Broken Dreams

“Why can’t you just tell me? Why does it have to be so hard for you to share things with me?” He turned away from her and faced the window.
“I just can’t tell you, okay? You know how it is! I’ve always had a hard time trusting people and it’s not that I don’t trust you I just can’t break down these walls.” She sat down on the bed and just sighed before she said, “You know you could just as easily not have loved me. You can walk out right now and I would understand. I know it’s not easy for you and I never intended to make it hard, it’s just me. This is how I am and there really is no better way to explain it.” She felt absolutely exhausted and she knew it was just a common occurrence in her life.
Turning around, he faced the girl that he knew he would always love, walked over in front of her, got on his knees and took her hands. “I could never just walk out on you; I just don’t understand why you have to be like this. I feel like I don’t even know you and I know I don’t deserve this and that’s never a good feeling. You frustrate the hell out of me.” He just bowed his head waiting for her response.
“Maybe I’m not the best person for you. Maybe you need better. I can’t just stand by and make you suffer like this because of me. You know you could do better and it would definitely be better for you. There wouldn’t be anymore secrets; you would just be with someone who can be open with you.” Taking her hands away from his, she stood up and walked across the room. “You’re right, you don’t deserve this, and I really don’t deserve you. So I’ll tell you what, I’ll just leave and we’ll call it quits. It’s not being fair to you to make you go through this.” She picked up her coat and walked toward the door.
Getting up off his knees he looked at her with confusion and hurt on his face. “So, that’s it? You’re just going to leave me? You’re going to rip my heart out if you walk out that door. I don’t understand you.” He just shook his head.
“Trust me when I say that the damage won’t last nearly as long if I do it now as opposed to later. I have to go.” With that final note, she turned and left.
Running down the stairs and out into the night the cold air made the tears on her cheek turn to ice. She understood what she just did and she knew it would damage her heart permanently this time. There was no going back on this one.

It had been about 5 hours since she’d walked out that door and he still felt lost. He didn’t understand how all this could have happened in so little time. Maybe he deserved it, and maybe it was his entire fault. He just wanted her back here on that bed, lying in his arms.
It wasn’t normal not having her there with him. He was so restless, he just had to go out and do something. Maybe he’d go to that club down the street and work his aggression out there. Man, he was hoping she was just joking and would be waiting back at the place for him when he got back.
Walking outside the cold air blasted him so hard he had to wrap his arms around him to shut it out. He wondered where she was right at this very moment and if she was warm. He hoped she was okay and that she was feeling better than he was.
Sometimes he really didn’t understand himself. This girl had hurt him beyond belief and ripped his heart out and he hoped she was doing alright. He was one crazy sucker. Love definitely hurt more than all those love songs said that it does.

She’d been walking all night and still she was no where. Hell, she didn’t even know what she was doing. It just seemed like if she kept walking then nothing bad had happened, it was like she was walking to his place. The only difference was she wasn’t going back to his place because he didn’t need her around.
This was the best for him and she knew it, regardless if he believed her or not. In the future he wouldn’t remember her and everything would be different for him…better probably. Anyway, it was probably time she went back to her own place.
Turning around she was blasted by a fresh gust of icy wind that made her eyes water. This night was getting colder and colder by the minute. She started walking back in the direction of her house because that was the only place she felt like she could go right now. Though, she didn’t really want to go home at all.
She stopped walking and just thought for a minute. Well, if she didn’t want to go home she could just go to that club. It was definitely better than going home and just sitting there staring and wondering why life was like it was. Making her decision she turned right and started making her way toward the club.
This was definitely going to get some tension out of her shoulders. All she had to do was make it to the club and everything would be great. When she was less than a block away she checked her makeup, walked up to the front of the line and just walked in. It was always nice being friends with the bouncer.
Stepping inside the club her body instantly took to the music and started swaying. After she checked her coat she went over to the bar and ordered herself some vodka. Maybe she’d be able to forget at least one painful thing if she got drunk enough, but now definitely wasn’t the time. Now was the time to step out onto that dance floor and just dance.

