The Secret Of Life

The audience may think that Amy is laughing at her as the scene cuts to Amy's house in the dining room revealing that Anne is the one laughing and she is carrying a pot of turkey to the table.

"Oh, this is so fabulous ain't nothing like we're having a good meal without Amy" said Anne. "I'm hungry" said Mimsy. "Goddamn Amy it's like we don't see your ass no more, good to see you angel" said George. "Yeah I guess I'm in the happy mood" said Amy.

Plus there are a bunch of food at the dinner table with Amy George Anne Ashley Grace Bowman and Amy's grandmother also Anne's mother Mimsy are present.

"Happy mood means you are not in your room all day" said George. "George you might want to be supportive Amy's friend is here" said Anne.

Anne sits down after setting the turkey on the table.

"Yeah you think you so smart in school so you could invite your classmate and join our dinner" said Ashley. "I'm also busy on an assignment" said Amy.

Anne gives Mimsy a bowl of mashed potatoes but she rejects.

"I don't want no mash potatoes you know mashed potatoes give me gas, you know in my day Amy when I used to spend time with my family I used to go there like Friday's and Saturday's to pay them respect" said Mimsy.

George looks at Mimsy dumbfounded.

"One day you're going to be the best of me and also you would want to be a cheerleader like me" said Grace.

Ashley belches out loud.

"Ooh baby's got a little gas" said Anne.

Mimsy starts coughing.

"Uh-oh there she go ya'll better cover your plate" said George.

George covers plate so did Ashley and Grace.

"I think I need a peppermint" said Mimsy.

"Mama, have some water" said Anne.

Mimsy drinks her water while Grace wipes her arm.

"Goddamn Mimsy you spit on me" said Grace. "What are you talking about covering your plate oh not tonight George I'll kick your ass" said Mimsy.

Amy takes skins off of her chicken.

"Amy I cooked all this food is that all you're going to eat?" said Anne. "Hey, hey, hey what's wrong with you, you're supposed to eat that thing not scalp it" said George. "Daddy the calories are found in the skin and the fat of the chicken so I just peel them off" said Amy.

"Girl what are you talking about that's where the fat and calories is you know where that come from watching that damn TV every time I see you watch television it got somebody talking about lose weight getting healthy getting shaped (George puts a lot of gravy in his mashed potatoes and greens) everybody on there looking all anorexic talking about that's healthy, I know what healthy is and I'll tell you something I don't know why people trying to stay skinny in the first place anybody ain't suppose to be the same size they're suppose to be all different big small medium midgets you're suppose to be all that I don't know what it is to be wanting to be the same size like that Oprah Winfrey she going to lose her weight ain't nothing wrong with her she was fine Oprah was a fox (Anne is discouraged on that) she lost all that weight and her head looking all big skin hanging off her and Luther Vandross (Pounds fists on table) nigger used to be a black Pavarotti losing all that weight looking ashy Oprah and Luther need to keep their ass one way because I'm confused" said George.

"I hope nothing's wrong with Oprah she doesn't look well" said Anne.

Mimsy cutting her food as they continue to get there story straight and decides to butt in.

"Ain't nothing wrong with Oprah I've seen her on Hard Copy last week with a picture of hell and got a tall young gentleman named Stedman" said Mimsy.

Anne rubs Ashley's head while she's eating her chicken singing amazing grace.

"He is my favorite of all of them like Jenny Jones, Mario Cashion, Montel, Ricki Lake and Mike Douglas" said Mimsy.

George looks at her dumbfounded.

"I like John Cena" said Grace. "Uh Mike Douglas you know Mike Douglas used to make me moist when I watch his show (George groans) and I admit I get moist when I watch his show and the only white man who did that to me was Mike Douglas" said Mimsy. "I would like a volunteer to take that old bird out of her misery" said George.

Anne pounds the table.

"George don't you dare say something like that about mama" said Anne. "Oh, no you ain't got to protect me from George come on George come on, come on it ain't nothing but s short walk" said Mimsy.

George tries to throw the salt at Mimsy.

"Hey now don't let the gray hair fool you I ain't no easy winner nigger" said Mimsy. "You know what need Amy some exercise look at my muscle" said Grace.

George points her statement out as Grace bolds her arms to show Amy her muscles and so did Ashley who is surprised by Anne.

"Oh, look at little Hercules oh show me your muscle again oh (Claps in rhythm) Hercules, Hercules, Hercules, Hercules" said Anne. "I know you worry about your unfinished business tonight but cheer up and eat what you want to eat knock yourself out" said Grace.

