Ghosts of The Heart -- Ch. 8 is up.

Lucas accepted the glass of bourbon that David offered. Their fingers brushed, and Lucas almost dropped the glass. David flashed him an apologetic smile and sat down in front of Lucas on the coffee table. They both took long drinks, neither of them looking at each other. David lit a cigarette.

“How do we do this?” David asked him, focusing his gaze on the space of carpet between the toes of his boots.

“I’m not sure.” Lucas said, intently staring at the painting on the wall between the two windows that looked out into the side yard. “should we just start asking questions?”

“I guess so.” David shrugged and took another drink. “You can go first.”

Lucas nodded, but said nothing. Outwardly, he knew he seemed perfectly calm. On the inside, however, it was a completely different story. He knew that he should not have come; hell, he’d known it sitting on the plane. But he’d come this far, and he felt that he deserved David’s explanations. He sighed and closed his eyes. “I guess I’d start with where you’ve been all this time.” He said softly.

David took a hit from his cigarette. “A lot of places.” He said with a shrug. “Detroit, mostly, up until about three years ago, when I moved here. Did some bartending, did even more drinking. Went to school.” He paused for a moment. “When I first left, though, I went to New York. I don’t really remember a lot of the first year after I left. I sort of just fell of the grid, you know? I ended up meeting this guy, Marcus.” He glanced at Lucas to gauge his reaction, but Lucas’s face was so perfectly blank that David would’ve thought he was asleep had he not known better. “Marcus sort of cleaned me up, pointed me in the right direction. Took me to Detroit. Helped me get a job, save up to pay for school.”

“Why did you move here?” Lucas asked.

David grinned. “Marcus fell in love. He met this guy, Will. We moved here so that they could be together. Opened the bar, started breeding the roses.” He gestured, and Lucas glanced at the blackish red blooms in a vase on the side table. “Bacarras.”

“Do you still talk to Marcus?” Lucas asked.

David nodded. “A couple times a week. He and Will drive down when they can get away, but Will does a lot of shows, so that’s not often. He’s a drag queen.” Lucas snorted at this, and David grinned. “I know, right?” David finished what was left in his glass. “You know, Anna’s spent all these years filling my head with lies about you, about how you felt back then, about how you feel now. It would be nice to know the truth, if you could tell me.”

Lucas smirked. “How I feel now? Overwhelmed, stupid, scared.” He shook his head. “Back then, I felt like I’d had my heart broken, David.” He said, and David looked away again. “You left me.”

“You stayed away for two months.” David reminded him. “I couldn’t take it anymore. I thought that if I left, I would heal.”

“Have you?” Lucas asked.

David smiled at him. “Of course I haven’t.” he said, and Lucas bit his bottom lip, looking upset. “Lucas, in a perfect world, I’d wake up next to you every day, and go to sleep beside you every night. There wouldn’t be this big, horrible hole in my chest. If everything worked out the way I wanted it to, all of these years would’ve been happy, with you, not drunk and sick and miserable.” He sighed. “I miss you. Every day. Nothing’s changed. Not for me, at least. Not the way I feel about you. I’ve changed, but that hasn’t.”

“How can you say that?” Lucas asked him, suddenly mad. “You don’t know me anymore. I was just a kid back then, you can’t possibly say you feel the same way.”

David shrugged again. “You don’t get to tell me how I feel, Lucas. It’s just the way it is, the way it always has been. There’s you, and then there’s everything else.” He stood up and began to pace. “I’ve spent all these years trying to pay off some karmic debt to atone for what I did all those years ago. The only thing that never changed was you. You can’t take that away from me, no matter how illogical it is to you.”

Lucas shook his head. “You really mean to say that there’s never been anyone else?” he asked, obviously not believing it for a second.

“Just once.” David admitted. “He looked like you in the dark, though.”

