Diary of a Gay (NOT!... well, maybe) Boy
folder
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
13
Views:
2,818
Reviews:
28
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › Humour
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
13
Views:
2,818
Reviews:
28
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Chapter 9
September 4, religion, 8am
David is still ignoring me in real life. Why is it that he’s all Mr. Conversationalist on AIM but in real life, he’s a total dud? Like I say hi to him and he BLATANTLY ignores me!!! What is UP with that? I swear, guys are SO hard to read. It almost makes me wish I WEREN’T gay.
But then again, I’d have to deal with girls and they’re weird too. At least I’m a guy, so it’s not SO difficult to read them, since I’m one myself.
And plus, I’d miss David’s six pack and sex-ah hair. And then I’d be sad and I’d be all depressed. And nobody wants that. Because how am I supposed to be my effervescent self if I’m all DEPRESSED?!
Why won’t David talk to me? WHY?! I mean, it’s not like if we talk in school, people are gonna know we KISSED or something!
Although if I keep writing in caps, the people around me (excluding David, who already knows about it since he was, um, THERE) will notice that I’m talking about us kissing and then word will spread and then David and I will die from all the beatings that will eventually occur!!!!
AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE BEATEN UP!!
Anyway, before the kiss, David had no problems talking with me. What makes now so different?! Yea, we kissed, but it was more like a peck! I mean, our lips BARELY touched. It’s almost like the kiss never happened!
Wait a minute, what if the kiss never happened and I’m getting all worked up for NO REASON WHATSOEVER?!
No, the kiss did happen. I know it did. It did.
But wouldn’t it SUCK if it didn’t and I’ve been spending the past four days writing and agonizing over something that didn’t happen? And it’s not like I could ASK David about it because he’d be all “No, of course not” because he’s too scared to even TALK to me in school now.
Wait, since he’s too scared to talk to me, then OBVIOUSLY the kiss DID happen or else why would he not be talking to me?
Unless, of course, someone mentioned to him that I am a social outcast and am not to be talked to, due to my outcast-ness probably somehow rubbing off on him and then he’d be unpopular like me.
Though if he actually liked me, he wouldn’t mind being unpopular because he’d like me so much that status in high school wouldn’t matter.
HA! Like that’d happen. Status is WAY too important in high school that even love couldn’t stop it. But whatever.
I just wish he’d talk to me! Why can’t guys open up and TALK about their feelings? I SWEAR.
September 4, Study Hall, 1:30pm
Well, Kerry followed through on her promise and did introduce me to some of her friends and we all seemed to hit it off. All of them seem to be interested in theatre and they encouraged me to either try out for the play or work on stage crew.
Well, I’m not one for acting, but maybe stage crew would be fun. I enjoyed being stage manager for my 8th grade class’ production of “A Comedy of Errors” even though I really didn’t do much at all, except I made my acting debut when we went to the Diocesan Shakespeare Festival as the policeman because the dude who was supposed to play it couldn’t come, so I had to do it. I had a total of 3 lines. I don’t remember what they were, but they were OBVIOUSLY crucial to the plot. It was exciting.
But I don’t think I’d EVER want to do acting again. I mean, being in front of ALL those people staring at you and such. It’d be too much for me. I can’t deal with a classroom of people, how would I deal with a whole THEATRE of people?!
So, I’m opting for stage crew. Apparently, it starts this Saturday, so I’ll be going to that. I figure I should make more friends since David is STILL ignoring me.
OH MY GOD. I totally forgot about what happened in P.E. class today!! Ok, well, we were in the locker room getting changed and stuff and I happened to glance over (such a stupid mistake) and I caught a glimpse of David’s… um, well…
Oh, for heaven’s sake, this is my journal, no one else will read this. I can write this. I can.
Anyway, I saw a bit of David’s butt. His boxers rode down a bit as he took off his uniform pants (by the way, have I mentioned David looks totally adorable in his uniform whereas I, the frumpy loser who can’t get a boyfriend, look GHASTLY in mine?). So, yea, I caught a glimpse of his ass. He pulled them up quickly though.
