Product of the Broken

Ch.9



In truth none of the corporate brats even knew their leader was wounded, let alone out of his mind. Mitchell Slater was no longer squirming; he lay motionless for the time being. His face a shredded mess of tattered open flesh and imbedded finger nails Nicolae stood in the doorway of the bathroom as Kimber leaned over Mitchell's form and tilted his head to the side, and began to laugh out loud. "Yea you spotted bastard that'll teach you to beat the snot ought of me, not so high and mighty now are yea? Didn't think so." Alice couldn't help but let out a snort of laughter and it earned him a slap on the arm from Nicolae. "Kimber shut up! He's all gooey in the face and mashed up I doubt he finds your sarcasm amusing." Kimber snickered at this "Well sweetie I find it amusing and frankly that's all that matters, damn he did a number on himself I don't think that little trick has ever done 'this' before, they don't normally claw themselves stupid. Yea know he reminds me of a crippled down on it's last leg hopelessly stupid and lame, the whole thing makes me want to cry." Alice stepped over pieces of broken glass and stood next to Kimber. "So what now?" He asked calmly, Nicolae took his hand away from his mouth hearing this. "Can we please get the hell away from him he's freaking me out and he's starting to smell, he isn't even dead yet and he reeks plus I hate this house I never want to come back." Kimber wrinkled his nose "He's right, lets raid the place take all of Nicolae's cool presents and get lost." Packing up a suit case or two full of all the clothing Cambria had bought Nicolae he glanced around the room for a moment before walking down the hallway and stopping in front of Cambria's piano. Digging through his pockets he pulled out a Zippo lighter, flipping it over in his palm he swallowed and took a deep breath. Placing the tuxedo she'd bought him on top of the piano and picked up the sleeve. Flicking the lighter it produced a small flame and he gently held it under the sleeve until the expensive fabric caught fire.


Alice came up behind him and placed his arms around his waist. "What are you doing Nicolae?" The question came out smoothly and full of soft curiosity. Nicolae's gaze never broke from watching the black fabric burn and sizzle like human hair caught in the candlelight smiling gently he said. "Oh nothing." He said with a sweet voice that held a secret meaning. Alice chuckled nimbly as he pressed his lips into Nicolae's neck and pushed his nose against the back of his ear, closing his eye's he enjoyed the smell of honey. "Nothing huh? Well then if it's nothing then lets go you and I still need to talk." He said effortlessly as he pulled Nicolae back and turned him around picking up one of the suitcases and started slowly towards the front door where Kimber was sitting on the front steps. Nicolae walked to the front door and paused for a moment to look at the house one more time. "Whoever was paid to decorate this place should be shot." He muttered only to himself as he walked out.
Nicolae hadn't said a word since they dropped Kimber off at a hotel and began to drive the twenty minutes it would take to get to the rehab center that was located outward a good hour from the nearest city. They'd taken a taxi and the driver had begun to strike up a conversation when Alice silenced him with a twenty-dollar bill and sat back against the worn leather seats. Taking a peek at his companion he saw such a mixture of emotions he couldn't begin to sort them out. He still wasn't entirely sure as to why he'd done this, gone through all the trouble of searching the state for these people Nicolae would have loved more then anything to forget. But there was something about the idea of him being able to face his fears and begin to heal that showed Alice his choice had been the right one to make and he shouldn't regret doing it. Nicolae had neither thrown a tantrum nor had he shown any signs of delight from the information Alice had told him as they'd walked out of the hotel room.
Every child dreads facing their greatest fear, the boogey man, the dark, first day of school. For Nicolae this fear was a living breathing piece of flesh that had torn away the very fabrics of his existence and shoved him into the farthest reaches of emptiness, had made every day of living more painful then the last. When the car came to a stop outside of the rehab center, Nicolae still said nothing and silently got out of the car waiting beside it as Alice paid the driver and asked him to wait outside for at least fifteen minutes. Holding his hand he noticed as they neared the front door of the building Nicolae's grip on his hand tightened. Alice had somehow convinced him to change cloths into a pair of nice dress pants with a white silk t-shirt and dress shoes.
Alice ignored the odd looks from the nurses wandering around as they approached the front desk and Alice coolly asked for their visitor passes. Nicolae turned and looked around them for a moment while he waited for Alice still holding his hand he noticed a sign on the wall that read in big green letters. "Welcome Visitors." Moving onward he felt his stomach fill up with butterflies and his throat tighten until he thought he would faint and reminded himself to breath. Everyone was outside since the weather was halfway decent today, a barbeque going on with refreshments provided on tables against a chain link fence off to the side. This all made Nicolae beyond uncomfortable but he said nothing, this was important for him to face and he knew Alice wanted him to do it, so for Alice he would.
