Frank & Menno

8.

Frank tried to live his life like he had always done. Work, relaxing at home, working out. He quickly discovered his life had changed, though. Menno was part of it now.

First of all, Menno drove with him to work. They didn’t work together, but as soon as they were back at the head office, they were together again. And they stayed together…

On Monday, they each went to their own houses. On Tuesday they were both reluctant to say goodbye, and stalled in the car. On Wednesday they both couldn’t take it anymore, and they had diner together at Frank’s place. Only then, Frank could truly relax.

It was an odd feeling, but a pleasant one. Still, they said goodbye for the night, and didn’t sleep in one bed.

Just kisses and a lot of talking; Frank liked how their pace went.



Today it was Thursday. Every Thursday Frank went to his friends to watch a soccer game on the television, to have a few beers; to do what normal men did. This week it was no different. He left Menno at his own place, and went to his friend Norm.



Norm and he were friends since highschool. Frank was younger, but they’d been in the same classes. Because Norm was a bit slow when it came to learning, he had to redo a few years at school. Frank was Norm’s little brother. The man liked to look after him, he used to say.



It was a normal evening, with three other friends, watching tv and drinking beer. Frank didn’t say much, but that was normal. He tried to focus on the game. His mind wandered off more than once, to Menno, and how much he felt at ease around the younger man.

He had enjoyed the previous evening. Menno had cooked dinner. Nothing special, just a good home cooked meal like his mother used to make. Menno would be a wonderful spouse, to anyone. As he thought about it, a spark hurt his stomach. He wanted Menno to be his spouse…



“That was a good game.” Norm said it with a pleased smile, as he handed out fresh beer. “Don’t you think?”



“I guess so…” Frank replied with a shrug. He hadn’t really seen it, and had no idea what had made it better than the games he’d seen before.



“You guess so? Frank! They won!” The others all protested loudly, telling him what goal was the best goal ever, trying to convince him this game had been utterly awesome.



Frank smiled at the commotion, and finally nodded. “It was a good game, guys… It’s just that… Guys,” he said with a sigh, “I have to make a confession.” As his friends settled in their seats, sipping beer, Frank took a few deep breaths to collect enough courage. “I don’t like soccer,” he said.



The cries of disbelief and shock were almost deafening. Norm barked they should all shut up. It was his house, so they were quiet. “What do you mean?” asked Norm. “You come here every Thursday and watch the game with us. How can you say you don’t like it? It’s soccer!”



“I like to be with you guys,” shrugged Frank. He stared at his bottle, studying the label, and peeling it off with his thumbnail. “I like to talk with you, have a few drinks… I don’t mind if you watch tv, but I’d be just as happy if we had a barbecue or something like that. I don’t come here for soccer.”



“But why didn’t you just say so?” Norm’s soft question almost got lost in the protests of the other three. “And why do you tell us now? What’s wrong? You’re awfully quiet tonight…”



“There’s more.” Frank shifted, and sighed again. He had a heavy feeling in his chest he just couldn’t get rid of. He had to come out… He wouldn’t be able to discuss ‘chicks’ any longer, and he was bound to blurt out Menno’s name, since he occupied his head so much lately. “I… I am in love.”



“What?” This time, the men laughed, hard and mockingly. Saying you were in love wasn’t easily admitted, they knew all about it.

“We knew you would fall in that trap sooner or later!”

“You found a healthy chickie, eh?”

“At long last!”



Norm laughed too, but not as loudly. His eyes softened as he looked at Frank. “So tell us all about her,” he insisted.



“That’s… that’s the whole point,” said Frank. The label had come off, and he was now staring at the beer as if he was counting the bubbles. “It’s no ‘her’. I’m in love with a very handsome young guy and his name is Menno.”

He braced himself for the yells, but the silence was deafening. Slowly, he looked up, seeing the large eyes and open mouths of the other men.



“So…” Norm licked his lips, frowning, searching for a solid reply. “So you’re bi.”



“No.” Frank also frowned. “I’m gay. There’s not a straight fiber in my body. I’m not bi, I’ll never be with a woman. I’m gay—”



“Yes, yes, I got the picture!” Norm raised his hands, vigorously shaking his head. “Goddamn it, Frank, how dare you!”



Frank felt as if the world collapsed, and he quickly averted his eyes. He swallowed hard. “I’m sorry—“



“You’re sorry?” Norm was screaming now, and one of the others wanted to help him with that. But he almost slapped him. “Shut up when I’m talking! Frank, you stupid fuck; how dare you coming in here like usual, watching my tv and drinking my beer, while you have such a big secret? You must be out of your mind!”



Backing off, pressing in the back of his seat, Frank watched Norm jump up. He narrowed his eyes and braced himself, ready to be hit, but the man legged out of the room and onto the balcony. With the leader out of the way, the other three stated their opinion. Frank didn’t listen to them. He stood up as well, and walked to the door to the balcony. To his shock and surprise, he saw the big man hanging over the railing, shoulders shaking. He was crying. He wasn’t angry. He was sad.



“Norm…?”



