Ghosts of The Heart -- Ch. 8 is up.

Okay, so that was a big fat lie, what I said in my A/N in ‘Shades of Gray’. This is up in the same day? *scoffs* Well, I did write most of it before I had my problems and quit writing for those weeks, so I just had to finish it up and polish it a little. Like I said in Shades, I’m going to rewrite this entire story, although I know for a fact that this scene will pretty much stay the same; maybe a little elaboration later, and some extra from Lucas’s point of view.

Anyway, read it. Review it. Because you’re all awesome and I survive off of what you have to say about my stories. =)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------


David pushed the back door open with his foot, his arms loaded with groceries and roses. The dogs were immediately on him, barking and wagging their tails. “Yes, yes, I’m glad to see you too!” he greeted them, and slipped between them towards the counter. “Outside, the both of you.”

Both of the dogs, huge fawn Great Danes, went howling out into the yard. He glanced out the window above the sink as he set the groceries down just in time to see them disappear around the side of the garage. He knew they would stay in the yard; they always did. Just like they would come back and lay on the porch when they were finished running. He put the roses in the sink, their blackish red petals still a little damp from the greenhouse sprinklers.

He hit the button on his answering machine before beginning to unpack his groceries. The first was from Molly, the morning girl at the bar. “Hi, boss.” Her tiny, high pitched voice squeaked through the speaker. “You left a note last night saying that the truck would be late. I need to know if you want me to wait around until I’m done putting away, or if I should have the lunch staff do it. Call me back, okay?”

The next message was from Riley. “Hey, Davey. Listen, I was hoping you’d let me stop by some time this week. You know, see the dogs?” David rolled his eyes and stuck his tongue out at the machine. “It’s been a year and I…” there was a pause, and David stopped halfway to the refrigerator, a gallon of milk in one hand and a carton of eggs in the other. “David, would you please just return my calls?” Riley pleaded.

“Fuck you, sir.” David muttered under his breath, and put the things he was holding away. He’d seen Riley a few times in the last couple of years. The red headed man had tried very hard to win David’s forgiveness. It hadn’t worked, although David had to admit that Riley’s last gift, the two Great Danes that David had named Goliath and Mammoth (or Golly and Moth, for short) were a wonderful addition to his life. He had Riley to thank for them, even though he’d never admit it out loud. He hadn’t seen Riley in a long time, though, and he refused to speak to him. As far as David was concerned the guy could rot in hell.

The next message was from Jack Walter. “Mr. Johnson, this is Jack. I’m giving you an update. It seems that I might have found Miss Lareno. It’s preemptive, but I’m almost sure it’s her. I’ll have more information for you by the end of the week.”

David smiled to himself. Finally, the investigator was paying off. If he’d found Katie, that meant that David was one step closer to finding the child.

The machine beeped, signaling the next message. “You son of a bitch.”

David dropped the wine bottle he was holding, and it exploded, spraying his legs and the floor, even the cabinets, with dark red liquid. He didn’t even notice. “You stupid bastard, how could you do this to me?” The voice hissed, and David could hear the pain and fear and alcohol under the fury. He heard a muffled sob, and his heart hurt so badly he thought it would explode. “All this fucking time, and you were… You mother fucker.” The machine beeped twice, signaling the end of the messages.

David grabbed the phone off the cradle, his hands shaking. He dialed quickly. Anna’s phone was off. “Fuck!” he screamed, and tried to remember the apartment’s land line number. He never called it, it was too risky. The number evaded him, and he ran for his study, nearly slipping and falling in the spilled wine and glass. He kicked the door open and ripped open the top drawer of the desk, grabbing his address book and tearing the cover open so hard it ripped halfway off. He flipped through the pages, sweating. He found the number and dialed it.

She answered on the third ring. “David?” she sounded sick and upset. “Daivd, are you okay?”

“Where the fuck is your cell phone?” he barked into the phone.

“I don’t know. I’ve been looking for it. I think Lucas might have taken it....” She sniffled. “Why, what…” she trailed off. “Oh, David no.”

“Anna, you dumb bitch, did you tell him?” David practically screamed into the phone. He raked a hand through his ink black hair, tipped blood red, and tried to calm his voice down. “Anna, did you tell him?” he asked again, his voice lower but more hoarse.

“Yes.” She whispered. “I told him.”

David threw the phone as hard as he could. It hit the door and shattered. “You stupid BITCH!”

