Touru to Shidou/Touru and Shidou

~*~*~*~Shidou

Touru stayed with us for a week, actually, before he was able to move into an apartment just down the road from us. Sunday, we spent in the chair in the living room, neither of us really willing to let the other go. He told me that he’d called his dad “Papa” when he was scared and that though Pop looked nothing like his dad, he still felt the same. He sounded a little worried when he told me, though, so I hugged him and told him I was glad he felt comfortable with my family. The deal he worked out, or more like Pop told him he was going to accept, was that he’d get an apartment, my parents helping pay the deposits and everything, and he’d only get half his pay until it was paid for. Pop hadn’t given him a choice in the matter.

Monday, we both skipped school and went to the preserve. We walked around slowly for hours, looking at trees and birds and animals. At first, neither of us really wanted to let go of the other, but by the end of the day, we could walk side by side without holding hands. Sounds strange to see that as progress in a relationship, but we both knew it was.

Tuesday, we went to school. Everyone was supportive and concerned. I don’t think Touru was used to so many people asking about him. Many of them had heard what happened Saturday with his relatives, too. There had been an assembly the day before on tolerance and several local counselors and lawyers had been there. I wasn’t really surprised to hear that Pop and Dad had been there, though not many knew I was their son. I had Mom’s last name.

We slept in the same bed every night, usually with the light on. Saturday night, he had a lot of nightmares. So did I. I woke up with him clinging to me, afraid that if he let go, I would vanish from him. Once I woke up, once I reassured him verbally I was there and I loved him, he could get up and write. Most of what he wrote were his nightmares, but he said when he wrote them out, they’d stop bothering him. Gods, I hope so, they kept getting worse from what he let me read.

Wednesday night, he insisted on tying to sleep separate from me because he’d be alone in his apartment. Thursday morning, though, he was in the bed with me. We went through the same thing Thursday night and Friday morning.

Friday morning at breakfast, Dad told us there was a restraining order against Touru’s family. Touru didn’t look surprised, though I was. He just nodded and continued to eat. On the way to school, he told me he’d asked Dad to get one, making arrangements for payment. We were in my room working on homework when I asked him more about it. He sighed, “I’ll be totally broke for a couple of months paying off your parents, but it’s worth it. It gives me a sense of peace and strength to be able to do something about them.”

I looked at him a moment, “Yeah, I guess it would.” I stood up and moved so I sat next to him, putting my head in his lap. He ruffled my hair and smiled at me. “I’m glad you’re helping yourself out, too.”

He let his hand rest on my shoulder, “Why is that, Shidou?”

I lifted my head and moved so I was sitting on my knees, closer to looking into his eyes, “Because, as much as I want to protect you, you need to rely on yourself, too, or there’s no way our relationship will survive us going to college and I really want it to.”

~*~*~*~Touru

I moved from the chair and knelt next to him, hugging him tightly. As much as I loved him, I was afraid he wanted me to rely on him completely when he said he wanted to protect me. I felt the last of the anxiety over our relationship, the part that not even my nightmares had begun to explore, begin to ease. It wasn’t completely gone. I don’t know if it would ever be, but it was going to lose its grip on me. He held me tightly in return and we sat there a long time before he whispered, “Touru.”

“Yeah?” I asked, pulling away from him enough to look at him.

“I wanna kiss you.” We hadn’t kissed since before we saw my cousins. My heart fluttered and I nodded, my cheeks going warm. We bent towards each other, both reaching for the other’s cheek. It wasn’t him kissing me or me kissing him, it was us kissing each other, coming together, reaching for what we wanted from the other and from ourselves. We both rose up onto our knees, pressing our bodies close. His hands went to my waist and hair, mine went around his neck as we tried to join together. Our tongues met as we sought more contact, our moans rising to twine together. As one, we moved so I was lying beneath him, his body covering mine on the floor, our hands pulling on our shirts, struggling to bare our skin to each other. His hands found my skin, pulling up my shirt as his lips left mine, seeking out my neck. I moaned, pulling his shirt up so that our stomachs touched. His hips rocked into mine and I could feel his arousal through his jeans as it rubbed against mine. His lips found mine again as our bodies moved together. He began to pull away from me and I put one hand on the back of his head and the other on his ass, not letting him leave. He moaned, the sound both of conflict and surrender as his hands tangled in my hair. I brought my other hand down and held his ass, flexing my fingers around it as he continued to rock into me and me into him.