Something in Lucas changed, and he huddled his shoulders and wouldn’t lift his head. David thought the action was curious, even considering the topic at hand, but he didn’t push for an explanation. “Lucas, you came here for the truth, didn’t you?” Lucas nodded. “Then the truth is this; I love you. I always have, and I always will. If the price I have to pay for that is being alone, then I’ll gladly pay it. I kept in contact with Anna because I needed to, because I had to know about you. I was selfish. I know that. I never wanted you to find out, I never wanted to hurt you. I have, and I’m sorry for it, but I can’t change it, and I won’t regret it.” He sat back down on the table. “You’re right when you say that I don’t know you anymore. You don’t know me, either. In my little fantasy world, that would mean we could start over. But we can’t. What’s done is done. I ruined everything. I lied, and I hid things, and then I ran away. I was a stupid kid. I made mistakes. Terrible mistakes. But this is the life I’ve chosen. All of this.” He gestures. “And what I have left of you. It’s enough, most of the time. I like my life. I like who I am now.”

Lucas put his hands against his face. He felt like he was being ripped in half. That part of him that wanted to hurt David was back, and worse than ever. He couldn’t believe he’d done this to himself, that he’d come back to this. He had thought that facing David would be closure. Instead, it was just a thousand more questions, more wounds. He felt like crying, or screaming.

“Lucas…” David said softly, and Lucas felt his hand on his wrist. He let David pull his hands away from his face. “Say something. Anything. Please.”

Lucas opened his mouth. Nothing came out. David was leaning very far forward, one elbow braced on his knee, his fingers still wrapped around Lucas’s wrist. His mismatched eyes were full of concern and sadness, his eyebrows drawn together. Lucas slowly looked down his hand. “Let go.” He said, his voice hoarse. “Please, don’t do that.” David let go of him. “I want this to be over.”

“I know.” David said. “I understand.” He sighed. “What exactly can I do? What do you need to hear?”

Lucas shook his head. “You can’t say anything else.” He said. “There’s not much else to say, really. I don’t think there was anything to say in the first place. What I learned from this little trip didn’t help any, it just made me feel worse.”

“I’m sorry.” David told him.

“Yes, I’m sure you are.” Lucas mumbled. He stood up. “I need to go.” He said. David stood as well. “I shouldn’t have come here.”

“No, you shouldn’t have.” David agreed. “It was nice to see you, though.”

Lucas thought about his. “Was it?” David nodded. “Surprisingly, it was nice to see you, too. It hurt more than I thought it would, but…” he shook his head. “Life is funny. I came all this way, and nothing’s different.”

David studied him for a moment. “Take care of yourself.” He told Lucas. “Please.”

“I will.” Lucas felt like something still needed to be done, or something still needed to be said. He hesitated. “David…” he frowned. “I think there’s something you should know.“

“Is this about the kid in the apartments?” David asked, and Lucas flinched a little. “Anna told me about him. I’m looking into it.”

Lucas nodded slowly. “I feel like there’s something-“

“Unfinished?” David asked, and Lucas nodded. “I know what you mean.” He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “I don’t think that’s ever going to change, you know. Between you and me, there’s always going to be unfinished business.”

“A life we never lived.” Lucas muttered, and missed the painful, longing look on David’s face. He stared down at his shoes. “I don’t know what I was thinking. I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You thought it would help. You were just trying to-“

“Don’t justify this.” Lucas told him, and looked up. “Please, don’t. I feel terrible. Things are just going to be harder now.”

“Why? You got your answers. You know how things are for me, and why I’ve done what I’ve done. That should be enough for you, shouldn’t it?”

“Why do you think that?” Lucas snapped at him. “Some pretty words and a couple of sorries, and you think I’m okay again?”

David looked confused. “Lucas, why wouldn’t you be? You can go home and forget all of this. Figure things out with Anna, or don’t. You and me, it’s over for you now. This was the last loose end, don’t you see that?”

Lucas grabbed David by the front of the shirt. “You think that’s all this is to me? A fucking loose end?” he snarled.

David looked startled. “Of course. You said it yourself, you just want this to be over. After this, I won’t talk to Anna again. You can just…” he waved one hand. “You know, forget about it.”

Lucas hit him. He hadn’t meant to, not really, he just reacted. It wasn’t even really a punch, but it was enough to snap David’s head back and make his lip swell. David squeezed his eyes shut, as if expecting another blow. Lucas leaned down and swiped his mouth over the place he’d hit, and he hadn’t meant to do that either. David was so surprised at the soft touch that he whimpered and yanked away.