In his head, he saw himself getting in his truck, driving halfway across the country, and kicking down Anna’s door just so he could choke her to death. He sat down at the desk and put his head in his hands. He sat that way for a very long time. Finally, he raised his head and looked at the clock. It was eleven thirty in the morning.

He called the bar, speaking very calmly. He asked Molly to stay late and finish putting the delivery away, and then instructed her to call in Roger to cover nights for the rest of the week, he was taking some personal time. When he got off the phone, he went back into the kitchen, finished putting the groceries away, and cleaned up the wine bottle mess. He did all of this with a perfectly blank look on his face, and kept himself from thinking about anything at all by reciting the brands of liquor his bar carried in his head. Alphabetically.

He let the dogs in, fed them, and went out the front door to check his mail. He had his cell phone bill and a circular from a electronics store. That would come in handy, since he had to replace his cell phone. The mail spurred a shaking fit that he had a problem controlling for a moment, and he stood at the end of his driveway, the bill and circular crumpled in one fist, his eyes closed. Eventually he got himself calmed down and went back inside.

It wasn’t until he was in the shower that the full effects of the message and the phone call really hit him. One moment he was rinsing shampoo out of his hair and watching the faintly pink tinged water swirl down the rain, and the next moment he was kneeling on the tiles, his hands clamped over his mouth, sobbing. He stayed that way for a long time, not noticing when the hot water ran out and it became so cold his skin broke out into goose bumps.

He’d never bothered to try and get over Lucas. Since high school, since leaving after that Christmas, David had had no relationships. He had never even tried. It wasn’t worth it. He knew deep down that whatever it was he had felt, and still felt, for Lucas, it was permanent. The hole that his absence had carved in David’s heart was just another price he paid for his sins. Lucas was everything to him. He’d known that the phone calls to Anna were wrong, but he couldn’t help himself. They were like methadone to a heroin addict; a fake fix to keep himself from going insane.

His obsession wasn’t something that really interfered with his everyday life; he worked, he interacted with the few friends he’d made over the years, he spent time with his roses and time with his dogs. He went through the motions, and on most days, he was as happy as could be expected, considering his situation. He had one sexual experience since Lucas, and that was it. A man who looked so much like Lucas that, drunk and miserable, David had pretended, if only for a little while.

What he was, what he had done, he had come to terms with. Lucas was a part of him, and he took up too much room for David to love anyone else. He wondered sometimes if he would ever get over it, get over him, but he didn’t think so. The only other thing he wanted was to find his child. He couldn’t have Lucas, he’d come to terms with that years ago. Anna said that Lucas didn’t want him, didn’t want to fix things. Anna said that Lucas had moved on. So David gave up hope and learned to live with that space inside that would never be filled.

Now, though, knowing that he’d hurt Lucas, again, that his selfish bullshit had caused him pain… he could barely even look at himself in the mirror when he finally managed to drag himself out of the freezing shower. All he’d wanted was the reassurance that Lucas was safe, and happy. And now this.

He got dressed, feeling sick and angry at himself. He was exhausted. All he wanted was to lay down and sleep all day. But he had work to do. The lawn needed to be mowed, and the dishes done, and he had to call the repairman and have him go out to look at the overheard sprinklers in the greenhouse. Life would continue, no matter how he felt. That was how it was.

He laced up his boots and called for the dogs. They liked to be outside when he was, and he knew they would stay on the porch while he mowed the lawn. They swarmed the front door, barking and wagging their tails, but when he opened the door for them, they didn’t go outside. Goliath whined low in his throat, and Mammoth backed off, her ears pricked up. David frowned. They only acted that way around strangers.

He brushed past them and went out onto the porch. “Come on, you two, what-“ he stopped in mid sentence, his foot on the top step. His stomach dropped, then rolled, and his head suddenly felt like it would simply detach from his neck and float away.

He stared, slack jawed and shaking, at the man standing at the bottom of the stairs. He looked tired and pale. In the time they spent just staring at each other, David almost convinced himself that he was hallucinating; stress, his brain told him, you’re having a breakdown and this is just from stress. He’s not really here, you aren’t really looking at him.

Then Lucas reached up and tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear, and his lips parted so that his tongue could slide out and wet them before he spoke. “Hello, David.”