He pulled away from my mouth, “Touru…I’m gonna…”

“Please,” I moaned, “please.” My body was begging for release, for him to bring me to that place.

He pulled away from me and I fought him, trying to bring his hips back down to mine. He didn’t get up, he didn’t move back down, he just stayed hovering over me. “No, Touru, not like this.” He bent so that just his lips touched me, kissing me with so much need I wanted to cry again. “I don’t want our first time to be like this. I love you too much for that. I don’t want to regret anything with you.”

I growled at him, “I need to…I want you to…Shidou!”

He stroked my cheek, “Which is better, frustration or regret? Which would you rather deal with?”

I turned away. He was right. I didn’t want to admit it, but he was. “Go, then. I need to deal with this, then.”

He turned my face so that he could kiss me again. His lips were so hungry that anything I lost to frustration was beginning to return. “I’ll be back. Think of me,” he said in parting, pulling his shirt down and shoving his hands in his pockets. He closed the door behind him and I waited a beat before pulling my pants down and my shirt up. One hand wrapped around my shaft, the feel of his body still vivid in my mind. The other went to my mouth, my fingers slipping between my lips to be fondled by my tongue as I stroked myself. I closed my eyes, picturing Shidou over me. I wanted so badly to feel his body against mine, to taste his skin, to suck on him, everything. I sucked harder on my fingers, moaning around them and imagined they were my dick in Shidou’s mouth, that he was moaning around me. My hips rose to meet my hand and before long, I climaxed, a whine coming out around my fingers as my come landed on my stomach.

I laid there a while, just trying to breathe again. I couldn’t remember ever coming so hard before. I let my body go limp, sinking into the floor a moment, trying to sort out my thoughts and emotions. I wanted to be with him, I wanted him more than I’ve wanted anyone else, ever. I sighed, trying to understand, trying to figure out what my body wanted.

After a long time, I stood, pulling my pants up and using a paper towel from a sandwich to wipe off my stomach before pulling the door open.

~*~*~*~Shidou

Touru’s face was penitent when he opened the door. He looked at me and I felt like he was telling me we had to talk. I knew. There was a lot we had to discuss. Maybe I should also talk to Pop or Dad, too. Yeah, we’d had the whole sex talk, we’d covered the basics of what happens when guys had sex, but I hadn’t really paid attention because it hadn’t mattered at the time. There weren’t any guys that I wanted to have sex with. But, now…

I went into the room and Touru closed the door behind me. We sat on the beds, our hands in our laps, each of us waiting for the other to say anything.

“I don’t know if making us wait is a good thing or not,” he began, “but we need to figure things out”

“Yeah,” I said, glad and surprised he’d started. I took a deep breath, “Pop and Dad told me what happens, but I didn’t pay a whole lot of attention.”

“I’ve seen a few porns, but…I had the whole safe sex talk with my parents, but that doesn’t really go into how and where and stuff,” he muttered.

I frowned a little, “Well, uhhh, we both have dicks, so, ummm…we take turns?”

He blinked at me a moment before blushing and muttering, “Yeah, I suppose we could”

“What, Touru? Did I say something wrong?”

“Well, it…usually, in the stuff…it’s…well…always the same guy on the bottom.”

I frowned a moment, trying to figure out what he meant by that and then it occurred to me. “Why?” I asked.