“I didn’t mean to do that.” Lucas said. He was shaking and scared; what the hell was all of that? He hadn’t even realized what he was doing until David had pulled away from him.

“Which part?” David asked, touching the tender spot on his lip with the tips of his fingers.

“The hit. I’m sorry. I didn’t…”

David actually smiled a little. “I see your knee jerk rage is just as prevalent as ever.” He said. “Or is it still just me that makes you act that way?”

Lucas put a hand across his had. “Goddamnit.” He muttered. “Why did you say that?”

“That you can forget now?” David asked, and Lucas nodded. “Because you can. You’ve moved on, haven’t you? This whole thing with Anna is over now, and you can just let it…” Lucas lifted his head and looked at David, whose words died in his throat at the look on Lucas’s face.

“She actually told you I’d moved on?” Lucas asked him, furious. “That dumb bitch actually said that?”

“She said it all the time.” David said with a shrug. “What does it matter, though? Isn’t it the truth?”

Lucas threw his hands in the air, completely infuriated at the whole situation. “What the HELL would I come all the way out here if I’d moved the fuck on? Do you really think I’m that much of a masochist that I would drop the cash, and all this fucking time, if I didn’t fucking care anymore?”

David was looking at him as though he’d grown another head. “I don’t understand.” David said slowly. “I mean, I thought you came here just to… wait, do you mean…” he trailed off, scowling. “Lucas, I’m sorry, but I think we’re on entirely different pages with this one.”

Lucas made a snorting sound and rolled his eyes. “David, you stupid ass, we’re on the same page. The exact same fucking page.” When David just stared at him, Lucas balled his hands into fists and closed his eyes. “Don’t make me say it out loud.”

“Say what out loud? What am I missing?” David asked him. “Lucas, you showed up because you wanted closure.”

“You know what I want?” Lucas barked at him. “What I really want? I want to go back in time. I want to go back to that Christmas and change everything. I want my fucking life back. The one I’d planned for all those years ago.”

David stared at him, at a loss for words. Lucas shook his head. “You know what? Fuck it. You told me the truth, so here’s mine. I’ve spent all these years wishing that I could see you again, that I could talk to you, touch you. And now I’m standing here and all I want to do is bash your fucking face in. It hurts, don’t you understand that? It hurts to stand here. It hurts to hear you say those things. But it hurts most that I can’t make things the way they’re supposed to be. I can’t make us work. I mean, fuck, David, can’t you see how totally twisted this whole thing is? Thirteen years of living hundreds of miles apart, when we could’ve been together this whole time?”

David’s stomach dropped. “You… Lucas, don’t say that to me.” He shook his head. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

“Why? Because you have the monopoly on regret, is that it? You get to be the lovesick, obsessive ex boyfriend, but I can’t feel the same way? Are you that much of a head case? Seriously?”

“No.” David sighed. “I stopped hoping years ago, Lucas. Don’t stand there and tell me about all the things that hurt you and then immediately go and hurt me right the fuck back. It’s cruel.”

Lucas glared at him. “What’s cruel is that I’ve wasted my entire life on you, and you weren’t there. What’s cruel is that the person who was supposed to be my best fucking friend has subjected me to a life of heartsickness and misery, all because she’s a fucking lunatic and can’t get her own emotions in line. What’s cruel is that I’m standing right here in front of you telling you all of this, and you’re telling me no.”

“Lucas-“

“You know what?” Lucas cut in. “Don’t even bother. Like I said, this was a mistake.” He turned, and David grabbed his arm. “Don’t fucking touch me.”

“Shut the fuck up.” David yelled at him, and Lucas tried to pull away. “Say it out loud. In plain words, just say it once.”

Lucas pulled again, trying to break David’s grip on his arm. “Say what? That I want you? That I love you?” David’s fingers squeezed. “You’re hurting me.”

“Good.” David snapped. “Maybe you’ll listen. If you feel that way, what the fuck have you been doing all this time? Hiding behind Anna’s skirts like some stupid child. You knew what she was, what she was doing to you. Why did you let it happen?”

“Because she stayed.” Lucas snapped. “She didn’t run away like a fucking coward as soon as something went wrong.”

