The Devil You Know

(Enjoy my cliche' chapter title.) Whew, back from Ireland and working again. I’ve been story hopping like nobody’s business, so luckily this chapter was already 80 or so percent when I got back. Sorry it's so short! But I figured might as well upload this while I get on the rest. I can’t wait to get to the next part, so hopefully I update soon. Thanks for sticking with it! Luv u gais!

---Bleed it Out---

 

“I need to talk to Crowley.”

He ignored me. “What did it say?”

I rounded on him. “She. Take me to Crowley.”

He stared, his expression unreadable, and glanced at the shadow person watching us from the center of the room. He took me by my arm and when I blinked, we were in the woods. My headache doubled in intensity the instant we left the prison. I blinked it back in frustration.

He asked, “Why do you want to talk to Crowley?” His tone was nearly accusatory, but he was still too distant to read.

I turned and walked into the trees. I said, “That’s not your business.” If they’d taught me how to jump to the Mid I would have. As it was, they didn’t want me escaping or running to where they couldn’t watch.

He followed after me and asked, “Where are you going?”

“If you aren’t going to help me, I’ll help myself.”

He asked, “What did she say?”

I thought I could ignore the truth, but I couldn’t. I turned on him with a shout. “You knew!” I pushed him, and to my shock, he let me. He swayed with my shove, his eyes wide. My voice cracked. “You know who she was when you took me there.”

I was breathing hard, the feelings I thought I didn’t have rushing to the surface in seething anger. I pushed him again, harder. “Answer me!”

He stumbled back. “Why. You already know the answer.” His voice was flat and barely louder than a whisper.

I asked, “What was the point of that? What did you think that would accomplish?”

“Crowley told me to intervene only if she sincerely wanted to kill you. He took a risk that she wouldn’t be able to go through with it once she realized what you were.”

What, not who. I still hadn’t come to terms with that notion. I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away. “Take me to Crowley.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“You’re in pain.” Just hearing him say it aloud brought it back to center stage. Shouting and getting worked up really hadn’t made it any better. I felt like I had a hangover on top of a migraine.

I waved it off and mumbled, “I just want to get this over with.”

“You need to rest.”

His hand brushed my shoulder and I whirled the instant I felt his hand. It was a terrible idea, dizziness rushing under the pain and stealing my strength from me. I hadn’t realized I’d closed my eyes until I opened them, the world spinning like I was drunk.

My cheek was pressed up against Luzi’s chest, his arms wrapped around me to keep me somewhat on my feet. I squeezed my eyes shut to see if it made it any better, but it was just different. It just kept getting worse, and I felt a thread of panic weave into the pain.

Luzi sounded far away. “What’s causing this?”

I groaned, “Put me down.” I heard him start to argue and I repeated myself, but added an edge of desperation in my tone. He got my drift, but didn’t let me go, he just turned me around in his arms. I threw up, but it wasn’t bile and acid, it was blood. I could taste the copper twang and smell the iron.

He pulled me closer to his chest, his panic emanating off him in waves. I slurred, “Am I dying?”

“No. I won’t let that happen.” That was odd. I hadn’t heard that level of concern on him in awhile. Maybe I really was dying. It’s not like I knew what it felt like; I’d never died before.

He hoisted me into his arms and the jarring motion had me throwing up again, my own blood suffocating me. He nearly dropped me to get me on my side, and the next time he picked me up, he was much gentler.

I was disoriented by the pain and the nausea, so I had little to no idea where he was taking me until I heard Crowley’s voice. Dammit.

He shouted at Luzi. “What did the cunt do?” That was just rude.

“She put her hand in his chest, then she backed off and they seemed to be talking. He looked fine until we left the prison.”

“In his chest?” He swore. I heard a heartbeat, my cheek warm and wet with blood. I realized Crowley had me in his lap. He growled, “Go.”

“But-“

“Go!” I didn’t have to be a hundred percent cognizant to know that Luzi had left. I still didn’t understand why he’d sent him away. He muttered, “You ignorant son of a bitch.”

