A New Education

Midnight: Hahah, yes I did! Because that’ll make my story a little less boring! Lol. A ton of questions will be answered in this chapter too!! Woot!

Guy_in_the_closet: They’re a cute couple! Hopefully there will be more of that in the next few chapters an’ such!!

sunlight159: Here’s the next chapter! Sorry it took so long, my homework decided to attack me out of my closet and require that I do more and more and more purely because it hates me >.<

Night: Haha, Felix is a pretty cool kid as far as his music interests go, I’ll definitely be bringing more of that into play during the next few chapters. I’m glad you can relate to them, I was really worried that no one would be able to understand them! Thank you so so so much for reviewing!

Faust: *hides* you aren’t gonna like this chapter then! But it’s all for the better! And I don’t go into intense detail until the end. Promise! Thank you for reviewing by the way! I really appreciate it!

Draken: I updated as soon as possible! This chapter came slow though, so I apologize if it seems stiff. I really hope it doesn’t though. Thanks for reading!!!

Necromancer10: Thanks! I’m glad you like Felix. He’s a strange one! Thank you so much for reviewing!

JustAGuy: Thank you!! I’m super glad you like!

Peregrinus: Squishy characters, eh? Lol, I like the cliffhangers, cause at that point, even if people don’t like my story, they have to keep reading it! Hehe. I’m evil. And YOU need to update faster because your story is fantastic!

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# Sperks

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To say the next few days were any better would be the worst lie. That night in the hospital Felix waited over seven hours just to see Jason, to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. But Jason had asked not to see him, and didn’t come back to school after he was released three days later. He was in class, sure, but he wasn’t staying in the dorm-house and did a damn good job of avoiding Felix. And Felix couldn’t describe how badly his heart was broken. He spent the first night crying, the second night in anger, and the third night he’d attacked the kitchen table with mass loads of homework that he’d accumulated since the beginning of the year that he never felt like doing. Well now he did. Now he needed something to take his mind off the fucking pain of Jason rejecting him in the worst way possible.

It was also during Friday and Monday at school, that Felix realized how few friends he’d kept during the year. Yeah, there were a few that he’d been in clubs with his freshmen year, or some students that tutored him, but as far as close friends came, Jason was his only one. And the realizations got worse. Felix realized he’d always been that way, that Jason was the only one he’d ever really connected with. Sure, there was Mike, but Felix never talked with him for hours about absolutely nothing. On Monday at lunch, in the cold, yellow dinning hall, he just wanted to cry. He quickly shuffled across the tiles and placed the tray on the dishes rack, running out of the building. He got a few strange stares, but overall, nothing too horrible.

Once he was home he went up stairs and pulled off his jeans only to pull on his fluffy navy blue pj bottoms with snowflakes and polar bears on them. He tugged off his shirt and replaced it happily with a sweater his grammy had knitted him earlier in the season. It was horribly out-of-style with orange and brown and off-white colored stripes and a yellow giant star in the middle, but Felix liked it, his grandmother had worked hard on it.

After he was changed he made his way down to the rickety kitchen table with his pile of binders and books and set them down. He sat right down and got to work, anything to keep his mind off of Jason, and then pain.

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Felix shuffled his binders around, having spent too much time on English already, and dug for his Environmental Science textbook and notebook, opening the two to start chapter notes that he should have been keeping up with all year. Estuaries? Fuck if he gave a shit about that anyways. His eyelids started drooping on the first page of the chapter. Something about salt water and fresh water. None of the words were registering in his mind, but every time he let his eyes slip closed, Jason would be there, laughing and smiling.

Felix sighed heavily and skipped to the end of the chapter to answer the chapter questions. Well, make up answers. “What is the importance of an Estuary?” He asked himself aloud.

“It’s a buffer zone between land and sea. It protects the shore line from erosion and other forces of the ocean and it’s also like… a nursery for little fish and stuff.” Felix spun around in his chair to face the person behind him, his eyes wide in shock.

“JASON! I-I…” He wanted so bad to yell at Jason, to slap him, to kick him and show him just how badly he’d broken Felix’s heart; but all Felix could see was how apologetic Jason’s eyes were. They were so sincere, and Felix felt like a pushover when he couldn’t deny them. “You have some serious explaining to do, mister. Way to be a drama queen.” Jason let out a heavy breath and a small smile.