But, I gotta say, he must do some nude tanning or something cuz it wasn’t pale or anything. It was quite dark and tan-looking.
Oh, and yea, David DOES have a six-pack. But it’s not one of those ones that bodybuilders have because those just look disgusting. But it was defined enough that he looked like he didn’t have an ounce of fat on him.
Whereas, I, on the other hand, while not fat (far from it), I do still have some fat. I’m probably a bit pudgy, you’d call it. I mean, I weigh like 140 pounds and I’m pretty thin but there’s always like that little bit of fat you can’t get rid of. So yeah, I don’t have a six pack. I probably don’t even have an abdominal muscle. It wouldn’t surprise me. I hate exercising. I mean, sweating for no good reason (a good reason to sweat would be sex)? I don’t think so. Ew.
So yea, that was the excitement for today. I like to think that maybe David showed me a bit of his butt because he still likes me and he wanted me to see it.
But most likely, it was an accident. But you know what they say. Ignorance is bliss.
September 4, my room, 7pm
Ok, so I am sitting here doing nothing but surfing the web and my one buddy shows up (i.e. David) on Instant Messenger and he IMes me
DtothaAvid: Sup?
“Sup?”?!??!?!!? That’s STILL all he has to say to me?!?! He is putting me through total torture over this whole “did he kiss me? Does that mean he likes me?” etc thing and he just says “Sup?”?!!
Blake323: Not much. You?
DtothaAvid: Same here.
Well, this conversation is just so riveting, so exhilarating. I can barely keep up. I really need to ask him about the kiss we had.
Here goes nothing.
Blake323: So, um, David, I have a question to ask you.
DtothaAvid: Yea? What is it?
Blake323: I want to ask about what happened between us on Saturday.
DtothaAvid: What do you mean?
WHAT DO I MEAN?!?!? IS HE STUPID OR SOMETHING?! I just need to spit it out and just do it.
Blake323: The kiss we had. When I was walking you to the door, you turned me around and kissed me. ON THE LIPS. What was that all about?
There. I did it. It’s done. And… David’s being silent. He’s not doing anything. Oh god, if he signs off, I AM SO GONNA KILL HIM tomorrow morning. I may be somewhat shy, but when you make me angry, WATCH OUT.
Oh my god, what if the kiss actually DIDN’T happen?! What if it was my crazy imagination and I just admitted that I thought he kissed me when he didn’t. What if my gay secret gets out?! Then I’m gonna get beaten up because people are gonna know that I have a crush on one of the most popular freshmen! I mean, he’s on some sort of sports team (I don’t know which since I don’t pay attention to that) and he’s like one of the best players or something.
Oh wait, he’s typing something out.
DtothaAvid: What are you talking about? I’m not queer. And I never kissed you. I hope you’re not one of those queers because I hate those kinds of guys. Always prancing around. They give men a bad name. And they’re all going to hell for the life they’ve chosen. They should change their ways.
Oh. My. God. Yes. That’s what he JUST wrote.
Maybe it was my imagination after all. Maybe I wanted to kiss him so badly that I came up with some sort of weird fantasy and thought it was reality. I’ve had dreams like that where everything seems so real, but it’s still all just a dream.
But if it wasn’t real, why did he take so long to respond? He normally isn’t slow in his responses. Plus, the thing that says if they’re writing something out didn’t show up for a while. Maybe he was trying to come up with an excuse because if he didn’t want to be embarrassed or something.
But even so, what about all that stuff about gays going to hell? I mean, I know we go to a Catholic school, but I didn’t think people around our age thought like that. Even if it is (reportedly) written in the Bible. People really need to come to their senses and realize this is persecution, which, I believe, Jesus was against.
Especially, since, you know, he was persecuted himself. And I don’t think he’d condone the thing that brought him to his death. Even if it did save the sins of everyone in the whole world, past, present, and future.
