Band of Rusty Gold

Chapter 9: The M.A.R.T.Y.S.T.A.N. Foundation
See chapter one for disclaimers.

or...We Don\'t Care What Else Happens. Lij Is Wearing A School Uniform. That\'s All That Matters.

*Lij, Orli and Jason are still stuck inside the theatre with this godawful piece of grammatically challenged shite. They\'re making the most of the situation, of course, by shagging. As any good MSTer would do. This is such a HOT threesome that Captain Obvious is keeping them locked in. Mwahahaha. Ha.*

Lij: Captain Obvious is a fucking loon.

Orli: But if it weren\'t for her we would be shagless and single.

Lij: And not stuck in this shithole.

Orli: Well...yeah..there\'s always a downside.

Jason: *wandering over from the back of the theatre with a brown paper bag* Hey, look guys. She\'s not completely heartless.

Lij: What\'s in the bag?

Jason: Whipped cream, a bullwhip (?), a scarf, that FMS shirt that you posed in once, Lij...hmm...an army uniform and a school uniform. And a jumbo box of condoms. Well. You can\'t get a signal much clearer than that can- *is cut off as Lij leaps over the back of his seat to bagsy the school uniform*

Orli: *bagsies the FMS shirt.*

Jason: Hmm. Thanks guys. *struggles with the A3 kitbag.* *nods to Defiled Blue Yonder*

*Much rustling as all three guys get changed, get undressed, shag, and get dressed again.*


//Chapter 9: Angelic

“Good morning miss Roberts” A man dressed in a beige overall smiled.//

Orli: His smiles are very loud and verbose, aren\'t they?

//“Er.. I’ll just go and get her”

The man nodded and watched as Shalini left him at the door and turn left into the
kitchen.//

Lij: Left got mad, demanded to be turned back into itself.

Orli: The man was a pervy creepoid.

Jason: .........

Lij: The man had been sleeping with the girl from the airport and caught the nods from her.

//“Ally i think your bed covers and units have arrived” she said in a low voice.//

Lij: Why a low voice? What\'s the big fucking secret?

Jason: .............

//“Wow that was quick” Ally said stumping out her cigarette//

Orli: This comment may later be revealed to be sarcasm. We don\'t know.

Lij: *cheers*

// and wiping her hands on the
thigh of her jeans, before heading out to the front door.//

Jason: .......................

Orli: It does make you wonder exactly what she was doing that she needed to wipe her hands on the thigh of her jeans. Jason?

Jason: Sorry about that. Only just got over the sight of Lij in school uniform. What\'s been going on?

Lij: *preens*

Orli: *clouts him one* You don\'t look as sexy as I do.

Lij: *clouts Orli back* What do you expect? You\'re wearing *MY* FMS shirt. *And* it\'s too short for you. *leans down to suck Orli\'s belly-button*

Orli: Mmmmmmmmmm. Mmmmmmm. Mm.

//“Furniture” she smiled, her thick British accent clear and forward.//

Orli: This is too fucking much. How can a British accent sound thick, clear and forward all in one fucking word?

Jason: Furniture.

Orli: *wriggles in his chair*

Jason: Fuuuurniturrrrre.

Orli: *moans*

Jason: Furrrr-mmph! *as Lij slaps a hand over his mouth*

Lij: That\'s enough.

//The man stuttered with his words and just gave a nod. Ally laughed to herself she liked it
when people did that.//

Orli: It made her feel superior to everyone. But then again, she was.

Lij: *as Ally* Damn, I can\'t help being utterly smart and beautiful beyond words. I\'ll make any grown man stutter and nod.

Jason: I can\'t help feeling she shouldn\'t be so proud of herself for rendering a man in beige overalls speechless.

Lij: I never knew you were such a snob, Jason.

Jason: *grabs Lij by the school tie and pulls him in for some serious pashing. Minutes pass*

// The man brought in two bedside units and bed covers, setting
them down in the hall way.//

Lij: I wonder if the man has a name? It would just be nice to know, that\'s all.

