Hand spun fantasies
8
Sorry for the long wait, I've been really busy lately. It's snowing where I am, and just getting to work is an exhausting challange these days. Snow is pretty, until it doesn't stop, at which point it becomes a nuisance.
Anyway, mini rant over, thanks to everyone who reviewed :D it makes my day everytime I read a review. It was nice to see reviews from people who hadn't reviewed before, I really thought the same 6 people who usually review are the only ones Reading this, so it was nice to see a couple I hadn't seen before, saying they're following the story.
This is not beta'd because it's rather short, hopefully the next one will be longer :D
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What do I do now? I'm pacing the bathroom - pacing is a bit of a stretch to be honest, it's more like taking two steps forward and two steps back.
I wish I was at home in our bathroom, where I can do proper pacing. Having said that, I want to be home. Full stop. Had I been home in the first place, I wouldn't even need to freakin' pace.
I splash my face with some cold water, trying to distract myself with how gutted I feel right now.
Who is she? Obviously a girlfriend, but I didn't think he had one! A one night stand? She wouldn't have a key to his flat if she was someone casual. Must be a girlfriend. Must be a serious girlfriend to have a key to his lair. What's he doing mucking around with me if he has a girlfriend?
He said things were hard to explain; they seem pretty easy to me. One sentence: I have a girlfriend. And yeah, I wouldn't stop wanting him, but I wouldn't have this unconscious, unrealistic hope against hope, you know? I'd know that he's not interested full stop. Not because he's worried what my brother would think, or my age. He's not interested because he likes someone else; and a snotty brat like me can't compete with that. I want to go home and cry.
A knock startles me from my stormy thoughts.
I splash some more water on my pale face, and try to answer as normally as I can.
"yeah?"
"She's gone, you can come out." Logan's quiet voice comes from the other side.
Looking at my face in the mirror, I curse myself for being so transparent.
Taking a deep breath, I unlock the door and find him standing there, waiting for me to come out.
Do I pretend that I'm not bothered? Play it cool and say, actually, I went in there coz I needed a piss, not to hide from you face fuckin someone?
"You have a girlfriend." No, my mouth wants to talk about it apparently.
Silence.
What am I expecting here? I'm not his boyfriend. I'm not even his bit on the side. I have no right to feel like this about this man in front me. He didn't promise me anything, he refused my advances, he rejected me time and time again. I have no claim over him. I don't have the right to feel cheated on; because ridiculously, that's how I feel right now and Jealousy is clawing at me.
"Ben..." he starts and stops.
"That's all you had to say Logan. It's not hard, just tell me your with someone and I'd, I dunno, wouldn't hope... You know? I know you think I'm a silly little boy..."
"I don't think your a silly anything, let's get that straight. Look, I told you things are complicated for me on so many levels. Kara... She doesn't feature in those complications, Kara is a breath of simple fresh air. She's sorta my ex. Two months ago she went to France on a modeling contract, that was supposed to last twelve months and apparently, she's back for the holidays. That's all it is. We're friends, we keep in touch via emails and indulge in, well you don't need to know, but we'r buddies."
"Fuck buddies?" I ask, reading between the lines.
"Does your mother know how filthy your mouth is? I prefer to call it exchanging favours." he says smugly.
"In other words you use each other for sex." I say persistently, wanting to be absolutely sure what the implications of this are.
He looks at me, I'm sure wondering where this is going.
"Use me." I proposition.
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