Gender Dysphoria: How it Feels to Live a Lie

Chapter VII


One year later…..

“Miss!”

I jumped awake, nearly knocking over my order pad and pen. How I fell asleep leaning against a counter is beyond me. Knowing I had to come in to work at Slim’s the next morning, I went on and agreed to Tony’s two johns he had for me last night. They were pretty easy to deal with. The first guy had snuck out from his comfy home with his wife of ten years to come see me. “Tom” I think was his name. Anyway, he was……quick to say the least. Amazingly quick. I hardly had enough time to get my legs open good, before he was about finished. I didn’t care though. I left there with $500 more dollars than what I came in with. Around two in the morning, I went to room 311, where I met up with my other john, Jack. His fetish for leather was tremendous. For $250, I blindfolded his eyes and jerked him off with a black leather glove fitted over my hand. Easy money. $750 in one day? You can’t beat it.

However, I lacked sleep because of it. I had to be at the diner by six so I could help get the place opened up by seven. It was seven-thirty at the moment and only truckers were up that morning, getting breakfast so they could continue on to their separate destinations.

“I asked for my coffee fifteen minutes ago.”

“Yes sir.” I replied politely to the man with a red hat and Keep On Truckin’ t-shirt. I grabbed a coffee pot and filled a cup, serving it to him. “Here you are.”

“Thanks.”

I yawned as I started to make my rounds, checking the other tables to make sure everyone was ok. I heard a bell ringing, signaling someone was entering the diner. “Gwenie-poo!” I immediately knew who that was. I turned around and sure enough, it was Savannah, followed by her beau, Ian, and Carlos who pulled up the rear.

I smiled. “Hi, guys.” I quickly hugged my best friend. “Hello, Ian.” I spoke to the goodlooking man with the black hair.

“Hey.”

Then I saw Carlos. Dressed in his usual bum-like attire, he stood there with his hands in his pockets. “What? You’re just going to stand there?” I asked.

Carlos’ face broke into a smile and he walked to me. With a kiss--which turned into two—we wrapped our arms around each other in a warm hug. “Hello, bebê.”

“Hello. Good morning.” I pulled away from him and looked at my friends. “What are you guys doing here?”

“Well,” Savannah said as she made her way to a table. “We haven’t seen much of you lately and figured if we spent time with you while you were at work, we could see you more that way.” She sat down on one side with Ian and Carlos sat on the other side.

I sat down next to Carlos. “Clever. So, are you planning on eating anything, or are you just gonna sit here and waste a table?”

Carlos grabbed a menu. “I’m eating. I’m about to starve.”

Ian grabbed his own menu. “Me too. Oooooh omelets.”

Savannah looked on with Ian. “What? No eggs benedict?” She joked.

I laughed. “Hell no. And no turkey bacon either.”

The blonde frowned. “Oh damn. Well, I’ll have the Combo Platter #1, please Madam.”

I pulled out my order pad and started writing. “Okay and what are the fellas gonna have?”

“Hmmmm….” Carlos thought. “Give me the steak and eggs.”

“Hash browns or a biscuit?”

“Hash browns.”

“And how do you want your eggs?” I was busy writing so I didn’t see Carlos lean over and kiss me.

“Sunny side up.”

After I got Ian’s order of an omelet supreme, I walked off to turn in the order to Slim. Once the large man got over the shock of seeing Carlos sitting at his diner, he finally started on the orders. My friends stayed for a little while and we chatted while they ate. It felt good hanging out with them again. It’s been so long since I’ve enjoyed ‘pleasant’ company, I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. And for a moment, I was content. It felt like another ‘home’. I had nearly forgotten that my life had been spent practically hustling for my future for the past year.

When my shift at the diner was over, Carlos drove back to pick me up. On our way to my place, we decided to head out and have an ice-cream date. He stayed for the most part—he kept cracking open the door or knocking asking could he come in—in the tv room waiting on me while I showered and dressed myself in a baby blue linen skirt, white thin strap tank, and tennis shoes.

Together, we drove to Vegas then walked to our favorite ice-cream parlor. We sat at one of the outside tables and waited on our orders. I was currently looking down at my short skirt, knocking a piece of lint away when I felt a strong, lightly callused hand slowly run up my upper arm to the strap of my tank that seemed to had slid off my shoulder. Knowing exactly who that hand belonged to, I smiled and turned to look at Carlos who was seated right next to me. “Thank you.”

