Why Must I Suffer?

Thanks KirJava! I might just take your advice. My friend (Major yaoi fan) said the reason I don't get many reviews is because there's not enough slash in it. But yeah, the building relationship between seth and Jaiden is more important. :)


~No matter how long the night, dawn should always come, hm? (I dunno)
How many years ago did that happen? I'm still trapped by it, hm?~
Blue - Utada Hikaru

"So, this is where you live." Seth said looking around. He walked the small front hall to peer into the living room. "Why don't you have any furniture?"

"I do."

"Jaiden you have one couch. And a lamp. That's not furniture."

"I don't need furniture. I'm really only here to sleep and eat."

Seth frowned. "Whatever. So, where is my room?"

"Next to mine. On the left."

Seth walked down the hall. Jaiden undid his gunbelt and laid it on the table. It didn't matter where he was, he never left without his guns. He heard a small thud from down the hall. Seth apparently just dropped his bag on the floor.

"There's no furniture in here either!"

"You have a bed."

"And that's it!"

"Why do you need alot of furniture?"

Seth came back down the hall. "Normal people have normal furnished houses. I thought you were trying to blend in?"

"A good USER is supposed to not be noticed by the population." Jaiden informed him.

Seth rolled his eyes and left to explore the apartment. Jaiden pulled bread towards him and made himself a sandwhich. He sat at the table and ate listening to Seth walk around. It was strange to hear the heavy footsteps. He was so used to the silence.

"You also have no mirrors. Anywhere. May I ask why?"

"Why do you need one?"

"Maybe I want to see myself."

"I see my reflection enough outside. I pass windows."

"That's not a good reflection. And what are you eating?"

"A sandwhich."

"Why not cook something hot for dinner? The rain hasn't stopped for a few days and it's chilly."

Jaiden tried his hardest not to flush with embarassment. "I'm...not the best cook." He said somewhat slowly.

Seth couldn't stop the grin. "You can shoot the hell out of DarkSades no matter where they are or how many, but you can't cook a simple meal?"

Jaiden glared. "What about you? How well can you cook?"

"Pretty damn good. I have two younger sisters I have to care-" Seth suddenly stopped.

Jaiden lowered his sandwhich. "Seth?"

"I guess I had to youngers sisters that I used to care for." He looked at Jaiden. "Right? No USER contacts his family? They're no longer important?"

Jaiden couldn't meet his gaze. "It's the rules."

Seth sighed heavily. "Well, Rowen's almost sixteen. She can care for Tatyana now." He grinned again suddenly. "I have a new person to care for anyway."

Seth went over to the cabinets and started pulling things out. "I'll make dinner tonight and then go to the store tomorrow. Practically all your food is instant." He shook his head, chuckling.

Seth reached over and took Jaiden's sandwhich from him. "What are you doing?" Jaiden asked, reaching for it.

"Not eating before dinner. Go shower or something."

Jaiden just stared. What was Seth doing? Why was he acting this way? Going so suddenly from sad to...was it happy? A weird Seth version of happiness? Jaiden stood, recieving a nudge from Seth.

"Go. Dinner will be done by the time you get out."

++++++

Jaiden stood under the hot spray of water that rained down on him from the ceiling shower. It was like hot rain. He lathered up his hair. The suds tickled his skin softly as they slowly ran down his arms and chest. His mind would not leave Seth. It was like the guy had taken over Jaiden's mind somehow. All these questions filled his head. He had no answers. Jaiden let the falling water rinse his hair.

Then again, to get the answers would mean to ask Seth directly. Seth would just ask questions right back. Jaiden didn't want to answer Seth's questions about him. If he did, he was certain Seth would no longer be so happy with him around.

Jaiden turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around his waist. He looked at the bare spot above the sink. There was a mirror there once, but Jaiden took it down. It was still in the apartment, part of Jaiden wanted it here, but not to look in. Everytime he saw his reflection, he could still see the blood on his own face. The horror and shame in his own eyes. He could see her standing behind him, forgiveness still written in her dead eyes-

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

Jaiden was startled out of his thoughts. "Yes?"

"Dinners done. You dressed?"

"No, I'm only in a towel."

The door opened. "Oh. So you are."

Jaiden glared at him. "What are you doing? I just said I wasn't dressed!"

"No, you said you were in a towel." Seth inspected Jaiden. "I didn't know you had tattoos."

"Yes, well now you do. Since you just barged in!"

Seth seemed hypnotized by them. Jagged lines that seemed to flow smoothly across Jaiden's torso, chest and back.

"When did you get them?"

"A while ago."

Seth ran his fingers across one. Jaidens hooed his hand away. "Don't touch me."

"You're covering up scars with them?" Seth asked. "I can feel the scar."

Jaiden didn't answer. He reached for his shirt. Seth grabbed his arm.

"Do they all cover up a scar?"

Jaiden hesitated. "Yes, they do."

Seth didn't speak for a minute. "Who gave them to you?"

"Head Kane. This is the product of my training. Despite the pain I endured, I became a flawless USER."

"You mean, he tortured you and made you a flawless killer."

Jaiden pushed him away. "You wouldn't understand! You will never understand!"

"Because you won't tell me anything!"

"No, because you were normal! You had a family! You had a life of blissful ignorance! You didn't go through what I did!"

"No, I didn't. I can't imagine ever surviving the training you did, either. I notice none of the others at HQ have scars like yours. Why? Or is it a big secret of yours too?"

"Their training was different. They had different missions."

"Why were you so special?"

"I'm not- wasn't."

Seth shook his head. "You dodge every question I ask you. Why won't you ever answer me?"

"The questions aren't easy to answer."

When didn't respond, Jaiden looked down. He'd hurt Seth already. Why was he always hurting someone? Why was he always causing suffering? He felt a hand brush through his hair.

"You are the most lonely, sad, beautiful person I've ever seen." He said.

Jaiden wasn't sure what to do. No one had ever touched him so gently before, or said such words to him. He grabbed Seth's wrist and held it.

"Why do you think so? You know what I do."

"I do. You're a lost soul who's wondering around blindly, searching for some peace. But instead of peace, you find yourself forced into violence and dark feelings."

Seth embraced him suddenly. Jaiden could feel Seth's breath hot on his neck. "But don't worry yourself anymore. I'm here, and I'll find a way to give you peace." He kissed Jaiden's shoulder and stepped back.

"Seth-"

"You better hurry and get dressed before dinner gets cold."

Seth left Jaiden standing in the bathroom. Jaiden let out a breath he'd been holding unknowingly. He pulled on his shirt and pants. Jaiden tried to calm his breath before exiting the bathroom. He looked back to the wall once more.

Maybe Seth will be the one to help himself look in the mirror again.