You

Title: You
Author: Silverfang
Rating: R for teen-angst, depression...yeah. All in my daily life.
A/N-Somewhat rant-ish, but more story like.

Dedicated to my best friend Josh. Maybe I'll show you this one day...

~You~

I sit in class and listen to the teacher drone on...and on...and on...but I'm not one of those people who just falls asleep in class. So I think about you.

All the boys I've known were horrible to me. They hated me for my difference, my very being that makes me me and nothing else, yet you seem to like it. Love it, dare I say? I love you. I keep thinking about the last time we talked, when we'll talk again...My insides twist with the worry that's always there. Will I ever say something wrong? Will I hurt you someday, and make you never want to look at me again?

And then the bell rings.

I pick up my books and walk down the hall, past the faces I see every day yet never really see...

And then suddenly, I see you.

You with those deep brown eyes, that smile I've come to love so much now. And you look at me, and suddenly...everything's okay. All is right in my world, for that perfect moment. I wish I could just stand there forever and gaze at you, cast aside the worry and the fragileness that humans always bare to me. But I don't. I walk up to you, and we talk for awhile. It's lunch period, so I don't have to worry about making you late.

And one day, you're upset. I am too, and I find no comfort in those wonderful eyes because they are seeking comfort in mine. Finally, I can't bear it anymore, and I walk outside, outside to deafen myself with the faked screams of singers in my ears. Little do they know that they almost capture my pain.

I lean against a tree and wait, closing my eyes as the bitter wind of winter bites into me and leaves no marks.

You come out, finally, and I take a breath.

But something's wrong...you don't look at me, don't talk to me like you normally would. I walk over and ask you what's wrong. If I can't help you, no one can, and I need you to help me too.

It takes awhile, but you finally admit that something IS wrong, but I can't do anything to change it. And there's something else besides that.

You tell me with frustrated words that the entire school has nothing better to do than talk about two new freshman, and the nasty little children that come to the highschool have started more rumors about us going out. I can't tell what I see on your eyes, but it hurts me, the way you say those things. I want to go out with you, but you seem to despise the very thought.

I turn away, trying to hide the barely formed tears in my eyes.

You try to see my face. 'What's wrong?' you ask.

I say nothing and turn from you again. I can't bear to show you that you have hurt me, without meaning to. If you saw my misty orbs of grey, you would also see the light of a thousand candles, the love I hide that burns only for you.

You ask me again. I look you straight in those gorgeous eyes and say 'Everything.' But you don't see what I really say.

I can't tell. Do you get upset because of the rumors, or because they're about me and you? Can you even imagine us together? I can. I love you more than you will know.

But you follow me as I walk away, trying to get me to talk to you again, and it hurts me to run from you like this, so I just stop, and you ask me 'What's wrong? What did I say?'

I look you straight in the eyes. You really don't see it? You don't see the way I look at you, only you, and you never see the promises I would make?

The lunch bell rings. We're supposed to go in, but we just stare at each other for a minute. Then one of your friends comes up and pulls you away, talking about some new video game, and you're lost to me for the moment. But I follow you; what else am I supposed to do? I have no friend other than you here in this hell.

I walk with you to your class. I can get anywhere in the building in two minutes, and I just want to see you off safely. I don't trust these people, and I worry because you are sick, and I dreamt about you last night.

I think you died.

Just before I say goodbye, someone calls out 'Hey, are you two going out?'

And here comes that look, the anger and frustration I saw before, and you say something I can't hear to him. I wonder if you're protecting me, or if you think you are? I've been broken a long time, my sweet boy, and that will not hurt me. Does it hurt you, I wonder, to think about another girl so soon? I'm not trying to push you.

And someone catches me and asks the same question, and it's all too much. I don't know why you're angry, but I love you so much, and I can't bear the thought of me hurting you.

I feel those accursed tears begin to start as I speak harsh words of my own to this new girl, this new pathetic little human that thinks she can stick her nose in what is our business.

Then I leave. I'm not sure if you say goodbye or not. I just know that I can't look at you. I can't see the anger, or the concern, or the worry in your perfect eyes.

I do know one thing more as I walk down the hall.

I love you with everything I have. I'd give anything and everything just to have you look at me the way I look at you, and to have you be happy with that.

This is no animal attraction I feel. It's the love I never thought I had, not till you, and I want it so much, but you dangle my happiness in front of me and never see.

All I want is you. You with your perfect eyes and broken heart. You with your dark mind and your fragile soul. I don't want your body.

All I want is you...

~Silverfang