The Tail of the Priest’s Mare
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Category:
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
1
Views:
926
Reviews:
1
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
The Tail of the Priest’s Mare
The Tail of the Priest’s Mare
This is a short piece I wrote for an SCA bardic competition, based on a tale from “the Dicameron” by Boccaccio. I adapted the story to better fit my Irish persona while trying to keep the humor intact.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, we all know from listening to the priest on Sunday, that the lord God despises all those perform magic and deal in incantations and spells. And it is not for our souls sakes only that these strictures are given but also for very practical reasons, as I will explain.
In the village where I grew up, there lived a miller named Jacob and his wife, Maeve. They were not very rich, having only their little house and stable, their mill and a donkey to turn the mill wheel and pull the cart that took grain to the mill and flour and meal back from it.
One of Jacob’s oldest friends was a priest named Father John. The father’s parish was a poor one and so he was obliged to work for his living. So he traveled about with his wagon and mare, delivering goods from one part of the county to another. Whenever he was in the village where Jacob and Maeve live he would stop to visit and if the hour was late would spend the night, sleeping in the stable with the donkey and mare.
This troubled Maeve greatly, for she was a good hostess and dislike the idea of a guest, and a man of the cloth at that, sleeping with the beasts. So, at Father John’s next visit she declared that she would spend the night at their neighbors so the good father could sleep with Jacob in the bed.
“My good daughter,” the priest protested, “I would never think of asking you to leave your home and bed on my account. Indeed, it is no sacrifice to sleep in the stable; for I have a spell by which I may change my good mare into a beautiful young woman and I lie in her arms all night long. Come dawn, I change her back into a horse and we return to our work.”
Now Maeve was a very pretty woman and as silly as she was pretty. So she believed every word of the priest’s story and ran to tell her husband. “Perhaps,” she suggested, “you could get your old friend to teach you his spell. Then you could change me into a mare and while the donkey turns the mill wheel, I can handle the deliveries and we can do more and better business than we’re doing now.”
Jacob (who was almost as silly as his wife) agreed that was a good idea and at supper that evening they approached Father John on the matter. At first he refused but seeing how determined they both were said at last, “Very well. Tomorrow, at first light, come down to the stable and I’ll show you how it’s done. The hardest part will be putting on the tail. Pray God it sticks on well.”
As the first rays of dawn began to shine, Father John awoke Jacob and maeve and bid them join him in the stable. Once there, he told Maeve to remove her nightgown and get down on the floor on her hands and knees, as if she was a beast. “Now, my son,” he said to Jacob, “watch carefully everything I say and do but take care that you do not move or speak; for if you do the spell will be ruined and I can only teach it to you once.” Jacob agreed and stood to the side, determined to take careful note of all his old friend said and did.
Father John stood behind Maeve and placed his hands on her head. “Let this be the beautiful head of a mare.” he declared. He then placed his hands over her hair and said, “Let this be the beautiful mane of a mare.” Then he ran his hands over her hands and arms and said, “Let these be the beautiful legs and hooves of a mare.” He then stroked her breasts (and finding them to be firm and well-sized, a certain something-or-other was stirred on him) and said, “Let this be the beautiful chest of a mare.” And on he went, until he reached her bottom, whereupon he declared, “and let this be the beautiful tail of a mare!” And with that he lifted his nightshirt and was about to place the plowshare God has granted men into the furrow for which it was intended when Jacob protested,
“Oh no, Father, I don’t want a tail there!”
Father John stood up, letting his nightshirt fall back into place, and said reprovingly,”Oh Jacob, didn’t I tell you to keep still and watch? Now the spell is ruined and I can never teach it to you again.”
At those words, Maeve, still unclothed, got to her feet and began to scold, “Jacob you fool! When did you ever see a mare that didn’t ha tai tail? I swear, you’re a poor man and you deserve to be poorer!”
Well, I’m happy to say that the friendship between Jacob and Father John was not much hurt by this incident. The good father continued to visit and was always made welcome. But you may be sure Jacob never again asked his old friend to perform any more magic ot teach him any more spells.
