Tango

Chapter Eight




The next afternoon, after school, found Nicholas and I touring the small apartment that he agreed to rent from this dotty old woman, paying first and last month’s rent right there on the spot. It all went so fast for me that it took me a minute or two to catch up to everything mentally as Nicholas was swinging me around the common area, void of much furniture, and laughing merrily as he did so.
In fact, it wasn’t really until I was kissing him back in said room that it really sunk in that he had his own place. A place where a person could truly be alone, to do as they pleased, whenever they wanted to.

“Let’s celebrate by having a party tomorrow night after I finish moving my stuff in. We can move in tomorrow and, considering that I don’t have much to move, it won’t take long. It would be fun. Besides, we don’t have school Friday because of that teacher meeting thing so it won’t have to end too early either. What do you say?” Nicholas had that Christmas morning excitement in his voice and there was a light in his eyes that I had never seen before. He was truly happy.

“As long as I get you to myself for at least a few minutes during the party, I’m all for it.” I laced my fingers around his neck and gave him a small kiss on the lips.

“Good, because I need to ask you something then.”

“Yes, I’ll being something for everyone to eat.” I rolled my eyes, guessing the answer to his question.

His face fell a little in its luminosity. “No, that wasn’t what I was going to ask you.”

Then what was it? I wondered.

“I was going to ask you if you wanted to make it official and be my girlfriend. Food would be nice too, though.” Nicholas started to laugh then and kissed my stunned face.

I kissed him back with all the feeling I had left in my body and was unable to even speak when we finally parted.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’ then?

I nodded my head and pulled him down to kiss him again. Oh yeah, this place was going to rock.

- - - - - - -

The party started off with a great, big, bang. There was music blaring as loud as it was allowed to go, people were having a great time, and there was no mention of playing ‘Truth or Dare’. The only thing that would have made it better was if I had actually been able to be with Nicholas for more than a few seconds at a time.

It seemed that every time I went to go to him, someone came between us in some way or another. Of course, with the amount of people that had shown up, it wasn’t surprising. Many people that I didn’t even know had shown up and I had a feeling that most of them didn’t even know whose apartment they were partying in.

Still, it would have been nice if I were beside my boyfriend. Ah, boyfriend. Such a lovely word to me, the sound enough to send shivers up my spine. It was nice to have someone again who could wrap their arms around me and protect me from the dark. I suppose, if you think back, we were together before he really asked me. We did couply things and went on dates. He saved my life. Now, if that doesn’t qualify someone as a boyfriend then I don’t know what does.

Suddenly I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around my body and I sunk into the person that I knew was Nicholas.
“Come with me.” He said and took my hand in his to make sure that the ever-growing crowd didn’t separate us again.
We made our way to his bedroom and once we kicked a couple out of it, they were kissing on the bed as if there wasn’t a party going on outside, he closed the door, locked it, and gathered me in his arms again.

“I missed you so much last night. I guess you kicking me while sleeping really had its effect on me. I actually got to sleep for eight straight hours.” He laughed and kissed my forehead at my look of false outrage. He then started to kiss his way down my jaw line and continued down my neck to my collarbone.

I could feel just how much he missed me as our bodies were pressed intimately together. My brain seemed to shut off then and my body took control. I knew that I wanted this and I didn’t care that there was a party just on the other side of the door. My hands took to a life of their own and eased themselves under his cotton shirt, bringing the hem up as they traveled over his stomach and chest. He started to do the same to me and we parted for a second as both of our shirts came up over our heads and were thrown onto the floor.

Everything then went so fast. Clothing littered the floor, we has made our way onto the double bed and both of us were breathing hard and anticipating what we were just about to do. I came to my senses only once to ask if Nicholas had a condom and then slipped back into a happy delirium as I helped him slip on the latex contraceptive and felt him enter me for the first time.

Being with Nicholas for the first time was nothing like I had ever experienced before. It was rough and sweet and I could feel everything in every part of my body. There was a fire burning in the pit of my stomach and seemed to continue to grow bigger until it finally exploded and I screamed my pleasure. I was just coming down to earth when I felt Nicholas climax and heard him say a name.

At first it didn’t even register that it wasn’t my own. I mean, living with a new name as I had been doing, I was used to not hearing my own name. But this time…this time it was different. This time it wasn’t even one of my names.

Nicholas collapsed on top of me, panting as though he had just run a marathon, and started to kiss my neck again as he moved to lie beside me.

I had no idea how to react, so I did what came naturally to me. I pushed him off and started to get dressed.

Nicholas gave me a puzzled look and asked, “What are you doing? You don’t have to go back to the party yet.” He looked hurt, almost as if he didn’t know what he did.

“Yes I do.” I said. “When a guy is with a girl and then says another girls name as he comes, it’s time for the first girl to leave the guy and find someone who wasn’t just using her for meaningless sex.” I was holding back the tears that had built up and decided to stop looking for my underwear because I didn’t want to spend any more time looking for them. I just wanted to leave and take a long, hot shower and try to rid myself of the dirty feeling I had.

Nicholas jumped up off the bed and placed his hands on my shoulders. “What are you talking about?” He asked.