This has given me a whole new perspective on David. Maybe he isn’t the perfect guy I thought he was. Oh, perhaps I should respond. It’s been a while since I said anything.
Blake323: Yea. Must’ve been my imagination. Silly me. I knew you wouldn’t have kissed me. It would’ve been so weird.
I didn’t even wait for a response. I wanted to get offline and cry. Even if he may not be the perfect guy, he was the first guy I had a crush on. And he dumped me. Well, more or less. I really did like him. A lot.
Blake323: Anyway, I gotta go. Bye.
And I signed off. You know what, I don’t feel like writing any more. All I want to do is crawl in a hole and die.
September 5, my room, 1am
I can’t sleep. I was hoping that I could do that whole cliché thing where people cry themselves to sleep over a broken heart, but, while I did lay in my bed and cry, I didn’t fall asleep. AT ALL.
I don’t understand this. Could my obsession with David have led me to believe me that he had kissed me? That maybe instead of him getting something off my face, I thought he had kissed me. I mean, he’d gotten pretty close to my face and the “kiss” was so short I wasn’t even sure it had happened.
But I really did want it to be true. I wanted it to be so true. I guess I got too far ahead of myself wanting something that I didn’t realize it was never there to begin with. I am such a loser. I should’ve known that a popular guy like David would never want a social outcast such as myself even if I am actually making friends. How could I be so stupid? I swear, I meet one hot guy and I’m all over him, thinking about him all the time and wondering if he’s thinking about me and if he feels the same way when he NEVER EVEN FELT THE SAME WAY. Never even had the kiss that I thought we supposedly had. The kiss I’ve been freaking out over for the past couple days.
I was so foolish to even think he could have felt the same way about me. I rushed things too fast in my head and ended up like this. Are all boys like this? Because if they are, maybe I don’t want to be gay anymore. I don’t want ANYBODY toying with my emotions like David did.
I am NEVER gonna rush things again. You know what, maybe I’m better off without any guy. I mean, seriously, who needs them? I certainly don’t.
From this date, and as my journal is my witness, I am SWEARING OFF GUYS.
(and girls too. Because, um, EW.)
I could be one of those asexual people. This should be fun.
David is still ignoring me in real life. Why is it that he’s all Mr. Conversationalist on AIM but in real life, he’s a total dud? Like I say hi to him and he BLATANTLY ignores me!!! What is UP with that? I swear, guys are SO hard to read. It almost makes me wish I WEREN’T gay.
But then again, I’d have to deal with girls and they’re weird too. At least I’m a guy, so it’s not SO difficult to read them, since I’m one myself.
And plus, I’d miss David’s six pack and sex-ah hair. And then I’d be sad and I’d be all depressed. And nobody wants that. Because how am I supposed to be my effervescent self if I’m all DEPRESSED?!
Why won’t David talk to me? WHY?! I mean, it’s not like if we talk in school, people are gonna know we KISSED or something!
Although if I keep writing in caps, the people around me (excluding David, who already knows about it since he was, um, THERE) will notice that I’m talking about us kissing and then word will spread and then David and I will die from all the beatings that will eventually occur!!!!
AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE BEATEN UP!!
Anyway, before the kiss, David had no problems talking with me. What makes now so different?! Yea, we kissed, but it was more like a peck! I mean, our lips BARELY touched. It’s almost like the kiss never happened!
Wait a minute, what if the kiss never happened and I’m getting all worked up for NO REASON WHATSOEVER?!
No, the kiss did happen. I know it did. It did.
But wouldn’t it SUCK if it didn’t and I’ve been spending the past four days writing and agonizing over something that didn’t happen? And it’s not like I could ASK David about it because he’d be all “No, of course not” because he’s too scared to even TALK to me in school now.
Wait, since he’s too scared to talk to me, then OBVIOUSLY the kiss DID happen or else why would he not be talking to me?
Unless, of course, someone mentioned to him that I am a social outcast and am not to be talked to, due to my outcast-ness probably somehow rubbing off on him and then he’d be unpopular like me.