He shrugged, “I dunno. That’s just the way they show it. And…and, I want…it would…I want to…”

“Hey,” I cut him off. He was so red I was starting to wonder if he’d pass out, “I was wondering what it’d be like to be inside you, and you inside me, too.” He looked at the floor, his face beginning to look purple, “Touru, breathe.”

He took a deep breath and then looked up, “I’ve never actually talked about this kind of stuff. I mean, my parents told me about condoms and lube and stuff, but not really much more than that,” he muttered again, his eyes returning to the floor. He looked up again and I grinned at him.

“I’ve never been accused of being shy.” His lips twitched and I went on, “I think it’s more about what we want to do and not what other people do, don’t you think?”

He nodded, “Yeah, you’re right.” He grinned a little at me, the grin becoming an actual smile as he said, “Y’know, every time I start to freak about something, no matter what it is, you seem to know what to say to make me feel better, even if I haven’t told you what’s bothering me.”

~*~*~*~Touru

The expression on his face was funny. He looked shocked at first and then he grinned and blushed, “Well, I just say what I think, you know that. What ever comes into my head usually falls out of my mouth.”

I tipped my head at him, “You know, your ex’s have come up to me in school this week. Y’know what they said?”

His eyes were wide, white showing around the hazel, “Nothing bad, I hope.”

I shook my head, “No, nothing bad. They said they’d never seen you happier, even with all the drama going on, and that you were a good guy. I think it’s pretty cool your ex’s still like you.”

There was a knock on the door and I looked over my shoulder, “Yeah?”

Mama’s voice came through, “Dinner’s in five minutes, boys.”

“Okay,” I answered before turning around again. I jumped when I saw Shidou kneeling by my feet. When I looked at him, he put his hands on my knees, and I covered them with mine. “Shidou?” I asked.

“Our first time, Touru, I want to show you how I feel for you. I want you to know, beyond a doubt that I love you.”

My groin tightened again, “Keep talking like that and I’ll wear the silver dress to prom.”

He groaned, “I don’t know…I don’t know if we should keep trying to wait or if we should just jump each other the minute my parents leave from helping you move in tomorrow.”

I shook my head, “No jumping, remember.” I was trying to tease, trying to reduce the tension in the room or it would be jumping and maybe before dinner.

He nodded and sat back on his heels, “I love you, Touru, and I want you so badly I can taste it. This is all new to me.”

“I’m not exactly an expert either,” I replied, looking away from him. He was too much of a temptation.

“Maybe we should talk with the parents?” he suggested.

“I was hoping you’d say that. They’ve been here, so, maybe they know what we should do?”

He grinned at me, “I’m gonna get teased for wanting to know about their love lives and all the details about how they met now. They’ve told me stories all my life, but I kinda ignored them a lot, y’know.”

I laughed, “Yeah, I know. Thalia and I would tease our parents about their ‘how we met’ stories, but I kinda wish I’d paid attention, now. They were happy together.” I sighed, not quite feeling the same pain that I’d had before when I talked about my family.

Shidou squeezed my leg where he was holding it, “You’re not as sad. That’s a good thing. Your family was happy, you should remember them that way.”

I leaned forward, resting my forehead on his, “How is it you know me so well after such a short amount of time?”

He placed a hand on my cheek, “It’s been a pretty eventful two weeks, hasn’t it? And, we’ve been friends for a while, haven’t we?” I nodded once, and he continued, “And, I love you very much, Touru Marcus.”

I smiled, “And I love you Shidou Itsumuri, very much.”

He placed a light kiss on my lips before moving away to stand up. He held his hand out and I used it to pull myself off the bed, twining my fingers through his as we walked through the room to the door. As we passed through, I remembered something he’d said, “Hey, maybe our second date will finally end? It’s gotta be a record, doesn’t it?”

~*~*~*~Shidou

I looked at him, my jaw feeling a little loose, “Yeah, what is it, like nine days now?”

Dad spoke up from where he was setting dishes on the table, “I think it stops being a date after twelve hours.”

Touru looked over at him, grinning, “And then what is it?”