I managed to say, “Who’s fault is that?”

“Mine.” I felt his hand on my cheek, smearing the blood off my face. It was a tender gesture, and I didn’t understand. “The years were not kind to me, Telli. They made me cynical, they made me hate like I’ve never felt before.”

He laid me down on the ground and the pain surged enough to have me arching on the ground. It passed and I collapsed with a rattling gasp. He said, “You’re still my son. I’ve always loved you.”

I looked up at him, but it was too difficult and I squeezed my eyes shut again. “I don’t believe you.”

He kissed my forehead, his hand smoothing my hair. He pulled back enough to whisper, “You’re dying, Telli, but I can’t fix this. Save yourself. I know you can.”

“I don’t know how.”

“You do! You’ve done it before. You’ve been listening to the wrong instincts. When you were a toddler you saved yourself, you can do it again.” He took my hand and put it to his chest. “Take, I know you can.”

I didn’t want to die. I really didn’t. I was upset, but I wasn’t suicidal. Underneath all the pain there was a swell of power. This was different than feeding as a succubae. This reminded me of the presence I’d felt in the cell. It was deep and solid and this time I felt it inside myself.

I opened my eyes and instead of seeing Crowley as he was, I saw energy. Pure, writhing energy. There was energy everywhere, the sky, the stars, the trees, my hand. All of it was violently twisting, barely contained. I saw the energy in my hand and my arm, sluggish and dull. Crowley was right, I was dying. Did she do this?

My hand sank into Crowley’s chest. I heard him gasp in pain, but he didn’t stop me. Without understanding how, I stole his soul. It was so different than feeding, that was just a sample of the real thing. There was so much power inside him just beneath the surface.

I drank it in with a visceral need. With each second that passed, more and more of the pain receded. I took with little understand of how I did it. But the more I took, the duller his soul became.

I felt a stab of pain, but from my heart. I was taking too much. Did I really want him dead? No. No I didn’t. I could feel it in his soul that he wanted to die, but I didn’t understand why. I wasn’t going to let him.

I pulled my hand away and he collapsed on top of me. I grunted and closed my eyes. When I opened them I could see everything as form and substance. I’d worry about how that worked later, if I had the chance. I pushed Crowley’s shoulder and rolled him off me.

I kneeled beside him, my arms curled around my middle. I stared at his chest, my ears trained on the sound of his heart. It was still beating, but for how long?

“You bastard, this is what you wanted, and now you go and kill yourself?” I pulled my tail close and dropped my wings over my shoulders in an attempt to stop my shivering. My body ached in a way I hadn’t thought was possible. Every muscle was strained and all my bones felt bruised. It hurt so much.

I looked up to Crowley’s face, but immediately looked away. I hissed quietly. “Wake up. Don’t die. I don’t know what to do.”

He didn’t answer, and I hadn’t expected him to. I sat there and fought unconsciousness, my body demanding sleep I wasn’t willing to give. His heart was still beating, I couldn’t sleep unless I knew for a fact it wasn’t going to stop.

My body had other plans. I jerked awake when I heard, “You didn’t kill me.”

My voice was thick. “I’m not an executioner.” But I relaxed a bit. If he was talking, he might be okay.

He said hollowly, “You felt that?”

I said, “You wanted loyalty. Now you have it.” As much as it pained me to think about it, I cared about him. My universe had shrunk to three demons, and they were all I had. I loved Crowley the way a stray cat loves humans. He fed me, took care of me, and even if it felt like the bare minimum, he was the only thing I had, and he wasn’t afraid of me.

He asked, “What changed?”

“No one’s perfect.” I glanced up at his face. “You look terrible.”

“Almost dying will do that.” I didn’t want to touch him. I didn’t want to know what he was feeling, but at the same time, I wasn’t going to have an opportunity like this again.

            He saw me thinking, staring at the small distance between us. He decided for me. He moved his arm, his fingers grazing my wrist. The contact was enough for me to feel his overwhelming relief, but it wasn’t for himself, it was for me. I gasped and pulled away. “You told me you didn’t care.”

