Midnight Meetings
folder
Angst › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,121
Reviews:
6
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Angst › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
1,121
Reviews:
6
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Midnight Meetings
A/N - Very Cliche, yes...but I had to get it out of my system. Characters inspired by Heero and Duo from gundam wing, but they ended up becoming their own personalities so I changed them to be what they are now.
Warnings - Boy/Boy Love, WAFF and sap....and a little angst thrown in for good measure.
(no updates, just trying to go through and correct the errors that seem to pop up after awhile on this site)
It wasn't until 11:30pm that Aidan allowed himself to get ready. If he started earlier he would have too much time; too much time to think, too much time to worry.
He sat on the bed naked with his knees drawn up to his chest. Staring blindly at the glowing clock on the nightstand he chewed his bottom lip nervously. It wasn't until the minute hand of the clock clicked over to six that he got up off the bed.
It happened this way every year. His mind would go on sudden autopilot for the next half hour, giving him mission after mission he needed to complete. Mission one: get dressed. He dragged himself over to the small closet on the left side of the room and pulled out what he would wear. As usual the outfit consisted mainly of black. He wore a form fitting pair of leather pants that had begun to become dull. With it he wore a snug fitting crimson colored tee that brought out the red tint in his auburn colored hair.
Glancing into the mirror he noticed his skin was becoming pale again and the black circles under his violet eyes were all the more noticeable. Great he thought, now he'd have to double up on the vitamins if he was going to look presentable for work on Monday. He tied his shoulder length hair into a loose ponytail to keep it out of his way for the night. Deciding he was ready he put on his shoes and jacket and headed out the door ignoring the nagging feeling deep within his gut telling him he was disappointing his friends yet again.
Mission two: get out of the damn car. He had been parked in the eerily dark parking lot for five minutes now debating with himself if he should do this again. He stared at the empty playground with mixed emotions swimming through his eyes. Sadness, fear, longing or maybe regret, any could apply to him at that moment. The car stereo showed 11:45. Just to be stubborn he checked his wristwatch as well. Fifteen minutes to go. Sighing almost explosively he grabbed the door handle and opened the door.
He couldn't help the fast pace as he marched over to the two-person swing set. Sitting down on one of the swings he allowed his mind to wander for fourteen minutes. He held up his wrist to check the time: 11:59. His heart leapt in his chest as he counted off the seconds till midnight. 60, 59, 58"¦ Sudden anxiety and fear slithered its way up his spine 44, 43, 42. What if it doesn't work this time? 30, 29, 28. What if I really am insane? He shook his head violently and closed his eyes. "˜No, I'm not crazy. I'm not. This is real"¦it has to be,' he bit his bottom lip to keep the panicked scream that threatened to escape from leaving his throat. 10, 9, 8. Please. 7, 6, 5. I don't want to be lost anymore. 4, 3, 2"¦tell me I'm not crazy...1.
The park was deathly silent. He kept his eyes tightly shut despite the overwhelming need that coarsed through him to look, to see, to know. And then it happened and his world fell into a mock sense of balance. The deep, slightly nasal voice cut through to his very heart.
"You can open your eyes now, moron," a male voice laughed to his right.
Aidan eyes snapped open to the familiar voice and familiar insult. Afraid to move and somehow make the vision disappear, he only looked at the man sitting next to him on the opposite swing. He took in everything trying desperately to photograph the image in his mind. The young man was around nineteen and nearly five-foot-ten, which was hard to tell by his sitting position but he knew. His face was white, not pale like his own but white. His eyes were still that same brilliant shade of cerulean blue that had once looked upon him with such warmth and love. The man's hair was a deep chocolate brown that appeared almost black in the dimly lit playground, it was short yet messy and hung over his eyes in odd places. His sharp facial features were now showing a hint of his amusement at the other man\'s behavior.
"Are you feeling well, Aidan?" the young man asked.
That shook the stunned man out of his ponderings. He grinned while his eyes filled with unshed tears. He slowly slid down to embrace the young man around his waist.
"Dammit Liam," Aidan mumbled affectionately against the other man's chest. He looked up after a minute, still not breaking the physical contact that he had been craving for a year now. "Never one to be late are you? I swear every year it's the same exact time"¦not even a freaking second off," he smiled as he chuckled at his own humor, "You'd think death would cure you of being that anal."