“You did!” David bellowed. “That day I told you about Katie, you ran the fuck away. But I’m at fault? I’m to fucking blame? For what? For moving away?”

“You left.” Lucas stopped struggling and just stood there, his head bent. “You kept in contact with her, you wanted to know about me, but you believed what she said. You honestly think you can accuse me of hiding behind Anna when you’ve done the same thing? Everything she told you was a lie, and if you’d stopped and thought about it, you would’ve seen that. You know what she’s like, who she is. You know what she wanted. And I think you wanted things to be the way she said they were, because they justified what you were doing. Which was nothing.” He sneered. “You spent all these wallowing if your self pity and working towards your atonement, and it was all bullshit.”

David let go of him. “I tried. I tried to be a good person, to make up for it.”

“You should’ve been making it up to me!” Lucas screamed at him. He sat back down abruptly and put his face in his hands. He tried to get himself in control again. Neither of them said anything for a very long time. David stood in front of him, his eyes closed, his hands in fists at his sides. Lucas let out one long, shuddering breath and finally stood up. “I’m leaving.” He said. He left without another word.

David sat down where Lucas had been, feeling the warmth of his body in the cushions. He laid back, his hand pressed to his forehead. “Fuck.” He whispered to the empty. “Just… fuck.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Anna folded her arms across her chest and tried to decide who to glare at; Deacon or Patrick. The kid was leaning against the counter, picking at a smear of dried blue paint on the back of his hand. Patrick was sitting at the table, drinking a beer.

“I said no.” Anna repeated, for what felt like the millionth time. “I meant no.”

Patrick gave her a ‘you-are-being-stupid’ look. “Anna, honestly, just because you don’t like Deacon doesn’t mean his offer isn’t worth consideration. He says he can find Lucas. So let him find him.”

“Are you deaf?” Anna snapped at him, and Patrick raised an eyebrow at her. “I said no! There is no way in hell I’m giving this fucking kid Lucas’s credit card statement.” She shot Deacon a murderous look. “You must think I’m stupid.”

“I don’t think that’s exactly the point at the moment. “Deacon told her. “But yes, I think you’re stupid.”

“Deacon.” Patrick snapped at him, and Deacon shut up, even though he was smirking. “Anna, he says he can trace the charges. It should show us where he is, shouldn’t it?”

“I don’t trust him.” Anna muttered.

Deacon let out a loud, mocking bark of laughter. “That’s funny, coming out of you, you back stabbing-“

“Deacon!” Patrick roared. “Shut the fuck up for a minute!”

Deacon pushed away from the counter. “Hey, I’m just trying to help, you know. But Little Miss Insanity over here thinks I can’t be trusted.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Fair enough.” He moved to leave the kitchen, and Anna grabbed him by the arm. He pulled away. “Don’t touch me, lady. Not if you want to keep all of your teeth.”

“You’re up to something.” Anna told him, ignoring the threat. “Why do you want to find him?”

Deacon sighed. “That’s none of your business, and you know it. Just once in your life, you should try backing the fuck off of Lucas’s life, you know? Isn’t that what put us all in the situation we’re in? Your inability to mind your own goddamned-“

“Deacon, if I have to tell you one more time, you’re going to be the one missing teeth.” Patrick told him flatly. Deacon turned and studied Patrick for a moment, who lifted his chin defiantly, silently daring the kid to argue.

After a tense moment, Deacon laughed. “Fair enough.” He said with another shrug, and looked at Anna. “You know, if you two weren’t serious, I’d consider bending his tastes a little, if you know what I mean. At least you’re got an eye for good looking guys.” He patted Anna on the shoulder, and she cringed away from him.

Patrick almost smirked at the comment about his sexual preferences. He hid it with his beer bottle. “Anna, just give the kid a statement. Let him look it up on that laptop of his. Stop being s judgmental, already.”

Anna flushed and did what he said without another word. Deacon watched her curiously, and wondered why Patrick’s words had finally gotten through to her. She found a statement, unopened, in the pile of mail on the side table in the living room. Deacon tore it open and sat down at the kitchen table.

