Unforgivables

The door opened again and I looked up to see a nurse standing there. She was wearing a dress that cut off just above her knees and she wore a bright smile on her face. I remembered someone like her being in the last place I was in. That woman had annoyed me beyond all reason. They talk to you like everyone else does. Like a four-year-old lost in the theme park. Like you didn’t have a mind or didn’t understand English. Sure some people who were insane didn’t but that didn’t mean that all of them were illiterate.

“Hello there Christopher.” and she was no different from anyone else. “I came to get you so you can come out to the main room. Everyone else is out there right now so come on and follow me.” I didn’t want to go out there. One of them was bad enough and he was finally gone. “Come on now Christopher. I don’t want to call one of the guards because you aren’t being a good boy. Now are you going to come?”

Slowly I stood at her threat. That was the only problem with being in a place like this. They could do what they wanted with you and no one would know. No one would ever believe someone who was insane and the people here made that known. They made you know that you were insignificant and that there was no one who would ever care about you enough to try and save you.

I walked into the room and looked around. There were at least fifteen other people in the room. It was like walking into the first day of school. Being new and not knowing anyone. However this was ten times more scary then that considering I was in a room with fifteen other people who were not allowed to go near anything remotely sharp for reasons I didn’t want to know.

“You can sit by me boy.” someone said and I backed away slightly. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to be here on so many different levels. I felt my back hit the wall and slowly I slid down it. Maybe if I just stayed there then no one would bother me. I lifted my hands to cover my ears.

It was loud. It was very loud in this room. There were so many people around me and so many of them were talking, sometimes yelling. “Why don’t you talk to me?” it was that man. The one that had caused all of this. The one who had shown the McKinney family just what I really was. “You little fag you have no one else so you might as well talk to me. No one is ever going to love you and I am the only one who seems to talk to you after knowing what you are.”

Stop it! Stop talking to me! For the love of god stop talking to me! Why couldn’t they just tell me what they wanted? Why couldn’t they just leave me be unless they had an actual reason. I felt someone. There was someone there. Never in my life had I felt someone like this. Slowly I looked up and saw that guy standing a few feet away looking at me. His head was slightly tilted to the side as if he was trying to decide something. Was it him? Was he giving off such a strange feeling? I hadn’t felt it before when I had spoken with him, or more he had been spewing out weird sayings. It couldn’t be him could it? Someone with nothing in their eyes could give off such a strange feeling.

“You can come sit with me.” he told me and pointed over towards the window. “I could use the company and you look like you could use someone you know.” Because I knew him all that well. Though more and more it seemed like he knew me better then I gave him credit for. It seemed like we had met before and I hadn’t been there for it. “If you want.”

Sit in a little corner with a bunch of insane people staring at me and most likely wanting to kill me or go with someone who I knew just slightly? Slowly I pushed myself up the wall and waited for him to turn and lead the way. After a moment he turned and walked back over to his little area. I followed him and sat across from him at the window. He seemed different somehow. I wondered what they had done to him when he had left my room. Probably put him on drugs. He had been a lot more lively then this when I had first met him so that had to mean that he was on drugs.

“Get away!” someone screamed in my head. It sounded like a woman, the voice was shrill and loud. “Get away now! Get away, get away, get away!” I closed my eyes trying to make her stop. I didn’t know what she mean. Why she was screaming that in my head. From the feel of it she was above me but even then it didn’t make sense. I’d heard her before. When Nicholas and I had been in the barn. She had been screaming the same thing at me. “Now! Get away now! Now! Kill! He’ll kill! Get away!”

I opened my eyes and looked at the guy sitting across from me. Did she know him? It sounded a hell of a lot like she knew him. Even when he didn’t. Then again she could have been talking about someone else in the room. “Why are you here?” I heard myself say and he just continued to look out the window. “Hey, answer me.”

“It’s better when people don’t know things.” he told me. “That way they can’t be hurt by the truth.” he looked back at me and again I was locked in those blue eyes. “I love your eyes.” he scooted closer to me. “I’ve never seen such eyes before. They burn with fear, and anger...and passion.” he gave me a small smile. “Passion. You have a lot of passion.”

“Get away from me.” I hissed at him. “Stay away.”

That made him laugh. “Are you that afraid of me? You shouldn’t be. I can’t do you any harm.” he leaned back against the wall. “We should take a walk. It’s a nice say we should take a walk outside along the path.”

I looked outside. “It’s raining.”

“Yes it is.” he sighed. “That is why we should take a walk. It is nice to take walks in the rain. Wash off all the bad things.”

“What is your name?” I asked again.

He was silent. Did he really detest names that much? Clearly he had a name. He had to have a name. Everyone had a name. He must know that eventually I would find out. It wouldn’t be long until one of the guards or nurses said his name and then I would know it. “Rain...my name is Rain.”

“Rain?” I asked him. There was no way in hell I would believe that. No way in hell. I had never heard of anyone with the name Rain. Never. There was no way I would believe that. No way. “If you didn’t want to tell me you could have just said.”

He smiled. “It wasn’t a joke.” then he looked at me again. “I don’t want to think about it but...was it really your fault? Did you really do such a thing?”

