Gravekeeper

Author’s Note: I was at the Yaoi-con and I now have college so that’s what’s taking me so long to write stuffs.

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I don’t know how much time had passed since Gravekeeper took me away from Derek; it could have been minutes, it could have been hours, hell, it could have even been days for all that I was aware of it, but no matter how long I sat there the tears wouldn’t come. I couldn’t cry for him any longer.

A part of me, perhaps the part affected by Gravekeeper’s blood, knew I had to let Derek go and was helping me to do so. I was slowly becoming numb and I didn’t know what to do about that.

I briefly wondered if this is what Gravekeeper felt. Did he feel as numb as I did? Was his blood actually affecting me as much as I thought it was?

It scared me to think that I was going numb on my own, without any help. Derek wouldn’t want that for me—he doesn’t want that for me—but still I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I didn’t want to care.

Not caring would make it so much easier for me to let him go, but if Derek could hear my thoughts now he’d probably ‘tear me a new one’ or something like that. I wanted to do what he wanted but it was hard. I had already had to say goodbye to him once before and to do so again was torture.

I could go with him now, I knew I could, I was dead after all, but I didn’t know if I could handle it—Not so soon after he had rejected me. It would have never happened, I realized, but not telling him and not giving him a chance to accept or reject me had allowed me to keep a small bit of hope that maybe he loved me in return as I did him.

With that gone I needed to be away from him, to have time on my own, but at the same time I didn’t want us to be separated. I was just torturing myself, I supposed. Why else would I still cling to him if I wasn’t?

Derek knew about my curiosity and odd attraction towards Gravekeeper and was even encouraging me to pursue it. I didn’t know if that was because he actually wanted me to be with Gravekeeper or if he was just using it to help me forget about him. I supposed it was both, really.

I knew in my heart that Derek wanted me to be happy as much as I wanted him to be. It touched me how much trust he put in me, giving me the power to make both of us happy, and I wondered if I was really deserving of such a power. One thing was for certain though; I couldn’t allow myself to let him down. I loved him too much for that.

There was a shuffling beside me as Gravekeeper sat down next to me, his wing bent at an odd angle to accommodate for me. It must have been uncomfortable for him but he didn’t show it. He just sat there and looked at me with a blank expression. I guess he wasn’t too good with comforting people, but I appreciated the gesture none-the-less.

Reaching out I brushed my fingers against his wing and felt it twitch beneath my fingers. It was hard to understand how he could feel anything with it, but then again it was hard to understand how he could have these wings in the first place. The bone was temperature-less, as was everything else since I had woken up, and the webbing in between the bones felt like threads of silk and as much as it looked like it, it wasn’t like a spider’s web at all.

Focusing on that, I used his wing to distract me from the pain of letting Derek go but it was still hard. I wanted to keep him here with me.

Gravekeeper allowed me to explore his wing, though he clearly wasn’t comfortable with it, and I was grateful to him for it. He was socially awkward, as was I, but he still had the patience and compassion to do what he could for me. He couldn’t change things for me though, and I didn’t expect him to. It would be wrong of me to do so and I refused to take advantage of him like that.

I unfolded his wing until it was near the position he normally had it and then moved closer to him. He tensed but didn’t move and I rested against his side with my cheek pressed into his shoulder. Gravekeeper didn’t seem to know what to do about this, but he didn’t shove me away or protest it either.

It was comforting, being with him, and I found that I didn’t want to leave him. Where Derek was going there’d be family members waiting for him, but Gravekeeper had no one. No one except for the dead and they couldn’t love you or take care of you like someone with a body could.

I was dead too, but I still had my body, for however long it lasted, and if I could keep Gravekeeper company with it then why shouldn’t I? He had saved my life after all, and although he had kept quiet about Derek’s presence he hadn’t done so out of spite or mal-intent. I owed him, first for saving my life and then for the blood that revived my body and gave me a change to really say goodbye to my brother.

I wanted to do something for him in return and now that I was dead this was about the only thing I could do for him. Closing my eyes I sat there with him in silence and slowly realized that I could hear the faint beating of his heart. It surprised me a little that it was beating, but it was so faint that he barely needed to inhale at all to keep the oxygen flowing. He could probably last on a limited supply of it for a long time.

