I'm so Numb
folder
DarkFic › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
798
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
DarkFic › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
798
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
I'm so Numb
I'm so Numb
I walk into my room slowly, close the door, and lock it. I'm soo upset to even see straight, I sit on my bed and place my headphones over my ears. She'll never apologize for the things she said...she never does...it's time for my usual treatment to keep me somewhat sane. I pull out my dragon dagger and look at it in the dim light and incense smoke of my room. I hit play on my CD player, my Linkin Park Meteora DC is in, she'll never understand what she does to me.....never.
I fast forward to the song that describes how I feel....number 13....Numb, the words start and I sing aloud.
"I'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you."
I draw the blade down my arm just enough to draw blood in lines down my arms, but I continue singing like nothing is wrong.
"Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you."
I look at the blood and marvel that I don't feel the pain that I should. I never cut deep enough for it to be dangerous...just enough to feel alive inside and out. It's because of her that this is necessary....but it's not like anyone cares....or anyone notices. My skin heals too quickly and leaves hardly any scars; that's fine by me, I don't want their attention....I turn the volume up as I dig the blade a little deeper into my arm.
"Every step that I take
Is another mistake to you
And every second I waste
Is more than I can take!
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
And I know
I may end up failing too...."
I feel the tears burning behind my eyes, but I blink them back, I won't cry because of her. I look at my arm, red from blood and skin irritation. I feel the truth in the words of the song....to her, I am a failure. A single tear escapes and I turn back and stab my wall repeatedly, afraid of what I'd now do to myself. When I'm calmer I just look at the blade and sing in a much quieter voice.
"But I kn ow
You were just like me
With someone disapointed in you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you."
The tip of the blade gleams red and had white drywall on the tip, amazing how much a small thing can make on feel so much.
"I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there."
In a way I'm glad for the escape from the Hell I've learned to live in. I'm damned probably, but as lond as I go to Hell alone it doesn't matter.
"I'm tired of being what you want me to be."
The song ends, already the blood flow is slowing and I feel myself numbing again, preparing for the rest of the day. I put some bandages over the cuts and change into a long sleeved black shirt, mentally prepared for the day and my emotions locked away until next time.
I put on the 'nothing is wrong' face just as she knocks on the door. I answer, "Yeah mom?"
"I need you to do some errands for me."
I knew there was a reason.....I'm shit to her....until she needs or wants something done for her. But I know I love her somewhere deep below the pain, she is my mother after all, even if she doesn't always act like it. I unlock the door and look at her calmly, "Make a list and I'll be out ther in a second."
She nods and walked away as I close the door. I take my miniature tiger dagger and run it along a paice of my pale skin, I may love her but it still hurts. I cover the cut, grab my purse, my keys, and head for the door.
Still as I leave the safety of my room I wish I could just let go and take my own life's blood, but I still have to much to do..........
Never end, because life doesn't end with one story....unless you commit suicide afterwards.......which I have no intention of doing.....suicide is stupid and a waste of life.
I walk into my room slowly, close the door, and lock it. I'm soo upset to even see straight, I sit on my bed and place my headphones over my ears. She'll never apologize for the things she said...she never does...it's time for my usual treatment to keep me somewhat sane. I pull out my dragon dagger and look at it in the dim light and incense smoke of my room. I hit play on my CD player, my Linkin Park Meteora DC is in, she'll never understand what she does to me.....never.
I fast forward to the song that describes how I feel....number 13....Numb, the words start and I sing aloud.
"I'm tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you."
I draw the blade down my arm just enough to draw blood in lines down my arms, but I continue singing like nothing is wrong.
"Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you."
I look at the blood and marvel that I don't feel the pain that I should. I never cut deep enough for it to be dangerous...just enough to feel alive inside and out. It's because of her that this is necessary....but it's not like anyone cares....or anyone notices. My skin heals too quickly and leaves hardly any scars; that's fine by me, I don't want their attention....I turn the volume up as I dig the blade a little deeper into my arm.
"Every step that I take
Is another mistake to you
And every second I waste
Is more than I can take!
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
And I know
I may end up failing too...."
I feel the tears burning behind my eyes, but I blink them back, I won't cry because of her. I look at my arm, red from blood and skin irritation. I feel the truth in the words of the song....to her, I am a failure. A single tear escapes and I turn back and stab my wall repeatedly, afraid of what I'd now do to myself. When I'm calmer I just look at the blade and sing in a much quieter voice.
"But I kn ow
You were just like me
With someone disapointed in you
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you."
The tip of the blade gleams red and had white drywall on the tip, amazing how much a small thing can make on feel so much.
"I've become so numb
I can't feel you there
I've become so numb
I can't feel you there."
In a way I'm glad for the escape from the Hell I've learned to live in. I'm damned probably, but as lond as I go to Hell alone it doesn't matter.
"I'm tired of being what you want me to be."
The song ends, already the blood flow is slowing and I feel myself numbing again, preparing for the rest of the day. I put some bandages over the cuts and change into a long sleeved black shirt, mentally prepared for the day and my emotions locked away until next time.
I put on the 'nothing is wrong' face just as she knocks on the door. I answer, "Yeah mom?"
"I need you to do some errands for me."
I knew there was a reason.....I'm shit to her....until she needs or wants something done for her. But I know I love her somewhere deep below the pain, she is my mother after all, even if she doesn't always act like it. I unlock the door and look at her calmly, "Make a list and I'll be out ther in a second."
She nods and walked away as I close the door. I take my miniature tiger dagger and run it along a paice of my pale skin, I may love her but it still hurts. I cover the cut, grab my purse, my keys, and head for the door.
Still as I leave the safety of my room I wish I could just let go and take my own life's blood, but I still have to much to do..........
Never end, because life doesn't end with one story....unless you commit suicide afterwards.......which I have no intention of doing.....suicide is stupid and a waste of life.