The young man, Liam, laughed along with him, "That one is entirely too easy. But to answer your"¦statement, I have no control over when the powers-that-be send me here, Aidan." He raised his eyebrow when Aidan snorted.
"Yeah, yeah. I\'ve heard it all before. But its cryptic you know. Sending you back the exact time and place you, well you know," Aidan looked sheepishly up at Liam when he realized he interrupted their well-rehearsed banter. Liam however was now fixated on the rust colored stain on his shirt. On the shirt were three nearly identical shaped holes, around them was a large ring of the dark rust colored stain. They both knew what it was, there was no getting around it; Liam had three bullet holes through the left side of his chest. Liam looked into Aidan's eyes, his face held a grief filled expression that tore at his heart. "I am so sorry, so very sorry, Aidan," Liam's voice wavered as he began to remember. Remember his death, his murder.
"Shhh, don't do this Liam. It's ok. Lets not waste our only hour on the past," Aidan tried lamely to comfort himself and Liam. He placed his warm hand on Liam's cold cheek. It was always a shock that first touch, it made things all the more depressing and helpless to know that he was living while the love of his life was a corpse.
They both knew there was no going back to that terrifying and life altering night when Liam died. When Liam was murdered right here in this park six long years ago. They had been here, their secret place to remember their precious beginning, when three older men attacked them accusing them of being demons and sinning against their god. The men had gone after Aidan first because of his more feminine look. They taunted him and told him he was trying so hard to be a bitch they would treat him as one. It was when they had threatened rape that Liam lost control and violently fought back against their crazed attackers. When he pried Aidan out of their hold he stood in front of him to protect him. It was then that one of the men took out his gun and fired three rapid-fire shots aimed for Liam's heart. They ran off before his body hit the ground.
Aidan felt the tears threaten to fall as Liam lifted him up to be at eye level with him. When Liam had died they had both been nineteen years old, now Aidan was twenty-five while Liam was still haunting him in the young body he was killed in. Aidan refused to let that small detail distract him from enjoying these few precious moments. The tears he had been holding back fell in burning hot streaks down his face. "This is real," Aidan smiled through his pain; "Hate failed to break apart us apart."
"Your right love," Liam held on tightly to the only person who had meant anything to him in life, and was the anchor for him to return in his afterlife. They sat together in a gentle embrace each lost in their own thoughts. Liam watched as Aidan relaxed to his touch and the tears subsided. It was then that he really looked at his lover's face. Aidan was no longer the youthful rebel that had caught his eye when they had first met so many years ago. Back when they were in high school struggling with their own identities and new found feelings. Liam held Aidan closer as he thought back on how he had avoided him, not trusting his young emotions. It had been Aidan that pursued him until he surrendered to his own feelings and openly accepted Aidan's love.
He looked down at Aidan and wondered how he had missed it. How he had missed his love's journey into manhood. The man that kneeled before him now was not that joyful boy that he had dedicated his life to. The six years he had been gone had been hard on Aidan. His twenty-five year old face was heavy with exhaustion. Slight lines graced the corners of lavender eyes. He was taller now and had filled in nicely to his height, no longer the lithe teenager but a lean and toned man. Liam reached his hand to remove the hair band in Aidan's hair.
"You cut your hair," Liam said, running his chilled hands through the thick auburn hair.
"Actually Cheza cut it. Noel thought it would look nice, well actually the crazy asshole chased me around the house with a pair of scissors. I was just tired of him saying I looked like a girl, so I let him get Cheza to do the hacking. But it's been cool not having to mess with it long anymore, it was getting pretty ratty not having a extra set of hands to help me with it," Aidan replied without thought.
After a second of silence Aidan realized what he had said. Eyes wide he lifted himself up to look at Liam. Before he could open his mouth Liam spoke.
"It does look nice, it makes you look mature."
Liam couldn't hide the hurt he felt. When he was alive he had cherished Aidan's hair, the feel of it covering his body in a soft warm wave, the smell an arousing mix of vanilla and cinnamon. Aidan had often teased in hushed bedroom whispers that it was for him. In its own way it had become a symbol of their commitment to one another. Now it was gone.
"How is everyone doing?" Liam asked.
"Good- uh, good really," Aidan struggled through the words but was willing to change the subject for the moment. "Cheza is getting married soon. You should meet this guy she's got," Aidan snorted, "Super-jock, plays pro football. Its great to watch her try and get us to mingle with him and his macho guy pals. Just picture Nate and Ryan trying to keep their cool while playing touch football with a bunch of gym-toned hard bodies. He's a real sweet guy though, treats her great so we can't really give him a hard time, or try and jump the bones of all his hot friends."