Which was useful, I guess, when you lived in a graveyard and slept in a mausoleum.

I yawned and found that it was becoming harder to stay awake. The energy that Gravekeeper’s blood had given me was slowly wearing off and I found that my eyelids getting heavier with each moment that passed. Would I die again if his blood was purged from my system?

Gravekeeper had pretty much said just that when Derek had asked him the same thing. That my body would die again, but would I remember the pain of it? Would there even be any pain?

Everything was already so painful for me that I wasn’t sure just how much more of it I could take. Whether it was physically or emotional, it didn’t matter to me. Pain was pain and I was feeling it in abundance.

Gripping the edge of my white lab coat, courtesy of the mortician, I drifted off to sleep against Gravekeeper’s shoulder.

Who knew that the dead could sleep?

When I awoke again I felt a sense of calm that I hadn’t been able to achieve before. It was almost peaceful in a way, but the presence that was always with me, that always had been with me, even without my knowledge, was gone. I knew then, without a doubt, that Derek had moved on.

I was glad that I had finally been able to make him happy and that I hadn’t let him down, but I still wished that none of this had ever happened; that Derek had never died, that I had never died, and more importantly that I never had to say goodbye.

I realized that even if he hadn’t died we would have had to say goodbye eventually, but it wouldn’t have been forever. We still would have seen each other and even if every meeting was painful because of my love for him I still wouldn’t give it up for anything. Even now I wouldn’t want it gone even if it could be taken away. Loving Derek had made me who I was and although he didn’t love me in return, he did love me in his own way and that was enough for me. That was all I could ask from him and all I could expect him to give.

Looking around I noticed that the light was on as it hadn’t been before. It seemed brighter now, almost too bright for my eyes and I winced while looking into it. Gravekeeper must have turned them on for me.

I appreciated the gesture and the consideration he must have put into it, but I’d rather have his comforting presence instead; the light offered me no salvation. The lid to the coffin was closed again and I knew he was in there. It was no longer just an educated guess but a fact. I could sense where he was, and that he was asleep, without any knowledge about how I was able to do so.

Also, if I listened closely, I could hear people speaking outside and I had to walk up to the locked door in order to understand what they were saying. Immediately I recognized the hushed voices of Jasper and Jose and wondered just how I could hear them when they were so far away.

They were talking about me.

“Do they know what happened to the body?” That was the voice of Jasper. He had always sat and talked with me when he had had the time and I was touched that he was so concerned about my death and the absence of my body.

“No, Man, they’re looking all over for it but with no luck. They think the same guys who tried robbing Mrs. Petersmith’s gave did it but so far they can’t prove a thing.” Jose I didn’t know as well but he was a good guy from as far as I could tell. I could sense the morbid curiosity he had and didn’t blame him for it. I’d be interested too if the body of some guy I knew just up and disappeared.

“Oh man, poor Shane. How are his parents taking this? First one son and then the other.” I scoffed at that. My parents were probably too busy with work to give much thought to my death. A smirk briefly crossed my lips when I thought about how this would reflect upon their ‘reputations.’

“They’re doing everything they can, but you know how it is.” Jasper started to respond and then was cut off by the caretaker’s voice yelling at them to get back to work. So they’re already looking for my body and everything? Just how much time has passed?

I couldn’t tell anymore. Time didn’t seem as important as it did before. Even after Derek had died all I thought about was the time we had spent together and how long I’d be able to sit on top of his grave. Now I had nothing to occupy my time.

However long had passed it was no longer a concern for me. That was something that belonged with the living. I knew where my body was and that was enough for me. I didn’t even care if the grave robbers were brought to justice or not. They could no longer harm me and in either case I was under Gravekeeper’s protection, more so now than ever.

For however long my body held out I had to stay here. I was dead and it wouldn’t due for a corpse to be walking around town causing riots. An angry mob with torches and pitchforks was not the way I envisioned repaying Gravekeeper for all his kindness.

That having been decided I wondered what I’d do with my time left. Derek had told me not to mess things up with Gravekeeper, but would the man ever be interested in me? His lack of response to my kiss came back to mind and I frowned.