While he was doing whatever it was he was doing, Patrick and Anna moved into the living room to talk. “You need to lay off.” Patrick told her, and rolled his eyes at the pout on her face. “What’s the matter with you lately? I’ve never seen you this way before.”

She sighed and folded her arms across her chest. “Pat, I just don’t trust him, okay?”

“That’s just because he looks like David.” Patrick told her. She opened her mouth to argue, and he talked over her. “You need to get over this, Anna. You and I both know that Lucas leaving like this is your fault. You need to stop dodging the real problem.”

She glared at him. “How would you know what the real problem is?” she asked him. “You only know my side of the story.”

He nodded his head. “Exactly, so I can see exactly how crazy you’re being.” She looked away. “Anna, for the love of God, would you just stop being such a bitch to everyone and own up to the fact that this is all your fault?” she wiped at her eyes, and he sighed. “Don’t cry. I’m not trying to be a dick, but you’re making the harder on everyone than it needs to be.”

“Hey guys?” Deacon called, and Patrick glanced up, towards the door to the kitchen.

“Come on.” He took her hand and dragged her into the kitchen. “Did you find something?”

Deacon looked at Patrick for a moment before answering. “Yes.” He said finally. He sounded upset. Anna studied his face, and she saw anger and hurt and confusion there. “His last two charges.”

“What are they?” Patrick asked, moving to look at the screen.

“Here, see? A plane ticket. And a motel room a few hours later.”

“Motel?” Anna frowned. “Where?”

Patrick and Deacon exchanged glances. “Columbia.” Patrick said finally.

Anna burst into tears.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

David answered the house phone, the corded one beside his bed. “Hello?” he muttered into the phone.

“David?” Anna sounded out of breath and miserable. “David, we need to talk.”

“About what?” David asked her, not opening his eyes. He’d been in bed for hours. He hadn’t bothered to move since dragging himself into his room. The lights were off, and he had a pillow over most of his face. “About your betrayal? About your stupidity? About how you love to ruin people’s lives and lie and be an all around, award winning cunt all the fucking time?”

Anna sniffled and said nothing.

“Are you crying?” he asked her.

“Yes.” She whispered.

“Good.” He hung up on her. A moment later, the phone rang again. He picked it up halfway through the second ring. “Listen, woman, I don’t want to fucking talk to you, okay?”

“Please, David, just tell me if he’s been there.” She said softly. “Just let me know he’s okay.”

He paused at this. Very slowly, he sat up. “You know what, Anna? He was here. He stayed for a while. We talked. He’s not okay. He’s been backstabbed by his best friend for his entire life. It’s starting to catch up to him. And you know what else? It’ll catch up to you, too. One day, someone is going to make you pay for what you’ve done. Someone is going to ruin your life, just like you’ve ruined ours.”

“I never-“

“Fuck you!” he screamed into the phone. He heard her start to sob. “You kept us apart! You ruined everything! It’s all your fucking fault!” he slammed the phone back into it’s cradle. He was about to flop back onto the bed when the phone rang again. Snarling, he ripped it back off the cradle, but before he could start screaming, Lucas said his name.

“David.” Lucas sighed. “We need to talk.”

“We talked earlier, Lucas.” David said softly.

“About something else.” He said. “Something important.”

“Okay.” David kept his voice careful. “What is it?”

“Your son.” Lucas said. “Deacon.”

David sighed and closed his eyes. “Lucas, I don’t even know if-“

“I do.” Lucas insisted. “The kid in the loft across from my theater. He’s yours. He has to be. He’s you, back then. It’s almost perfect.” He laughed, a slightly drunken sound, and David was worried suddenly. “In the dark, anyway.”

David frowned. “Lucas, what is that supposed to…” he trailed off, making the connection. “Oh, goddamnit, Lucas.” He muttered. “Oh, you stupid son of a bitch.”

Lucas sighed. “Relax, I didn’t sleep with him.” He said, and laughed again. “Scared you for a second, didn’t I?”

Daivd gritted his teeth together. “Did you call just to be a fucking asshole?” he asked. “Because I’m not in the fucking mood.”

“He knows about you.” Lucas said. “Where you live, what you do… he knows everything about us, too. He tried, you know. To sleep with me. Told me I could call him David. He’s a seriously fucked up kid.”

