Unforgivables

The chair was soft. It was the only comforting thing about the room. It was never comforting to be in a therapist’s room. They were always dark and gloomy. Not to mention therapists tended to be complete assholes. I kept replaying what my aunt had told me in my mind. That if I was good and didn’t talk to voices then they would let me out. How was I supposed to be good when I wanted to kill that guy and not talk to voices when they wouldn’t shut up?

“Hello there Christopher. How are you today?” the man asked me. He was ready to write down whatever I said. I kept my eyes on the paper and pencil. From where I was I couldn’t read what he was writing but I knew that whatever I said would be put down.

“I’m okay.” I muttered and awaited the questions.

“Just okay?” his glasses shined in the only light there was in the room. “Why just okay? Can you tell me that?”

It was annoying. So very fucking annoying to try and talk to someone like this. They over analyzed every fucking detail. I couldn’t explain feelings that well and I was pretty sure other people weren’t that good at it either. “Getting used to things.”

The pencil began to write and I knew he had found something bad about that sentence. I had no clue how you could turn that sentence into something bad but I knew he had done it. Either that or he was putting words into my mouth. “Has the transition been hard for you? Have you had any difficulties getting used to things? Has anyone hurt you or attempted to hurt you?”

“It’s been fine. Not really. No one has.” I answered plainly. If you answered simply and didn’t go into detail there was nothing they can do about it. As long as you answered their questions and nothing more then everything was okay.

He took of his glasses like he was actually getting serious now. “Lets talk about these voices shall we Christopher? I am very interested in them from the reports I have gotten from your social worker.” yeah those were supposed to be private documents. “Can you tell me about them? What they say to you?”

“Don’t tell him shit!” that man ordered from behind me. “He’s just another person who wants to use you...wants to hurt you. He’s no better then anyone else in this fucking world and you know that. If you tell him things he can use it against you and then you will never get out of here. You’ll be stuck here for the rest of your fucking pathetic life!”

I shook my head and took a deep breath. “About them?” I repeated as I tried to think. “They are Unforgivables. They-”

“You know that is not a word right Christopher?” he asked me. I hated when people interrupted me. If they were going to ask me a question then they should at least listen to the fucking answer. “You know that right?”

“Yes.” I answered. I was a moron. However if I heard things that no one else heard then I could make up a name for them if I want to.

“Now, tell me. What do they say to you?”

This time I really didn’t want to answer. I knew that at some point he would interrupt me or start writing again. Still, if I was going to be good then I had to play along. “Nothing important. They’ve just done bad things.”

He nodded and, like I had thought, began to write. He was getting paid, that was all he cared about. “What bad things have they done Christopher?”

Did saying my name make him feel more intimidating or something? “Unforgivable things. Depends on the voice.”

“Have they ever told you to do anything bad?”

“No. Never.”

“I heard you tried to hurt a boy once. They didn’t tell you to do that?”

I shook my head. “He just pissed me off.”

The guy looked through a folder for moment. “It says you have been here before Christopher. Do you remember the last time you were here?”

This was the same place? I had not known that at all. “Not really.” It was true. I didn’t remember much from my time in here. I remembered being on drugs and out of it a lot. But I didn’t remember actual people or faces.

He nodded and put his glasses back on. “Do you know a Brian Kar?”

Brian Kar? Who the hell was Brain Kar? “No.”

This guy clearly had a fetish with nodding his head. Everything I said he nodded to like a giant mystery had been solved. Like he knew how I worked all of a sudden. “It says in my report that the last time you were here you and this kid spent a lot of time together. Yet you don’t remember him?”

“I was on a lot of drugs the last time I was here.” I answered, my voice beginning to get raw. “Who is he?”

“He’s still here.” the man told me. I finally saw his name tag and found his name to be Anthony Hill. That name didn’t sound familiar either. “I’m his therapist also. Though he isn’t as cooperative as you. Every time I talk to him it is like trying to read Egyptian hieroglyphics.”

Hm. Things were starting to make sense now. “He still knows me?”

“Yes he does.” Anthony nodded. “He’ll talk about you every once in a while.” the little alarm on his desk went off and he smirked. “Well, time is up. I’ll see you next week Christopher.”

I was shoved back in my room and my roommate sat up on his bed to face me. I walked over and slapped him hard across the face. His head jerked to the side and he didn’t move. “Jerk. Playing fucking mind games with me when you knew me all along.”

He dropped his head. “I know you. That’s true enough.” he looked up at me. “But you don’t know who I am. You don’t remember me at all. We had a lot of fun times together and you don’t remember them one bit! I wasn’t meaning to play games with you. I was trying to get you to remember me...”

