Amos

Crimson and clover – CHAPTER WAS EDITED AND HAS MORE!!

In the following weeks, we shared a small number of meals and just as many hours asleep in the same apartment. I didn’t want to stay by him too long and eventually ran out of excuses to avoid his presence on Christmas eve. My mother invited the entire family and then some. He was one of them.
I helped with the cooking as Glen assisted Cedric in decorating. My mother was smart in making the men string the popcorn garlands. The amount of yelped curses lasted throughout most of the day. Glen had gotten his construction job back and had the day off for once.
I almost wish they hadn’t, he wore a black turtleneck with a wool gray coat and vine green pants. A distraction that was thankfully away from the kitchen.
We made the ham, salads, cobblers and cookies just in time to serve and eat, I sat across Cedric and next to cousin Sheryl who, rumored, had been eying Glen all night. I glared at her when she asked me to pass the salt. It was worse when Glen passed it to her. Sheryl looked like someone Glen would like, her breasts small but perky and applying the shirt’s cleavage adequately, her hair was like a grainy blond and her skirt was short and tight. She was also his age.
I never really liked her from before, but now....oh god.
I made eye contact with Karen. I hadn’t seen Karen for so long and the narrowed look she was giving me made me flush. She sat across the table next to her mom, moving Cesar salad around her plate. She gave me a grin, lowering her eyes and grinned at her mother. Did I imagine it?
I glanced at Glen, his eyes hovering on Sheryl so I sighed.
During the passing out of the gifts, Karen sat next to me and I cringed. Things between us would never really change.
“Good evening, Margaret.”
“Merry Christmas, Karen.”
She lowered her eyes at me. “I’m a Jew.”
I lifted an eyebrow and slightly smiled it off.
“How have you been Margaret?”
“Fine.”
I felt a tug on my sleeve and my heart began to pound. “You can’t lie to me Margaret. Not. Me.”
“Karen...”
My hair was yanked and my face met hers, her eyes had widened and the iris lightened to an almost gray glow. “You know who I am, do not mock me.”
I tried to look away but her hold tightened. “Look at me you stupid girl!” She hissed.
“What do you want?” I cried to her in a low voice.
Her hands loosened and imitated the movements of stroking my hair. “You have clearly not told him the truth.”
“I....no. I won’t.” Nice, bravery.
She yanked brutally to make me look at her in the eyes again and tears came to my eyes. It was difficult to hold them back.
“If you won’t, I’ll make it happen.”
“No one will believe you. Your just a little girl.”
She smiled and my courage shrank significantly. “You stupid creature. I don’t need to speak.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’ll just....make him stay by your side.....then he’ll know...he’ll learn.”
“What?”
She released my hair, rubbing her cheek. “What if he got you with child.....that’d get him-”
“HEY!” I yelled, pulling away and muttering my apologies to the relatives around me who stared.
“Don’t even think about it!” I hissed.
She shrugged.”Your right, a one night stand would make him feel responsible enough.”
I shook my head. “What? No! Blair, I’m not going to be with him.”
“Because your a pussy.” I blinked.
“Blair?”
“Sorry, my neighbor soul Michael wanted a say. Margaret, if you don’t find a way to bind the both of you, I’ll do it myself.”
I was passed a gift from the tree and passed the next one to her. She tore it open and thanked the giver a kiss on the cheek for the ugly doll. She returned her glowering gaze to me.
“You have two weeks to get a kiss....non accidental. I’m running out of time.”
“Why do you even care? Why are you still here?” I was so frustrated I almost let out a weepy sigh.
She wrinkled her freckled nose. “I am his great grandmother, his happiness is your happiness and the only way to make his future is ensuring the both of you. Together. Forever.”
“Your joking.”
She nodded over my shoulder and I looked over it. A gift hovered over it. I took the gift and received a smile from Glen who handed it to me. “What’s the joke?”
“Ummm...”
“Is that gift for me?” Karen piped up in girly elementary glee.
His eyes softened. “Sorry sweetheart, This one’s for cousin Marge.”
Speechless I took the gift and removed the wrapping. “This is....”
“Its a cooking game for the Nintendo.”
“Cooking Mama.” I read aloud. Okay.... “Who’s this from?”
“Me.” Glen replied offhandedly.
