Seren's Story

I woke up with the alarm clock in the morning and immediately was overcome with sadness. A lump formed in my throat, and my heart felt as if it began to split into pieces. Chase stirred beside me, and I forced my sadness back.

“Morning, Seren.” He smiled, kissed my forehead, and held me tight.

“Good morning.” I smiled at the warmth in his voice and kissed him back. “Do you have to go?” I asked hopefully.

He stroked my hair. “After school, love. We’ll be together after you finish school.”

I tried to feel excited, but couldn’t get my heart into it.

We lay together, totally naked in bed, just holding each other before finally getting a start on the day. I helped him pack his checked luggage and he got his travel documents together.

He bought me breakfast again before we went to the airport. I dreaded our departure at the terminal. My heart sunk when I remembered the letter I had put in his carry-on. I felt certain that he wouldn’t love me after he read it.

“I love you…” I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him tight at the international terminal. “I love you so much, Chase.” I felt tears start to drip from my eyes.

“Soon, Seren. We’ll see each other soon.” He brushed a wisp of hair from my face as I looked up at him. “I love you, too.” He kissed me hard and our tongues danced for eternity. I wanted to remember this moment forever. I didn’t want it to end.

Finally he had to go. I noticed his chin quiver as our bodies and hands separated.

I made my way to the top floor of the parking structure so that I could watch his plane take off. Half an hour after it was gone, I still stood there, and I imagined him reading the letter.

Dear Chase,
I am sitting here, listening to you sleep this morning, and having you nearby makes this so much easier to write. You said it best when you said that I would tell you when I was ready. You’re right… as usual. And I am ready to tell you… but what I’m afraid of is that you’re not ready to know… I don’t know that you’ll ever be ready, but here’s my truth…

The letter went on to tell him what my father did, about my mothers death, about my fathers friends, the truth about the baby, and the rest of the sexual, psychological, and physical abuse.

… And I understand if you can’t love me anymore because of this. Because I am not the person you thought I was. But I want you to know that you are my soul mate. Every moment I spend with you is my most cherished moment, my most cherished memory. Every moment with you makes me a whole person again.

I love you with every piece of my heart!

Love,
Seren

I buried my face in my hands and cried. How could he ever love me knowing what I was? My hope faded and I played with the gold ring on my left hand as I got up and started back towards the city. I had to work that night.

I walked around that evening like a zombie. My heart felt shattered, and that threat in the pit of my stomach was growing stronger. I hadn’t been home in a week. I’d never done that before, and I didn’t want to know how enraged my father would be. I tried not to think about it.

Several of my co-workers noticed the ring, and telling them about Chase made me smile.

My hours at work passed too quickly and dread filled my heart as I stepped outside, knowing that I had to go home.

There were several cars parked out front when I got to my house more than an hour later. I didn’t recognize any of them, but I proceeded in the front door with caution anyway. The living room was empty, and I wasn’t sure whether to be thankful or not. I closed the door behind me as quietly as possible and tip-toed up to my bedroom. I quietly opened the door and saw my father sitting stark naked on my immaculate bed. He almost looked sad.

“Daddy?” I stepped forward cautiously.

He turned his head and looked at me. I could almost see flames in his eyes, and I started to back up, but he lunged at me and slammed the door shut. I breathed heavy in fear as he pinned me against the door and he hissed at me. “Where were you?” I could smell the alcohol on his breath.

“I…” I closed my eyes and tried to become one with the door, bracing myself for whatever might come next.

“Choose your words carefully, you little whore.” He spat.

“I was with Chase…” I finally whispered after several minutes.

Even with my eyes closed I could feel his rage swell. He grabbed the front of my scrub top and literally threw me across the room. He stormed over and picked me up and shoved me back against the glass door that led to my balcony. “Him again?!” He raged. The glass cracked and shattered under the pressure and I fell with the shower of glass onto the snow-covered balcony. His fist flew into my chest and I felt a sick cracking of my ribs. He grabbed a shard of glass and pinned me down in the snow, holding it to my throat. “I should kill you right now, you ungrateful, stupid girl!” His breathing was heavy and nettled. I closed my eyes tight and tried to think of Chase. If I was going to die, I wanted to die thinking of him. After a moment, he released his grip on me and I heard the glass drop into the snow. I heard him fumbling around my bed for a moment, putting his pants back on before he yanked me up by my long dark hair and dragged me down the stairs and into the basement again. I heard men talking as I was being dragged down the rickety wooden stairs. My father finally dropped me on the cold, hard, musty smelling carpet and kicked my ribs. A shot of pain seared through my chest and I tightened my arms around myself.

“I’m sick of looking at her.” He seethed and walked back up the stairs.

Silence fell among the men who sat in chairs and on couches around me. They began to whisper among themselves. “Dude… I brought rubbers.” I heard one of them say. “You go, I want to watch…” Another one buzzed.

A dark haired man approached and climbed on top of me. He yanked the hair on top of my head and bit at the side of my neck. Weighting me down with his body so that I couldn’t fight, he pulled my pants down and I heard the snapping of latex as he rolled on a condom and forced it inside of me. Pain seared all over as he kept going for 30 minutes. He bit my neck hard and I felt the skin break when he finally finished. His audience cheered and high-fived him as he bounced off of me and I was left trying to hold my aching body together. They each had their turn with me and then left. They left me on the floor in the dark, my pants around my ankles, my neck bleeding, and my ribs shattered. It hurt to move or breathe.

I lay on the carpet in the basement for at least a week, my nights consisting of the same rapes, with no food, and no water. I wasn’t cleaned, and nobody spoke to me.

“Get up.” My father kicked me in the back and I gasped in pain. “Get up!” He shouted at me again.

Slowly, painfully, and weakly I got to my feet.

“Go take a shower.” He ordered, pointing at the stairs.

Still nursing the sharp pains racing through my chest, halfway hunched over, I slowly made my way up the stairs to the shower across from my bedroom.

He stripped me of my clothes and turned the water on for me after I got in the tub. The shower was scalding. I cried, feeling my skin burning. He stood there and forced me to wash my hair and my body, even though I could hardly move. He turned the water off and coarsely dried me with a towel and threw a fresh pair of scrubs at me. “Get dressed.” He commanded. “You’re going to work.”

I didn’t look at him as I slowly and agonizingly got dressed. He kept his hand firmly on my back as he walked me down to his car and made sure that I got in. He drove me to work without a word, but the tension in the air was obvious. “You will be right here at 9.30 tonight, or I will find you and I will kill you.” His voice was cold and serious.