Dad looked sheepishly at Pop, “I dunno, what is it?”

Pop went to stand behind Dad, wrapping his arms around his waist, “We called it living together.” He looked over Dad’s shoulder at us, “You know we’re still, technically, on our second date.”

“Really?” both of us asked.

Dad leaned into Pop, “Yeah. We spent like, what, three months before graduation together. Like the only time we weren’t together was in classes we didn’t share. And Mom and Mama were with us a lot, too. But, we slept in the same room, ate together, everything.”

I took a deep breath, my face hot, “How long before you…” I just couldn’t say it. It was just too weird to ask them.

Pop answered, “A week, though at first, all we did was grind against each other.” My ears were ringing from all the blood going to my face. I could see Touru was redder than he’d been in my room. “It was probably just before graduation that we did anything else. He was still a little weirded out that he liked a guy.”

Dad nuzzled into Pop, though he looked like he was ready to bust a gut. “I was afraid to touch his dick for some stupid reason, and I wouldn’t let him touch mine for a while either.”

“ENOUGH!” Touru and I both yelled at the same time. They both started laughing hysterically.

Mom and Mama came in from the patio where they’d been cooking, “What?”

I wanted to sink into the floor, and Touru looked like he wanted to do the same when Pop managed to gasp out, “They were asking about our love lives.”

Mama joined in the laughing, but Mom rolled her eyes, “You two are useless. You three stay in here, you two, come with me.”

“Hey,” Mama began, only to be cut off by Mom saying, “You were laughing, I don’t want to hear it for a while.”

Touru and I followed Mom back onto the patio and she slammed the sliding door behind us. It’d been a while since she’d been mad at the rest of them since she was usually the most easy going of my parents. I looked at her surprised. “You two were asking serious questions, weren’t you?”

“Yeah,” I muttered, feeling a bit uncertain.

“They didn’t have to laugh at you.” She turned and stirred the pot sitting on the barbeque with the chicken that was cooking. She pulled the pan to the side and sat down with a sigh, gesturing us to sit with her. She looked at us seriously, “You haven’t done anymore than kissing yet, have you?”

“No,” Touru answered. I reached over and held his hand as we sat at the table. “We think maybe waiting would be better. That if we rushed things, that something…would go wrong, y’know?”

“We want to be together for a long time,” I added.

She covered our hands with one of hers, “My boys, the right time is when you feel it is. The right way is how you feel you want it. Be sure to respect each other, to listen to each other, and everything will work out.”

My face was hot. “It’s not just timing,” I muttered. “It’s how…y’know?”

She propped her elbow and the arm of her couch, muttering, “Those men, they’re useless. They could have helped you and saved the laughing for later.” She sighed, “It’s been a while, but I know that if you go slowly, it’ll be okay. I remember Dad being pretty sore a few times, and Pop, too, as their bodies got used to things, but always use lube. They always hurt if they don’t.” She chewed her lip a moment, “Does that help any at all?”

~*~*~*~Touru

Could there be anything weirder than getting sex tips from your boyfriend’s mother? If there was, I wasn’t ready for it. “A little,” I said. “So, it…uh…that is…we can…errr…change things?”

She frowned a moment, “Change things?” Then understanding cleared her features, “Oh, yeah, sure, why not? Do what feels good and right. I don’t think there are any rules or anything like that. Well, no rules outside of respect each other and listen to your bodies and each other. If something hurts a lot, back off, though, from what I remember, the first time being penetrated can hurt a bit. You need to be relaxed. Even now, if either of them is tense and bottoms, it can hurt.”

Tense would be a word to describe how I felt. Shidou squeezed my fingers. “So,” he began, “as long as we’re careful with each other, it’ll be okay?”

She pulled a wry face, “Well, the first time maybe not too great. It usually isn’t. You’re both nervous, so don’t worry too much.” She stood up and ruffled her hand through both our hair, “The first time, the best part of it, really, is being through it. It’s just weird and awkward. Don’t stress it too much, my boys.” She moved to the grill, “Help me get things in, boys.”