Liam watched amused as Aidan lost himself in talking about his friends. His whole body became animated as he continued to fill him in on everyone's lives.
"Ryan is still in med school, which still amazes me. He's the smartest guy I know but he faints at the sight of blood"¦I guess he'll have to have some sexy male nurse hold him up while he's operating. Umm lets see, oh Nate! After his band flopped he joined the army or marines"¦or something equally appalling. Anyway three weeks into boot camp he writes telling us that he's met the man of his dreams."
"And Noel?" Liam questioned. They both knew the past, but the tension seemed new. Noel and Liam had been as close as brothers since childhood, the outspoken activist and the antisocial writer. Aidan was the first and only thing to be driven between the two friends. Noel had made no secret of his feelings toward the energetic boy, which made Liam's acceptance of Aidan's affections that much harder for him to take. Kinship has won out over jealously in the end and the three had remained good friends. Looking into Aidan's nervous eyes Liam wondered if his best friend had really ever gotten over his feelings.
"Noel's good too. He got his detective's badge, youngest guy in the precinct to get it too. He requested homicide, and like magic that bastard found a way to make me his aide. Its not bad, its been fun having another pal around, but if he asks me to get him coffee one more damn time I swear I'll deck him," Aidan smiled but it didn't make it to his eyes.
"And?" Liam asked. He knew, but he needed to hear it from Aidan.
"And"¦shit," Aidan looked down at his lap. He knew this had to happen, it did. But until this moment he had hoped he could avoid it, just skip it, make like nothing was different. He didn't want things to change again; he was not good with change.
"Noel asked me out," he paused trying to gather his thoughts and find the right words. "He asked me out and I said yes. It was just good friends going out, right? Yeah, well things just happened"¦. things I wanted to happen."
"Do you love him?"
"No"¦yes, maybe. I don't know it all just happened," Aidan looked up at Liam, his face displayed the weight of six years of grief and sadness. "I was so lost those first couple years after you left, God after you were killed Liam. Killed right in front of me, protecting me. I didn't want to live anymore. The guys were all off doing their own things, Cheza was starting the new relationship thing and I couldn't stand to be around her. She was so god damn happy she glowed. I spent two years locked in home, our home. Noel was the only one that stuck through all my shit, he put up with"¦everything. The pain never stopped, but once I was able to stand the thought of living he helped me get into the force. I was able to work to stop people like those that took you away. I was as happy as was possible back then knowing that somehow I was stopping the past from repeating," Aidan stopped to wipe at the tears that had slowly begun glide down his cheeks. He took a deep shuttering breath before he continued. He knew if he stopped now he would not have the will to bring it up ever again.
"It was hard, like learning to ties your shoes with one hand. Half of me was gone. But I got through it, with help from Noel, Cheza and the guys. Yet as normal as my life is getting I still keep coming back here, to you. Every year just to see if you will still be here waiting for me. And you are, my soul mate, my lover"¦my guardian angel. I can't stop coming here Liam, I love you still, forever. It hurts how much I need you here. I'm broken without you, yet I'm broken relying on you staying here. How can I be in love with Noel if I can't get you out of my system?"
The seconds passed by like years as Aidan stared up into Liam's thoughtful face with his own face pleading for something he knew Liam couldn't give. The air around them chilled and the distant park lights flickered. Liam looked towards the light's dim glow.
"I have been so selfish. How will you ever forgive me Aidan?" His voice was quiet but it carried in the calm night. Aidan was stunned. His body hunched as if physically taking the blow of Liam's words.
"Baby, oh god"¦no I didn't, never I didn't mean it that way. You have never been selfish, I don't even think it\'s possible for you," Aidan tried to smile but it was lost to the sinking feel in his heart. Instead he pulled himself up and took Liam's face in his hands and pressed his warm lips on cold in a firm yet gentle kiss. Embracing the feel of him pressed against his body Liam wrapped his arms around Aidan's waist. His tear ducks had dried up long ago leaving him unable to express his anguish in tears like Aidan. Aidan reluctantly pulled away keeping his body close.
