Jaden

Chapter 9
(You Can Never Go Back)

Oh God Lizzie! Jaden screamed in his mind, he had forgotten all about her, how could he do that? Jaden berated himself, thinking of himself as the lowest piece of crap. He was afraid that Lizzie would take a turn for the worse; she tried to get to him to stay home that night. But she was so sick and looked weak, and the super was demanding the rest of the rent money or he would throw them both out on the streets. Jaden thought if he could at least do a few hours of work he would have enough for the rent and buy some medicine for Lizzie’s cough. Lately she had trouble to finish a sentence without breaking out in a cough that wracked her thin body in pain, and she was starting to cough up some blood. In the meantime here he was, sitting in the lap of luxury and being pampered by a very attractive man. He was in no pain and feeling good while poor Lizzie lay on an old ratty mattress on the floor of their apartment. He didn’t think he could enjoy being held and comforted in Marcus’s arm, but he did. And if he had his way, he would stay that way forever. But Lizzie needed him and he needed Lizzie, aside from Marcus, Lizzie was the first to treat him with love and respect.

“Jaden?” Marcus asked carefully, “Please tell me what is wrong, I cannot help, if I do not understand what it is.”
He held Jaden closer and with one hand, he gently rubbed his back in small circles to try to comfort him and with his other hand, he lifted his face so that he could see him. He brushed back his messy hair away from his face and saw his eyes puffy and cheeks wet from crying. With his thump, he wiped at his wet cheeks.
“Please Jaden, tell me what is wrong. I would really like to help if I can.” Marcus continued to caress his face and said, “I know that I am a stranger to you, and it will take time for you to have any trust in me, but if you really think about it, you will sense it, and know that I speak honestly, when I tell you that my true intentions is too cause you no harm.”
Jaden wiped at his eyes and pushed back at his long hair with shaky hands. He turned in Marcus’s lap so that he could look into his eyes. For a few minutes cautious green eyes stared into crystal blue and then Jaden’s shoulder sagged down a bit, his eyes softening. He touched Marcus’s face and let his finger trace his scar, with a feather light touch, his finger started at the top slowly down to his chin and then he went near his lips. He quickly let his hand fall away when he realized what he was doing, a light blush coloring his cheeks.
Marcus smiled, and with his own finger, he traced the side of his face copying Jaden’s movement and then lightly tapped his nose.

Marcus leaned closer to Jaden and circled his arms around his waist moving him closer to himself. Jaden let out a soft sigh and lowered his head back on Marcus’s shoulder. His left arm going around Marcus’s neck and the other lightly resting on his chest. It was not his nature to be so trusting to allow a stranger to hold him like this, as if they were old friends. But somehow, Jaden was able to sense the truth in Marcus’s words when he said no harm would come to him. He felt at ease enough to allow Marcus to hold him close; he found that it did indeed calm his fears.

“Marcus, I need to go home.” Jaden spoke in a low timid voice, his right hand playing with his soft shirt. “I feel so bad because I forgot all about Lizzie. She needs me, and I have to go home. I promised her that I would come right back and…” he suddenly felt Marcus’s body stop cold, it was like being with a statue. Jaden’s eyes blinked in confusion, he could sense a strong emotion coming from him but couldn’t understand it.

When Jaden mentioned Lizzie’s name, Marcus was hit with an intense feeling of jealously, and a little anger. He wanted to keep Jaden for himself and he could not believe his emotions could react so strongly towards him. He sensed Jaden’s confusion and not wanting to scare him, he immediately closed off his mind to him, and he continued to rub his back lightly showing that all was just fine. He could sense Jaden relaxing, and sense he was anxious about this Lizzie. Could this be his girlfriend? Marcus thought to himself. Who is this Lizzie, and why is she so important to him?