I don’t know what look she gave the others, but whatever it was, the others looked sheepish when we came in behind her. Pop spoke up first, “Touru, Shidou, we’re sorry. If you have more questions, we promise not to laugh at you.”

Dad picked up the thread, “It just, well, with as much as you two have been in the same room, we figured you’d already moved beyond those questions.”

Shidou glared at them, “Today was the first time I’ve kissed him since last week.”

“Really?” Mama looked surprised.

“Yeah,” I muttered, “we didn’t really feel…it was just too much.”

Pop’s face was a study. I felt I had to say something, “I did talk to Joseph. He said not to worry about things. That it was normal to feel less like being physical after something that emotionally traumatic.”

He didn’t look relieved. He still had a mixture of emotions on his face, “I’m glad you trust Joseph enough to talk to him about your relationship. I’m sorry. I should have been able to pick up on that.” He looked hurt.

I walked over and wrapped my arms around him, Shidou holding both of us. “It’s not like we were obvious or anything,” Shidou murmured. “I mean, we were holding each other a lot. I guess it’s normal to assume we were kissing when you weren’t watching.”

“I really am sorry,” Pop said.

“We know. We forgive you,” I said, leaning on his shoulder a little. Shidou’s arms tightened around us. It felt so good to be part of a family again. I think that, being with them the whole week did a lot to help me feel better. I’m glad there had been the delay with the apartment.

The place they’d intended to take me had a vacancy, but they had to finish cleaning and making all the minor repairs needed when someone moved out. The delay was good. I’d be moving in the morning. I was nervous about that. I wasn’t completely sure if I was ready to sleep in a place by myself again. I had become used to being able to Shidou last thing at night and first thing in the morning. I liked being able to move into his bed if I had a nightmare and needed him. I enjoyed the security of being part of their lives. My mind lingered on these thoughts while we ate and talked about other things.

~*~*~*~Shidou

Touru seemed distracted though the meal. After we ate, he returned to my room. I helped Pop with the dishes and joined Touru. He was sitting on his bed, staring at the wall, his face anxious. “What’s up, love?” I asked, moving to sit next to him.

“I move out tomorrow,” he started, his voice soft, “and I’m kinda…scared of living on my own again. It’s stupid, isn’t it?”

“No, not really.” He looked at me and I continued, “You’ve had a rough time of it, and it’s kinda like you got your family back here, isn’t it?” He nodded and looked down. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into my chest awkwardly. I kissed his ear and then whispered, “I can stay the night with you, if it helps.”

His ear turned red, “I only have one twin sized bed.”

“It’s not like we haven’t shared mine,” I countered.

“I think I’ll want to do more than that, Shidou, if you’re there and I’m there and there’s no one else there.” He looked at me, his eyes so intense, “I’ll want more, Shidou, if you stay with me.” He brought his hand up to my cheek, “Are you sure you want that, or do you really want to wait or what, Shidou? We need to figure it out before you make offers to stay with me.”

I stared at him, my brain refusing to function properly for a while. Finally, I managed, “Can I give you an answer in the morning? It’s not that I don’t want to do more…”

His finger covered my lips, “I understand. You need to think.” He sighed and looked down, his hand falling into his lap. He looked sad. That wouldn’t do.

I pulled his chin so that he was looking at me and kissed him deeply. He turned in my arms and I allowed him to press me back onto the bed. He moved to straddle me, his hands pulling on my clothes again. I groaned and his tongue found its way into my mouth, pulling out more noises as his hands found my skin. They were so hot on my stomach, pressing my shirt up, caressing my chest. I let my hands find the hem of his shirt, pushing it up and sliding my hands along his back. His skin felt so smooth and silky under my palms. He felt so incredible to my hands, and when he let his stomach touch mine, even the roughness of his scar was incredible. His hips rocked against mine and I could feel his hardness through our jeans. I tried to pull him back, but he wouldn’t let me. His lips moved from my mouth and I managed to gasp out, “Is this what you want?”