Shit.
It’s Christmas and I came empty handed.
“Oh! Are you going to give Glen his gift, Margie?”
My eyes widened in a wry attempt to telepathically send her the alert but she instead smiled heavenly and held a small box out to me.
With hesitance, I handed it to him. He didn’t take long before ripping the packaging apart.
“Marge...” His voice disappeared and I frowned at Blair before looking at the present.
“Wow!”
I shrugged, helpless and confused.
He laughed, taking the items out. “You actually noticed the condition my boots were in?”
I closed my eyes. I’m back at square one.
I heard a Sheryl ‘like’ huff and a soft laugh from my side. Blair was not playing.
I was staring at the game in my hands, not really focusing on my surroundings. I think I thanked people for the other couple of gifts I received, but all in all...there went the rest of the night. Someone played a carol on the piano, my mom, I think, sang along and we ate gingerbread cookies the kids made. Karen gave me the one she made, a boy with blue sprinkle overalls.
But it was all in a haze, the little thin box in my hands and the eyes the belonged to Karen but were shared with Blair and through it all I couldn’t hear Glen’s voice, just the screeching sound of Sheryl.
We all went to bed and Christmas morning, the kids opened up their presents from Santa and the sounds of loud cheer erupted from the house.
I wasn't in the Christmas spirit anymore.
Having slept a couple of hours with a busy head, my patience was low and strumming a low key. So I used the morning to pack. I packed my clothing, lunches from Christmas left overs for everyone, and bags of ripped wrapping paper with bows still attached.
I was busy busy busy.
At some point my mom put a hand on my shoulder while in the kitchen.
“You can stop packing food, we’re running out of people to give ‘em to.”
I nodded and swiftly began to wash dishes. My mom’s hand tightened.
“Margie, is something wrong?”
“No, why would there be something wrong? It’s Christmas.”
“I know its Christmas sweetheart. But you haven’t done much but keep yourself hidden. Who are you hiding from?” she took the sponge from my hands and I smiled.
“I’m not hiding mom, I’ve got stress with class and what with the job...my boss gave me a hard time for asking the time off.”
“Aww baby, don’t you worry about that! Your boss is a good man. He aint gonna fire such a dedicated employee just because she wanted to spend Christmas out of work.”
And just like that, the one person who genuinely worried about me at such a frazzled time, was lied to and pushed away.
I sat on my bed that night, thumbing the pages of the game manual and wondering, had I told her what really was happening, what would her reaction had been?
I’ve reasoned with myself and came to the conclusion that no one should know. Should ever know.
And so I swept it all under the rug.
But one thing had changed, Glen said hello again to me in the mornings and I responded in kind.
We were slowly working into a new kind of relationship.
Roommates.
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It wasn't such a quick a change that we were chummy the following week, but we could stand by each other and not hurry to depart. As the casual "How was your weekend" and respond with a nice sentence. No more no less. His life was none of my business and i didn't delve. I didn't want it to be my business. It was good.
Cedric liked this change, he visited the apartment more often and we ate meals as a group.
We scheduled out everything to keep the place delightfully spotless and filled with good food and worked on keeping certain things away from each other.
Like Sheryl.
After the second time he mentioned her, i admitted rather harshly that i was not in greatest terms with her and i didnt want to hear of her till the matter was settled.
It surprised the hell out of him, but he nodded and changed the subject. It wasn't a long conversation due to the fact that the topic change was for football.
But it was blissful to not worry about anything. I had all of me and my crazyness in check and he was back to his old self. Nothing was out of place in this perfection of a life I led.
Until my boss fired me.
Being a cashier at Wendy's was aparently too much of a responsibilty and a commitment i was not able to keep. He gave me my last paycheck and suggested I check my priorities.
I used the excuse that at least i was keeping a 'B' in Chemistry and a sure 'A' in English Composition to console myself.
It worked until about dinner that night when I served meatloaf that Glen looked at me with wide eyes. "What happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"You made meatloaf!" ha stared at it in awe.
"So?"
"You hate meatloaf."
"I hate meatloaf?"
"Yeah!" Now he stared at me with a curious face. "Last year, when I was still in school, your mom served meatloaf at the table. You completely flipped out on her and went straight to bed."
