Not The One

Chapter Eight: One Of Those Days
by sammo_00

You know those days where nothing ever seems to go the way you want it to? How the phrase “It never rains, but pours” seems to be the highlight of your day?

This was not one of those days. I was on such a high that I didn’t think it was possible for anything to bring me down. The memory of kissing Sam, not just kissing him, but finally being able to overcome the boundary that had kept me from fully understanding the depth of my feelings for him, was making my heart skip every third beat. And I will never admit it to anyone, but my lips were still tingling. I always thought that was just some stupid thing that romance authors used in their story to make it more romantic, but here I was, two days later, still pressing my fingers to my slightly tingling lips and wondering if it had been all a dream.

The flowers on my table kept reminding me that it was all completely real, however. They had arrived yesterday, bearing a card with Sam’s nearly illegible writing. I kept the card under my pillow, blushing every time I thought of it. It didn’t really say much of anything, just a few words.

“Hey babes, thinking of you. –Sam”

And yet, just thinking of it brought a ridiculously large smile to my face, which I tried to avoid as it made my nose move and brought tears to my eyes. I didn’t want to admit it to myself, but I truly believed that I was falling head over heels for Sam. And I was doing it very quickly, a lot faster than I thought was possible. But maybe it wasn’t really that fast, I just hadn’t realized how much I already cared for him before it suddenly ballooned in front of me.

I felt as though the floodgates had burst open with that one single kiss and the entire world was ahead of me. Maybe this meant I didn’t have to go see Dr. Simsy anymore. Somehow, I doubted that, but it was always worth it to hope for just a moment.

Of course, they always say that you’re the highest right before you fall. For some reason, I never really thought that referred to me, despite everything that had happened to me over the past year or so. I was wrong.

I sighed and sank deeper in the bubbles, or as deep as I could considering how shallow the bathtub was. I breathed deep the perfumed steam rising from the water and reflected on the past three months. There was only one word that could describe it: heavenly.

Sam was everything I had ever even dreamed about when it came to the relationship of my life. He was sweet and caring, funny and sexy, and always there if I ever had a moment. He never pushed me, and never showed any disappointment in my inability to go beyond mere kisses. If I needed a day, he gave it to me with no questions asked. I never once caught a glimpse of that insanity I saw so long ago in the parking lot and quite frankly, I had, for the most part, completely forgotten it. When I was alone and had nothing to occupy my mind, however, my thoughts could become quite dark and then I would write for hours in my journal.

I continued to see Dr. Simsy, mainly because my dark thoughts got her concerned. Sometimes, when I let her read my journal, she would start tearing up and have to stop reading. It was at those moments that I feared for my life because the tunnel never seemed to have any light at the end of it, but I was still here. I was always continually surprised at my inner strength. I had always believed that I was the weak stupid sister and my older sister received all the charm and the poise and the strength of character. Oh well. In the end, nothing could save my sister.

She was placed in solitary soon after the incident in the parking lot, and by solitary, I mean she had no human contact aside when a hand pushed a tray in her room and took it back out two times a day. Three weeks after that, they found her in the attached bathroom. She had … well let’s not talk about what she did. All that mattered was she was no longer a part of my life.

I was a little bothered that I felt no sadness at her death. I didn’t even go to her funeral but in my opinion, she was no longer my sister. She was just someone whose death I happened to hear about on the news. My mother took the news rather badly though and even now, almost three months after all that, she still tears up and has to excuse herself from the dinner table.

Jack was released from the hospital after me and promptly disappeared. I hadn’t heard from him since and had no desire to, honestly.

My musings were interrupted by the irritating beeping of my phone. I sighed and pushed myself up, then reached over and grabbed my phone. It was Sam.

“Hey baby,” he said, his smooth tones making me grin like an idiot.

“Hi Sammie,” I replied, wiggling my toes in the bubbles. “What’s up sweetie?”

“Oh nothing really but I have some bad news,” he said, sounding a little upset. I immediately tensed. Bad news was always a bad phrase to use around me and unless it was explained quickly, I could get really close to a panic attack.

“Oh really?” I said, trying to keep my voice light.

“It’s nothing bad,” Sam clarified. “Just unfortunate. I won’t be able to see you tonight.”

“Oh,” I sighed, falling back against the cool porcelain of the bathtub. “Why not?”

“I just have to work tonight. It’s ridiculous, really. We just hired some new people but apparently, they all had previous engagements so I got stuck doing this grunt work. You know how it goes,” he answered tersely.

I shrugged. Despite everything, I still hadn’t gotten quite used to having someone who wanted to spend time with me. And crazy though it seemed, I loved Sam. I knew it deep in my heart and I wanted to tell him, but I didn’t want to tell him. I was waiting for the right moment. I wasn’t even concerned that he wouldn’t say it back because I also just knew that he loved me just as much as I loved him. Guess I had a sixth sense about that, right?

“Well I guess if you’ve got work to do, then you should get started on it so you can get out of there earlier rather than later, right?” I joked, trying to make light of the situation.

“Yea. But don’t worry babes, I’ll call you tomorrow, ok?” He made a kissing sound and hung up the phone. I was grinning when I hung up the phone.