David bit his lip. His chest hurt horribly, and in that moment, he hated Lucas more than anything. “Why are you telling me all of this?” he asked through his clenched teeth. “Why bother?”

“Because you could fix him.” Lucas said, and David sighed. “Deep down, he’s a good kid, I know it. But he’s… lost, I guess. He wants to find you.”

“I need to find Katie.” David said. “I have to make sure.”

Lucas made a grunting sound, and David could picture him rolling his eyes. “You’re so stupid. It’s called a paternity test, you know. You don’t need Katie for one of those.”

David covered his eyes with his hand. “What are you doing, Lucas?” he asked.

“Drinking.” Lucas said promptly. “Bourbon. Your favorite.” There was a pause, and then the unmistakable sound of Lucas smacking his lips. “Do you remember that time we got drunk at my dad’s and tried to climb that pine tree out back?”

David smiled despite himself. “You fell and sprained your wrist.” He said softly. “You were always so damned clumsy.”

“That’s not what this reminds me of, though.” Lucas said. “It reminds me of the dance.”

David’s heart lurched. “The day your dad caught us.” He whispered, and Lucas made an affirmative humming sound. David laughed, a sad sound, and Lucas sighed on the other end. “Goddamnit, Lucas, I miss you so much.”

Lucas was silent for a moment. “Do you?”

“You know I do. I told you I did.”

“Yes.” Lucas paused again, and David heard ice clinking against glass. “But you wouldn’t believe what it feels like to hear you say it.”

David laid back, putting the hand not holding the phone behind his head. “How did everything go so terribly wrong for us?” he asked, and then snorted. “Oh, wait-“

“Anna.” They said together.

“Sometimes…” Lucas trailed off for a moment. “Sometimes I wish she’d die.” He admitted. “Sometimes I think about hurting her. It scares me.”

“Why did you stay with her? What’s the real reason?”

Lucas seemed to think about his words carefully. “She took care of me, David.” He said. “When I finally realized just how fucked everything had become, I figured it was one of those the devil you know sort of things.”

David thought about this for a while. “This kid.” He said finally. “Deacon.”

Lucas hummed. “That poor boy.” He whispered. “That poor, fucked up kid.”

“Does he… is he… like me?” David asked, unable to really voice what he wanted to know, what he was afraid of.

“I don’t think so.” Lucas said immediately, and David breathed a sigh of relief. “He’s messed up, certainly, and he has no concept of right or wrong, only what he wants. But he’s not… violent.” Lucas laughed. “He’s a painter.”

David smiled. “I want to meet him.” He said. “I want to know if he’s mine.”

Lucas hummed again. “Should I call him for you?” he asked.

David thought about it. “No.” he said finally. “No, that wouldn’t be a good idea.”

“David, he wants to meet you, too, you know. He’d been looking for you. Finding you through me was such a huge stroke of coincidence it’s scary.”

“How did he find out, anyway?” David asked, curious.

Lucas snickered. “I lost my wallet.” He said. “Him and his friend found it. There’s that picture of you, me and Anna in it.”

“The one from Thanksgiving?” David asked.

“Yes.”

“You kept that?” David crowed. “God, that picture was horrible.”

Lucas laughed. “I love that picture.” He said. “Anyway, he saw you, made a connection. Looked you up, I guess. Found out all sorts of crazy shit about you.”

David closed his eyes. He’d wanted to meet his child for so long. He’d tried looking for him directly, but to no avail, so he’d finally went in search of Katie. Had hired a private investigator and everything. Now, he was so close. Anna had promised to look into it, but things had gotten all fucked up.

“Call him.” David said. “Please.”

“I will.”

“Lucas?”

“Hmm?”

David paused. “Thank you.” He said softly. “Thank you so much. You don’t know-“

“I know exactly what it means to him.” Lucas cut in. “And it’s obvious it’s important to you.”

David bit his bottom lip. “Why, though? For him, I get it. But…”

Lucas sighed. “I have my own atoning to do, David.” He said. “This is part of it. What happened between us, it was just as much my fault as it was yours. I know that.”

“I want to see you.” David told him. “I’m sorry, but I do.”

