Less Than Whole

Des was sitting in the living room going over books on demonology. She had been searching for a way to get Ebon’s soul back, but the longer she searched, the more hopeless it seemed. She had borrowed this book from her professor just this afternoon. She had been itching to read it all day. But she’d just started the first page when the phone began to ring. When Des answered the phone, Ebon was on the other end and he was freaking out. “Des, you’ve got to come over, now! Please!”

She said she would and changed out of her work clothes and into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. She passed Cedric in the kitchen, but didn’t talk to him. They were working on their divorce and pretended each other didn’t exist when they were in the same room together.

She drove quickly, her tires skidding on wet dead leaves that littered the roads around Ebon’s home. When she got there, she saw him standing, agitated and smoking in the doorway.

She was shocked. It had been about 6 months since she’d actually seen him in person. They’d talked on the phone a lot, but Des had been very busy working on her Master’s degree and her divorce. It left little time for anything else. Des was shocked because he’d gained a lot of weight. The last time she saw him, he had just gone a little soft. Now he was definitely chubby, like a young Asian Santa Claus.

He had a panicked look on his face and waved at her, “Come in, Quick!”

“What’s going on?”

His face wasn’t sure if it wanted to show panic, delight or delirium. His eyes darted around the room and his fingers trembled. “I did magic!” he whispered loudly.

“Excuse me?”

“Look.” He walked over to the sofa and touched it. Where he touched it, the sofa changed to orange and the color spread along the fabric until it covered the entire sofa.

“How did you do that?”

“I don’t know. I noticed it just before I called you.” He lifted his shirt and stuck his thumbs into his waistband to pull it out a little from his round belly. “See how much room I have? I was trying to get into these pants—they were the largest pair I had, the only one I still fit into…at least I still fit on Friday. Today, they didn’t. I couldn’t even button them. I just wanted them to fit. As I wished and wished, it just happened: they fit. I freaked out and called you. Since then, I’ve tried other stuff.”

He led her across the room where there were a number of little silver-colored sculptures. They were of various animals and modeled rather crudely, but all the same she could make out a dolphin, a horse and swan.

“Des, I made these from silverware!” He picked up a spoon and the metal melted and bent under his touch. He molded it into a pathetic looking little cat, but all the same, it was amazing.

“Damn, Ebon! I wonder how long you’ve been able to do this. It’s probably an effect of what happened with the demon. You’re supposed to get something in exchange for your soul. Or it might be that coming in contact with such a powerful magical being altered you in some way.”

He flopped down onto the now-orange couch. “I dunno. I mean, the demon didn’t say anything to me. I didn’t feel anything weird until my soul was gone. I know he touched you and gave you the ability to use blood-magic.”

“I’ve never tried using it. It’s very dangerous. Can you change anything?”

“Seems like if it’s inanimate, yeah. I tried getting rid of this belly, but it didn’t work. I tried changing the color of leaves on my plants and that didn’t work either.”

“Interesting. So, are you OK?”

Ebon nodded. “Now I am. I was scared that I was going crazy. It feels a lot better to have you see it. I know I’m not just hallucinating, you know?”

“Yeah. Well, you’re not. It’s real. Damn. That’s a neat trick, you know.”

“It’d be a lot neater if it could melt the pounds away,” he groused.

“Yeah, you do look different.”

He sat up straight, and then leaned closer. “Do I look bad, Des? Please, I know you’ll be honest with me.”

She thought about it. Ebon had been one of the most handsome people she’d ever known. He still looked handsome, but it was a different kind of handsome. She’d never thought fat was ugly. “You just look different,” she said again. She leaned in and hugged him. “You’re much more cuddly, now.”

“Get off of me!” he said, but then laughed and relented, drawing his sister in closer, putting his arm around her.

He said, “I was just wondering because a guy I was seeing for awhile, he stopped calling me and when I finally called him yesterday, he said he didn’t want to see me anymore. He said I was letting myself go and that it was gross.” His voice sounded thicker to Des, like he was trying not to cry.

“I don’t think it’s gross, OK?” She moved his arm off of her to look him in the eyes. She put her hands on either side of his face and brushed his long hair back. “I think you’re still handsome.”