I walked back and sat on my bed. “Still a nasty thing to do.” I laid down and stared at him.

He crawled over and sat on his knees by my bed. “Do you remember what you said to me? Before you left? Before you got to go away?” I shook my head. “You told me you didn’t want to go. You told me they couldn’t get to you here. Why? Why don’t they talk to you here?”

“They do.” I answered. “And they tell me to stay the fuck away from you.”

He looked apprehensively at me. “Stay away from me?”

“Yes. They tell me you’ll hurt me, you’ll break me, you’ll kill me.” I hissed. “They tell me never to talk to you ever again.”

“I wont hurt you.” he promised and set his hand over his heart. “I swear to it. I wouldn’t ever hurt you.” he smiled reassuringly. “I never told you but you make everything go away for me.” I got confused then and he must have seen it. “Everything I see. I hate seeing it all. I hate it and I know I shouldn’t see it but I do. You hear things...hear things you shouldn’t. We’re the same. But with you...everything goes away.” I turned away from him not wanting to hear that shit. “His name is Nicholas right?”

“What?” I sat up and looked at him.

“Nicholas. His name is Nicholas right? The one who kissed you by the river? The one who wanted to take you away?” I couldn’t move. Everyone bone in my body was frozen in place. “Why didn’t you go with him? Why did you chose to come here and not run?”

I backed away against the wall again. “Get away from me.”

“Why are you scared? We’re the same so why are you afraid of me?” he lowered his head again. “When you were here last time I was so happy. You understood me so well and I was so happy to have someone to talk to. Why are you afraid of me now?”

“Tell me why they want me to stay away from you!” I yelled at him. Surprised at my own voice getting so loud. “Tell me Brian!”

He winced. “That name...I’d forgotten that name.” he was shaking and I thought I saw tears fall from his eyes. “They...they want me to stay away because...because of what I have done. Because of what I can do. Because I can make them go away and they don’t like that! Because I have killed people and it’s all my fault!” he looked at me and I saw I had been right. There were tears in those blue eyes.

My heart was racing. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breath, I couldn’t move. Could I possibly have eyes like his? If we were so much the same then our eyes had to look the same. Is that why people hated me so much? Because of how I looked at them? Because of how I looked? He crawled up next to me and I felt his arms slid around my waist.

“You know...” his tears hit my shoulder as he rested his head there. “It’s wonderful to have you back. Even if you do like another.” he laughed softly. “I always hoped that when you came back I’d finally be able to be with you. But...I guess it was a false hope. You have someone else in your life now. That Nicholas guy. I might be a bastard but if you like him so much...then I wont interfere.” he sighed. “You do really like him don’t you?”

“Yes.” I muttered.

He nodded softly against my shoulder. “Alright then. I understand.” he lifted his head and I could see he was staring at me. “Do you think he will come?” I looked over at him. “He promised you that he would come see you didn’t he?” I nodded. “Do you think he will come then?”

I looked away. I didn’t know. Others had told me they would come and I had held on for that hope so long that I had forgotten everything else. This could just be like that. “I can hope.”

“Alright.” he slid away from he and walked over to his bed. “My mother told me that she would come and see me whenever she could.” he laid down and faced me thought he wasn’t looking at me. “I guess she never got time.”

“If you are trying to get under my skin you can just stop.” I snapped at him.

“Nothing like that.” he closed his eyes. “He’ll come. I’m just wondering how many times he will come until he doesn’t come anymore.”

I was done with him and his ways. At least in sleep he could not talk to me and piss me off. As I drifted off to sleep something came into my head. Was I going more insane? If I stayed near Brian then clearly I was going to go more insane. There was only so much of this I could take. It wasn’t like sitting and talking to your best friend. The therapist had been right. It was like trying to decode a message.

A/N : I’m thinking of having the next chapter be a flashback. To what...you will not know until it comes out. But I think I just might. Hmm, his life before the fire...or his first time meeting Brian. Let me weigh my options. *wicked grin* I know. Anyway. Review or stop reading. Your choice. Tho by now you should realize the consequences of not reviewing.

- see yah.....

Okay...this chapter may be hard to follow. I don\'t know. I didn\'t re-read it. I just post it. I am now taking a poll tho. Nick and Kit....or Brian and Kit....Nick and Kit.....or Brian and Kit. Hmm. I can\'t choose on my own. I\'ve giving you maybe two days to decide. If I don\'t have enough reviews in two days. I pick for you.