“I know you do.” Lucas said. “I want to see you, too. But it’s not a good idea right now.”

“Why not?” David asked. “I won’t start a fight. I promise. Hell, I won’t even talk. I’ll just…” he closed his eyes again. “Lucas, please.”

“No.” Lucas said firmly. “Not like this. I’m too drunk.”

“I’ve seen you drunk plenty of times.” David reminded him.

Lucas laughed. “Do you remember what I was like when I got drunk?” he asked.

It struck David why Lucas didn’t want to see him, and he smiled. “I suppose it isn’t that good of an idea, come to think of it.”

“I just don’t want to make an ass of myself. Not after everything.” Lucas told him. “You understand, don’t you?”

“I understand you not wanting to go there, yes.”

Lucas snorted. “That’s not exactly it.” He said. When David said nothing, he continued, “I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to… well, come on, David, you would just tell me to…”

“….to keep going.” David finished for him, and Lucas inhaled sharply. “…to have your way with me.” David laughed. “Like I said, I can see why you wouldn’t want to go there.”

Lucas said nothing for a long time. “This is good, isn’t it?” he asked finally, and David was struck by how nervous he sounding. “Talking like this. Well, not about sex, exactly, but…” he sighed.

“I know what you’re talking about.” David assured him. “You and me, just… talking. It’s good. It makes me happy.”

“Do you think we could actually figure this out?” Lucas asked him, and David dared to think that he heard hope and want in Lucas’s voice.

“I want to.” David said. “But there’s a lot of things to talk about, to get over, to get straight between us.”

“I know.” Lucas said. “And we live so far apart.”

“Maybe that’s a good thing.” David told him. “This way, all we have is the phone. All we have is voices. We can’t get ourselves into too much trouble this way, and the worst we can do is hang up on each other. No punching.”

Lucas laughed. “I am so sorry for that.”

David smiled. “I’m not.” He told him. “You kissed me right afterwards, remember?”

“I remember.” Lucas said, his voice hoarser suddenly.

David rolled over onto his side, cradling the phone against his shoulder. He found his cigarettes and lit one. “Are you on a cell phone?” he asked.

“Yes, why?” Lucas replied.

“I was hoping I could get the number and trace you to where you are. Come and find you. But if you’re on a cell…”

Lucas sighed. “David…”

“I’m sorry. I just…” he took a long drag from his cigarette. “All these years, you know? You sound different. You look different.”

Lucas cleared his throat. “Yea, about that…”

David frowned. “What did you do?”

“Well…” Lucas laughed. “I have a confession to make.”

David sat up. “What?”

“Listen.” Lucas said softly.

David closed his eyes and listened. Lucas said nothing, but after a moment, he heard a very distinct knocking sound on his front door. The dogs went nuts; barking and running through the house; David heard it twice. From where he was sitting and from the phone pressed to his ear.

He dropped the receiver and scrambled off the bed. He practically killed himself running down the hall; first he tripped over one of the dogs, then he slipped on the hall rug and nearly face planted.

He ripped the front door open. Lucas smiled at him a little sheepishly. David just stared. “You…” he stopped, licked his lips, and tried again. “You didn’t.”

Lucas flushed a little and ran his hand along his shortly cropped black hair. “It feels weird.” He said with a little shrug. “I haven’t had short hair since I was a kid.”

David couldn’t make himself take in what he was seeing. Lucas looked entirely different without his long hair. He tried to say something about it, but he didn’t know how he felt about it, so what he said was, “I thought you didn’t want to see me.”

“I never said I didn’t want to see you.” Lucas told him. “I said it wasn’t a good idea. Can I come in?”

David stepped back, still gaping at Lucas’s hair. Lucas stepped in and shut the door behind him. David could smell the bourbon on him, but Lucas didn’t seem all that drunk. “If it’s not a good idea, then why did you come here?” David asked him.

Lucas smiled. “Because I’m a masochist.” He said. “Because I want to know if you were lying.”

David frowned. “Lying about what?”