He smiled a wide, huge smile. She smiled back and then hugged him again. “Yep, definitely more huggable.”

Ebon pushed her away playfully. “Get out of here. I have to go to work. Thanks for coming by. I needed your help.”

“I wish I had been able to do more.”

“It’s OK. I’ll be fine. I can’t wait to show Stacey at work.”

* * *

Ebon was a little late for work. He slid behind the library’s circulation desk and hoped no one noticed he hadn’t been on time. Stacey came over to the desk. She winked and said, “I covered for you.” She leaned in and whispered, “I talked to Stephen.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. I’m really sorry. I told him off if that makes you feel any better. Told him I thought were more than fuckable.”

A patron at the circulation desk gave Stacey a funny look. Ebon had to laugh. Stacey checked out his books for him and when she was done he said, “Here, this is more interesting than my pathetic love-life. Check this out,” he picked up a pencil and made it bend like rubber.

Stacey picked up the now-floppy pencil. “How did you do that?”

“Magic.”

“No, really. How?”

“Really. I can do magic.”

“Damn! Come on, we need a cigarette break.” She motioned to one of the student workers to come to the circulation desk to take over. She linked her arm with his and they walked together outside of the library. “Ok, now tell me how you did it, really.” She pushed him playfully and his back thumped against the gray stone of the building.

“I’m telling you. It’s magic.” He extended his hand like a Michelangelo painting and touched her shirt. Its color changed from red to blue.

Stacey’s eyes grew enormous and her mouth seemed to work, but nothing came out. Ebon began to feel self-conscious. Stacey took one big hand and looked it over and then picked up his other. “It’s not a trick, is it?”

“No.”

“Damn. I don’t know what to say. I don’t think you should go around showing other people though. They might not understand. Hell if I understand.”

Ebon smiled a little. He sighed and pushed his long black hair out of his eyes. “It’s OK. But let me share something else with you. Maybe this is why I can do this.”

Stacey folded her arms, and then unfolded them. She held out her hand. “Give me a cigarette, first, though. OK?”

Ebon pulled out his pack and took one for him before tossing her the rest. He lit his and then hers. He caught the pack in one hand as Stacey tossed it back. “OK, here goes. This is going to sound strange and like I’m just making it all up, but you’ve seen that I can do magic, so have an open mind. I think I can do this because I gave my soul away two years ago. I could probably do it the whole time, but I just found out today because I wanted to change something so badly, it happened.”

Stacey sputtered and then said, “What do you mean you gave your soul away?”

Ebon looked uncomfortable. “I’m only telling you about this because you’re my friend, my best friend.”

“You’re my friend, too. You know, Ebon, that I’m an atheist, right? I never believed in souls anyway.”

“Well, they’re real. I don’t know exactly what they are, but I know you can give them away and I know that when you lose them, you feel really, really lost. My sister, Des, summoned a demon.”

“Now you’re scaring me, Ebon.”

“I don’t have to go on.”

Stacey sucked on her cigarette and then blew the smoke out slowly. “No, I want you to. I always wanted to believe in the supernatural, but I just couldn’t because I couldn’t see it with my own eyes. But now I’ve seen you do magic, so there could be demons, couldn’t there?”

“Exactly. I didn’t believe either and neither did Des. We all thought it was a funny prank, like playing with an Ouija board. The demon wasn’t scary or anything, he just looked like a movie star wearing a suit. He was very good looking with a smooth voice. He offered to teach Des some magic and since Des has always been interested in magic, she took his offer. She had to let him out of the pentagram she drew and he touched her. She says that right after he touched her, she just sort of knew how the magic worked.”

“So Des can do magic?”

“She’s never used it, she says.”

“So what about your soul? Did you ask for anything?”

“No. But the demon wanted Des to pay the price for what he taught her. He was going to take her soul. She was terrified, Stace, I’ve never seen her look like that. She was so scared. I couldn’t take it. I told the demon he could have mine. I didn’t believe in souls, either. But there’s something the demon took. It hurt, badly. It still hurts. I feel really empty all the time.”