He kissed my bare shoulder. “You’re welcome.” He hand was still playing with the strap of my tank top. “Do you know how good you look with this pure white up against your tan skin? God, I could ravage you right now.”

I laughed. “Calm yourself, Carlos.”

“I can’t help it.” He started to kiss his way up my neck. “Your poor, poor long suffering boyfriend is horny.”

I decided to play with him a bit. “Oh you poor thing….” I reached down under the table and discreetly squeezed his groin gently. Carlos gasped. “Maybe I should help you.” In my earlier days, before the whole “call girl” thing, I would’ve never thought about doing this in public. To be honest, I was surprising my own self. I guess since my new ‘job’, and considering all that I have to do within that job, I’ve developed this newfound exhibitionism and now I’m not scared to try anything…….I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

“That would be….” I rubbed him again. “soooooooo nice of you.” He closed his eyes and leaned his head against mine.

The waitress probably thought we were the most overly affectionate couple she’d ever seen when she walked over to our table with the big banana split we were gonna share. Of course, she couldn’t see my hand slipping into Carlos’ pants, causing our little PDA, either.

He turned my face towards his and we kissed softly for minutes on end. “Our ice-cream is melting.” I whispered between kisses.

“Uh huh.” I laughed as Carlos pulled me back to him.

Don’t ask me why, cause to this day I still can’t figure it out, but while we were practically immersed in each other, I opened my eyes and looked behind Carlos. There sat this thirty-something year old guy with red hair staring directly at me. I recognized him immediately. He was one of Denise’s regular johns at the hotel. I remember running into him all the time in the halls, he was always a big jerk. He’d always try to cop a frontal feel of the girls when they’d pass by him in the halls. He tried to pull that shit with me one night and I kneed him in the crotch, so he definitely recognized me. Morgan I think was his name. And in true Morgan fashion, he had to do something perverted. First he smiled at me, then he lifted his right arm—his hand shaped like he was holding something round—and pumped it slowly near his mouth. He simulated giving head basically. When he saw the discomfort in my eyes, he winked and blew a kiss at me.

“Gwen, what’s the matter?” Carlos asked me. I didn’t even realize I had stopped kissing him. My hand had stopped moving too. I was so……taken aback by Morgan’s actions, I could barely think. But I did have enough sense left to know that with Morgan being such a sick jackass, it would only take seconds for him to do something stupid and tell Carlos what my new profession was AND spill my T. That was definitely not what I wanted. We needed to get out of there.

“Gwen? What’s the matter, bebê?”

“Huh? Nothing. Let’s go, Carlos.”

“What? We just got here.” He said to me confused, while I stood up grabbing my purse.

I looked back towards Morgan. He was still sitting, now eating his ice-cream. Smug bastard. “I know. It’s just that it’s so hot.”

“This is Las Vegas, bebê. It’s always hot. What’s the matter? Are you….”

“It’s just……I wanna go, Carlos. Please.”

Carlos sighed, giving in. “Ok. We’ll go.” He grabbed me into a hug. “Are you sure you’re ok?”

I wrapped my arms around him and snuck a peek at Morgan again. He had picked up his two cherries, dangled them over his face, flicked his tongue out, sliding it between the two joined fruits, then started to suck on them. I held onto Carlos tighter. “Yes.”

***

Two more months later….

I arrived at the hotel and made it to room 404 at 9 o’clock on the dot. Dressed to kill in a black leather skirt, black tank, and my signature knee high black boots—I’ve become known as ‘the girl with the boots’—I knocked on the door waiting on a new customer named Robert. The door opened to a man dressed in a gray suit—minus the tie—with graying short hair, ice-blue eyes, and nice smile. “Hello.” He said to me.

“Hi. Are you Robert?”

He nodded. “Come on in.” he opened the door wider and I stepped inside. As he shut the door behind me, I was met with a surprise……a young man was there. Mid to late teens. I just turned twenty now, so he looked maybe seventeen. I was really getting tired of Tony’s surprises. First, I ended up having to sleep with a woman, then I had to deal with a guy who enjoyed dressing up in drag, now here sat a teenager. His hair was jet black, his skin was olive, and he had the most adorable big doe eyes I’d ever seen.

“Hello.” I said to him as he sat obviously nervous on the bed.

He waved. “Hi.”

I turned to the father. “Ok. I’m confused. I’m looking for Robert.”

“That’s me.”

“And who is this?”