"I love you so much. I wanted to die that day just to follow you forever, but I didn't and I need to accept that. I'll never get over you, not really. You're a part of me until the day I die," Aidan took Liam's hand and placed it over his heart, his own hand laying over Liam's ignoring the dried blood. "We're here, you and me, always. But it's not fair, for either of us, to keep doing this every year. It's killing me. Every year seeing you for only an hour and then losing you again"¦it's too hard, and I can't do it anymore"¦I'm so sorry. You see it has been me that has been selfish, keeping you here when you have more than deserved your rest."
"We were always too stubborn to do things the easy way weren't we?" Liam smiled. His body felt light, a great weight lifted off his very being. Aidan was able to give a slight smile in return, still too hurt for his usual bright grin. "Don't be sorry for your feelings Aidan. I love you, so much so it has blinded me from seeing the truth. As much as it hurts to know I can no longer be with you, I feel reassured and happy that you have found your own place in life. You've become the man I always knew you could be, strong willed, determined and compassionate. I wish I could stay here with you forever, but I would only be stopping you from moving forward. I see that now, and so do you."
"I don't want you to go."
"No, but you need me to go. Your right about me, I need to rest, give you the space you need to live your beautiful life. Knowing you are safe and protected is all I ever wanted. I thought only I could keep you safe and loved, but I see how arrogant I was now. I'll be waiting for you, Aidan"¦but this is your time now, make the most of it, please." Liam felt himself once again pulled into Aidan's warm embrace, mouths dancing, telling of the goodbye that words could not. Forcing himself to let go Liam pulled back.
"Don't cry for me anymore, love. Your eyes are too handsome to be marred by the redness of tears," Liam ran his thumb under Aidan's eyes. "Live Aidan"¦oh and tell Noel that if he hurts you I do not have any problem with coming back to haunt his ass."
Aidan grinned despite the tears that still leaked from his eyes. The pain was nearly unbearable as he forced himself to watch as Liam disappeared.
"Until we meet again."
Once Liam was gone Aidan sat on the swing somehow hoping to find it warm from Liam's body. The rubber seat was colder that the chill air around him. He bit his lip to keep the hysterical sob from coming to the surface.
Looking up at the night sky he felt himself relax, an invisible force calming his nerves and allowing him to think. He sighed as he thought about how his life would be. How he would pick up the pieces and put himself back together, a makeshift version of him before Liam had been killed. He placed a hand over his heart and felt the thump of each beat, a reassuring rhythm that reminded him he was still alive.
The End
Thanx for reading....don\'t forget to rate or review on your way out....Ciao
Warnings - Boy/Boy Love, WAFF and sap....and a little angst thrown in for good measure.
(no updates, just trying to go through and correct the errors that seem to pop up after awhile on this site)
It wasn't until 11:30pm that Aidan allowed himself to get ready. If he started earlier he would have too much time; too much time to think, too much time to worry.
He sat on the bed naked with his knees drawn up to his chest. Staring blindly at the glowing clock on the nightstand he chewed his bottom lip nervously. It wasn't until the minute hand of the clock clicked over to six that he got up off the bed.
It happened this way every year. His mind would go on sudden autopilot for the next half hour, giving him mission after mission he needed to complete. Mission one: get dressed. He dragged himself over to the small closet on the left side of the room and pulled out what he would wear. As usual the outfit consisted mainly of black. He wore a form fitting pair of leather pants that had begun to become dull. With it he wore a snug fitting crimson colored tee that brought out the red tint in his auburn colored hair.
Glancing into the mirror he noticed his skin was becoming pale again and the black circles under his violet eyes were all the more noticeable. Great he thought, now he'd have to double up on the vitamins if he was going to look presentable for work on Monday. He tied his shoulder length hair into a loose ponytail to keep it out of his way for the night. Deciding he was ready he put on his shoes and jacket and headed out the door ignoring the nagging feeling deep within his gut telling him he was disappointing his friends yet again.
Mission two: get out of the damn car. He had been parked in the eerily dark parking lot for five minutes now debating with himself if he should do this again. He stared at the empty playground with mixed emotions swimming through his eyes. Sadness, fear, longing or maybe regret, any could apply to him at that moment. The car stereo showed 11:45. Just to be stubborn he checked his wristwatch as well. Fifteen minutes to go. Sighing almost explosively he grabbed the door handle and opened the door.