He felt like a nervous housewife at a party he didn't want to go to as Alice had him sit on a picnic table bench asking him softly to wait there while he got them something to drink. Fidgeting in his seat he skimmed around the crowd timidly trying to see if he recognized anyone. He glued his eyes onto a checkered square on the picnic table's cover as he caught he gaze of a man in his late fifties. The man was fairly tall with high cheekbones his hair wasn't even close to graying yet, his chest was broad and he wore a simple t-shirt and blue jeans with a pair of beat up tennis shoes.
Watching the young man at the table across the yard he'd seen him looking around at everyone who passed like a scared animal. He wouldn't have thought anything of the young man if it hadn't been for his eyes those big gold eyes. Now as his brain was piecing together the puzzle his chest felt tight and he wanted to leave. His curiosity of the young man rose when another joined him and sat down beside him handing him a paper cup full of fruit punch probably. He watched as the other man leaned over and placed a kiss on the corner of his lips, patting the middle of his back gently and whispering something into his ear. Shoving his hands into his pocket he looked away from what he assumed was a couple. He'd never seen these two at the visitor days before, so he wandered whom they were here to see.
Watching the young man at the table across the yard he'd seen him looking around at everyone who passed him like a scared animal. He wouldn't have thought anything of the young man if it hadn't been for his eyes, those big gold eyes. Now as his brain was piecing together the puzzle his chest felt tight and he wanted to leave. His curiosity of the young man rose when another joined him and sat down beside him handing him a paper cup full of what was probably fruit punch. He watched as the other man leaned over and placed a kiss on the corner of his lips, patting the middle of his back gently and whispering something into his ear. Shoving his hands into his pocket he looked away from what he assumed was a couple. He'd never seen these two at the visitor days before, so he wandered whom they were here to see.
Nicolae leaned his head against Alice's shoulder lightly whimpering. "Alice he doesn't even know who I am this is stupid I want to go back to the hotel." Alice patted his back again. "Would you stop being such a baby your not twelve anymore Nicolae. He's right over there and I could have sworn he was staring at over at us like he thought he knew one of us." Nicolae gave Alice a look of mild disgust. "He's probably trying not to throw up at the fact we're sitting here and your groping me in plain sight." Alice gasped now in mock horror "Really? Oh my god Nicolae thank you for bringing this to my attention I had no idea I liked men." Rolling his eye's Alice exhaled a heavy breath. "Nicolae would you stop with the sarcasm for two seconds I swear you spend to much damn time with Kimber it's beginning to rot your brain, besides I did a lot of under cover work to find this guy, I even had blood work done he's the real deal. He may not know who you are but that's because he's pretty much missed your life from age 5 and up. If you give him a chance just meet him Nicolae, he'll give you a chance as well at least I hope he will, I went through a lot of bitchy social workers and court papers to find him so I don't want to hear any crap from you young man now get up and go say hello."
Nicolae stared at him as if he were crazy. "Are you crazy! Do I look like the Martha Stuart of social interactions with biological fathers to you?" Alice laughed now and got off the bench pulling Nicolae up with him. "You crack me up honey, now get your skinny ass over there and say hello to your daddy." Nicolae's nose crinkled up. "Ugh don't say it like that, and my ass is not skinny.it's normal." Alice only gave him a stern look that told him to get moving. Nicolae hated this idea more then anything, so a stepfather had ruined his life. What was so peachy keen about a man who'd help conceive him and then ran off never to be seen again until he was nearly a grown man himself? Nothing was good about this guy in Nicolae's opinion, personally he couldn't understand how anyone could have found his mothers chain smoking, overly religious, whiskey induced personality in any way charming and or beautiful. The guy must have been totally wasted, Nicolae declared in his mind. Wasted and on heroine. It was the only logical explanation.
Every step closer towards this man who'd actually one upped his severely abusive mentally disturbed step father by abandoning him fourteen years earlier, reminded him of high school and all the embarrassing moments he'd faced through the gauntlet of verbally obnoxious teenagers who didn't know their foot from their mouth so they decided to tear his self esteem in tiny bits and burn the remains. Moving towards the table the man was standing against Nicolae pretended to be getting a cookie since there was a whole tray laid out he thought it was a convenient way to look distracted. He thought his heart would stop when the man shifted and turned to face him, he could feel his eyes on him drilling holes into him. Nicolae shut his eyes for a second, whispering to himself. "Please don't speak to me please don't speak to me." Unfortunately Nicolae was never good at whispering very quietly.
