

Billy: \'One. Two...er.... many.\' *bows to Pratchett\'s trolls*

//her blue eyes shimmered in the suns winter rays. Placing the
other woman\'s goods in the wicker basket and stated how much it
cost.//

Sean: But I wanted *my* goods! Not hers. You stupid, dumb bint.
I\'m, like, *so* moving to Hobbiton. *flips hair*

//\"That\'ll be ten pennies\" //

Dom: \'and a quickie round the back of the Green Dragon.\'

Billy: Unfortunately Miss Estella couldn\'t count to ten. So it was
just agreed the price would be many pennies.

Sean: Rose fleeced her for seven pennies, grinning like the silly
bint she was.

//\"There you go Estella\" The older woman smiled as she placed the
pennies in the young
lasses hand \"And here\'s another few pennies for your own sake\" she
said and left
quickly before the lass could protest.//

Dom: Damn, she\'s good.

//The blue eyed hobbit glances at the silver, never before had some
paid her for her
service,//

Dom: They usually ran away while she still had her mouth full and
her knickers round her ankles.

Sean: After seeing the lovely braids in her pubes.

Billy: *looks at Sean.* Please leave now.

Galadriel\'s Voice: Don\'t mock the braids! Arwen did those braids.
Bitch.

Sean: Always knew Arwen was a closet lesbian.

Dom: Wished, you mean.

//but then again she knew that Rose had alot to deal with. The lass
watched as wen went her way, stopping at other stalls in the market//

Dom: Fleecing yet more hapless traders for a few pennies here, a few
many pennies there.

//and that\'s when she could see
the lose of someone in her pale green eyes.//

Billy: Eh?

Sean: Don\'t try to understand it. It\'ll make your head explode.
Just thank your stars you didn\'t have to sit ugh ugh Band of Gold.

//\"Estella Bolger!, do you know where diamond has gone off too?\" a
questioning voice
was heard behind the lasses back and she rolled her eyes before
turning round to face
an awfully obese man, his fine hair was as white as a sheet and his
face was line and
wrinkled with age.//

Sean: Who the fuck\'s diamond?

//\"No Mr Proudfoot, she\'s gone off for lunch, but she should be back
soon\" she spoke in
a harsh voice.//

Dom: Does anyone have a clue what\'s going on?

Galadriel\'s Voice: I know all. But I\'m not going to tell you.
Bitches.

//The man grumbled and turned back to where he came from, normally
the pub.//

Billy: I could do with a pint meself, right about now.

Dom: You come in *pin-

Billy: *thwack*

Sean: Actually, he does.

//Estella
narrowed her eyes after him, she had never liked the Proudfoot
family, always greedy
and their kids spoilt, she was beginning to think why she had every
took the job of
looking after his stall.//

Dom: *loads a shotgun* I\'m going to kill her.


//But then there was Diamond, both did everything together since
they were young, climb trees, wonder off across the shire and worry
their parents.
People often classed them as the female version of Meriadroc
Brandybuck and Peregrin
Took.//

Dom: I\'m sure their parents didn\'t worry *that* much.

Sean: In fact, people often mistook them for Merry and Pips, big
butch lesbians that they were.

Billy: Merry and Pips? Lesbians? Well, there\'s a turn-up for the
books.

Dom: The least she could do is spell his name right. *takes aim at
the mirror*

Galadriel\'s Voice: Pull that trigger and die, bitch!

//Estella turned round as she shoved her money into her little pouch
that her Ma made
her to go around her waist to keep her earnings safe. Wiping her
hands on her cherry
coloured skirt he//

Sean: *looks over at Craig, Orli and Vigs who are still suffering
through the adventures of Sadie and Alyssa* Poor bastards.

Dom: *looks as well* Hey guys! I think the instant sex change
thing\'s catching!

//looked up to spot Diamond walking towards their stall, her golden
hair
mattered by the wind, her cheeks and nose was red as a tomato and
her hands wrinkled
and chapped by the hold as she hen tin tightly to a book.//

Dom: \'Her golden hair mattered by the wind?\' Whatever.

Billy: She has a thing about chapped hands. Can anyone say fetish?

Sean: If they\'re wrinkled by the hold, maybe she should just... let
go.

Dom: She already let rip with this crap, what could it hurt?

//\"Diamond your late\" Estella smirked as the lass stopped in front
of the wide, wooden
stand.//

Sean: Estella handed Diamond her late and the sparkly one went on
her way.

//The lass smiled and shrugged \"i know, i wanted to finish reading
that book Frodo gave
to me before he passed over the sea\" she whispered placing the book
on the counter.//

Dom: He just didn\'t want to pay the late fine himself, you dumb bint.

Sean: Estella had to strain to hear her.

//Estella looked down and read the brown, ripped cover \"Sleeping
beauty\" she rose a
brow to the name.//

Billy: That well known Middle Earth literary work. Along with other
great works such as \'Beauty and the Balrog\' and \'Gandalf the White
and the seven dwarf orgy.\'

//\"It\'s a wonderful book\" Diamond smiled as she walked slowly round
to the back of the
stall.//

Sean: Since her hip replacement op, she couldn\'t walk as quickly as
she used to.

//Estella nodded \"I see, but not as wonderful as you\" she mouthed so
that none near by
could hear.//

Billy: Diamond, who was nearby, gave her a blank stare. \'What?\'

//She grasped Diamonds cold hands and rubbed the backs with her
thumbs. A
sly smile sneaked upon Diamonds heart-Shaped face.//

Sean: A sly smile armed with a broom sneaked upon her face and
BATTERED IT TO HELL!

Dom: Do you feel better now?

Sean: A little.

Billy: I\'ll make you feel better, Seanie.

Dom: I just knew these two were lesbians.

//\"Later\" she whispered in a suggestive tone, that made Estella go
weak at the knees.
The lass nodded and let go of Diamonds hands, just in time as an
elderly hobbit slowly
plodded up to the old decaying stand.//

Sean: Death and decay all around. But mostly death. Please.

Dom: The elderly hobbit looked at the goods on offer. Estella had a
decent rack, but it wasn\'t what he was after. \'Im not buying this
shit\', he mumbled.

//It wasn\'t easy growing up in such a world that isn\'t at all open
minded and being the way
you are could change your life completely if it managed to get to
out of hand. The risk of
being looked down upon, your reputation changes within a word, your
family might
disown you or you just might be kicked out of your own home, town,
country. Things
were better best kept unknown, confidential and private.//

Sean: Joy, Social Politics lessons.

Dom: Someone should kick her in the ass. *Then* kick her out of
town.

Billy: I think I tripped up over that last sentence there. *rubs
head*

Sean: Unknown, confidential and private. It\'s a bit like saying Old
Aged Pensioner. *bows to Eddie Izzard* Reiterating the point won\'t
make the story any better, love.


//Please, please tell me what you think so far, thanks. //

Sean: I think you need beating to death with a stick.

Billy: You can beat *me* with your stick, baby. *winks*

Dom: *tuts*

All: *shuffle off into the woods, causing woodland creatures to poke
their heads out of bushveryverywhere.*


End. Thank God.


Licks and Laughter,
The Gay Shagging Cats