I wretched myself from his hold and went to the door, throwing the lock back, and turned to face him. “You said Jessica’s name.” I then threw open the door and ran out of the party, barley reaching the door before the tears broke free and blurred my vision.

He never even tried to run after me.


- - - - - - -

I was sitting in the den watching an old Audrey Hepburn movie on TV when I heard the doorbell ring. I was just about to yell for someone else to answer the door, seeing as I was wearing and old pair of James’ boxers that I had found in the clean laundry and a slightly revealing tank top that I’ve had forever, but then I remembered that Uncle Fred getting groceries and doing errands, my Aunt was still at work and Scarlet was at Kelly’s doing their French project. I sighed. The movie was just getting to a really good part too. I stretched and got up to answer the door myself and before I was half way to the door when I heard it ring again. “Coming, I’m coming!” I yelled. Whoever it was, was really impatient. I hoped that it was Nicholas coming over to apologize to me and explain himself. I could somewhat see through the glass I the door and could make out a tall figure that had broad shoulders. My heart lifted and my pace quickened. It looked as if Nicholas had come.

I tried to scowl as I reached for the doorknob but I could feel my eyes smiling. But as I opened the door I realized two things; first was that it wasn’t Nicholas but someone else that I knew. Second was that he had snapdragons in his left hand. Snapdragons were my favorite type of flowers. Especially yellow ones like the ones that he was holding.

“What are you doing here?” I asked in utter disbelief. He looked the exact same as he had before I left Vancouver… same hair, same clothing style, same smell. It was like he was a walking, talking mirage that was right in front of me. It brought back so many memories that I was about to cry.

“Nice to see you too Elizabeth. You haven’t changed a bit over the past couple of months. How have you been?” His voice was smooth and even and full of concern. He didn’t seem too concerned, however, that he could have been followed or that he was risking both of our lives as he handed me the flowers.

“You have to call me Renee here. No one knows that my real name is Elizabeth and they have no real clue about my past. How did you find me here anyways? I never said where I was living, only that I was in Ontario.” I still hadn’t gotten over the shock of seeing him again. It was like a breath of fresh air after being in a stuffy room. All I wanted to do was jump into his arms and throw my mine around his neck, never to let go again, but I was afraid that if I did he wouldn’t have the same feelings.

“You forgot about Pablo.” Derek said softly. How could I have forgotten Pablo? I was mentally kicking myself.

Pablo was the best hacker in the entire world as far as I was concerned. He could find anything on the net if you gave him the basics about what you wanted found. He was always the one to help me find info for projects and essays for school. With his help I was always done really fast. He was precise and never left a trace of where he had been. Once on Derek’s request he has hacked into the schools computer and ‘scheduled’ a fire alarm so that we could get out of a really big science exam that we hadn’t studied for because we were out the night before at the opening of a new club. It was great. Also Pablo had helped Anita find her mom over the net after her father didn’t tell her that she was still alive. So, of course he could have found me. I had said that I was in Ontario and that Scarlet’s dad was a partner in a law firm - Jennings and McTavish. So with that information Pablo could have found out credit card numbers, bank account balances, the family tree and, unfortunately, where I was living under a new identity.

“You have no idea how happy and relieved I was to get your letter. I didn’t know what to think. You had left town and then those murders hit the newspapers-”

“You think that I had something to do with the murders don’t you? How could you have even thought that about me? Don’t you know me better then that?” I interrupted him angrily. I was just about to shut the door in his face when Derek grabbed me tightly by the shoulders. I looked away from him in disgust and to hide the tears in my eyes. I felt so betrayed by him, the hurt breaking my heart all over again.

“Elizabeth, look at me. Please look at me.” I turned my head to look him squarely in the eye. “I came here to see you. I was worried about you and your safety. I admit that I did think at first that you were a part of the murders…” The tears had spilled over. They were falling down my cheeks and started to fall faster when I looked down at my feet. I had forgotten what kind of affect his eyes had on me. But Derek reached down under my chin and tipped my face back up to his.

“But I knew that if I saw you again I would know for sure that my thoughts were wrong... And that you were still mine.” Derek leaned down and softly brushed his lips against mine. It sent a prickling sensation down my back that didn’t feel quite right. It didn’t feel the same way that Nicholas’ kiss had. Derek and me being together now, after such a long time apart, felt wrong. It had the feeling similar to cheating or lying.

But it seemed that Nicholas and I were as good as history now. Obviously he had harboured feelings for Jessica all along and now was the time that he chose to address them. Suddenly, being with Derek didn’t seem so wrong after all. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in his shoulder. A wave of homesickness washed over me and I wanted to cry. Maybe it didn’t really feel right, maybe I was trying to fool myself into thinking so, but all I wanted at that very moment was someone to hold me lovingly.
“I’m sorry.” I apologized. “Things have just been harder then I would have first expected. Seeing you here is just overwhelming.” I absentmindedly brushed the fallen tears from my eyes. “Well, come on inside. I don’t think that you traveled all the way across the country just to stand on my front porch.” I gave a small, almost forced, chuckle as I stepped back inside.