He sat down on the seat next to Felix’s and pulled it up close to the small boy’s. “How ‘bout I help you with this stuff and then we’ll talk later, huh?” But Felix shook his head.

“I deserve to know what happened. You hurt me Jason, and I didn’t deserve that, and you know it.” He said, knowing his voice sounded shaky, but he couldn’t help that.

Jason nodded albeit a bit reluctantly. “I know.” Another sigh. “You don’t deserve it, I-I just… I never think straight… not with stuff like that.”

“Vague.” Felix stated simply, letting Jason know he better fill in the blanks.

“Felix, you know I care about you right?” Felix raised his eye brows in response.

“No, as a matter of fact I don’t.” His tone had changed to bitter. “Because every time things are easy, and we’re just hanging out, you’re fine, you’re awesome, but the second something gets just the slightest bit heavy, just a bit emotional, you spazz out and run. That doesn’t say much for you.”

Jason nodded, taking in what Felix had said. “Okay, well, then, I care about you. A lot. And I’m pretty sure I have a lot of feelings for you. But… I can’t… I can’t have anything with you… like a-a-a relationship or something” Jason was looking at the table as he spoke, his face filled with lines of worry, his large hands pulling at the hem of his shirt, fidgeting. “It’s just… It wouldn’t be fair to you… and no matter what you may think, it’s not something you’d want.”

“Why not?” Felix noted how scared and nervous Jason looked and Felix pulled his chair closer, and took Jason’s hand. “Please tell me, Jason… please, I need to hear it.” And Jason agreed.

“Can we go upstairs though? I-I don’t want to be down here.” Felix moved his head up and down, and intertwined his fingers with Jason’s, earning him a startled look, before he tugged the other boy up the stairs and in to Felix’s room.

“Sit.” He commanded, causing Jason to half-smile and relax a bit. He did so, his back against the headboard and pillows and Felix plopped himself right next to Jason.

“You know, you’re really lucky I’m so damn forgiving, no one else would ever give you this chance, I hope you realize that.” He said it playfully, but it was true and Jason knew that.

“I know.” Jason stated, taking Felix’s hand in his again. A first; and Felix took it as a good sign. “So… um… I’m telling you the story of how come I’m so fucked up, right?” Felix cocked his head to the side a bit and shook his head, but Jason just sighed. “So, about a year ago, I started dating this girl. She was the first girl I ever dated… the only person I ever had any interest in. She was really sweet and quiet, but she could get so riled up sometimes. Anyways, we went on a couple dates and we ended up really hitting it off. I had been worried at first, cause we’re both pretty quiet, yeah? But we just couldn’t stop talking. So yeah, we dated for like five months, and we never had sex or anything like that… she was really scared and I didn’t want to pressure her into anything, she really was amazing. But one night we got into a really big fight… and like… I have really bad anger management problems and stuff… wait… I definitely started this story in the wrong place… lemme start over.”

“No, it was making sense…” Felix protested, wanting to know what happened.

Jason shook his head “No no no, okay, so when I was… uh… fifteen? Yeah, I think that’s right, anyways, when I was fifteen I’d fucked around a lot and hung out with all the older kids. We didn’t do anything bad, like we didn’t do drugs or drink or any of that shit, but we liked to cause trouble and do dumb stuff. We were driving one night, racing actually, on a highway. I was in the passenger seat, my friend Mark was driving, two other guys were in the back and five other guys were in the other car. We came around a curve, another car was there, my side of the door was pushed in. It was actually a huge accident because the other car we were racing was right behind us and hit us after we’d already hit the other car at 90 miles an hour, but somehow no one died. Mark got a concussion from his head going in the windshield, and I had a broken femur and my knee was totally fucked up, my ACL was ripped and everything, but don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely thankful that that was all that happened to me.

Anyways, so I had to go on morphine because breaking your femur hurts like fucking hell, but it was the same time that I was figuring out that I was bi, not just straight like all my friends, and it scared the shit out of me and I would just get so angry all the time, I mean… I’ve always had a bad temper, but it got really bad around then cause I was so frustrated with everything, so I started taking the morphine just to calm down. I got addicted really quickly, opium does that to you. But overall, I mean, I was happier, I thought I was normal cause I didn’t just snap at people anymore. No one else saw it that way though, my friends and I weren’t as close anymore, my dad seemed distant, but that could have also been the drug, I don’t know. Anyways, I was using habitually until last year when I realized I wanted to feel, that I wanted to share emotions with someone, and it was Katie that made me realize that. So the first five months were amazing, I was feeling and I was happy, and I told her I was bi and she said she didn’t care and everything was amazing, and like I said, I wasn’t using at all.” He sighed, Felix could tell this was hard on Jason. He gave his hand a squeeze.