Walking back down the stairs I stopped to stare at the tomb that encased him. ‘Aeterna Somnus’: Eternal Slumber (I had looked it up). It seemed ironic for Gravekeeper to sleep in such a coffin and yet never be able to rest. Were gravekeepers even capable of dying?

I didn’t seem like they were but you never knew. I knew almost nothing about Gravekeeper besides his race and even less about that than I would have liked. Gravekeeper didn’t talk to me much but if I asked him a question he’d answer it. He had never lied to me as far as I could tell and I was willing to trust what he told me, whatever that may be.

I still didn’t want to wake him up in order to question him though. He deserved all the rest he could get and I wasn’t about to deprive him of it. Sitting back against the wall I stared at the cement coffin and let my mind wander.

It occurred to me now that I really should be freaking out over everything that had happened. I mean, wouldn’t anyone freak out if they woke up with autopsy scars? Of course they would and it disturbed me that I wasn’t at all disturbed by them.

Did Gravekeeper’s blood really affect me that much? It was the only thing I could think of that would allow me to not freak out over everything. Well, that and whatever detrimental effect my dying had on my thought processes. It was amazing that I was still able to think at all and even more amazing that I was now some zombie type creature. (I just hoped that I would have to eat brains in order to survive.)

Gravekeeper hadn’t mentioned me needing anything other than his blood and drinking it now didn’t creep me out nearly as much as it had when I had been human. It was still weird, but oddly enough I was looking foreword to it. I wanted to drink his blood and even started licking my lips at the thought of it. My throat felt suddenly dry and I wanted nothing more than to tear into his veins and taste it. What’s wrong with me?

I didn’t want to hurt him or kill him, nothing like that; I just wanted some of his blood. If only a small taste allowed this to happen to my body then what would more get me? I really didn’t like the thought of using him like that but I couldn’t seem to stop my sudden and obsessive lust for his blood.

I wouldn’t allow myself to attack or awaken him though. No matter what my body was telling me I wasn’t going to betray him like that. He was already skittish enough as it was and something like that could send him over the edge. I wanted to help him, not hurt him. Though how I could do that I didn’t know.

Nothing was clear to me anymore. I didn’t know what I should do, what I was supposed to do, and it was making my head hurt just thinking about it. My body was also starting to feel numb and heavy. It was a weird sensation to experience and I wanted to freak out about it but I found that I didn’t have the energy for it.

Closing my eyes I leaned my head back as it became harder and harder to move and think. Where was Gravekeeper? Fingers suddenly brushed against my cheek and I knew it was him. Forcing my eyes open I looked at him as he crouched down beside me and heard his voice echoing in my head like it always did.

“You’re body is dying. If you don’t consume my blood you will lose it.” He wanted me to make the choice, I knew, but it was just so hard to think. All the complications and contradictory thoughts that I usually had just didn’t have the momentum to fill my head right now and I was left with only my emotions to guide me. I want to stay with Gravekeeper.

It wasn’t as difficult of a decision to make as I thought it would be but voicing it when I had no ability to speak was a different matter entirely. Once again I was glad for Gravekeeper’s uncanny ability to know what I wanted and felt my body jumpstart at the sudden scent of his blood. It was wonderful, the smell of it, and I found myself reaching for his wrist before I even knew what I was doing.

How he opened his veins or why his blood tasted so sweet were questions that my mind couldn’t quite focus on in order to comprehend. It didn’t matter anyway and the only thing that did was Gravekeeper’s presence and the thick liquid now flowing through my veins. How it had gotten there through my throat and stomach wasn’t something I could ever comprehend and I didn’t even want to try. It didn’t matter to me anyway.

A few seconds—or what could have been hours—later he gently pried his wrist from my hands and I let him go without a fight. His blood was intoxicating but I didn’t have the need for any more of it. My body felt even better than it did while I was alive and I felt a deep connection with Gravekeeper that no words could even begin to describe.

He was a part of me and I was a part of him. We were connected through the blood and even though we were right next to each other I wanted to be even closer to him. Pushing away from the wall I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him towards me. He fell from his crouching position but stabilized himself without any damage occurring.