Jaden continued to try to explain his urgency to go home, “Please Marcus, I gotta go home, Lizzie is really sick. I was out working the stre…… ah, umm, I was trying to work extra hours so I could get her cough medicine, and we still owe money to the super for last months rent. And I really need to go home because she’s sick and needs me, and I need her and I miss her and I’m really worried cause she’s really, really sick. And you’ve been real nice to me and all, I don’t mean to be ungrateful but, I , I, just have to go home, please Marcus try to understand. Is it far? We live in the Bronx, how far are we?” Jaden was ashamed to let Marcus know what he was really doing that night; he was afraid that Marcus would be disgusted with him. But he was feeling more ashamed that he forgot Lizzie, he hoped to get back home and find her all right. But he also knew that he had no money and felt so much like a failure, and had no idea how far from home he was, and he couldn’t help his rambling, he was nervous and afraid for Lizzie’s sake and could not stop from talking so much, he looked up at Marcus with pleading eyes in the hopes that Marcus would understand. He then looked down at himself and said, “Can I borrow something of yours, I can’t go out like this, and, and….. I don’t have money, and I don’t know how long it would take, but I’ll pay you back every cent! I promise!” Jaden was getting more anxious by the minute. “I promise Marcus, I really will, I’m good for it, and you don’t have to worry, I’ll make sure…..” Marcus put a finger to Jaden’s lips quieting him down.

“Hush Jaden, of course I will help you.” He smiled again and said, “in fact, I would be very honored if you allowed me to take you home myself, perhaps I can help your girlfriend, Lizzie is it? He asked the last in the hopes that Jaden would deny the girlfriend part. But Jaden was too upset and anxious to go home that he really didn’t register the last remark he made. He was so happy that Marcus offered to help him. He reached up, hugged Marcus, and cried out, “You will? You’ll take me home? Thank you, thank you. And don’t you worry I’ll pay you back, I will! Can we go now please now?” he scooted off of Marcus’s lap securely wrapping the covers about him and began to slide off the bed. “Our apartment is in the Bronx, do you know where that is? How long will it take to get there? We don’t live in anything as nice as this, but it’s what we can afford, is it ok to stop by the grocery store? She really has this bad cough and it hurts every time she coughs, and I told her I would pick it up… and I” Marcus stood up and placed his hand on Jaden’s shoulder to get his attention. “Calm down Jaden, yes I do know where the Bronx is, and don’t worry what I will think about where you live.” He told Jaden affectionately, Jaden blinked again looking up at Marcus, he hadn’t realized how tall and handsome he is and just stood there feeling embarrassed, the top of his head just barely reaching his shoulders, holding onto the covers, he looked down towards the floor shifting his weight from one foot to the other, his toes curling in the thick rug. Just looking into Marcus’s eyes seemed to hypnotize him and he needed to think clearly if he was going to help Lizzie. He could not believe how easily distracted he became with his man.

Marcus was irritated with his own selfish behavior, but never let the boy know. He hoped that Jaden would clarify Lizzie’s role in his life and he knew that the boy was too worried about her to even notice or make any remarks to his question. The fact that she is ill made him feel shame, and he couldn’t believe how petty and selfish he was being. And he could see that Jaden was ashamed about forgetting Lizzie, she had to be very important to the boy, If not his girlfriend, perhaps she is the only family he has. He was determined from that point on to be Jaden’s friend, and he will not under any circumstances take advantage. Not that he ever intended to, but he had to get himself in control of his feelings for Jaden. Perhaps because he has not felt any endearment for someone for so long it justified why his emotions went into overdrive, maybe Marcus thought to himself, that his heart was hungry to feel anything close to love, it had been so long since he felt anything at all for another person. Jaden smiled shyly at Marcus and just nodded. He couldn’t help, but hold onto his comforter tightly against him. Seeing his innocent look, soften Marcus’s heart, even more. If he was not careful, he could end up on love with this lovely young man.

“Now” Marcus said as he opened the amour to see what he could find for Jaden to wear. He made a mental note to himself to purchase clothing for him; he noticed that Jaden was cold standing on his bare feet. He wished he could have central heating in the caves but instead he had installed a wood burning stove to help take out the chill, and scolded himself for not lighting it. He had to keep in mind that although now that Jaden is a vampire, he is a young fledging, and would still be sensitive to the cold. In time that may change.