This is a short piece I wrote for an SCA bardic competition, based on a tale from “the Dicameron” by Boccaccio. I adapted the story to better fit my Irish persona while trying to keep the humor intact.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now, we all know from listening to the priest on Sunday, that the lord God despises all those perform magic and deal in incantations and spells. And it is not for our souls sakes only that these strictures are given but also for very practical reasons, as I will explain.
In the village where I grew up, there lived a miller named Jacob and his wife, Maeve. They were not very rich, having only their little house and stable, their mill and a donkey to turn the mill wheel and pull the cart that took grain to the mill and flour and meal back from it.
One of Jacob’s oldest friends was a priest named Father John. The father’s parish was a poor one and so he was obliged to work for his living. So he traveled about with his wagon and mare, delivering goods from one part of the county to another. Whenever he was in the village where Jacob and Maeve live he would stop to visit and if the hour was late would spend the night, sleeping in the stable with the donkey and mare.
This troubled Maeve greatly, for she was a good hostess and dislike the idea of a guest, and a man of the cloth at that, sleeping with the beasts. So, at Father John’s next visit she declared that she would spend the night at their neighbors so the good father could sleep with Jacob in the bed.
“My good daughter,” the priest protested, “I would never think of asking you to leave your home and bed on my account. Indeed, it is no sacrifice to sleep in the stable; for I have a spell by which I may change my good mare into a beautiful young woman and I lie in her arms all night long. Come dawn, I change her back into a horse and we return to our work.”
Now Maeve was a very pretty woman and as silly as she was pretty. So she believed every word of the priest’s story and ran to tell her husband. “Perhaps,” she suggested, “you could get your old friend to teach you his spell. Then you could change me into a mare and while the donkey turns the mill wheel, I can handle the deliveries and we can do more and better business than we’re doing now.”
Jacob (who was almost as silly as his wife) agreed that was a good idea and at supper that evening they approached Father John on the matter. At first he refused but seeing how determined they both were said at last, “Very well. Tomorrow, at first light, come down to the stable and I’ll show you how it’s done. The hardest part will be putting on the tail. Pray God it sticks on well.”
As the first rays of dawn began to shine, Father John awoke Jacob and maeve and bid them join him in the stable. Once there, he told Maeve to remove her nightgown and get down on the floor on her hands and knees, as if she was a beast. “Now, my son,” he said to Jacob, “watch carefully everything I say and do but take care that you do not move or speak; for if you do the spell will be ruined and I can only teach it to you once.” Jacob agreed and stood to the side, determined to take careful note of all his old friend said and did.
Father John stood behind Maeve and placed his hands on her head. “Let this be the beautiful head of a mare.” he declared. He then placed his hands over her hair and said, “Let this be the beautiful mane of a mare.” Then he ran his hands over her hands and arms and said, “Let these be the beautiful legs and hooves of a mare.” He then stroked her breasts (and finding them to be firm and well-sized, a certain something-or-other was stirred on him) and said, “Let this be the beautiful chest of a mare.” And on he went, until he reached her bottom, whereupon he declared, “and let this be the beautiful tail of a mare!” And with that he lifted his nightshirt and was about to place the plowshare God has granted men into the furrow for which it was intended when Jacob protested,
“Oh no, Father, I don’t want a tail there!”
Father John stood up, letting his nightshirt fall back into place, and said reprovingly,”Oh Jacob, didn’t I tell you to keep still and watch? Now the spell is ruined and I can never teach it to you again.”
At those words, Maeve, still unclothed, got to her feet and began to scold, “Jacob you fool! When did you ever see a mare that didn’t ha tai tail? I swear, you’re a poor man and you deserve to be poorer!”
Well, I’m happy to say that the friendship between Jacob and Father John was not much hurt by this incident. The good father continued to visit and was always made welcome. But you may be sure Jacob never again asked his old friend to perform any more magic ot teach him any more spells.