He smelt like dirt, like graveyard soil, and I found the scent to be attractive on him. Kissing his neck I soon grew addicted to the taste of his skin and wanted to be even more. He was tense in my arms, like I expected him to be, but he still wasn’t pushing me away or rejecting me.

I wanted him to though.

It didn’t really want him to reject me but I wanted him to do something. A lifeless partner was not something I wanted. I didn’t want him to sit there and take it just to make me happy, I wanted him to want it too. The problem was that I wasn’t sure if he was capable of wanting it.

How much did gravekeepers feel? Were they even capable of feeling love—of feeling pleasure? It wasn’t that I just wanted to fuck, though I did want that too, but I wanted more than that. Having a meaningless relationship after death just didn’t seem like the productive thing to do.

I wanted to be with him, as boyfriends normally do; I wanted to share thoughts and experiences. I wanted to help him with his duties as a gravekeeper and not just get in the way. I didn’t want to remain just a ‘house wife’ in this mausoleum with him.

I wanted a lot of things and it was selfish of me to ask them of him but I just couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t help but feel that maybe he might want this too. Maybe not to the extent that I did, but it had to be lonely here by himself and I wanted to be the one to comfort him.

“You ask a lot of me, more than anyone ever has.” How he could hear my thoughts and feelings I didn’t know and I was both grateful and apprehensive about it. Pushing me back gently I soon felt his lips upon my own. He didn’t need any further intimacy to speak so I knew that this, unlike previous ones, was a real kiss.

He didn’t know what to do though, and neither than I, so it didn’t go any further than that but the kiss alone was enough. To know that he was willing to give things a try made me extremely happy and for now the physical contact we had was enough to satisfy my craving for him. It wasn’t exactly a sexual craving, but it was more like I wanted to (not literally) crawl inside his skin and become a part of him. I wanted to be as close to him as possible and it was as though his blood were calling to him from inside me.

I had never felt anything like it before, not even with Derek, and I wondered just what affect it would have on our relationship. It could make or break us and I hoped to hell that it wouldn’t be the latter. But no matter how hard I tried to stop myself I couldn’t seem to let him go and I still wanted to be as close as I possibly could.

Gravekeeper, amazingly enough, sat there calmly and allowed me to crawl all over and cling to him. I wondered if he had done this before and wanted to say no but I couldn’t. I didn’t know him well enough to be able to answer that and for all I knew he’s lived long enough to have done this hundreds of times.

“You’re the only one. You will be the only one.” I didn’t know if that meant what I wanted it to mean but it made me happy to hear it all the same. It allowed me to believe that maybe, just maybe, I would be allowed to be happy.

Though my body was dead I now had a new ‘life’ to lead and even someone to share it with. It would be hard, I wouldn’t try and fool myself into thinking otherwise, but it would be worth it if things worked out between us. I would never forget about Derek and my love for him but he was right; it was time to move on.

And no matter what happened he would always be the other half of my soul, but Gravekeeper…he might just become something more.

~Fin~

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Author’s Note: I didn’t think it would be but I think this is the last chapter. I will make an epilogue just to avoid the flames, and because I want to, but this is pretty much it. This also had only been a short story from the beginning.

JJay: I think you turned that review into something from a McDonald’s commercial. XD I’m glad you like it though.

oo: Yes, he’s really dead and I was going for angst in the last chapter if he’s ever going to get passed it. Shane is actually using his body, like a zombie, and his body was autopsied so of course he has the incision. If he lets his body get rid of GK’s blood then it will cease to function and he will just be a ghost without the wounds.

cobraqueen: I was going to have him do that but then I was thought about the effects death had on the brain and also how GK’s blood affected him. The brain definitely wouldn’t be working up to par and a GK would never be scared of death so I tried to combine those two while still leaving Shane’s personality intact.

Tall tree-san: Yes, he is. I had to write it as confusing because I can’t just give away information that Shane himself wouldn’t know, not when it’s in the first person.

midnightsweet: I tried not to make it too obvious but it was after Shane cleaned GK’s cut and licked off the blood he missed. I didn’t want people to figure it out before hand. Anyway, thanks for the review.

Distant Raen: Thanks for the review.