Snowfall

Father John roused me from a light sleep by pounding on the door.

\"Albin, why aren\'t you awake?\"

I sat up quickly and hurried to the door. The priest looked at me with concern in his eyes.

\"You\'ve been sleeping later and later these days. Are you sure everything is all right?\"

\"Yes, Father, I think this time it was perhaps having a bed again to sleep in. Not that I would complain.\" I smiled sheepishly and ran a hand through my hair. I quickly straightened my clothing in a cursory attempt to look presentable.

Father John chuckled and nodded his agreement. \"Very understandable. Slept like a stone, myself. What happened to your tunic, Albin?\"

I looked down at it at the small tear. It was not what I feared I was going to have to explain but it was still something I would have to lie about. \"I must have grabbed it in my sleep. I will repair it when we camp tonight.\"

The priest frowned at me once more in concern but said nothing. I followed him to the morning meal and then to mass. After we had restocked our provisions, we were on our way once more.

Now I suppose you\'re thinking. That was awful quick of you, Albin. How very yielding of you. What about your beliefs? Lets look at this a moment, Shall we? Its easy to judge me while we\'re standing back away from the events but falling in love tends to snatch you up like a tidal wave, you\'ve gone under before you\'ve even realized what has happened. That said, I found myself swept away by my feelings for Amar. Of course I battled with my conscience, the poor bruised and battered thing that it had become. A list of my crimes ran through my head, I was sneaking out at night, visiting a demon,desiring afore mentioned demon, lying to a Man of God, and oh yes, lusting after someone of the same gender. The last did not seem as noteworthy next to Amar\'s no longer even being human. A part of me wondered was this a spell? Because the Church, like many institutions firmly believed in passing the blame if possible. I knew that all I really needed to say was that Amar had bewitched me into these feelings and actions. The Church would call me to repent and then go on a manhunt. Not that I would do such a thing but I did wonder briefly if I had been charmed. I had never experienced desire for another person so I did not comprehend just how close to entrancement it could actually be. What was certain to me was that I did not want it to end. Call me selfish if you wish but despite all the things I had recently done wrong I did not want to stop. So most of my travel time was spent reliving the previous night. How Amar\'s lips felt on mine, how good it felt to touch him, how good it felt to have him touching me. I was once more a distracted mess and poor Father John found me nearly useless for conversation.

I was nearly exhausted by the time we had stopped and it was all I could do to stay awake through dinner. I excused myself early and went to bed. I knew that I was going to have to do a better job of pretending and paying attention because the priest was seriously beginning to worry about my well being.

I awoke with a start a few hours later, my companion sound asleep next to me. Quietly I made my way out of the camp and started looking for a suitable place to sit and wait for the Frenchman. However, Amar found me first. He seemed to materialize from the very air itself. The next thing I knew I was caught up in his warm embrace. I sighed and leaned more fully against him.

\"You should have slept, Mon Ami. No doubt you\'re very tired.\" His hand gently brushed the curls away from my forehead.

\"I wanted to see you besides I promised you I would come.\" I nuzzled against him, smelling the now familiar earthy smell that surrounded him. It was the smell of autumn leaves or the woodsy scent of a campfire. I found it comforting and so natural. How could he be this strange creature when he felt and smelled so human?

\"So you did.\" I could feel his smile though I could not see it. \" Perhaps you will rest here a while? I would enjoy holding you while you slept. I can wake you in a few hours.\"

\"But...\" I kissed his neck. I did not want to sleep, not when I felt I had so little time to be with him. \"Amar?\"

\"Yes, Mon Cher?

\"What happens when my journey is over?\" I looked up at him, worried. How was this going to end and when?

\"What would you like to see happen, Albin?\" I opened my mouth to speak and he place a hand gently over it. \"Not yet. Think on this carefully and tell me when you are certain.\"

I wanted to protest that I was certain but I knew that I would be behaving like an impatient child. His suggestion was a wise one and though I doubted my mind would change the way my heart felt I figured I should give it a chance to try. Looking up once more I asked another question.

\"What would you like to see happen, Amar?\"

He made a slight snort and smiled. \" I will tell you once you\'ve decided for yourself. I do not wish to influence your desires with my own. Whatever you decide, Albin, I want it to be freely your own choice.\"

I laid my head back against him and closed my eyes. I had expected it to only be a moment but when I opened them again it was to Amar softly calling my name.

\"Its time to wake up, Albin.\" He was still holding me in his arms, although he had found a place to sit and I was laid across his lap, my head resting against his chest. How he had managed to move me without waking me, on several occasions now, was a mystery to me.

\"Mmmm.\" I sat upright and smiled sleepily at him. \"What time is it, do you think?\"

\"You\'ve another hour, a little more, before dawn.\" Was the quick and certain reply.

\"It is true what they say? Sunlight would..\" I couldn\'t bear to say it.

\"Kill me? Yes, it would, and fire. I hear a stake through the heart might kill me as well. Though some reports say that the head must be severed from the body immediately afterwards for this to succeed.\"

\"Please, don\'t...\" I held him closer. To hear him speak so matter of factly of the things that would kill him alarmed me. Strange, when you consider that so many more things could kill a human. But to hear him list these things made him seem vulnerable in my eyes far more than was actually true.

\"Don\'t worry, I\'ve survived many years, Mon Cher. Perhaps I will be able to manage a few more, Yes?\" He was teasing me but I could tell my distress over his welfare had touched him. Amar seemed as bewildered at times by these events as I, myself. I do not think he had honestly dared to dream that someone might care for him in return. He was drawn to our campfire that first night but I do not think he had expected this to come from it. He had been alone for so long, perhaps seeing himself the way others first see him, as a monster, to be loved was beyond hope.

He lifted me up and moved me aside as if I weighed nothing at all. Standing up, he reached a hand down to me.

\"Come, We\'ll see each other tomorrow. Until then, Sleep well, Albin.\"