Untitled

After all those memories
Singing to me when
I couldn’t sleep
Holding me when my
worst fears came true
I find out you’re gone
You’ve left me, after all
When I’ve spent my
whole life holding on
Waiting for the time
that this too would be
ripped from my grasp
It finally happened.
And All I can think
Is that now it’s over
There’s this big black hole
Where my life used to be

All those times I laughed
And knew safety
When I knew I was taken care of
By a force that could love me
Through anything
It must have been a lie
It must be true, then
That no one can love me
If even you can’t
Bring yourself to.
I’m your own flesh and blood
And all I can think
Is that I haven’t made you proud.
That I’m not what you wanted
Me to become, and that must mean
I’m not as I should be.
If all my life, all I wanted
Was to see you look at me
As if I was enough to fill you up
If all I ever wanted
Was to see you happy
Then what is my life
Now that I’ve failed?

So I’m not worth loving, then.
Is this what you’re telling me?
That if you can’t bring yourself
To see me with light in your eyes
No one can see me at all.
After I fought so hard against that one,
Now you’re saying it as well.
After you held me
And said it wasn’t true
You tell me that it is.
After you cried and told me that
The nightmares were horrible
You created some for yourself.
Yet somehow I’m not good enough
To make you proud.
Somehow I’m not kind enough
To be a good
Sister
Daughter
And then I’m left with
No definition, no title at all
Just one big mass
With no shell or shape