“That’s my son, Robert jr. You see, this is for him. Today is his birthday. He just turned eighteen. I wanted to bring him here as a sort of……rite of passage into adulthood. Much like my father did for me.” I nodded. What a weird father. Robert Sr. walked over to his son and patted his shoulder. “Have fun son. I’ll be downstairs in the lobby when you’re through.” His son nodded and with a smile to me, he paid me the $500 and left us alone.

Walking to the bed, I sat down next to Robert. “Nervous?”

Not looking at me, he nodded. “Alittle bit.”

“Well, don’t be. I don’t bite. We can do whatever you want. Or, we don’t have to do anything. We can sit here and talk if you want to.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Good. I mean, it’s nothing against you—I think you’re hot—but I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

I laughed. “That’s fine. And you’re father doesn’t have to know. I wont tell.”

“Thanks.” He was quiet for a moment. “What’s your name?”

“Gwen.”

“And your other name?”

“My wh…..oh. George jr.” I smiled. “Wow. I’ve never told anyone that since I moved here.”

“Really?” the teen laughed. “I feel special now.” I smiled. “So why did you make this your life?”

“It’s not my life. I just need the money so I can finish my transition. This was never meant to be a permanent thing.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“A year and a few months.” Robert cocked his head to the side. “Ok, so it sounds like I’m planning on making this my permanent job, but really it isn’t.”

“But why this? Why not something else? You’re too a nice a person to be involved in this type work.”

“Thank you. I chose this because it was fast money. My operation will cost a total of $10,000 and I don’t want to wait forever for it to happen.” I laid back on the bed, my hands crossed over my tummy. “And too, I don’t exactly qualify for any other job.”

Robert laid back on his side and looked down at me. “What does that mean?’

“I don’t have a college degree. Hell, I don’t even have a high school degree.”

“Why? Did you runaway from home or something?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Big mistake. But I plan on going back…….sooner or later and get my GED. What grade are you in?”

“I’ll be a senior this upcoming year.” He turned his eyes away from me, looking suddenly depressed. “I wont be looking forward to it though.”

“Why?”

“I’m not exactly popular.”

I chuckled. “I was that and beyond. Try not being liked either.”

“They call me a dweeb.”

“Who does?”

Robert rolled his eyes. “The stupid jocks and their prize cheerleading girlfriends. I get called names, beat up, and forced to do their homework…..”

“What? How often does that happen?”

“Everyday. It almost makes you hate getting up in the morning.”

I have no clue what came over me, but something filled me up after hearing what happens to Robert at school and I suddenly became really pissed at school kids I didn’t even know. Maybe it was because he reminded me so much of my little brother, Eddie, and I feel a need to protect him. Maybe it was because his situation reminded me so much of my own when I was in school. Or Maybe I just genuinely liked the boy and felt sorry for him. “What school do you go to?”

“Cornwall High. Why?”

“No reason. So, is bringing your sons to a hooker on their eighteenth birthday a big ritual in your family or something?”

The teen shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. My father says it is, but I think he’s doing it to satisfy himself.”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Dad thinks I could never snag a girl on my own because I’m too much of a wimp. Sending me to you was supposed to ‘man me up’ a bit.”

“Well that’s stupid. I see nothing wrong with you.” He shrugged again. I shuffled myself so I laid on my side facing him. His hair was in a long raven colored shag and I took one finger and moved a piece, that was covering his eye, behind his ear. “It’s true. You’re absolutely adorable, Robert. Any girl would be lucky to date you.” He turned his face away as he started to blush. I smiled. He was too cute!

“Thank you.” We laid there and talked well over and hour before I suggested that that was probably enough time for his father to think we ‘did’ something. I followed Robert to the lobby and watched as he met up with his father who was currently smiling harder than a kindergartner taking their school picture.

“Hey there, son. Have some fun?”

The boy looked back at me and we shared a smile. ‘Daddy’ saw our mutual look and he could’ve busted out his skin. “Yeah, Dad. A lot of fun. Thanks for bringing me here.”

“No problem, son. Lets get home then.”

“Ok.” He turned to me. “Goodbye Gwen. Maybe I could see you again. You’re really nice.”

I smiled. “I’d like that.” I leaned forward and kissed him on his cheek. “Goodbye, Robert.”

Author’s note: I had mentioned in one of the earlier chapters that costs for a sex change operation would be like $5000. Not true. It’s more than that. This chapter gave how much it roughly costs for the whole she-bang.


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