“If you need to take a break or something, I can make you dinner maybe? I don’t want you to stress out over this, I just want to know.”

“If I don’t do this now, I don’t know if I’ll ever get the guts to do it again.” He said, his head hanging down. He bit his lip hard, and Felix saw a tear fall onto the comforter. “ ‘Lix… I-I hit her…” Jason’s body shuddered, and he turned his head away, his body was tense, his shoulders were moving with each silent sob that he tried to hold back. Felix immediately moved to rub Jason’s back, kissing his shoulder tenderly.

“It’s okay, Jason, shh… it’s okay.” But Felix couldn’t figure out why he thought it was okay. Jason had hit his girlfriend and Felix hardly cared, he just wanted Jason to feel better. “Did she leave you then?” Felix asked, hoping to get an end to the story.

Jason shook his head. “No, she stayed with me, she told me she wouldn’t tell anyone, that it was okay, that she loved me.” He whispered. “We kept dating for two months, things were fine, a little tense at first, but they got back to normal, and we were happy. But… we got in another fight, I rose my hand… I almost hit her again… I stopped myself, but I couldn’t handle it… I-I realized I wasn’t under control. She’d flinched… I made Katie flinch. She said the same thing she had the first time, that she wouldn’t tell anyone, and everything would be okay, but I couldn’t do it… I couldn’t think of staying with her, she deserved so much better…” Jason let out another sob, and Felix wrapped his arms around Jason’s back, hugging his torso.

“So now you don’t want to get in to a relationship with me because you’re scared you’ll do that again?” Jason nodded. “And you continue to take morphine to keep yourself in check emotionally?” Another nod. “Fuck, Jason, that’s not so bad. I thought you killed someone or something.” Felix tried to joke. Jason forced out a smile, trying to let Felix know that he appreciated the effort.

“It was really hard for me, what you said in the kitchen that morning, because I-I want that for us… I want to joke around with you, and hold you, and kiss you… it’s just… I know I can’t, because being in a relationship involves being close on a personal level, meaning emotional, meaning I can’t be on morphine which leads to me being…” he shuddered “…not me.”

“Well… I mean… how often do you talk about you’re emotions?” Felix asked.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Well, like, how often do you sit with someone and pour out your heart? Have a big cry-sesh? I mean, maybe you freaked out at her and all those other times because you had no other way of expressing yourself… right?”

Jason blinked a few times, and turned back around to face Felix. “Okay… feasible. I don’t know if I’m completely sure about the idea though…” He said hesitantly.

“Okay, so, did you and Katie get into other fights?”

“Yeah… tons… but that’s how we improved on our relationship… we’d yell about what was going wrong so we could fix it.” It sounded horrible to Felix, but he nodded anyways.

“Soooo… during the times that you fought but didn’t snap, what was different in your life as opposed to the times you did snap?”

Jason thought hard for a moment, his brow furrowed. He quickly straightened his back, sitting up straight “The band!” he declared happily.

“Band?” Felix questioned, completely lost.

“Yeah… it’s kinda cliché. Everyone’s in a band now, but me and some of my friends were in a band, we were totally horrible, but I wrote the lyrics and most of the rest of the songs. My dad plays guitar too, he taught me when I was like five and we always play together. He’s really amazing though, he’s supposed to teach me sweep picking this summer.” Jason smiled as he talked, and Felix couldn’t suppress a giggle, Jason was so excited talking about his band and his dad! It was adorable.

“So what was the name of your band?” He asked, hoping to keep the other smiling.

“Oh god… um, I don’t even think we had a name. Probably something wicked lame and corny, trying to fit the scene an’ stuff.” He chuckled to himself before he looked Felix in the eye, his face becoming serious again. “Thank you, Felix.”

Felix nodded and leaned forward to kiss Jason’s cheek. “I still feel the same way, I mean… if you want to give us a try.” He said, his voice full of hope.

[[ REVIEW PLEASE!! They make me happy… and inspire me. So the more you review, the faster I write! Aaaaaallllsooo, I still hold that if you guys want to see a specific scene happen, or if you have an idea or something that you think would be good for the story, I’d loooooooove to hear it!! Thanks!!!! ]]