“Get away!” she screamed at me again and this time I could feel the fear. “Dear god child get away! He’ll break you! Destroy you! Break you!” I wanted to run. To get away from him. I couldn’t though. His eyes had sucked me in and I could not get away from them. “Get away now! Get away! He’ll break you! Break you!”

“The fire I mean.” he explained. “I mean, you don’t seem like the kind of person to do such a thing so I was just wondering. Sometimes I am wrong about people so I have to ask so they don’t get mad if I just assume.” he shook his head a little to get hair out of his face. “If you don’t want to talk about it then you don’t have to. I mean, it’s not really my place to ask you that kind of thing in the first place.”

“How do you know about that?” I asked him. I had some woman screaming at me to get away from god only knew who, I had him talking about a fire and wasn’t even sure if he was talking about the same one, and I couldn’t get my head strait. He couldn’t possibly know, let alone think that I had started it. “Tell me.”

He didn’t answer me. He just sat there like some sort of stupid doll without a brain. He was looking at me like he had no clue what the hell I was talking about. Like he hadn’t just said what he had said. “You have a guest.”

“Christopher.” the nurse said from the door. “Please follow me.”

I gave him a quick glare and stood to follow her. “Julian.” I looked back at him and saw him sitting there facing me. “That’s my name...it’s Julian.” I just turned and walked out. If he wanted to be a dick then he could be. Playing fucking mind games with me.

“Away...you got away.” she was talking about him. I knew she was. A slap echoed through my head and I winced slightly from the sound. “Stay away. You stay away.”

The nurse led me into a room and I froze. The person sitting at the table stood and smiled at me. I couldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t. Nothing like this could ever happen to me. Something good could never happen to me. My first thought was why she would even be here to see me. She had basically disowned me when I had been born. My mother had told me once that she was afraid of me. That the reason she never talked to me or looked at me was because she was afraid to look in my eyes or hear my voice.

“Christopher.” she motioned to the seat and I slowly walked over and sat down with her. “I got a call from the head of this place this morning. I headed down to talk to him and he told me that if you act good and show signs of improvement then he will let you into my care.” she was here. She was actually here. “So, please, while you are here try not to get into any trouble or talk to voices. In only four months you could be out of here if you are good. Do you understand that?”

I gave her a small nod. “Yes.” it didn’t make sense. I understood that she hated me, that was obvious from the many times she would hug the other kids and totally ignore me. So Why of all people would she have come down to help me? She had told my mother hundreds of times to get rid of me but she never would explain why. “Aunt Helen? Why?”

Her hair was pulled tightly back. Her and my mother were twins, they weren’t identical, but she resembled my mother in so many ways it was scary. Besides the fact that my mother loved me and she hated me beyond all reason. “If you are going to talk to me at least try and ask actual questions Christopher.”

“Why...do you hate me?” I ask her softly.

There was hesitance in her eyes. I could see it. It was like someone had figured out her darkest secret even though she had cursed me in front of my mother hundreds of times. “To be honest? Because your mother and mine’s youngest brother was just like you. Just like you in every way possible and I couldn’t take it. Let alone there be another one of you.”

“I never heard of him.”

“Of course you haven’t.” she said like it was obvious as to why. “Your mother and I would never have told anyone about him back then. Both of us couldn’t come to terms with the fact that we had been related to such a person. Then you came along and it was like reliving a nightmare. Your mother treasured you for what reason I don’t know because she hated our brother beyond reason.”

That didn’t add up at all. She hated her brother yet loved me like no other? If her brother and I were so much the same then why would she love me and hate him? It didn’t make sense. “What happened to your brother?”

“He killed himself on his seventeenth birthday.” she said it like it was nothing. Like it had no effect on her that her brother had killed himself. “We found him in his room. He’s cut his wrists. He left a note. It said something about voices and pain. I told your mother to get rid of you before she went through that same thing again but look at what happened.”

The nurse walked over and set a hand on my shoulder. “It’s time for him to go back Ms. Alders. Christopher please come with me.”

I was put back in my room. There was no one there. I let out a breath of relief and laid down on my bed. Just as I was about to finally relax the door opened and the guards pushed in my roommate. I sat up and watched as he slowly pushed himself up. His arms were trembling so bad that I was amazed he could even function.

“What happened?” I asked him.

He looked up at me and for the first time I saw something in those eyes. I saw the reason he was in a place like this. He could be the sanest person in the world and no one would know because of those eyes. He then threw me off by giving me a smile. “Things happen. You know that.” he crawled up and sat on his bed facing me. “So, who came to see you?”

I glared at him. “How do you know?”

“About the fire?” I nodded. He tilted his head to the side. “How does anyone know anything Christopher Brown?”


A/N : Another chapter finished. This chapter wasn’t as good, I know that, I can admit that. It most likely doesn’t make sense but I just kind of sat down and started to type. There were a few points to this chapter that I hope you got though. Important parts. So, there you go. Analyze it all you want. Give me reviews or you get nothing more. That is the way this works. After all, I can just stop putting the story up. I could just sit and type chapter after chapter on my computer for my own reading and you would never see any of them unless...you give me reviews!

-See yah next time.

P.S. I am sorry if this is a kind of confusing fic. Just bear with me. I\'m not the kind of person who can just jump to things. Forgive me forgive me. Just know that Nick will come back into this fic. Trust me. You will be rewarded for your wait. AND!!! I am working on chapter ten as you read.