Derek simply laughed heartedly and followed me into the den where the movie was still playing. I turned off the television and flopped down into the comfortable cushions of the loveseat. I turned my body slightly sideways so that I could face Derek without straining my neck. I gathered my legs underneath my body and prepared myself for a long amount of talking…that never came.

“So why did you come?” I asked bluntly to fill the void of silence that had engulfed us as the seconds slowly passed. You don’t see someone for a few months and the tension is thick enough to cut with a knife even though there is so much to say. Never before had it ever been like this between us. Normally we could sit and talk about absolutely nothing for hours.

“I missed you.” He replied lamely, a sheepish smile tugging at the corners of his pink lips.

There it was, the truth plain and simple. I had missed him too; I had missed everyone so much. It was so hard to function at first without all of my friends with me, but as time had passed, as it always does, I was able to really make new friends here and slowly the pain had started to go away. But then, after Nicholas, I had suddenly needed them, even after so long I felt as though I needed to tell someone everything. So, after I got home from having my heart broken at the party, I had e-mailed Derek.

I know that it was stupid, but in my hurting rage I put in too much information because my heart told me to do it. I told Derek about my school, my friends, everything bad that had happened over the past few months that I had been away from home. I almost told him about Nicholas too, but I didn’t want to hurt him. I had left so suddenly that I never had the time to tell him that we wouldn’t be together anymore. I didn’t want to hurt myself anymore either and I just wanted to forget about what had just happened less than an hour ago.

My mind was in a fog and I just wrote. I think that I wanted to be found, that I wanted what I had before and that I wanted Derek to come after me. It’s why I never allowed myself to think about the possibility that I could be tracked from the instant message. It’s why I was so careless.

But, it brought Derek back to me.

“I missed you too, more than you’ll ever know. I missed everyone.” I said, wishing to god that I was back with him, in his room, in Vancouver and that this whole mess had never happened. “But you need to go.” It hurt to say that.

He felt it too and I could see it in his eyes how much I had hurt him just then. His eyes clouded over and his face went emotionless.
“I’m sorry,” I said, reaching out to take his hand in mine, “But you have no idea how dangerous this is. I don’t want you to get hurt and if you do I’ll know that it was because of my stupidity and carelessness one night when my emotions were everywhere.” Tears were starting to fall silently down me face leaving trails of salty water behind them. I wiped at them with the back of my free hand and tried to continue without my voice breaking. “I am so happy to see you and I love you so much for coming all the way out here to see me, but you really need to go soon. If you’re found here we both will be in big trouble and both of us might end up dead.”

“There’s someone else, isn’t there?” The silence was broken from him and his face looked as though he was in severe pain.

There was no point in lying to him either. I had never actually lied to him, omitted facts yes, but never an out right lie. I took a deep breath and decided to get it over with.

“Yes and no. There was, and I did have feelings for him, but I ended it a few days ago and right now I would rather not talk about it. But that isn’t the reason that I want you to leave. If I tell you, you have to promise to not breathe a word to anyone about it and you have to get the next flight home. Ok?”

I waited, it seemed, forever without taking a breath before he silently nodded his head. But before I said anything more, I moved so that I was sitting in his lap, something that we did even from the very beginning of our relationship. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his shoulder, my mouth close to his ear. This helped in a few ways, it was comforting and familiar, but it also meant that I didn’t have to look Derek in the eye as I told him everything.

I started at the beginning, how my mother had been murdered when I was still living in Vancouver and talking about a long future with him. I then told him about how my father and I needed to separate and take on new identities, which were given to us ever so generously by the government and how I was wanted dead by a man that I had never even met. I then expressed my concern for him and everyone else. I told him that I loved them all, no matter what had happened, and that I would always love them.
When I was finally done, it was almost time for everyone to arrive back home and I needed to get Derek out of the house before that.

“Now do you see why you need to go?” I asked. I finally looked up at him to see that his facial expression hadn’t changed at all. It was almost as if he were wearing a mask, void of all emotion.

“Yes.” He answered. “But tell me what happened that you needed to e-ail me all of a sudden. It must have been hard if you went against all of the rules. In fact, I almost didn’t read it because you had created a new e-mail address. Please, tell me.” He sounded monotone, but there was that underlying feeling that if I didn’t do as he asked that he would crack and not leave at all.

So I told him.

And I swear that he would have been able to kill Nicholas if he saw him right then. It wasn’t even completely because I had slept with Nicholas, although that was a part of it. No, it was that he had broken my heart at a time when I needed to be loved. Derek had always been so protective of me, thoughts like that were second nature.

He then grabbed me and kissed me as if he were making love to me through my mouth. I know that sounds disgusting, but that was how it seemed. There was such a passion that I felt as though I wanted to drag him to a remote cabin in the woods and never let either of us see the outside world again. Thankfully, or not, I was able to stop before we did something that we would both end up regretting.

“You really need to go.” I repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time that day but I really didn’t want him to. And when he did I really wanted to go with him.

However, I was blessed with some self restraint and after we both straightened our clothing, had another steamy kiss at the front door, and almost started up the stairs to my room, we said our final goodbyes and Derek left.

And I cried.

God I hate to cry now.