Daydream Believer

The final chapter!  The series finale!  I had a blast writing this.  I really liked changing genres every chapter.  It let me write in genres I haven't written before.  It was a learning experience.  I might just do the July NaNoWriMo event yet.  Anyway, let me know what you thought of this bizarre experiment.  And as always, enjoy!

Chapter 9

            As Pogo yanked with all her might on the rope toy against his iron-tight grip, I thought back to our wedding day.  The impossibly tall, white chapel, double towers of course, had their bells ringing.  It was a bright and sunny day out.  All of our friends and family were there, as well as friends of friends, acquaintances, and even coworkers.  It was a huge gathering.  I had never known that the both of us were so popular.  Everyone was seated.  Some of the women had foldable fans out, fanning themselves from the summer heat.  The chapel’s air conditioner was busted, so the entire place felt more like an oven than a place of worship, but we had figured that something wrong was bound to happen on our wedding day.  If it was just a broken air conditioner, then we were just fine with that.

            My mother had walked me down the aisle first.  I wore a sharp, white tuxedo, with a blue tie, along with white pants and white dress shoes.  Though one of my nerdier friends described me as looking like a villain from Game of Thrones, I was always reminded of a particular brand of chewing gum, one where they came in cubes rather than sticks.  My now-husband always said that I thought with my stomach more than anything.  My hair was short and brown and my face freshly washed (I would hope so!).

            My husband walked second, and he also had his mother walk him down the aisle.  He, instead, wore a much more traditional black and white tuxedo, black pants and shoes.  He had not shaven, so he had a perfect five o’clock shadow going on that day.  I’m sure his mother had tried to persuade him to shave beforehand, but unbeknownst to her, I had already told him not to a week prior.  I preferred him looking that way, and thought it only appropriate that he would be scruffy-looking for our big day.  His black hair had been slicked forward.  Admittedly, he looked like he came straight out of a GQ Magazine cover.  We were both constant smiles and giggles that day.

            The ceremony went forward as usual.  The minister welcomed everybody and gave the usual speech, and invited us to recite our vows.  We did so while blushing and getting teary-eyed.

            “If there is anybody who does not approve of this wedding, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

            Somebody on my husband’s side of the pews jumped up.

            “I disapprove!  That man my cousin’s marrying is actually a female-to-male transsexual!”

            There was a sudden gasp from everyone in the room.

            “And he’s an illegal alien!  Literally!  He’s from the planet Eon Echo V!”

            More gasps.

            I had never been more humiliated.  How could this person possibly know my terrible, horrible secret?  I hadn’t even told my future-husband that yet!

            “I know,” came his voice.  Even more gasps.  “I’ve somehow always known this.  But I can and will look past it, because…I…am actually a robot!”

            He rips his button-down shirt open to reveal a metallic chest plate, along with dozens of wires lining the center.

            “I was built to infiltrate human society and blend in, awaiting new orders, possibly to kill mankind, but my creator never got back to me and, in the meantime, I fell in love.  I gave up any sinister motives I may have had and decided to devote my life to my one true love!  It’s also possible that I may have been made in China.”

            “D’awww…” came the entire audience.

            The ring-bearer, a small boy who was the nephew of one of our cousins, spoke up.

            “I am actually a centuries old Russian spy sent to destroy any trace of our involvement with the Chinese war robotic division, and disapprove of both this sham wedding AND your existence!”

            And then more gasps.

            The flower girl, who I guess was somebody’s daughter or something, made an objection as well.

            “Well I’m actually a Leviathan, an agent of the Old Ones Who Look, and it was my precursors who actually laid the plans out for the Russians to get involved with the Chinese war robotic division, but it was actually for the betterment of mankind and the advancement of the human race since we took such pity and sympathy of them!  It is my official duty to order a ceasefire on all parties involving this conflict, as the War of Blossoms of 1110 decreed that such a travesty that sparked the war should never arise again in the modern day!”

            More gasps, with some women fainting from shock.

            The minister stepped in.

            “Uh…if it matters to anyone, I’m actually a telekinetic, reptilian, bounty hunter, redhead, genius, Asgardian, bipolar, anti-abortion, vegetarian by health issues, single minister.  Anyone?  No?  Alright then, if all objections have been nullified, we may proceed.”

            I’m sure that in the grand scheme of things, our wedding was but one of many uneventful weddings that took place that day, but it will always mean something to the two of us.

            …What the fuck is wrong with me and why the fuck do I daydream this sort of stuff?

The End