The man paused in place as he watched this boy, looking around himself a little to see if any of the other patients were watching and when he found none he turned back to the boy. " Who is it you don't want to speak to you?" It sounded like a stupid question he shouldn't be asking and he instantly regretted it in fact when Nicolae turned to face him, a faintly shocked _expression plastered onto his face he knew the boy wished he hadn't either. Stuttering a response Nicolae cursed inside his mind. "Uh I.well um." Taking in deep breathes of air Nicolae felt his fingertips begin to tingle and his heart race. Looking over at Alice he saw he had no support from his companion to rescue him from this moment.
Turning back to the man, Nicolae wanted him to disappear again, forever this time to spare him of the agony he was feeling. He'd thought about it the entire car ride over about what he was going to say to him. He still didn't know and he was fairly certain it wouldn't have mattered if he knew anyway. "Um I've never done this before." Nicolae stopped short of his sentence, choking up and started staring at the ground. "Never done what before?" The man asked. Watching the boy become fidgety made him uneasy. "Never talked to my dad before, my real dad I'm here to see him, only he doesn't know I'm here I don't think he does anyway." Nicolae didn't know how else to put it. He figured the man had no idea he was even coming let alone what he looked like. Rubbing the back of his neck he watched the man carefully.
He thought his heart had stopped and dropped like dead weight to his stomach. This was a sick joke the center was playing on him it had to be, this boy couldn't mean him, it had to be someone else but he know of no one else would have a son his age, no one but him. Taking his hands out of his pockets he leaned them back against the table. "Are you playing tricks boy?" Nicolae's facial _expression immediately changed when he heard these words and he stood up a little straighter and suddenly regarded the man the way he might have regarded Mitchell on a bad day, he hated being called 'boy' as if he were a infantile ten year old. "No, mister I come to rehab centers all over the country for shits and giggles because I get a real kick out of telling washed out grown men I'm their son who they abandoned for fourteen years in the depths of white trailer trash hell." Nicolae said as he crossed his arms. Alice watched this from his seat at the picnic table and he closed his eyes and shook his head, he couldn't believe Nicolae just said that. The man on the other hand somehow with some sort of otherworldly understanding could. His eye's narrowed "Look boy, I had a five year old son before I had to do some jail time for a few problems. So I don't know whether your him or not." Nicolae rolled his eyes now knowing this spark of rebellion was easing his nervousness. "Children do grow you know." The sarcasm level was reaching new heights and Alice almost couldn't contain his laughter from his position at the table.
Finally Nicolae said. "Look, my boyfriend used to work for some big company and so he was loaded with money for awhile, he apparently spent it on finding my biological father, without my permission I might add because I thought I had already escaped my father, but oh no Alice thought it was a crucial key in my journey of healing to overcome my fears of abandonment by my father. This is as much of a surprise to me as it is to you, he sprung this information on me around an hour ago, he felt it was better he tell me in the taxi so I didn't try to bail out and hitch a ride back into the city, I don't know you and you don't know me frankly I didn't want to meet you."
The man paused and took this all in. "Okay, okay let me get this straight. I have a right to be a little skeptical about you because it isn't everyday some kid comes in and claims he's my son and starts talking smack about me to my face." Nicolae chuckled a little. "Oh yea I forgot you're the worlds best dad, excuse my rudeness please." Nicolae ran a hand through his long hair and began chewing on his lower lip. He watched this with a less the amused _expression. "I had a son who was five years old when I screwed up and got arrested for a car theft and bank robbery, had some drugs on me so it earned me about ten years in jail. That means you would have been fifteen years old I guess, then for the next few years I was pretty clean until recently I got picked up a couple hours away from here for some other arrests I wasn't aware of, drinking charges a little bit of drugs. So that's why I'm in this shit hole of a rehabilitation center, trying to keep out of jail but I don't see much difference in it." Nicolae stared at the man and said "So you never would have had a chance to come see me.not even when you were clean and you weren't in jail." His voice held little to no sarcasm now. "Well your mom wasn't the brightest gal and she hated my guts for getting put up in jail thought I was leaving her for someone else anyway. So she packed you up and left I guess I stopped by the house I'd bought for us but she wasn't there. Some other family was living in it and the state had sold it while I was gone. I didn't have any money so I could hire someone to trace her, I figured you were better off without a screw up like me for a dad." Nicolae frowned now and looked down at his feet. "I probably would have been a hell of a lot better off with your sorry ass then with her and that mentally disturbed red necked alcoholic jackass. I'm actually very thankful now that I've been informed I'm not blood related to that psycho."