His voice was deeper, a little rougher. David saw the faint lines around his eyes, the way his face had sharpened even further, giving him a severe look that made him both more attractive and more mature. His hair had darkened, just a shade or two, but David could tell. He remembered everything about him, from the exact color of his eyes to where each and every birthmark and freckle on his body was.

David felt his knees buckle, and he grabbed blindly for the porch railing. He missed it, stumbled, and finally caught it. He heard a low moaning sound and realized it had come from him. Behind him, Goliath barked, once. The sound was enough to snap David out of his trance.

“Lucas.” He whispered. “What are you doing here?”

Lucas studied him carefully. “You look different.” He said. “Better.” He came up the stairs, slowly, as though he was worried moving too fast would scare David away. “You look… wonderful.”

“What…” David licked his lips, and the surreal, hallucinatory feeling came over him again as Lucas reached out and touched the tips of David’s still damp hair.

“I like it.” Lucas told him. “A little more subtle. It suits you.”

“What are you doing here?” David asked again, looking up at Lucas. “I got your message-“

Lucas laughed, an embarrassed, guilty laugh, and looked away. “I was drunk. I’m sorry.” He said, and his eyes fell on the dogs. “Yours?” he asked. “They look like Riley’s.”

“They are.” David told him, and Lucas looked at him, his eyes narrowed. “A gift to win me back.”

“Did it work?” Lucas asked.

“No.” David shook his head. He was pretty much on autopilot; the majority of him was in complete shock. It was enough that Lucas was here at all, but that they were standing on the porch talking about the dogs like nothing had happened… David closed his eyes. “Lucas.” He said, his voice quiet and calm, completely unlike what was going on inside. “Please, answer my question.”

Lucas shifted, and David opened his eyes to look at him. “You looked like you were going to pass out when you saw me.” He said. “I thought… Anna said you wanted to see me.”

“I did.” David said. “I do. But… but you’re supposed to hate me, aren’t you? Did you come here to confront me?”

“Yes.” Lucas told him, and nodded a little. “I thought I would come, scream in your face, maybe hit you a few times. How does that sound?”

“Justified.” David told him, and Lucas chuckles, a rusty, odd sound. “Go ahead.”

“It doesn’t seem like such a good idea anymore.” Lucas admitted. “Now I’m thinking maybe we can just sit down and talk for a little while.”

“Why?” David asked him. “Not that I don’t want to, but why?”

“To get the story straight.” Lucas told him. “To get the truth, so that I can finally put this all behind me.”

David’s chest ached at that, but he nodded. “You deserve that.” He said. “Come inside.” He turned and moved past Lucas, but Lucas caught his arm. The contact, the feel of Lucas’s fingers wrapped around his bicep, made David so light headed he almost passed out again. He shuddered and looked up at Lucas. “What?”

Lucas opened his mouth, then closed it again. Finally, he shook his head and pulled David. “This will make things worse.” He said, and David stepped towards him. “But it feels like unfinished business, doesn’t it?” David couldn’t think of anything to say, and when Lucas wrapped his arms around David’s shoulders, he leaned into the embrace, his own arms sliding around Lucas’s waist.

The fabric of Lucas’s shirt against David’s cheek was soft and warm, and David squeezed his eyes shut. For a moment, just a split second, he was eighteen again. His heart hurt so badly that he thought it would burst, and when Lucas made a low, growling sound and pressed his face against David’s neck, he had to bite his lip to keep from moaning. This was different, though, from back then. Lucas wasn’t as bony, and David wasn’t as short. Still, it was enough to make David feel simultaneously overjoyed and completely miserable.

Finally, Lucas pulled away, and for a moment they just stood there, staring at each other. Lucas's eyes flickered to David’s mouth, and David saw the want in his eyes. It scared him.

David stepped away and ran his hands through his hair. “Come inside.” He said again, and lead Lucas into the house. The dogs snarled, but a word from David and they backed off. He took Lucas into the living room. David sat on the recliner and Lucas sat on the couch. David lit a cigarette and they stared at each other.

“You wanted the truth.” David said finally. Lucas nodded. “About everything. About me, and the years that it’s been, and about Anna.” Lucas nodded again. David sighed. “You’re asking for a lot.” He said. “How long can you stay?”

“As long as I need to.” Lucas replied.

“How long do you want to?” David asked.

Lucas gave him a strangely humorless smile. “I guess we’ll find out when this is over.” He said. “You have a lot of explaining to do, David.” He looked away. “And so do I.”