He gave me a tired smile. “I lie.”

I blinked and went back to staring at the ground. I said, “I can’t stand. If you were going to call for help, I’d do it.”

He laid there a minute longer, considering who the hell knows what, then spoke Luzi’s full name. He appeared at his side, and I think seeing him so weak shocked him. He glanced at me, anger already taking hold, but whatever he saw in my face made it all drain away.

He dropped to his knees, his hand hovering over Crowley’s chest. “What did he do?”

“Nothing I didn’t tell him to.” I hadn’t expected him to say that. I could feel Luzi’s eyes on me, but I didn’t want to look. He got Crowley’s arm over his shoulders and he hoisted him up. He said, “Please stay put.” And they were gone.

I let my head hang and I waited, because weather I wanted to or not, I wasn’t going anywhere. I felt like the simple act of standing would shatter my bones. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I was in Luzi’s arms bridal style with my cheek flat against his chest.

I asked, “He’ll live?”

“Why do you care?” I didn’t answer him, I just focused on ignoring the nauseating bob in his step. He eventually answered. “He’ll live.”

When he set me down it was in the water. He pulled me to his chest, his arms loose around my stomach and I sighed. The heat of the water chased away my chills and eased the tightness in my muscles almost immediately. I said, “I don’t understand you.”

“That’s fine.”

I let my head fall back on his shoulder and I stretched my wings. The water heated my blood through the thin membranes and started to lull me to sleep. I hurt too much to pursue conversation and I think Luzi had planned on it.

I woke up when he touched my cheek. I sucked in a breath and mumbled, “What’re you doing?”

“You’re covered in blood.”

“Oh.” He washed the blood from my cheek, his hand sliding over slick skin. He traced my jaw and his hand pressed into my neck. His fingers followed my throat up, angling my head farther back with his hand under my jaw. I swallowed and asked again. “What are you doing?”

He rubbed his hand up and down my throat to wipe away drying blood, but it was already wet from the steam. His touch was too gentle to be anything other than sensual. “Luzi.”

He stopped and asked, “Do you even feel that, or are you numb to it?” The way he said it, he might as well have called me a whore. If I didn’t feel like I was going to break into a million pieces I would have fought him, but right then I was at his mercy, and he knew it.

I said, “You’re still mad.”

He tensed. “What?”

“When you stopped me from killing Locke, and I nearly fed from you too. You’re mad.”

“That’s what you think?” His voice melted into something softer. “No one’s ever taken advantage of me like that before.”

“I’m sorry.”

“That isn’t the point. You stopped. You had power over me, but you didn’t use it. You took me by surprise.”

I asked, “That’s the kind of person you think I am?”

“You could have killed Crowley, but you didn’t.”

I was glad that he didn’t ask why. I said, “Having someone’s life in your hands? I hate it. I hate that I want to take it away, and I hate the guilt when I do.” I asked him. “What do you want from me?”

He voice was low and twinged with lust. “I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” I shivered at the timbre of his voice, a weight lifting off my chest.

I asked, “You want me?”

He said, “Crowley had me watch you for two years.”

I said, “That’s kind of creepy.”

I could hear the shrug in his voice. “Orders are orders. I watched you and I wanted you more than anything, but I can’t have you.”

No, don’t say that. “Why not?”

“Crowley. But look at yourself, your hunger is too strong. Do you even feel pleasure anymore?”

I closed my eyes, my feelings catching up too quickly to understand clearly. “This whole time you were just conflicted?” I turned in his arms, my head under his chin. I scraped his chest with my fingers as I curled them into a fist. “You bastard. Do you know how much it hurts to be alone? Completely alone?”

He sounded defensive. “I thought if you didn’t know, it couldn’t hurt you.”

I hissed, “You’re so fucking arrogant.” I tilted my head back, my cheek brushing against his throat. “I don’t need the pleasure, I just want your attention.” I wrapped my arms around him, his hand on the back of my neck. I murmured, “I don’t want to be alone.”