This was great! All he had to do was dance with all these hot chicks and he’d feel better in no time. Even though it was a highly doubtful solution it was worth trying. Besides, he was already feeling better than he had a few hours ago.
Noticing a blonde to his left with her back turned and a nice body he back dancing behind her. Feeling a body like this pushed up against him could definitely make him remember certain things about her. Closing his eyes he remembered the exact way she felt in his arms and this was pretty close to it.
He opened his eyes again and the girl turned around. As soon as he noticed who it was his heart broke all over again. He just stood there with a pained look on his face as she turned and ran. He watched her check her coat and decided it was time he went after her.
Running up to the coat check he grabbed his coat and made a dash for the door. Hoping that she had turned right he followed after her. He didn’t see her anywhere in sight and figured she had probably turned left, but there wasn’t enough time to chase her now because she would be long gone.
He figured it was time to go home and call it quits, he would just lay in bed thinking about her and pray that she came back. God his heart hurt so much. He finally reached home, stripped, and just climbed into bed.
Less than half an hour later he was awoken by a pounding on his door. Looking around the room for a pair of boxers and a shirt he jammed them both on. The knocking was still persistent and he said, “HOLD ON! I’m coming!” He opened the door to find a police officer standing outside his door.
“Are you Jonathan Kingston?” The police officer looked tired and very impatient.
“Yeah, that’s me.” He thought for sure that he hadn’t done anything extremely illegal lately.
“Are you a Ms. Alizia Enduit’s fiancé?” This officer seemed to know a lot.
“I am. How can I help you, officer?” He really didn’t like where this seemed to be going.
“Your fiance’ was found brutally stabbed and beaten about 4 blockom Iom Ice Fire, a popular club downtown. We’d like to take you down to the hospital now, if possible.” Now the officer just looked guilty.
Oh God, he hoped she lived. Nodding his head he went and got his pants and keys and was off with the officer. They arrived at the hospital about 15 minutes later and the officer told him where she was.
Walking into her room he saw that she had all these tubes coming out of her. He walked over to her bed, took her hand, and sat down in the chair nearby. She couldn’t die, not so soon.


When her eyes fluttered open about 2 hours later she felt someone holding onto her hand. She turned her head and found him fast asleep with his head in her lap. She really didn’t want to wake him because he looked so peaceful so she tried to turn and go back to sleep.
When she turned his head moved and he woke up. “Are you okay?” He looked so worried when a minute ago he had looked so peaceful and calm.
“I suppose so, I don’t really know. All I know is that it really hurts and I feel cold.” She tried covering herself up with the blankets but they were tucked in there tight. So he got up and pulled the blankets up for her.
Just then the doctor walked in and gestured for him to follow him outside. When they were both outside the doctor said, “I’m afraid she won’t make it. Thers tos too much internal bleeding that we just can’t stop. If she makes it through the day it would be a huge surprise.” The doctor just turned and left.
Walking back into the room he sat down on the bed next to her and just held her in his arms. He never wanted to let her go.
“What’s wrong?” She tried to see his face but he was hiding it in her hair. The pain was too much for her, she needed something for it. “Russ, I hurt so much, I need something for this pain.”
“Just think of something amazing and you’ll be fine. Everything will be fine.” He just held her tighter.
“Tell me, Russ. Tell me what he said.” This time he allowed her to see his face and what she saw there wasn’t good at all.
“You won’t live, there’s too much bleeding. That’s why you still hurt and why you feel cold.” He just looked into her beautiful blue-green eyes and saw the recognition in them.
“Well, that’s always great to hear. Can you just stay here with me, Russ? Can you just hold me and don’t let go.” Her eyelids started feeling heavy and her breathing slowed. He knew it was about time and he couldn’t let her go, not yet.
Looking down into her face he said the last words she would hear, “I will love you always.” And then she was gone, and he cried harder than he had ever cried.