Grace puts loads of drumsticks on Amy's plate and then Amy gives Grace some of the chicken back.

"You know I'm not like one of those men who have no life and eat up everything causing them to gain so much weight and pretty soon we may find a cure" said Amy.

Mimsy is having trouble picking up her peas with her spoon.

"The only thing you need to study is your ass I got a small ass your mama got a small ass" said George.

Mimsy drops all of her peas from her spoon.

"George!" said Anne. "You do have a small ass don't tell me nothing but asses are small in our family and I don't care what diet you go on" said George. "Dad what I'm trying to say is that genetic breakthrough happens all the time and—"said Amy. "The only thing that's about to breakthrough is your ass about to break through the seat of your pants" said Grace as she was showing humor. "You know Amy I do remember hearing something on TV about colon cleansing they say everyone should have one I'm thinking about getting me a appointment and get my colon cleanse thoroughly" said Anne. "You want your colon cleanse well I'm going to clean mine" said George.

George lets out a loud fart having Anne to be flabbergasted and Ashley throws her head back and starts laughing and also Amy just shook her head and acts like she doesn't know him.

"There my colon is clean I'm talking about squeaky clean" said George. "George every time we have a meal you're going to start breaking gas, don't break gas and destroy our meal" said Anne. "Don't tell me to stop you're the one who brought up colon cleansing and all that mess" said George. "I didn't say anything about breaking gas I said I was going to get my colon cleanse" said Anne. "You are all in my business you talking about putting a tube in somebody's ass and I can't break wind" said George. "I didn't say nothing about a tube going in someone's ass" said Anne. "Well what do you think a colonic is you think you run your asshole by a carwash?" said George.

Ashley did all that hysterical laughter she starts choking on her chicken.

"You're choking the baby" said Anne.

Anne pats Ashley's back causing her to spit all of her food back to her plate.

"As long as I pay the bills I can do whatever I want to do at this table case in point" said George.

George lets out a loud fart.

"Who that called my name?" said Mimsy. "Yeah I'll call you if your name is (Loud Fart) HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA "said George. "Keep on insulting me" said Mimsy.

Mimsy picks up her butter knife and carries it upside down.

"I'll toss this between the crack of your ass" said Mimsy. "Hey you know I can go all night" said George.

George lets out a loud fart.

"I hope you fart until your asshole falls out" said Anne.

George then lets out an explosive fart.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA" said Grace.

Amy covers her nose and eats her food at the same time while Ashley lets out a loud fart.

"OHHHHHH my baby too" said Anne.

When George lets out his final fart he accidentally shit on himself.

"Whoop now see what you made me do goddamn it I messed up my pants" said George.

George gets up and walks out of the dining room.

"Damn Mr. Jurgens" said Grace. "You have to clean them yourself you rotten" said Anne.

Meanwhile it is 6:50pm and 10 minutes before Amy's 1st date as Anna escorts Amy out the back door.

"Oh, lord this has been a fabulous evening said Anne.

Anne looks over and sees that her trash bags are torn up.

"Oh, look them dogs done tore up my garbage, George the dog ripped up the garbage bag open again" said Anne. "(From inside) Man shoot the damn dog" said George. "I'm not shooting any dogs" said Anne. "I'm trying to watch the Sarah Connor Chronicles" said George.

Amy has a sad face.

"Hey Amy why the long face?" said Anne. "I don't want to talk about it" said Amy. "Are you still upset of what your father said to you?" said Anne.

Amy doesn't say anything.

"Look you're still going to be the Amy Jurgens as we still know I understand you don't want to gain weight or anything" said Anne. "Mom "said Amy. "I'm just saying that not only dad and I made you God made you also and he never makes a ugly person no way" said Anne. "I know" said Amy. "There is someone you like I see" said Anne. "Yeah" said Amy. "If you're on your way to see him you can stay at his place long as you like and I don't even care if you and this boy you like do ya'll thing all night long "said Anne. "Thanks mom you're the best" said Amy. "AWWW give mommy some sugar" said Anne.

Amy and Anne hugs.

"I'll see you soon" said Amy.

Amy walks away and leaves.

"Oh nighty night oh my baby Amy, Amy, Amy, fabulous" said Anne.

Anne watches Amy walks away and then walks back in the house.

"George come clean this garbage up" said Anne. "And I'm watching TV" said George. "Oh get your lazy ass up" said Mimsy. "Mind your damn business" said George. "You lazy motherfucker" said Mimsy.