He couldn't help the fast pace as he marched over to the two-person swing set. Sitting down on one of the swings he allowed his mind to wander for fourteen minutes. He held up his wrist to check the time: 11:59. His heart leapt in his chest as he counted off the seconds till midnight. 60, 59, 58"¦ Sudden anxiety and fear slithered its way up his spine 44, 43, 42. What if it doesn't work this time? 30, 29, 28. What if I really am insane? He shook his head violently and closed his eyes. "˜No, I'm not crazy. I'm not. This is real"¦it has to be,' he bit his bottom lip to keep the panicked scream that threatened to escape from leaving his throat. 10, 9, 8. Please. 7, 6, 5. I don't want to be lost anymore. 4, 3, 2"¦tell me I'm not crazy...1.
The park was deathly silent. He kept his eyes tightly shut despite the overwhelming need that coarsed through him to look, to see, to know. And then it happened and his world fell into a mock sense of balance. The deep, slightly nasal voice cut through to his very heart.
"You can open your eyes now, moron," a male voice laughed to his right.
Aidan eyes snapped open to the familiar voice and familiar insult. Afraid to move and somehow make the vision disappear, he only looked at the man sitting next to him on the opposite swing. He took in everything trying desperately to photograph the image in his mind. The young man was around nineteen and nearly five-foot-ten, which was hard to tell by his sitting position but he knew. His face was white, not pale like his own but white. His eyes were still that same brilliant shade of cerulean blue that had once looked upon him with such warmth and love. The man's hair was a deep chocolate brown that appeared almost black in the dimly lit playground, it was short yet messy and hung over his eyes in odd places. His sharp facial features were now showing a hint of his amusement at the other man\'s behavior.
"Are you feeling well, Aidan?" the young man asked.
That shook the stunned man out of his ponderings. He grinned while his eyes filled with unshed tears. He slowly slid down to embrace the young man around his waist.
"Dammit Liam," Aidan mumbled affectionately against the other man's chest. He looked up after a minute, still not breaking the physical contact that he had been craving for a year now. "Never one to be late are you? I swear every year it's the same exact time"¦not even a freaking second off," he smiled as he chuckled at his own humor, "You'd think death would cure you of being that anal."
The young man, Liam, laughed along with him, "That one is entirely too easy. But to answer your"¦statement, I have no control over when the powers-that-be send me here, Aidan." He raised his eyebrow when Aidan snorted.
"Yeah, yeah. I\'ve heard it all before. But its cryptic you know. Sending you back the exact time and place you, well you know," Aidan looked sheepishly up at Liam when he realized he interrupted their well-rehearsed banter. Liam however was now fixated on the rust colored stain on his shirt. On the shirt were three nearly identical shaped holes, around them was a large ring of the dark rust colored stain. They both knew what it was, there was no getting around it; Liam had three bullet holes through the left side of his chest. Liam looked into Aidan's eyes, his face held a grief filled expression that tore at his heart. "I am so sorry, so very sorry, Aidan," Liam's voice wavered as he began to remember. Remember his death, his murder.
"Shhh, don't do this Liam. It's ok. Lets not waste our only hour on the past," Aidan tried lamely to comfort himself and Liam. He placed his warm hand on Liam's cold cheek. It was always a shock that first touch, it made things all the more depressing and helpless to know that he was living while the love of his life was a corpse.
They both knew there was no going back to that terrifying and life altering night when Liam died. When Liam was murdered right here in this park six long years ago. They had been here, their secret place to remember their precious beginning, when three older men attacked them accusing them of being demons and sinning against their god. The men had gone after Aidan first because of his more feminine look. They taunted him and told him he was trying so hard to be a bitch they would treat him as one. It was when they had threatened rape that Liam lost control and violently fought back against their crazed attackers. When he pried Aidan out of their hold he stood in front of him to protect him. It was then that one of the men took out his gun and fired three rapid-fire shots aimed for Liam's heart. They ran off before his body hit the ground.
Aidan felt the tears threaten to fall as Liam lifted him up to be at eye level with him. When Liam had died they had both been nineteen years old, now Aidan was twenty-five while Liam was still haunting him in the young body he was killed in. Aidan refused to let that small detail distract him from enjoying these few precious moments. The tears he had been holding back fell in burning hot streaks down his face. "This is real," Aidan smiled through his pain; "Hate failed to break apart us apart."