I blushed, ashamed. "You saw that?"
He nods, standing up to get a glass and a drink. "And your brother explained that meatloaf was only served when something bad happened. So, what happened?"
I shrugged slightly, glancing over the meatloaf. "I recieved a rejection letter from a scholarship i had applied to. I had been counting on it too."
He sat back down with an orange juice carton. "I meant today."
I scratched my forehead, prolonging it. "I uh, I was fired."
Glen paused in the middle of pouring. "You were fired?"
"Yeah, I mean, its not a big deal, i'll find something else. You know I didn't even think about it when i was making the meatloaf I just made it. I must have gotten it from my-"
He banged the carton on the table. "What are you talking about? You have classes and an apartment to pay for. I can help as much as I can, but its something way beyond any budget of mine! We should talk about this, you need to find another job."
"I wasn't going to ask you for money Glen." I bit back the last part on how i didnt need him telling me what to do.
He sagged in the chair a bit, capping the carton. "I know, but we are here to support each other. That's why we manage to rent this place and eat so well and you pay of your loans."
I sighed. "I still have money in the bank, it'll hold my end until I find another job." I had an idea, " Hey, can you get me a job with your boss?"
"In construction??" he choked pulling the glass away from his lips.
"Why not?"
"You dont have the strength to do it. It's not about guys and girls before you follow that look with a speech. You don't have the strength, you wouldn't be able to drive hammers at a boulder much less drill through one."
"What about secretary work?"
"At a construction site?"
"Can you just ask?"
"Fine, I'll ask." he finished the conversation by digging his fork into the loaf.
I was feeling better about everything now. What a waste of ground beef, i should have made meatballs.
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Months passed and I still out of a job. I studied hard and applied everywhere, had several failed interviews and made every penny last on everything.
Glen was not taking it too well. He didn't have to say anything but he began staying later than usual, saying his boss was making him work extra for a while until another worker healed from surgery to go back, but i knew he had asked for it. He was trying to make up from my half to keep the ever decreasing amount in my account from disappering.
I made him larger lunches, leaving him notes with funny faces and trying my best to not feel alone in the empty apartment.
But living with Glen for 5 ½ months kept his lingering shadow everywhere. Almost as if expecting someone to come home that never would.
I recall when my mom had given me a hard time because Glen would stay with me and how it was improper. Cedric calmed her down, reminding her we were friends and that I was too old for him either way.
It felt odd.
I wasn't all that sure on whether my loneliness was in his disapearance or in somebody's. He came home late, tired, grimy and covered in sweat, waking me up as the noises from the showerhead released its anger on his weariness.
I tried really hard to fill his stomach with happiness.
But that began to fade away.
After two weekends, he didnt answer my questions of any kind, just ignored me and changed a channel.
I was begining to feel just as lonely when he was there as when he wasn't.
That was scaring me, I invited Cedric over but instead of Glen feeling better, he began to yell at me.
He accused me of being careless with the food, that the money had to be spent with care. Cedric tried to speak up for me but Glen wouldn't have it and walked away.
My brother left shortly after that, I put my face in my hands and wept soundlesly.
I thought about selling the apartment, and presented the idea to Glen during a quiet saturday lunch in front of the T.V.
"You would do that? After everything?" His voice increased in anger.
"We need to talk about this calmnly, Glen." I worked it and bit my lip as he shoveled the rest of the sandwich into his mouth.
"You expect me to be calmn when I have no where else to go?"
"We can go to my mom's and pay her rent with the money we get from the apartment."
"There isn't enough room for both of us there, Marge."
"You can bunk with my brother-"
"NO!" he stood, tossing the plate into the sink and pulling is tattered blue jean jacket from a hook. He stood facing the door for a moment, holding the knob in his hand. "I can't take his privacy. One thing is charity the other is owning up to something. I pay my dues, I wont take from others." He turned his head slightly and pulled the door open. "I'm gonna be late, don't wait up."
But I did, I waited all day and most of the night.
I realised the next morning he hadn't come back.
I checked my cellphone and had a textmessage from four in the morning. It was from a work buddy of his. They'd gone out, gotten drunk and Glen had passed out on his couch.
He was asking me to retrieve the cadavre.
Why the fuck could things not run smoothly for once?