Though if he actually liked me, he wouldn’t mind being unpopular because he’d like me so much that status in high school wouldn’t matter.
HA! Like that’d happen. Status is WAY too important in high school that even love couldn’t stop it. But whatever.
I just wish he’d talk to me! Why can’t guys open up and TALK about their feelings? I SWEAR.
September 4, Study Hall, 1:30pm
Well, Kerry followed through on her promise and did introduce me to some of her friends and we all seemed to hit it off. All of them seem to be interested in theatre and they encouraged me to either try out for the play or work on stage crew.
Well, I’m not one for acting, but maybe stage crew would be fun. I enjoyed being stage manager for my 8th grade class’ production of “A Comedy of Errors” even though I really didn’t do much at all, except I made my acting debut when we went to the Diocesan Shakespeare Festival as the policeman because the dude who was supposed to play it couldn’t come, so I had to do it. I had a total of 3 lines. I don’t remember what they were, but they were OBVIOUSLY crucial to the plot. It was exciting.
But I don’t think I’d EVER want to do acting again. I mean, being in front of ALL those people staring at you and such. It’d be too much for me. I can’t deal with a classroom of people, how would I deal with a whole THEATRE of people?!
So, I’m opting for stage crew. Apparently, it starts this Saturday, so I’ll be going to that. I figure I should make more friends since David is STILL ignoring me.
OH MY GOD. I totally forgot about what happened in P.E. class today!! Ok, well, we were in the locker room getting changed and stuff and I happened to glance over (such a stupid mistake) and I caught a glimpse of David’s… um, well…
Oh, for heaven’s sake, this is my journal, no one else will read this. I can write this. I can.
Anyway, I saw a bit of David’s butt. His boxers rode down a bit as he took off his uniform pants (by the way, have I mentioned David looks totally adorable in his uniform whereas I, the frumpy loser who can’t get a boyfriend, look GHASTLY in mine?). So, yea, I caught a glimpse of his ass. He pulled them up quickly though.
But, I gotta say, he must do some nude tanning or something cuz it wasn’t pale or anything. It was quite dark and tan-looking.
Oh, and yea, David DOES have a six-pack. But it’s not one of those ones that bodybuilders have because those just look disgusting. But it was defined enough that he looked like he didn’t have an ounce of fat on him.
Whereas, I, on the other hand, while not fat (far from it), I do still have some fat. I’m probably a bit pudgy, you’d call it. I mean, I weigh like 140 pounds and I’m pretty thin but there’s always like that little bit of fat you can’t get rid of. So yeah, I don’t have a six pack. I probably don’t even have an abdominal muscle. It wouldn’t surprise me. I hate exercising. I mean, sweating for no good reason (a good reason to sweat would be sex)? I don’t think so. Ew.
So yea, that was the excitement for today. I like to think that maybe David showed me a bit of his butt because he still likes me and he wanted me to see it.
But most likely, it was an accident. But you know what they say. Ignorance is bliss.
September 4, my room, 7pm
Ok, so I am sitting here doing nothing but surfing the web and my one buddy shows up (i.e. David) on Instant Messenger and he IMes me
DtothaAvid: Sup?
“Sup?”?!??!?!!? That’s STILL all he has to say to me?!?! He is putting me through total torture over this whole “did he kiss me? Does that mean he likes me?” etc thing and he just says “Sup?”?!!
Blake323: Not much. You?
DtothaAvid: Same here.
Well, this conversation is just so riveting, so exhilarating. I can barely keep up. I really need to ask him about the kiss we had.
Here goes nothing.
Blake323: So, um, David, I have a question to ask you.
DtothaAvid: Yea? What is it?
Blake323: I want to ask about what happened between us on Saturday.
DtothaAvid: What do you mean?
WHAT DO I MEAN?!?!? IS HE STUPID OR SOMETHING?! I just need to spit it out and just do it.
Blake323: The kiss we had. When I was walking you to the door, you turned me around and kissed me. ON THE LIPS. What was that all about?