“Get out,” Norm said, but his voice was broken and soft. He didn’t look up, even when Frank stood next to him. He took a large sip of his beer instead, and smashed the bottle in a corner on the concrete.



Frank looked at the shards without seeing them. “Why are you crying, Norm?” he asked softly. “I’m sorry if I—“



“If you say you’re sorry one more time, I’ll throw you over the railing,” muttered Norm. “Don’t be sorry, dammit. Not for being gay. Alright?”



“Alright, alright… So… Why are you crying?”



“I’m not crying.” Norm sniffed loudly, and blinked his eyes dry. “Real men don’t cry.”



With a soft laugh, Frank nodded. “I know. Real men don’t cry… They don’t talk; they watch soccer and drink beer. They talk about women, not about emotions. Oh, right, not women. Chickies. I know, Norm, because I studied men. I know all about behaving like one. But I’m no real man… So talk.”



Norm was quiet for a while, looking at the view. “You are a real man,” he finally said, quietly. “You’re more man than any of those idiots inside… You’re my little brother, and I love you, Frank. You’re more valuable to me than anybody else. That’s why I’m so goddamn angry with myself now.”



Frank didn’t know how to reply to that, so he shut up and listened. Standing close to the other, he gently put a hand on his shoulder.



Norm didn’t pull back. “Why did I just assume you like soccer, Frank? Why did I simply expect you like women? Why didn’t I listen? I should have listened. I should have noticed you never talk about women… Not in the way we do. Dammit, how could I’ve been so deaf and blind?”



Barely believing his ears, Frank digested it for a moment. Norm’s voice drifted off, and the man bent his head. “I’m so ashamed,” he could just hear under the man’s breath, “and I’m sorry.”



“Don’t be sorry, Norm…” Frank couldn’t begin to understand why his big friend would be sorry. “I forgive you,” he said for good measure. When the man nodded and looked up again, he knew he had said the right thing. “I’m still your little brother,” he continued. “I’m sorry too, for not telling you earlier.”



“Yes, but why should you? We never asked you anything! We just assumed, didn’t we? Blind, blunt bastards… How long have you been in love now?”



“Not for that long, Norm. Don’t feel bad; I’ve never been in love before. We met only a few weeks ago, and we’re dating for a while now.”



“He’s special though, isn’t he? Or you wouldn’t tell us, would you? Like the rest of us?” Norm looked up, almost pleadingly.



“Yes.”Frank nodded, smiling at him. “He’s very special indeed. I love him very much, and he’s very sweet. He looks after me, like you do, Norm… He’s good for me.”



“Do you have a photo of him? I want to see him… Menno, right? Sounds sweet.”



Frank reached for his wallet, where he kept a nice photo Menno had given him the other day. He gave it to his friend, and watched his reaction.



“Look at that,” said Norm, keeping the photo in the light to take a good look. “So pretty. He’s handsome, isn’t he? I don’t know much about masculine beauty, but he looks very nice.” He gave the photo back. “Are you happy, little brother?”



“With him? Oh yes.” As he put the photo back, he didn’t look up.



Norm waited a moment, tilting his head. “But…?”



Frank sighed. “Did you hear them? When you were gone? They reacted like I expected them to react. With disgust. I have been in the closet because I am afraid of reactions like theirs. I now have to defend myself, for feelings I have. Feelings which make me feel good… I’m in love, Norm. My heart beats for another person, I have butterflies in my stomach, and yet other people won’t be able to understand.”



“Hm.” Norm looked at the door to his living room, smirking. “Come inside. We’ll change the world, one step at a time.”

Before Frank could react, he dragged him inside, keeping him close with his arm around his neck.



The tv was off. The three friends were sitting in different seats, as if they were suddenly afraid people would think they were gay if they sat closer to each other. They noticed Norm came in with Frank, but barely looked up.



“Say, guys…” Norm talked as if he just had a great idea. “It seems our Frank here has a better look on life than us! You guys have women at home, muttering when you go out on Thursday to have fun with the boys, don’t you? Our Frankie doesn’t have to be afraid of that…”



Frank blinked, trying to figure out where Norm was heading to. His other friends had looked up as well.



“Frank has a gorgeous boyfriend… A man, like us. He doesn’t have to explain why he wants to be with the guys; he can take his guy with him!” As the rest stared at him, Norm laughed at his own idea. “It’s so cool,” he concluded. “Alright, enough of that. What I want to say to you all… you better act normal now. This is Frank.” He patted Frank’s chest. “Our own Frankie. Frank had a great idea. How about a barbecue next Saturday? With our better halves. It’s about time we bring everyone together again.”



There were a few ‘uhm’s’ and ‘I…’, even from Frank, but none of them seemed to be able to come up with an excuse.



“Good! That’s settled then. We’ll go to that place in the park and I’ll arrange the barbecue and the meat. Frank, you bring the salads.” The others were ordered to bring the drinks, sauces and dessert.



“Norm… We did this before, but then we had each other. You’ll be the only one without a partner now…” Frank looked at his friend, with sad eyes.



“Don’t worry, little brother,” Norm smiled at him. “I’ll have a great time watching you, being happy. I’m looking forward to meet the special one in your life. Who knows, you might give me an idea…”