Jaden watched Marcus in awe, he could see the amour and it was huge, it held all kinds of clothing. While Marcus busied himself with finding clothes for him, Jaden looked around, now he could get a better look at the room he was in. It was definitely a cave dwelling that he could tell, but the room itself was very large. He could see light fixtures in the cavern walls and ceiling, but light came from candles giving the room a soft comfortable feel. In one corner Marcus installed a wood burning stove, in the middle of the room was the huge four-poster bed with dark blue drapery tied to each post, sometimes Marcus liked to close the drapes for a more cozy feeling. The amour itself was impressive in size and beauty, the carvings in the wood with scenery of a hunter with his dogs. The room had to be about 20 by 20 feet but it was oddly shaped due to being a cave. The ceilings about 12 feet high, the bed was on top of a thick rug and Jaden couldn’t help but curl his toes in the soft fibers. The colors of dark and soft blue linens blended well with the dark furniture. There were other pieces in the room, a chair with an ottoman and a table beside it with books. All the furniture looked inviting and very comfortable. Within the cavern walls, bookshelves were carved. He could see paintings hanging on the walls, and he liked what he saw. One painting was a portrait of a young couple, a woman, with long wavy golden blond hair and eyes the color of sky blue. She was exquisitely beautiful, and looked very delicate, beside her a tall man, regal and handsome, his eyes a piercing dark blue with dark blond wavy hair, and just past his shoulders. His face showed strength and power, they were dressed in rich robes. Jaden wondered if they were Marcus’s family, the resemblance was strong.

“My parents” Marcus explained as he took out a pair of dark gray wool slacks and a belt to help hold them up, Jaden is small and the pants would just slide off his slim hips. The belt would have to be tied around the boy’s small waist. He also took out a light green knit pullover with a high neck and a dark green cashmere sweater. From a drawer he took out a t-shirt and silk boxers. They were big but at least it helped to keep Jaden warm. While Jaden accepted the clothing and began to get dress, Marcus turned his back to allow Jaden some privacy.

When he turned around and looked at the boy, he held his breath. Jaden was intoxicating to look at, the dark green sweater made his green eyes shine. The pants of course were very long on him. He motioned Jaden to sit in a big cushioned chair and got down to one knee to roll up the legs of the pants. The boy’s feet bare and cold, he began to rub warmth into them and said, “I am sorry, but I do not have any shoes that will stay on your little feet.” He then walked over to the drawer and took out four pairs of dark gray woolen socks and put them on Jaden’s feet, they were very thick and hoped it would do for now.

“How does that feel?” asked Marcus, gently rubbing his stocking feet. Jaden sighed gratefully and profusely thanked Marcus for all he has done for him. Marcus watched Jaden as he kept fingering the fabric of the sweater and pants, and wiggling his toes in the thick socks. He then saw the boy smile a little and a tear slide down his face. Jaden thanked Marcus again and promised not to dirty the clothes and take good care of it. He told him that he never in his life felt anything this rich and wonderful against his skin. Except of course for the comforter, he hated to leave it behind. Jaden asked if he could use it as a coat because he remembered how cold it was the night he was out in the street, looking away when he mentioned being out in the street, feeling shame. Jaden worried that Marcus would think less of him.

Marcus took out a long black leather coat and put it on; he put his black heavy wool coat on Jaden and gave him black leather gloves for his hands. He watched as Jaden hugged himself in the big coat, it made him look more like a little child. He could see how happy it made Jaden feel so warm and cozy; he was like a happy little kitten with a saucer of milk. Jaden then looked up at Marcus and smiled from ear to ear. It took Marcus’s breath away to see him smile and swore that he would do anything to keep him smiling like that. All wrapped up in Marcus’s coat, the only thing he could see was Jaden’s eyes above the collar of the coat and his hair messed up from sleeping. From inside the amour Marcus opened a small draw and took out a hairbrush and removed a shoelace from one of his shoes. He showed Jaden the items in his hand and asked if he could brush out his hair.

For now Jaden was speechless, he loved having his hair brushed out. Lizzie would do it almost every night, telling him how beautiful and thick it is. Sometimes he would just doze off while Lizzie brushed one hundred strokes. He gladly stood with his back to Marcus while he brushed his hair. Oh, Jaden sighed; he would stand here forever if he could. Then he just couldn’t stop thanking Marcus for his kindness. Marcus finished brushing his hair and tied his hair into a loose ponytail with the shoelace, making sure his ears remained covered for warmth. Then he kissed the top of his head and said, “You are quite welcome little one, really it was my pleasure. No need to thank me.” And then he lightly tapped his nose winking at him. Suddenly Jaden wrapped his arms around Marcus’s waist and hugged him fiercely, and even though he didn’t need to, he kept thanking him over and over. It broke Marcus’s heart; after all he has been through. Jaden never lost the innocent child inside him. He held Jaden close and whispered soothing words of comfort into his ear, while gently rubbing his back in small circles with his hand. Then he stepped back and placed a thick warm knitted cap on Jaden’s head.