“You gave yours up in her place. Damn, Ebon, I have to say, all of this is really weird, but it’s also very brave.” She came to him and hugged him, putting her head on his belly. She looked up at him, “I so wish you weren’t gay. You’d be the best husband, ever.”

Ebon laughed. “Stacey, you’re the best.”

* * *

That night, Ebon’s nightmare returned. He hadn’t dreamt of the night he gave his soul away for some time now. But when he was back in the dream, it felt just as real as it did every other time. He was there again, in Des’s house and when he looked at himself, he was thin. His body felt different. It was strange to feel it move in this way. It was strange that he didn’t feel lighter: only different.

After he realized that, he found himself in Des’s kitchen. In his head, he tried to force his way out of the dream. He tried so hard, but he was stuck. He could think what he wanted to think, but his feelings and his actions were dictated by the dream. Des came to get him from the kitchen. She took his hand and made him stand behind her, near her husband. She wanted him to watch this ritual she was going to perform. She told him it had anthropological merit, and it would probably be fun, like playing “Stiff as a Board.”

So in the dream, he found himself standing around a chalk pentagram and listening to Des chant. She was reading from a book and used her finger to mark her place. Her husband was behind her, but kept making eyes at Ebon. Ebon made eyes back: Cedric was blonde and gorgeous beyond all belief. He wouldn’t have ever said ‘no’ to him.

Ebon hadn’t ever believed that the chanting would do anything. He thought it was all really funny. He had just been over Des’s house to study—he preferred working there since he wasn’t getting along with their parents anymore. He shouldn’t have even been there, he thought. But his dream self still felt the humor of the situation.

He couldn’t believe it when the demon appeared. As he watched the demon materialize again in his dream, he noticed its ice-blue eyes slide around the room and settle on Cedric. Then the eyes slid back and the demon spoke to Des.

While they were talking, Ebon felt the exact same feelings of intense lust he had felt at the demon’s appearance. At first he thought it was because he was standing closer to Cedric than he ever had before: their fingers were practically brushing against one another. But the feelings grew and became almost unbearable. He could hardly see, his entire body shook and he was one long nerve. If anyone had touched him, he would have come right there in his pants. He could hardly pay attention to what was going on around him.

Until he heard Des cry out in fear.

Everything was the same. He watched her crying and shaking in fear. It was unbearable. He couldn’t stand to watch her cry. She was a tall, proud woman and she was now cowering on the floor, crawling backwards away from the demon who was moving towards her, slowly, like a monster from a movie. He watched for a moment and then his dream self cried out, “No! Leave her alone! Whatever you want from her, take it from me.”

The demon stopped and cocked his head to the side. He was considering Ebon’s words. As frightened as Ebon had been, he remembered thinking, “He’s very handsome and cute when he does that.”

The demon nodded. “You would take her place?” His voice was so smooth, so lovely!

“Yes.”

“You know what you give up?” Ebon didn’t actually, but he thought it must be really, really terrible whatever it was.

“Yes?”

“You will give up your soul in her place?”

Oh that! He didn’t believe in souls anyway. “Yes,” he said.

“Then mote it be,” the demon said, and stepped towards him. The lust boiled around Ebon and he felt the demon’s hands reach out to touch him. That’s where the pleasure ended and the pain began. The ripping, the tearing, the taking of the piece he didn’t even know he had. It was unbearable. Twice he felt that he was going to pass out from the pain, twice he opened his eyes and caught the ice-blue of the demon’s eyes, staring at him. The pain cut through any thoughts, drove all feeling in his body. He was torn to bits.

He woke up screaming. He was used to the dream. The pain was gone when he woke up. Its memory faded in the way that memories of pain do. He knew he had experienced it, but he couldn’t explain exactly how it felt. So his greatest shock of the night was when he hugged himself after his dream. His dream body was the same as two years ago. This new body felt different. His round belly jutted out as a reminder that no matter how much he tried to fool himself and believe he was the same, he wasn’t. He rubbed his fat belly, stared at it, pinched it until it hurt. Then he lay back down and curled his body around it, drawing his knees up to his convex stomach and clutching himself tightly. He wanted to cry, but he couldn’t. All of his feelings were too mixed up.