He was quiet a moment. “You’re injured, we’ll talk about it later.”

I snarled, “We’ll talk about it now.”

He snapped, “Fine. What do you want to talk about?”

I asked, “If you wanted me so badly, why did you taste so…sick.”

He said, “That’s not how I wanted it to be. There’s a difference between fucking, hunting, and lovemaking, and your kind can’t differentiate between any of them.”

That stung, but he was right. If I was hungry I’d have been hunting him right then, but as it was whatever had happened to me went deeper than hunger and my body almost couldn’t handle it. He ventured, “Telli?”

“I think Locke loves me.” He didn’t comment, so I continued, “He brings out the worst in me.”

“How?”

I was honest with him; I’d always been honest with Luzi. “He’s too weak. I want to hurt him. I want to see him squirm.”

“I’m also weaker than you, but I don’t see you antagonizing me.”

I snorted softly, closing my eyes in an effort to beat off my headache. “You’re not prey.”

“And if we fuck, I will be.”

I said, “You asked if I could even feel pleasure anymore.”

He questioned, “And?”

“I don’t know.” I asked, “If you can’t touch me, you want nothing to do with me?”

“It’s not like that.”

I drawled, “Isn’t it?”

He sighed. “I can’t let you feed from me, but I can’t stand watching you fuck someone else, whatever the reason. I’m too selfish for you.”

I twisted in his arms, the water heating my skin in a gentle flutter of ripples. The way I sat in his lap made his breath hitch, his hands squeezing my arms. “Telli,” he warned.

I stared at his lips and wondered if I could kiss him? I knew I could, but I didn’t know if I would feel it, really feel it. Not in a physical sense; everything felt more acute since I was in this body. Every touch, every caress, every kiss, was as calculated as a hunter setting a trap. I was instantly aware of his arousal, what caused it, and how to make it deeper, safer to feed from.

I frowned to myself and directed my thoughts elsewhere. I thought about calm, and I focused on the gentle roar of water in the background. Maybe if I stopped thinking and just acted, I could really feel it.

I tentatively brushed his lips with mine and he pulled away. He was afraid of my venom, the haze that would come over him. I whispered, “Give me a chance.” I leaned in again, and this time he stayed perfectly still. His lips were wet and hot and they parted gently in a gasp. I reigned in the instinct to clamp my will down on his arousal. It was difficult, and there was nothing I could do about the natural effect of my saliva, but I didn’t take anything.

I walled up that insatiable need and focused on the fact that this was Luzi. I knew him. I knew his scent, his eyes, his voice, but not this. I didn’t know that a kiss could make someone so happy, and so sad at the same time. Even if I wasn’t feeding from him, he was an open book. The surge of emotion was so strong, it was hard not to take it, but if I did, this would never happen again.

He deepened his kiss, his tongue searching my mouth and tangling with mine. I gasped when his hands tightened on my waist, jerking me down over his hardening cock. It would just take a push.

I jerked away, scooting back until there was at least a foot between me and any contact with his skin. I closed my eyes and held my breath, covering my mouth with my hand. I did my best to block out his arousal, but it was like trying to keep a cat from chasing a mouse. It was reflexive, a knee-jerk reaction, and it was so difficult to fight.

“Telli?”

I looked up at him and felt a shiver run up my spine. My voice broke. “I can’t.”

“You didn’t feed from me.”

He sounded surprised, and that when I realized what he was trying to do. I said, “You were trying to prove a point. You did that on purpose.”

He closed his eyes a moment, something he very rarely did, then looked at me. “I saw nine different possibilities for that kiss, and none of them ended like that.”

“What’s your point?”

“Maybe there is hope for this, but not right now. As soon as you have yourself under control I’ll take you back to your room.”

I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my tail around my feet. “I don’t need your help.”

“Look at you. Your hands are shaking and you look like you were hit by a bus.”

I grinned, “Sexy, right?”

He shook his head and held out a hand. “Come on.”

