August

February 24

Adrian was one lucky carrier. He'd bled the day after Wick had him in the storage room, and the doctors were subsequently skeptical about the likelihood of conception. Adrian cajoled his nurse into a pregnancy test four days later, to be sure. Sean Wick protested, but was eventually overruled. Adrian took the results home and waited to open them with Steven.

Negative.

Adrian had never read a word with such relief. Steven squeezed him, held him really tight, then took him to the bed and made love to him.

Two weeks later, Adrian took a test again.

Negative.

A clenching fear seized him. He and Steven had quit the prophylactics; he and his fiancé were both young and in good health - what could the problem be? It's me, Adrian thought immediately. I know it's me.
And what use, he asked himself, is a carrier who cannot breed?

~:~

The doctors ran every test twice. They were sure, they told him. Absolutely sure. Adrian sat on the bed in the hospital room and stared at the wall. The pain was too close to make room for tears. He felt like he was suffocating. The Centre director had come in, shaking his head, and said that this would not do - this simply would not do at all. They would have to find him another companion.

And just that quickly - that soon - Steven, Steven of the beautiful mouth and the sweet words, and the patience when Adrian didn't want to talk, and the hands that stroked him gently and the loyalty even after Wick...Steven was gone.
No sense, the Director pointed out to him, in giving a carrier to a man who can't even breed.
Adrian stared at the wall and saw Steven's face there. His heart quietly pulled itself apart, perhaps hoping to break into pieces small enough to escape and reassemble wherever his fiancé happened to be. There was no use in crying.
Adrian asked for Wick.

~:~

Meanwhile, Caddy found out. And Phidias found out that Caddy found out when his son came rushing into the rooms they shared one afternoon, eyes full with tears and angry, pounding his fists into his father's side.
"Why did you do it, Dad?! Why didn't you tell me?! I could have helped you! I could have helped you!"
Phidias was so bewildered that he just stood there for a few minutes and took the hits, let Caddy exhaust his anger on him. Afterwards, he asked him how he knew.
The Others had told him, he'd admitted, and Phidias knew the Others were the boys in his peer group, the ones he'd dismissed as being too superficial, too silly, too weak until they started in on him. Caddy was too small, too boyish, too dorky, too dumb, too sensitive, too ugly, too prudish, too bookish, too boring to ever make anyone happy. He might as well not be a carrier at all.
It was after the taunts had started that Caddy had begun desperately wanting to be their friend.
"Dad..." Caddy was slumped on the floor now, his backpack between his legs and his back to the wall. "Why did you do it?"


Phidias had been admitted to the CEC on the morning of February 14, Valentine's Day. Three days later, he was well enough to go home with a chaperone and pack enough things for himself and his son to last them a week. That night, he and Caddy moved in to their new quarters in the Centre. Caddy had squeezed him so tightly, and whispered so sincerely that he was glad his father was here and now they could see each other every day, that for a flash moment, Phidias felt happy.

The next day, he went to his office to pack his things. The chaperone waited outside. Joe Stern came, and Phidias allowed him in; he only wanted, like the vulture he was, to pick over his colleague's leavings - books and journals and photographs he'd always coveted but never had himself. Phidias watched him at the bookshelf, bored and sick and wanting very much to give in to his desire to put one hand to his head, claim fatigue, and go back home to the Centre to sleep until Cadmus came home. The attack from Joe came suddenly, but as no surprise. A hyena cannot hide its nature. There was a fight; Phidias hit his head on the table again, but so hard this time that he saw stars and funny colors and the world went black for a little while.

When he woke up on the afternoon of the 18th, he was in the infirmary and Joe Stern was in jail.

He was to be kept three days for monitoring. That evening he spoke to Adrian, who negotiated his release for an hour and a half, to eat dinner with Cadmus in the common room. When they got there, Cadmus was gone - off to a different wing to eat with his friends instead. Phidias had gotten somewhat irritated, but Adrian just shrugged and said they'd have an adult dinner instead. Phidias didn't eat much.

He ate so little, in fact, that when they went to check out, the officer on duty stopped him to ask a million and one questions. Why hadn't he eaten - wasn't he hungry? Not really. Was this a pattern? No. Was he now, or had he ever been diagnosed with an eating disorder? No. Had he been having feelings of depression lately? Yes. Suicidal thoughts? No, but he might soon if you didn't stop hassling him. Was he in otherwise good health? Yes. Menstruating regularly? Phidias threw the tray in his face. Adrian froze. The officer calmly wiped a splatter of mashed potatoes from his chin and breast pocket, then tossed the napkin to the side, came forward, and very publicly began to beat the fuck out of Phidias.

When he came to again, it was the morning of the 19th, and Adrian, Dr. Long, the geneticist doctor, and two men were standing in his hospital room.


Phidias had been very careful to pretend the incident had never existed. Bruises were from where he'd passed out - low blood sugar, he assured his son. Only temporary. Nothing to worry about. In the hospital one or two days, then back home and back to normal. It had been a lie, and now Cadmus had found out. Phidias couldn't tell whether he was angry or embarrassed - truth be told, Phidias had been more embarrassed of himself than of the beating. No matter what happened, he reminded himself, keep control. Don't let these bastards make you crazy. Caddy shook his head.
"Dad. I keep trying to help you." he looked pitifully up at his father. His eyes were wet. "Please don't make them separate us again. Please don't make them take you away."
Caddy's eyes looked just like Emily's. Phidias' heart ached. He made his resolution then - Cadmus was right. He would not give them reason to separate them. He would not let them take his son's father away. He would be good.