He was shocked to learn how far away from the city they were, and really worried for Lizzie. Marcus assured him that he will get him home in about 30 minutes, they will fly there.

“Fly? You have like a private jet?” asked Jaden excitedly. As he followed Marcus up the stairs to the main house. Marcus nodded and replied, “Something like that.” Jaden couldn’t believe how well he was able to see in the darken corridors and thought cool, night vision. When they came out in the kitchen he looked all around and asked Marcus if they were under some kind of fancy restaurant. He could see the large kitchen had the latest equipment. As they continued to walk out, he counted three sinks and restaurant style ovens, double sized refrigerator and two stoves. He was so impressed with the enormous sized kitchen that he couldn’t believe they were in a house. He took in the rustic floor tiles and hardwood oak cabinets. Marcus tapped his shoulder and pointed the way out. He continued to take in his surroundings, and every now and then Marcus could hear Jaden’s appreciation for his home. It pleased him that Jaden liked what he saw, had it not been necessary to leave and care for Lizzie, Marcus would have enjoyed showing him around.

“You’re going to do what? But, but how? I thought you said we would fly home in a jet plane!” shouted Jaden as they stood on the roof of the house, cold wind blowing in his face, Jaden shivered from the cold. He wrapped his arms about himself trying to keep warm.

“Come” Marcus said to him spreading out his arms gesturing for him to come closer, “I ask that you have trust in me, I assure you no harm will befall you.”

He hesitated, now he believed that maybe Marcus was crazy, Lizzie had told him that some of the very rich were weird and off their rocker. {It’s all that money, Jaden. They go through so much trouble to get it and then they don’t trust anyone, it makes them crazy sometimes. They go nuts always thinking they would be robbed or killed for the money} Jaden recalled Lizzie’s tale of the rich. Could it be possible that Marcus was missing a screw? “That’s impossible! You don’t even have wings, how can you fly?” Jaden shouted trying to be heard above the winds blowing around them.

“You need not shout Jaden; I can hear you just fine.” Marcus answered, “Now please trust me, do as I ask, you will see what happens.” Marcus stood patiently waiting for Jaden to move towards him. He was not about to grab him and force Jaden to come near him, the boy was still skittish and he didn’t want to frighten him anymore then he already was.

He then reminded him that Lizzie is waiting and if they were going, they needed to leave now and since they are vampires they could do almost anything. Guilt hit Jaden like a jackhammer, he felt that if he humored Marcus he would give up this foolishness and go get a car. Surely he had to have a car he thought to himself. What rich man didn’t have a car? Besides Jaden thought to himself, if vampires fly, don’t’ they have to turn into bats?

With unease, he gave in and nodded, “Ok what, I mean how you wanna do this?” asked Jaden. He couldn’t help but feel a little silly going along with this and a little nervous.
Marcus looked down at him and replied, “All I have to do is carry you, come to me Jaden you will see, and you have nothing to fear.” Jaden approached him slowly, once he was close enough Marcus leaned down to pick up Jaden in his arms, he cradled him like a baby. “Don’t worry little one, put your arms around my neck and hold on, I will hold you securely.”

Jaden did as he was told and before he knew it they were slowly floating up into the sky, and then Marcus flew in the direction towards Jaden’s home. At first Jaden yelped and held on tightly to Marcus, he was afraid of falling. He was amazed that Marcus could fly; he kept trying to see his back and find out if he had wings. Marcus chuckled at the boy’s curious nature. After flying for a few minutes Jaden calmed down, he still shook from the cold and he was glad Marcus wrapped him in his coat he loved it, and he found himself enjoying this little adventure. He wondered if he could fly, won’t Lizzie be excited when he told her all about it. He couldn’t wait to get home and see Lizzie, with Marcus he felt good and hoped that he could help Lizzie get some medicine for her cough. He promised himself that he would pay Marcus back for everything, no matter how long it took.