He felt as if he was going to explode, this new wasn't what he expected to receive today. Normally visitor's day went on without much excitement and no one ever came to visit him. No one had ever come to see him while he was in jail so why should anyone have come here? He'd messed up so many times in his life he'd honestly believed he didn't deserve to keep his son. So he'd left the city and never looked for his ex-wife and son, he probably could have tracked them both down if she hadn't remarried so soon. Why was life giving his this chance now? Had he paid enough for his crimes? He wasn't sure how he went from making so many mistakes in his life from his teens to now, to be able to earn any ounce of forgiveness from his son. Of course he might not even be offering forgiveness, he had to keep that in mind.
He rubbed his mouth and let his hand drop to his side. "I know this sounds horrible but"¦it's been so long I don't want to screw up your name, it's Nick isn't it?" Nicolae nodded feeling suddenly shy and completely out of place. "Yeah your very close it's Nicolae actually, but people call me Nicky sometimes but never Nick, I'm going to have to ask your name because I don't even know it." There was a visible sadness in these words that he could clearly see as Nicolae spoke them. The sorrow in the fact that he didn't even know his fathers name was in itself both discomforting to him and entirely not Nicolae's fault. None of this was his fault, it was all his own and he'd paid for this for years by being without him for fairly enough his whole life. What do you say to a son you've left behind sometimes without a choice for fourteen years. He doesn't love you, he doesn't even know you, and yet you want to know everything about him. He made the effort to come here and see your sorry face for the first time, the least you can do is suck it up and face the boy. "My name is Lawrence, or well Larry for short but I suppose you won't be calling me Dad so Larry will do just fine."
Nicolae shifted his weight from hip to hip he was still uncomfortable with this. "Yea your right, I won't be calling you Dad. Alice said you have two more months of rehab and then you're released, you did heroine and you drank to freaking much. I already had a father if you could even remotely call him that who loved whiskey more the fact I was alive I don't need another abusive psychologically disturbed jackass telling me what to do and how to die. When two months is up, I guess Alice will have someone come get you; you can either have them drop you off somewhere, or come visit me wherever Alice will be living, or if you want I can come visit again before you get out or you can tell me to get lost and you won't ever see me again either way I don't much care, you have never been there for me and you might as well have signed my death warrant you know nothing of my life or who I am so don't preach to me about shit. I really don't know whether I want to hug you, punch you. I'm only doing this because Alice asked me to, and I love him so I'll do it. I have to go now, it was nice meeting you Larry." Nicolae shoved himself off the table and quickly made his way towards the exit door that led inside.
Alice barely caught up with him by the time he got to the taxicab waiting out front. "Nicolae"¦how'd it go?" He asked in a huffing breath, he wasn't used to running still. Nicolae bit his lower lip and let out a slightly strangled cry before breaking into a sobbing fit. Alice caught him as he started to lower to the ground. "Quiet baby it's okay your alright nobodies hurt you." He said in a soft voice trying to calm him down. "I hate him. I hate him so damn much I wish he were dead, he left me with that wretched woman and that"¦that." Nicolae could no longer talk now and buried his face into Alice's neck his legs felt hollow and he knew if he stepped away he'd fall onto the ground. Alice talked to him quietly as he held him and finally eased him into the cab and shut the door walking around the other side he stopped to look at the man standing in the entrance of the rehab center. He turned his gaze away and slid into the car shutting the door and allowed the driver to pull away. Nicolae's voice had carried over towards the entrance loud enough to where Larry had heard every word. His son hated him, wished he were dead and there was more pain in this child then he'd ever imagined.
His son had been eternally wounded and he was partially to blame. His parents had abandoned him when he was two years old, he'd been in jail more times then he would care to remember, He'd had alcohol poisoning, and been abandoned by his wife who didn't love him and refused rights to his child. None of that even compared to the pain he felt at hearing his son say he hated him. This boy who had grown up from a small child to a tall slender young man with beautiful eye's and features that would make most people instantly envious, didn't need an old washed up man like him to ruin what chances he had at a happy life. Nicolae had been right about everything, he knew nothing about him; he hadn't even remembered his own son's name. It was probably best he despised him. Larry turned around and headed back inside to go to his room, and think long and hard about his son's offer he knew he didn't deserve.