I sat there a minute more to clear my head and the water washed away the scent of his arousal enough to be tolerable. I took his hand and he literally dragged me to my feet. My legs didn’t seem to want to work properly now that actual gravity was involved. He picked me up bridal style again and it took a myriad of effort to keep from licking his naked chest. He noticed me tensing and he took up a brisk walk.

He said, “You need to feed.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“There are different kinds of addiction.” I felt the shame and guilt burn in my chest. He added softly, “No one’s perfect.”

He turned the corner to my room and I felt Locke’s tension like the crackle of ozone before a storm. Usually it took effort to sense someone without touching them. Whatever had happened with the shadow person, it left me hypersensitive and in pain. I wasn’t sure what had caused it, but I figured I should ask her so it didn’t happen again.

Locke asked, “What happened?”

“Telli will tell you.” He dropped me in Locke’s arms none too gracefully and I groaned. He told him. “Take care of him.” It was dismissive, but his voice didn’t have the level of disgust and anger from before. He’d won the game in some sense, and he didn’t have a real reason to be jealous.

I wasn’t wet anymore, but my pants were. Luzi hadn’t wasted time taking them off and now they were soaked. Locke crouched, his eyes trained on Luzi’s retreating form in intense concentration. He commented, “He’s being cordial.”

I squirmed in his arms and hooked my fingers over the hem of my pants and tugged them off. With habits like mine I’d taken to going commando, because why the fuck not?

His attention turned back to me and he helped since my efforts were more than pathetic. He picked me up and kicked aside the sheets and laid down and pulled the sheets over us. They were new sheets, I noticed. They were black and they smelled human. I asked, “Did you steal these?”

“Yes. Now what the fuck happened?”

“I met my, uh, my ‘mom’ today. She tried to kill me. Then she changed her mind. We talked. I think. But after I left I felt like I was going to die. So I almost killed Crowley-“

“Woah, stop.” He sat up on his elbow to look down at me. “Your,” he made air quotes with his hand, “mom. Thhhheee shadow person?”

“That name is stupid. They have to have a better name for themselves.”

He scrunched his brows. “You said you spoke to her. They don’t talk.”

I squeezed my eyes shut through a particularly sharp stab of pain in my brain. “You can’t hear. She talks. I actually think she’s on our side.”

He stared at me a second, then laid down with his head on my shoulder. “Tell me later. What do you need?”

“Sleep.” I turned and pressed my nose into the side of his neck and he moved his head back with my gentle nudge. “Among other things.”

He murmured, “You’re in pain.” But he didn’t fight me as I licked at his skin, my venom working quickly on his system. His breathing grew harsh, his voice desperate. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

I grinned. “Cute, but I’m already hurt.” I was too weak to do much, but just the feeling of his compliance was enough to sate my desire for control.

He asked, “You’re tired, why bother?”

I growled into his neck, my fangs brushing his skin. “I’m frustrated. And it’s none of your business.”

He grumbled, “I’m guessing that’s not sexual frustration you’re talking about.” Before he could say anything else, I kissed him, my tongue plunging into his mouth. He moaned, his hips jerking forward against my thigh.

I felt his hands glide over my sides, his hands tightening over my ass and yanking forward. He humped my leg, desperate for release. I idly fed from his desire, but I only skimmed the surface. It was just a taste, but it wasn’t what I wanted. I just wanted to know he was at my mercy. I needed something to be under my control, even if it was only for a few moments.

I pulled out of the kiss and murmured, “Is it worth it?”

His eyes were glazed, almost too deep in his passion to understand what I was saying. He didn’t stop thrusting, every motion accompanied by a throaty moan. I asked him again and he questioned, “Is what worth it?”

“This.” He came with a cry of pleasure, his hands tightening on my arms. He panted, his orgasm thrumming in his body in time with his heartbeat. I didn’t take much, but what I took helped soothe some of the ache in my bones.

After some time he said, “It’s all I’ve got.”

I should have felt sorry for him, but I didn’t. I wasn’t sure I had the capacity to feel that way anymore. Luzizi was right about me; I wasn’t built to give, I only knew how to take.