"Your right love," Liam held on tightly to the only person who had meant anything to him in life, and was the anchor for him to return in his afterlife. They sat together in a gentle embrace each lost in their own thoughts. Liam watched as Aidan relaxed to his touch and the tears subsided. It was then that he really looked at his lover's face. Aidan was no longer the youthful rebel that had caught his eye when they had first met so many years ago. Back when they were in high school struggling with their own identities and new found feelings. Liam held Aidan closer as he thought back on how he had avoided him, not trusting his young emotions. It had been Aidan that pursued him until he surrendered to his own feelings and openly accepted Aidan's love.
He looked down at Aidan and wondered how he had missed it. How he had missed his love's journey into manhood. The man that kneeled before him now was not that joyful boy that he had dedicated his life to. The six years he had been gone had been hard on Aidan. His twenty-five year old face was heavy with exhaustion. Slight lines graced the corners of lavender eyes. He was taller now and had filled in nicely to his height, no longer the lithe teenager but a lean and toned man. Liam reached his hand to remove the hair band in Aidan's hair.
"You cut your hair," Liam said, running his chilled hands through the thick auburn hair.
"Actually Cheza cut it. Noel thought it would look nice, well actually the crazy asshole chased me around the house with a pair of scissors. I was just tired of him saying I looked like a girl, so I let him get Cheza to do the hacking. But it's been cool not having to mess with it long anymore, it was getting pretty ratty not having a extra set of hands to help me with it," Aidan replied without thought.
After a second of silence Aidan realized what he had said. Eyes wide he lifted himself up to look at Liam. Before he could open his mouth Liam spoke.
"It does look nice, it makes you look mature."
Liam couldn't hide the hurt he felt. When he was alive he had cherished Aidan's hair, the feel of it covering his body in a soft warm wave, the smell an arousing mix of vanilla and cinnamon. Aidan had often teased in hushed bedroom whispers that it was for him. In its own way it had become a symbol of their commitment to one another. Now it was gone.
"How is everyone doing?" Liam asked.
"Good- uh, good really," Aidan struggled through the words but was willing to change the subject for the moment. "Cheza is getting married soon. You should meet this guy she's got," Aidan snorted, "Super-jock, plays pro football. Its great to watch her try and get us to mingle with him and his macho guy pals. Just picture Nate and Ryan trying to keep their cool while playing touch football with a bunch of gym-toned hard bodies. He's a real sweet guy though, treats her great so we can't really give him a hard time, or try and jump the bones of all his hot friends."
Liam watched amused as Aidan lost himself in talking about his friends. His whole body became animated as he continued to fill him in on everyone's lives.
"Ryan is still in med school, which still amazes me. He's the smartest guy I know but he faints at the sight of blood"¦I guess he'll have to have some sexy male nurse hold him up while he's operating. Umm lets see, oh Nate! After his band flopped he joined the army or marines"¦or something equally appalling. Anyway three weeks into boot camp he writes telling us that he's met the man of his dreams."
"And Noel?" Liam questioned. They both knew the past, but the tension seemed new. Noel and Liam had been as close as brothers since childhood, the outspoken activist and the antisocial writer. Aidan was the first and only thing to be driven between the two friends. Noel had made no secret of his feelings toward the energetic boy, which made Liam's acceptance of Aidan's affections that much harder for him to take. Kinship has won out over jealously in the end and the three had remained good friends. Looking into Aidan's nervous eyes Liam wondered if his best friend had really ever gotten over his feelings.
"Noel's good too. He got his detective's badge, youngest guy in the precinct to get it too. He requested homicide, and like magic that bastard found a way to make me his aide. Its not bad, its been fun having another pal around, but if he asks me to get him coffee one more damn time I swear I'll deck him," Aidan smiled but it didn't make it to his eyes.
"And?" Liam asked. He knew, but he needed to hear it from Aidan.
"And"¦shit," Aidan looked down at his lap. He knew this had to happen, it did. But until this moment he had hoped he could avoid it, just skip it, make like nothing was different. He didn't want things to change again; he was not good with change.
"Noel asked me out," he paused trying to gather his thoughts and find the right words. "He asked me out and I said yes. It was just good friends going out, right? Yeah, well things just happened"¦. things I wanted to happen."
"Do you love him?"
