Broken Hearted

Title: Broken Hearted
Author: Silverfang
Rating: R for...angst, what else?
Summary: *sobs* A story about today. To Josh, as usual. Damn you so much for making me love you like this.
A/N: And thanks to Kashy, if she/he reads this. \'You\' is a true story, and so is this one.

~Broken Hearted~

I sit at my computer typing this story. But it\'s different from all the ones before. I feel...sad. Cold. I look at the picture you gave me and feel even worse.

Today was a happy day for me. I...I enjoyed it. I sat with you at lunch today, and we talked about nothing at all while having a conversation with our eyes. I waited for you to get your blood sugar checked before we went in, and everything was perfect. You were okay, I was okay, and the world was fine for that brief, beautiful, perfect little moment.

But your ex-girlfriend has a locker about two down from yours. I always heard that that position was never good. You have to see her everyday, and it must hurt...But I wouldn\'t know about that kind of hurt, would I? You\'re the first boy I truly loved.

She looks at me and says \"I think I made a mistake when I dumped him.\" I stared back at her with all the hatred her hurting you has given me for her, and I say \"I know you did.\"

But when she walks away, you close your locker and ask what she said. She didn\'t say it very loud. And I would never lie to you; you know that. So I tell you exactly what she said, and for just a second, there\'s something in your eyes, and I don\'t really know what it is. You say \"Really?\" in this strange, somewhat hopeful voice, and my heart wants to yell at you for it because can\'t you see how I feel about you? She\'s hurt you so badly; would you really take her back?

But the look fades, and you smile at me. I\'m not sure why, but suddenly I feel like crying.

Instead, I grab one of your notebooks and run.

You start laughing and chase me all the way down the stairs and outside. Then I stop. I don\'t want these stupid rumors to hurt you anymore, and people can see us now. We walk to your bus, which is completely out of the way to my car, but I don\'t care. You\'re so sweet to me, and I don\'t want to let you go for anything except when you\'ll be going home.

So I say goodbye to you and watch the bus drive off. You were almost late because of me.

But you weren\'t. Even as I smile and wave to you, I feel tears in my eyes. Can you see them?

I turn and walk to my car, which is the ride to hell for me. My mother berrates me loudly that I would never be good enough for you, that looks are all that matters. But I love you, love you so much it hurts, and she\'s not hurting me, it\'s just the fact that I couldn\'t tell what that look was. I want to talk to you. Do you still like me? I hope so.

Would you really go back to her? Would you really ignore the hell she put you through? And if you do, have you even considered me?

I don\'t think you\'d go back.

But I don\'t know.

I love you so much it hurts, and I\'ve been hurt so many times before...

Please don\'t hurt me again.

~Silverfang