“Yes,” he growled into my ear, kissing my earlobe. I’d never heard his voice so demanding. I rocked my hips into his and he said again, “Yes.”

“Me, too,” I whispered, my hands sliding into his pants, caressing his ass, feeling the muscles move as he rocked into me. Our bodies continued to move against each other, his mouth returning to mine, his tongue thrusting into my mouth. It was incredible, the feel of him. He gasped and arched away from me, his body trembling, the look on his face pained ecstasy. His hips jerked a few times against mine and then he collapsed onto me, breathing hard. “Touru?” I murmured, feeling a liquid warmth beginning to penetrate my jeans. My hips rocked into his a few more times and I came hard.

I don’t know how long we laid there, but he finally managed to mutter, “Sorry I didn’t wait for you.”

I shook my head, “Don’t apologize, it felt good. So good.” I dragged my hands up along his back and hugged him tightly.

He nuzzled into my chest, “Yeah, it did.” He yawned a little into my neck, making me shiver as his breath went over my skin. Slowly, he pushed himself up, his eyes a beautiful dark green and utterly relaxed. “We can wait to go all the way all the way, but I’d like to do this again, okay?”

I nodded, “Sounds good. Maybe we can even get our clothes off next time,” I teased him

He grinned at me, “Maybe. I’ll let you know what I decide.”

I laughed, “Since when is this a unilateral relationship.”

He looked away, considering, and then playfully answered, “Since you were on bottom.”

I rolled him over and he giggled a little. Yes, giggled, there was no other word for the sound he made. “And now?” I demanded.

“I guess you decide then.”

“And I decide,” I said, bending down to kiss him, “that we still have homework to finish. And changing would be a good thing, too.”

He sighed, pulling me down into a hug, “I love you. I’m glad we did this…” his voice was uncertain.

“I am, too. It makes me want more, though, Touru. It makes me want to be with you, want to know you more, so I can see that face of yours. You look amazing when you come, did you know that?”

~*~*~*~Touru

I don’t know why I felt so insecure. I knew he loved me and that he wouldn’t leave me just cause I’d…gods, what had I done? I looked away from him, “I’m sorry I forced…”

“No, you didn’t,” Shidou cut me off. I looked back at him, “No regrets, Touru. You enjoyed it, I enjoyed it. No regrets. I love you. Please,” his eyes begged me, “please don’t feel badly.”

“It’s not badly, it’s just you wanted to wait and I didn’t let you.”

“Touru,” he began, and then stopped. I looked at him, and he began again, “I was wrong. We would have gone insane from the frustration, and then I wouldn’t have been able to kiss you at all. It’s better to work out the tension so that we decide when the first time we try any type of penetration is, not our hormones, y’know?”

“You’re not upset?” I asked softly.

“No, not at all. I’m glad, in a way, that you took charge. I don’t want to pressure you, Touru. I know I tend to be a little more forceful, but I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything, y’know?”

I nodded, “Thank you.” I slid my fingers through his hair and pressed his head down to mine. When our lips met, I whispered again, “Thank you,” and then kissed him deeply, letting my tongue slide into his mouth. He moaned and we kissed for a long time. It was just a kiss, our bodies satisfied for the moment and it felt good to just kiss him again.

Slowly, he pulled back, breaking our kiss with reluctance. “Homework. We’re not gonna have time later this weekend.”

I nodded and let him up. He held out his hand and helped me up. My legs were a little wobbly, but he held me lightly until they didn’t feel like they’d collapse under me if I took a step. We worked on our homework the rest of the night and went to bed separately after sharing a long and lingering kiss.


A/N Okay, I'm already posting this story in two other forums and am way behind here. I am not going to be continuing it here, but you can find it here: http://hcolleen.livejournal.com/tag/touru Thank you for your kind words.