It was Marcus who suggested that Jaden go ahead and prepare Lizzie to meet him, they also agreed not to tell Lizzie everything, and they would wait and see how it went, after they landed un-noticed on the rooftop of Jaden’s building. In the meantime he offered to go to the corner drug store and see what he could find to relieve Lizzie’s cough. Jaden thanked him and anxiously ran down to his apartment, he quickly turned around and said,
“Marcus I live on the forth floor, apartment 4D. Please hurry, I can’t wait for Lizzie to meet you. She is gonna love you!” Then he was gone, Marcus could hear his faint footfalls from his stocking feet as he quickly made his way towards his apartment and Lizzie. He had to remember to buy him shoes.

Not only did he purchase the cough medicine, he noticed the small store sold food items as well. Marcus brought bread, tea, soup and anything that he thought would be beneficial for Lizzie to get better. He hoped that he would make a good impression on Lizzie, while they flew Jaden told him a little about Lizzie. How she looked after him, and she would bring old books to read to him. Jaden never had the opportunity to go to school, so he didn’t know how to read or write. Lizzie, Jaden explained tried to teach him in that area, but he shrugged his shoulders saying he just was not smart enough to learn. Marcus listened to the boy and did not pass judgment; he thought about what he would do to help teach Jaden himself. Marcus knew that Lizzie would be very protective with Jaden. So he wanted to convey to her that he was just a friend and had no intentions of harming either one of them. He knew it would take time for Lizzie to accept him.

The neighborhood that Jaden lived in was almost deserted. Most of the buildings were boarded up or burned down. On this street alone there were maybe four buildings occupied, some had signs from the management announcing when the tenets had to move out because they planned on tearing the old buildings down and replacing them with new ones that the currents tenets could never afford. Jaden’s building was dark and dreary, at this time of night there were the usual neighborhood stoop warmers. These were men who had no jobs and spent their time smoking and drinking, spending their girlfriend’s welfare checks on drugs and just looking at nothing. Even in on a cold night, they still gathered and huddled on the stoop like they were exclusive club members.

Marcus was not a snob, and he understood the hardship on trying to live on almost nothing, but he had no tolerance for men like this. These men, in Marcus’s opinion were not true men, they were human garbage not taking care of their responsibilities, beating their women folk and abused their children, they spent their days and nights gathering on the front stoop and sitting and boasting of their sexual conquest and who they had to brow beat into submission that day. He hoped that none of this useless garbage ever touched Jaden. He quietly passed them and as he entered the building he heard one request if he had any spare change. Marcus ignored this piece of trash and continued on up the stairs to Jaden’s apartment.

As Marcus approached apartment 4D, he heard Jaden’s anguished crying and pleading with Lizzie, he became alarmed and worried for Jaden’s well being. It tore at him that the boy should suffer. The entrance to the apartment was open and Marcus rushed in. he entered a one-room apartment and took in his surroundings. The plaster on the walls was peeling and cracked. A small kitchen unit took up one wall, small sized refrigerator, sink and stove, just one cabinet underneath the sink and some selves over the sink. He could see two of each, cups, plates and eating and cooking utensils and one saucepan, one frying pan. Just off the kitchenette was an entrance for a very small bathroom. The rest of the apartment was a small room that passed for the living/bedroom space, two windows opposite from the entrance with a view of the alley below. Fire escape bars on one locked window. He could see that they did their best to keep the place neat and tidy, but a sad scene met him when he looked to where Jaden was.

On the floor was an old mattress and Jaden sat holding an old fragile women in his arms. From what little Jaden told him of Lizzie he believed her to be young, in fact she is 20 years old, but the person Jaden held looked old and so thin, her pale skin almost transparent. Jaden held on to Lizzie rocking her, he was crying and begging Lizzie to please wake up, but Lizzie lay stiff in his arms. Marcus placed his purchases on a small table nearby and kneeled down by Jaden’s side. He carefully reached out to touch Lizzie, her body cold and hard, rigor mortis having settled in her frail small body. Marcus noticed blood stains on her chin and pillow, whatever illness Lizzie had, killed her. It pained Marcus to see Jaden trying to wake her up, he did not understand that the person he so dearly held in his arms has died. He couldn’t be sure but he was almost certain that Lizzie has been dead for at least two days. The apartment cold, and may have added to her sorry state.