Orli: Oh, come on. The author already had to think of a name that didn\'t sound too much like her own. And a name for her friend. You think she has the braincells to cope with naming extras as well?

Lij: I think she should try. That\'s it. I\'m setting up a campaign. It will be called: Man, And Real? Then You Should Take A Name. What acronym could I use for that?

//“Thanks again and bye” Ally smiled and closed the door giving a huff sound.//

Orli: *gives a little huff sound of his own*

Lij: *sniggers*

Jason: Fucking kids.

//her eyes
stared at her units//

Jason: ...while she went away to do something else.

// that she sent away a few weeks before arriving in America and
thought that they would never make it.//

Lij: *as Ally* Begone, foul units and bed covers! Begone, I say! Ha. *rubs hands together, as she is want to do on occasion* That\'s the last I\'ll see of *them* bastards!

//She never asked herself why the units and bed
covers but they seemed very expensive.//

Orli: They were spray-painted gold. She\'d got them for a fiver down in Camden Taaaaaahn Market. They looked the business. The dog\'s bollocks.

//A loud thudded on the door//

Jason: ..and ran away, chuckling. Ally would have to get used to the louds\' pranks and bizarre sense of fun.

//made her jump and give a breathy scream.//

Lij: *laughing his ass off* She\'s scared of someone knocking on her fucking front door? What a wuss!

// She turned
round opened the door.//

Orli: Sounds like the beginnings of a musical number.

//She looked to the floor//

Orli: See? The rhyming has begun.

Jason: To the floor? Because, of course, that\'s where you ALWAYS look first when opening the door up to a stranger. Then if it\'s a flasher, or a conman, or a thief...well, at least you cascriscribe their feet really well to the police. Unless they knock you senseless while you\'re staring at their feet.

Lij: *sidelong look at Jason* Uh..okaaaaaay.

// and noticed a pair of feet covered with black and white trainers,//

Orli: As opposed to what? A pair of hooves covered in thick, red fur?

Jason: I\'m disappointed. I think in Lij\'s first meeting with our heroine he should be wearing baby pink high heels with diamante straps.

Orli: *goes cross-eyed at the very thought*

Lij: *pulls up his school-grey socks and humphs*

//her eyes looked up the full length of the figure and she sucked in a short breath as she
looked at what seemed like the ocean but two crystal blue eyes.//

Jason: But two crystal blue eyes what??

Orli: I feel cheated. She used crystal blue eyes in another story. *pouts* In fact, I feel constantly cheated by this story. I think I may try and escape after this chapter.

Captain Obvious: Oh no you fucking don\'t. The GSC girls have voted you stay a bit longer because they think you look too hot-assed in that FMS shirt and scarf. We might let Jason out, but only if he\'s good. Lij is going nowhere. Because this is all about him.

Lij: *sulks*

Captain Obvious: Oh, put that bottom lip in Lijah! You could balance a bloody tea-tray on that!

Lij: *turns around in his seat and sulks some more. Behind his hands. Where no-one can see.*

//“Hello” she said huskily, //

Orli: She has to quit smoking.

Jason: Lij has that effect on me, you know. *grabs Lij from behind and pulls the sulky young man into his lap*

Orli: *leans against Jason and snogs him, sandwiching Lij between them both*

Jason: *slips hand underneath Lij\'s school shirt*

Lij: *low growling sound emanates from his throat*

//she shook her head “*Ahem* Hello may i help” she said//

Jason: You\'re standing all fucking wrong, girl!

//standing up right.//

Jason: That\'s better.

//“Er.. hi.. erm.. well I’m from next door... and my mum said to ... give you this” he thrust
forward a round, purple tin.//

Orli: What\'s in the tin? What\'s in the tin?

Lij: *hopeful* A landmine?

