Wankin' Willy and his Wooly Willy

Wankin’ Willy will wank nevermore.
He wanked his willy ‘til it was hurt, red and sore.
So much abuse made Willy’s willy sad.
When it fell off, Willy lost the only willy he ever had.
Willy didn’t know what to do with his time,
He even thought about committing suicide.
In his depression came to him a plan,
“I need something better to do with my hands.”
So he took up knitting and did just fine.
He was quite good and it took up a lot of his time.
He knitted sweaters, and gloves and shirts,
He even knitted a bathtub that held water and works!
But there was a hollow spot in Willy’s life,
He wanted to have children and even a wife.
Whenever he thought about that he choked back a sob,
Because he didn’t have the right tool for the job.
Then he thought, “Since I knit so good,
I should knit me some new wood!”
So he got his needles and his yarn of wool
And started to fashion his new prosthetic tool.
When he was done he tried it the first night.
He was so pleased with his work that it stood upright.
So he went out and got himself a date.
But when she went down on it she said it itched her face.
Those of you with wool sweaters and willies know,
One shrinks while wet and the other should grow.
It shrank so much when he put it inside,
That his embarrassment he couldn’t hide.
So all you boys who play with your willies should know,
If you like your willy as it is, leave it alone.
Or you will end up like Willy being lonely,
With a willy that is “Dry Clean Only”.