A couple of hours later, I was going a little stir crazy and on a whim, decided to surprise Sam at work. I had done it a couple of times before and a lot of his co-workers were really nice and funny. So I made up some sandwiches and grabbed a bag of chips and hopped in my car to head down to the station.

When I got there, I couldn’t help noticing that there weren’t very many cars in the parking lot. I didn’t see Sam’s car among the ones there, but I remembered that there was a secondary parking lot behind the building and that was probably where he parked at. I picked up my bag and headed to the front door, not giving it a second’s thought.

I almost ran into a custodian vacuuming the front entrance and I smiled at the man when he gave me a toothy grin. But when I walked in the back where Sam’s desk was, I noticed there didn’t seem to be any lights on and when I rounded the corner, no one was at Sam’s desk. The computer wasn’t on and there were no files spread out at all. Momentarily confused, I just stared for a moment until a voice rang out.

“Do you need some help ma’am?” the toothy custodian asked, leaning the vacuum cleaner against the desk. I turned slowly, my brain feeling sluggish.

“Um, do you know if there are any officers working late tonight?” I asked, feeling stupid. There was a dead weight in my stomach and I had difficulty swallowing.

The man thought for a moment and then shook his head. “Sorry miss but all them cops left about an hour ago. Told me to lock the front door and let the night watchman know I was leaving. You lookin’ for someone?”

I nodded. “Yes, his name is Sam Morehart and he told me he was working late. Could he be somewhere else in the building?” I could feel the first tendrils of panic beginning to snake around my chest. Did Sam lie to me? Why would he do that?

“No ma’am. All the conference rooms are closed and I doubt he’d be down in lock-up. Want me to take a message?” he said. I shook my head and began walking quickly to the front door. What was going on?

It was only a short drive to Sam’s apartment from the station and I was pulling up outside in a manner of minutes. As I stormed up to the front door, a soft voice was whispering in my ear. Before you start making accusations, why don’t you try calling him and see what he says before you show up at his place at night. That might be a good idea. Just take a deep breath. Maybe he was just tired and didn’t want to call and get your hopes up.

I stopped and stood on the sidewalk, trying to calm my breathing. My heart felt like it was about to pop out of my chest and I realized cold sweat had broken out on my forehead. Oh my Lord, I am about to have a panic attack. Sitting down on the curb, I pulled out my cell phone and quickly dialed Sam’s number. After two rings, it went right to voicemail.

“Sorry but Sam is unavailable to pick up the phone right now. Please leave a name and a number and he will get back to you as soon as he can.”

“Hey Sammie, it’s me. Just wondering how all that work is going. Call me back, ok?” I slapped my phone shut and took a deep breath. He was probably asleep. It was only about nine o’clock but he had been working a lot so that was probably it. Feeling loads better, I stood up and began walking to my car, but I couldn’t resist looking at the building and couldn’t miss that the light was on in Sam’s third story apartment. Not only that, but I saw movement behind the curtain. Sam wasn’t asleep!

Without thinking, I turned back around and tore up the stairs to his apartment. I reached out and knocked hard on his door, twice. I heard him call out and a few moments later, the door swung open and Sam was standing there, a towel around his waist and his hair still dripping. I just stared at him, at the look of utter surprise on his face. It was a moment before he could say anything as I just stood there.

“Mary?” Sam said stupidly. “What are you doing here?”

“Gee, I don’t know. Maybe because my boyfriend wasn’t working like he said he was going to be,” I replied sarcastically, trying not to think. If I thought about this, I was going to jump to conclusions and that was most certainly NOT what was going on here.

“Oh yea, that.” Sam looked at me for a moment and then smiled. “I’m sorry babes but I finished up about twenty minutes ago and came home to get a shower. I was just going to pass right out. I didn’t worry you or anything, did I?”

I shook my head. “Oh no, aside from the fact that the custodian said that the last officer left the station about an hour ago, I’m not worried at all.” I gave him a hard look and noticed his eye was twitching.

He laughed loudly. “You believe that man? Please, he’s got to be a recovering addict. You can’t trust anything those types of people say. I thought you were smarter than that babes,” he said jokingly, reaching up to push back a strand of hair.

I winced inwardly. Something about that didn’t sound right to me, the way he said it. It almost sounded demeaning. But that wasn’t Sam, was it? I was just about to reply when I was cut off.

“Sam, hurry up. The bed is getting cold baby,” a very feminine sounding voice drifted through the apartment and into my open ears. For a moment, I just stared at Sam, speechless. Then I saw the changes coming over his face and I took a step back. He looked pissed, then scared, then concerned, and then upset. He took a step towards me, opening his mouth, but I cut him off, the tears already falling from my eyes.

“Don’t,” was all I said before I turned away and walked quickly down the hall. I was convinced that he could hear my heart breaking and there was no way I was going to show any weakness in front of Sam Morehart.

The cold air struck me as I pushed open the front door and stung my wet cheeks. Part of me was upset that he didn’t even try to follow me and explain, but another part of me was happy because I didn’t know what I would have done.

For the next hour, I just sat in my car and cried.

A/N: I am so sorry it has taken me forever to get this chapter up. I'm having this kind of internal battle about this story as in I know where I want it to end up, but I'm having difficulties getting there. Don't worry; I'm not going to give up!!! And just in case you're wondering, I still would like many many reviews. Thank you!!!!!