There. I did it. It’s done. And… David’s being silent. He’s not doing anything. Oh god, if he signs off, I AM SO GONNA KILL HIM tomorrow morning. I may be somewhat shy, but when you make me angry, WATCH OUT.
Oh my god, what if the kiss actually DIDN’T happen?! What if it was my crazy imagination and I just admitted that I thought he kissed me when he didn’t. What if my gay secret gets out?! Then I’m gonna get beaten up because people are gonna know that I have a crush on one of the most popular freshmen! I mean, he’s on some sort of sports team (I don’t know which since I don’t pay attention to that) and he’s like one of the best players or something.
Oh wait, he’s typing something out.
DtothaAvid: What are you talking about? I’m not queer. And I never kissed you. I hope you’re not one of those queers because I hate those kinds of guys. Always prancing around. They give men a bad name. And they’re all going to hell for the life they’ve chosen. They should change their ways.
Oh. My. God. Yes. That’s what he JUST wrote.
Maybe it was my imagination after all. Maybe I wanted to kiss him so badly that I came up with some sort of weird fantasy and thought it was reality. I’ve had dreams like that where everything seems so real, but it’s still all just a dream.
But if it wasn’t real, why did he take so long to respond? He normally isn’t slow in his responses. Plus, the thing that says if they’re writing something out didn’t show up for a while. Maybe he was trying to come up with an excuse because if he didn’t want to be embarrassed or something.
But even so, what about all that stuff about gays going to hell? I mean, I know we go to a Catholic school, but I didn’t think people around our age thought like that. Even if it is (reportedly) written in the Bible. People really need to come to their senses and realize this is persecution, which, I believe, Jesus was against.
Especially, since, you know, he was persecuted himself. And I don’t think he’d condone the thing that brought him to his death. Even if it did save the sins of everyone in the whole world, past, present, and future.
This has given me a whole new perspective on David. Maybe he isn’t the perfect guy I thought he was. Oh, perhaps I should respond. It’s been a while since I said anything.
Blake323: Yea. Must’ve been my imagination. Silly me. I knew you wouldn’t have kissed me. It would’ve been so weird.
I didn’t even wait for a response. I wanted to get offline and cry. Even if he may not be the perfect guy, he was the first guy I had a crush on. And he dumped me. Well, more or less. I really did like him. A lot.
Blake323: Anyway, I gotta go. Bye.
And I signed off. You know what, I don’t feel like writing any more. All I want to do is crawl in a hole and die.
September 5, my room, 1am
I can’t sleep. I was hoping that I could do that whole cliché thing where people cry themselves to sleep over a broken heart, but, while I did lay in my bed and cry, I didn’t fall asleep. AT ALL.
I don’t understand this. Could my obsession with David have led me to believe me that he had kissed me? That maybe instead of him getting something off my face, I thought he had kissed me. I mean, he’d gotten pretty close to my face and the “kiss” was so short I wasn’t even sure it had happened.
But I really did want it to be true. I wanted it to be so true. I guess I got too far ahead of myself wanting something that I didn’t realize it was never there to begin with. I am such a loser. I should’ve known that a popular guy like David would never want a social outcast such as myself even if I am actually making friends. How could I be so stupid? I swear, I meet one hot guy and I’m all over him, thinking about him all the time and wondering if he’s thinking about me and if he feels the same way when he NEVER EVEN FELT THE SAME WAY. Never even had the kiss that I thought we supposedly had. The kiss I’ve been freaking out over for the past couple days.
I was so foolish to even think he could have felt the same way about me. I rushed things too fast in my head and ended up like this. Are all boys like this? Because if they are, maybe I don’t want to be gay anymore. I don’t want ANYBODY toying with my emotions like David did.
I am NEVER gonna rush things again. You know what, maybe I’m better off without any guy. I mean, seriously, who needs them? I certainly don’t.
From this date, and as my journal is my witness, I am SWEARING OFF GUYS.
(and girls too. Because, um, EW.)
I could be one of those asexual people. This should be fun.