Lucas slipped his hand up David’s arm to his shoulder. David shuddered at the touch. “About what you’d say to me if I tried this.” He said softly, and leaned down, very slowly, to brush his mouth against David’s. He kept his eyes open, gauging David’s reaction. David’s own eyes flickered shut, and he leaned into the kiss a little, his hands at his sides. He was afraid of touching Lucas, afraid he would leave, or simply pop like a soap bubble.

“You know this is a mistake, right?” Lucas asked him, his fingers sliding up David’s neck to his hair. “You know that you and I getting into bed together is probably the worst idea ever?”

David nodded. “Yes.” He said. “But I also know that this is part of that unfinished business feeling between us.” He reached up and very gently pressed his hand against Lucas’s chest, above his heart. It was pounding fast against his palm. “You’re scared of me.”

Lucas nodded. “Terrified.” He admitted. “You hurt me so much.” He sighed. “But I hurt you, too, didn’t I?”

“I deserved it.” David replied.

”No one deserves this.” Lucas told him. He leaned down again, his kiss surer this time, and David’s other hand came up and slipped around his neck. There tongues touched briefly, and Lucas moaned. He broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against David. “Christ…” he whispered.

“What?” David asked, his voice catching a little.

“The way you taste.” Lucas whispered, and his arms wrapped around David’s waist. He pulled until they were pressed together, and David looked up at him, his breath quickening at the contact. “It’s exactly the same.” He rubbed the tips of their noses together. “It’s perfect.” He pulled his head back a little. “Tell me no.” he said. “David, tell me to stop.”

David studied him carefully. “You know I can’t do that.” He said finally. “You know I won’t.” he pulled his shirt up over his head and dropped it on the floor. Lucas’s eyes flickered over him, and his hands slide up the bare skin of David’s back. “I know just how fucked up this is. I know we’re practically strangers right now. But it doesn’t change what I want.”

Lucas let go of him, and for a moment, David was so sure he was going to leave that he nearly lost it. “It’s the alcohol.” He said. “The stress, too.”

“Yes.” David agreed.

“It’s because it’s been so long. For both of us.” Lucas said.

“Of course.” David nodded his eyes.

”It’s stupid.” Lucas told him, and the tips of his fingers slid along the top of the waistband of David’s jeans. “We’ll regret it later.”

“It’s not later.” David told him.

Lucas opened his mouth to speak, but just then the phone started to ring. Neither of them moved. They listened to it ring three times before David grinned. “Well, this is familiar.” He muttered. He heard the answering machine beep.

“David.” Anna sounded horrible.

“Way too familiar.” David grumbled. Lucas smirked at him.

“Pick up your phone, David.” Anna snapped. “I know you’re there. Something’s happening. I tried to stop them, but no one ever listens to me.”

David turned and moved into the living room where the other phone was. He picked it up. “Anna?”

“David, I’m sorry.”

“Who did you try to stop?” David barked into the phone. “What’s going on?” he glanced at Lucas, who was leaning against the door frame, his arms across his chest.

“Patrick and Deacon.” Anna breathed. “They’re coming to Columbia.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------

Longest. Chapter. EVAR.

So I’m almost finished with the next chapter of Shades, and I know I should wait and post that one, but I need to post this one. I know I said shorter chapters, but hey, I wrote most of this at work, actually.

Anyway, just read the fucking thing. I know someone’s going to yell at me for the cutting of Lucas’s hair, but hey, I’ve got my reasons. I can assure you that that Shades will be up when I get home from work tomorrow afternoon. This just couldn’t wait apparently; I actually tried to put off finishing it and working on Shades, and that didn’t go well. So here’s 17 Word pages of Ghosts… good GOD y’all.

Oh, and BTW, a phone conversation with my writing partner brought up the topic that in my head, Lucas looks like Ben Burnley. Watch this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWaB4PXCwFU&feature=related). In my head, the leader singer is Lucas, especially now that his hair is short. Also in the video for ‘Polyamorous’, although that’s a little more childish (which works, considering I wrote him in high school. And try to imagine him without all of the ‘hey look I can make my face contort like a Buffy vampire!’ facial expressions. I didn’t mean to think of Lucas looking like Burnley, but it worked out, I guess… Ben Burnley makes me feel naughty *cackles*. Thought I’d mention it, in case anyone was curious about how I envision my favorite character!