A very sad tear stained face looked at Marcus, “Plea, please, Marcus help me wa, wake her up. She, she’s not opening her eyes, why? Why won’t she listen to me?” cried Jaden, he desperately needed for her to wake up, he had so much to tell her. Jaden looked back at Lizzie’s pale face and shook her gently, “Lizzie! Please, please wake up. It’s me, Jaden, I’m home, oh God please wake up? Lizzie!” Jaden buried his face in Lizzie’s dry hair and broke down crying. His body shaking with the force of his crying and frustration because he felt it was his fault for not coming home right away. “Please Lizzie, I want you to meet Marcus, he’s really nice and I think you will like him, please Lizzie wake up.” Jaden whispered in Lizzie’s ear.

Marcus did not have the heart to make Jaden see the truth; in fact if he could he would will Jaden to forget he ever knew this woman. But unfortunately he did not possess such power. Before he could say anything, Jaden looked up to Marcus and said, “Marcus you can help her, you can give her your blood, like what you did for me right? Then she’ll wake up and be fine, just like me! Please Marcus help her, please.”

Marcus sadly shook his head, hating the fact that he had to be barer of bad news and replied to Jaden, “I am so sorry Jaden, but I cannot help her, she is already gone. Her heart does not beat, there is no life left in her. There is nothing I can do.” He could see that Jaden was refusing to accept the passing of Lizzie.

Jaden held Lizzie’s body closer to him, as if afraid that Marcus would take her away from him, “NO!” Jaden screamed back at Marcus, desperate pleading green eyes staring at him.

“You CAN help her, you did it for me! I know you can help her, why Marcus? Why won’t you do it?” bright green eyes slowly bleeding to darker angry eyes staring hard at Marcus. In Jaden’s mind he believed Marcus could bring her back, he was in denial and would do anything to help Lizzie.

Marcus kept his demeanor and voice gentle and non threatening, “Jaden if I could I would do whatever it took to help Lizzie, but I cannot, it is too late little one, she is already go…” but before he could finish his sentence.

Jaden suddenly grabbed Marcus’s hand and placed it on Lizzie’s chest, and demanded that he help Lizzie. He ordered him to feel her heart beat and to help her. Marcus made no effort to remove his hand. He looked at Jaden and sadly said, “I am sorry Jaden, there is nothing I can do.” Marcus looked at the angry eyes staring back at him, in the hopes that Jaden will calm down and accept Lizzie’s passing.

It seemed as if Jaden stared at Marcus for hours, but eventually Jaden’s anger slowly faded, he gulped in a deep breath as his eyes bled back to his normal color and let out an anguished cry. He gently laid Lizzie’s body down on the bed and turned towards Marcus. Grabbing his coat by the collar he tried to plead once more for Marcus to help.

“Please Marcus try, please I’ll do anything you want, anything. I can be good for you, I’ll, I’ll be real good for you. I promise, just please Marcus I’ll never ask you for anything, just please try?” Then he fell against Marcus crying his heart out. Marcus wrapped his arms around Jaden holding on to him tightly. He spoke gentle loving words to Jaden, but still Jaden persisted that he try and bring Lizzie back, he believed he could cure her.

“Marcus I’m begging you, please bring her back. You have this magic in you, and I know we agreed to wait to tell her the truth, but you gotta help her now, she’s just really sick that’s all, can‘t you see she needs your help, why won’t you do it? I’ll do anything you want, you can have me in any way you like, and I won’t turn you away. Please! Marcus help her.” Jaden’s hands trembled as he wiped tears from his face and hiccupped. Green eyes looked at Marcus, and then he shut them tightly trying so hard to be strong. “Marcus please, I, I don’t know what else I can say, but she’s all I've got, she’s my life, I need her, I love her.”

It seemed as if Marcus’s heart stopped beating, he wanted so much to help Jaden to understand that even if he did try it, it would be useless. But to see him like this so sad for Lizzie, was like a knife cutting him deeply. It was not like Marcus to easily feel compassion for someone he barely knew, and yet he knew that Jaden was important to him. In the same manner that Lizzie was equally important to Jaden. It was a sense of belonging; family. And so Marcus finally relented and agreed to help Lizzie; it seemed the only way to convince him. Even though it pained him he agreed to help.

But just before he bit into his wrist, Marcus looked sternly at Jaden and made it quite clear that what he was about to do, he was doing it to help her and not because Jaden offered himself to him. Jaden nodded his understanding, but did not apologize for it, because he meant every word. He would do anything for Lizzie, she has for him.