// He looked down bashfully. He was never quite confident with
the ladies.//

Orli: *wets himself laughing*

//“Oh thank you” she spoke sounding out her accent and took the tin.//

Jason: Just in case the young man didn\'t realise that she was British, she took out her Strong British Cockerney Accent (tm) and hit him about the head with it. Because she knew what a British accent does to young, American men. *winks at SugaryLime*

//She stood for a few more seconds staring at him, he was so beautiful, angelic like.//

Orli: The beautiful, angelic like man started to get a little creeped out by her staring. Almost as bad as Sadie and wots-her-name at staring contests. *nods to So Sadie...*

//“Well I’ll see you around” he gave a little, half smile//

Lij: It\'s a fucking girl! I\'m not going to waste precious energy on a big, full smile. Not on a fucking girl.

// and walked across the drive way to
his house, looking back as he walked through the white, back gate.//

Jason: You should watch where you\'re going, Lij.

//“See ya” she said to herself and closed the door,//

Orli: She said bye to herself? Is she schizo or something?

Lij: She definitely has fucking voices. Voices that make her believe she is The One.

//she smirked and shook her head
‘men she thought’//

Jason: Her voices tell her what she\'s thinking. They\'re pretty mean.

// leaning back against the door.

“Who was that?” Shalini frowned as she came through and stood arms folded in the hall.//

Orli: Facial gestures don\'t half make a lot of noise in this story.

Lij: I just have this mental image of Shalini stood arms folded in the hall. It\'s actually kind of gruesome.

//“Oh just some guy from next door” Ally shrugged stepping forward.//

Jason: Just SOME GUY?!?! Don\'t listen to her, Lijah. She obviously hasn\'t realised how perfect and angelic you are yet. Oh.

//“Was he cute?” Shalini asked with curious, bold eyes.//

Orli: Ladies and gentlemen...give it up for Shalini and her incredible eyes!

//Ally laughed and shook her head with mirth//

Lij: Wahahahahaha!!! Oh, jesus, that will keep me going all week. *wipes tears from his eyes with mirth*

// “I don’t know, i guess” she said walking
back into the kitchen leaving Shalini standing helpless in the front room. //

Jason: *as Shalini* *waves arms* Help! Help!

Orli: I actually now have a map of Ally\'s entire house drafted out, complete with wiring diagrams and where all the furniture is. Should we want to break in in the middle of the night and strangle her.

Jason: *starts applying camouflage paint* I say we strike tonight! *as he applies the camouflage, he gradually disappears*

Lij: Where\'d Jason go?

Jason: Boo.

Lij: Jason?

Jason: *running for the door. There is a sudden flash of light and he is gone.*

Lij: Oh. Well, at least we know it\'s daytime. Hey, why don\'t we just leave through the door at the back of the theatre?

Orli: *goes to look. PAUSE. Comes back* Because Captain Obvious and HornyBones have planted the Special Unit of the Mary-Sue Extermination Army outside the door. *nods to Skydiver* They\'ve all got AK47s and one of them just looked at me and shook her head.

Lij: Did Jason get out okay?

Orli: I couldn\'t see him.

Lij: *goes to peek out of door*

Voice outside: Halt! Who goes there?

Different voice outside: Craig Parker. Are you going to shoot me?

First voice outside: Craig Parker. We paged you an hour ago. Where have you been?

Craig Parker: I was in bed.

First voice outside: With?

Craig Parker: *mumbling* Vigs and Sean.

First voice outside: Oh. That\'s okay then. Take your shoes off and get in there.

*Shuffling noises, followed by one female voice saying \"squeeee\"*

Craig Parker: Please, ladies. One at a time.

*several minutes pass. Enter Craig*

Craig: Hello, you two.

Lij: *runs forward and launches himself at Craig* Craaaaaaaaaig!!!! Barefoot Craaaaig!!! Thank you God! *drops to his knees and kisses Craig\'s toes*

~end.

Authors: And so we leave it there. For now. By the way..the FMS shirt is that sheer one he wears in that very pale picture of him that thousands of people use on their sites/icons. With the velvety swirls, but mostly see-through. Yum. It stands for Fuck-Me-Senseless. Heh.