"No"¦yes, maybe. I don't know it all just happened," Aidan looked up at Liam, his face displayed the weight of six years of grief and sadness. "I was so lost those first couple years after you left, God after you were killed Liam. Killed right in front of me, protecting me. I didn't want to live anymore. The guys were all off doing their own things, Cheza was starting the new relationship thing and I couldn't stand to be around her. She was so god damn happy she glowed. I spent two years locked in home, our home. Noel was the only one that stuck through all my shit, he put up with"¦everything. The pain never stopped, but once I was able to stand the thought of living he helped me get into the force. I was able to work to stop people like those that took you away. I was as happy as was possible back then knowing that somehow I was stopping the past from repeating," Aidan stopped to wipe at the tears that had slowly begun glide down his cheeks. He took a deep shuttering breath before he continued. He knew if he stopped now he would not have the will to bring it up ever again.
"It was hard, like learning to ties your shoes with one hand. Half of me was gone. But I got through it, with help from Noel, Cheza and the guys. Yet as normal as my life is getting I still keep coming back here, to you. Every year just to see if you will still be here waiting for me. And you are, my soul mate, my lover"¦my guardian angel. I can't stop coming here Liam, I love you still, forever. It hurts how much I need you here. I'm broken without you, yet I'm broken relying on you staying here. How can I be in love with Noel if I can't get you out of my system?"
The seconds passed by like years as Aidan stared up into Liam's thoughtful face with his own face pleading for something he knew Liam couldn't give. The air around them chilled and the distant park lights flickered. Liam looked towards the light's dim glow.
"I have been so selfish. How will you ever forgive me Aidan?" His voice was quiet but it carried in the calm night. Aidan was stunned. His body hunched as if physically taking the blow of Liam's words.
"Baby, oh god"¦no I didn't, never I didn't mean it that way. You have never been selfish, I don't even think it\'s possible for you," Aidan tried to smile but it was lost to the sinking feel in his heart. Instead he pulled himself up and took Liam's face in his hands and pressed his warm lips on cold in a firm yet gentle kiss. Embracing the feel of him pressed against his body Liam wrapped his arms around Aidan's waist. His tear ducks had dried up long ago leaving him unable to express his anguish in tears like Aidan. Aidan reluctantly pulled away keeping his body close.
"I love you so much. I wanted to die that day just to follow you forever, but I didn't and I need to accept that. I'll never get over you, not really. You're a part of me until the day I die," Aidan took Liam's hand and placed it over his heart, his own hand laying over Liam's ignoring the dried blood. "We're here, you and me, always. But it's not fair, for either of us, to keep doing this every year. It's killing me. Every year seeing you for only an hour and then losing you again"¦it's too hard, and I can't do it anymore"¦I'm so sorry. You see it has been me that has been selfish, keeping you here when you have more than deserved your rest."
"We were always too stubborn to do things the easy way weren't we?" Liam smiled. His body felt light, a great weight lifted off his very being. Aidan was able to give a slight smile in return, still too hurt for his usual bright grin. "Don't be sorry for your feelings Aidan. I love you, so much so it has blinded me from seeing the truth. As much as it hurts to know I can no longer be with you, I feel reassured and happy that you have found your own place in life. You've become the man I always knew you could be, strong willed, determined and compassionate. I wish I could stay here with you forever, but I would only be stopping you from moving forward. I see that now, and so do you."
"I don't want you to go."
"No, but you need me to go. Your right about me, I need to rest, give you the space you need to live your beautiful life. Knowing you are safe and protected is all I ever wanted. I thought only I could keep you safe and loved, but I see how arrogant I was now. I'll be waiting for you, Aidan"¦but this is your time now, make the most of it, please." Liam felt himself once again pulled into Aidan's warm embrace, mouths dancing, telling of the goodbye that words could not. Forcing himself to let go Liam pulled back.
"Don't cry for me anymore, love. Your eyes are too handsome to be marred by the redness of tears," Liam ran his thumb under Aidan's eyes. "Live Aidan"¦oh and tell Noel that if he hurts you I do not have any problem with coming back to haunt his ass."
Aidan grinned despite the tears that still leaked from his eyes. The pain was nearly unbearable as he forced himself to watch as Liam disappeared.
"Until we meet again."
Once Liam was gone Aidan sat on the swing somehow hoping to find it warm from Liam's body. The rubber seat was colder that the chill air around him. He bit his lip to keep the hysterical sob from coming to the surface.
Looking up at the night sky he felt himself relax, an invisible force calming his nerves and allowing him to think. He sighed as he thought about how his life would be. How he would pick up the pieces and put himself back together, a makeshift version of him before Liam had been killed. He placed a hand over his heart and felt the thump of each beat, a reassuring rhythm that reminded him he was still alive.
The End
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