Culvert Mozart Lane

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One morning Nora wasn’t feeling well, so I made a breakfast of sliced potatoes and diced summer sausage, fried together. It’s hard to find winter sausage anymore. Since it’s a lot leaner, most people don’t like it much. I didn’t peel the potatoes, so they’d have more minerals. It also saved a lot of time and effort. I guess I didn’t notice a potato that was too green. The main symptom of green potato poisoning is severe diarrhea. I still feel terrible about it three decades later.

That afternoon I got a phone call from the school, Janelle was sick. Not chills and a cough sick, but very stinky digestive malfunction sick.

She was wrapped in a blanket which had a bit of brown filth soaked into it, and her face was red as a radish. She cried too much to speak, until I carried her across the parking lot and set her in my truck. Between sobs, she blubbered, “Sorry! So sorry, Gramps! I’m so ashamed!”

“It’s okay, Janey. It’s not your fault. We’ll get you home and clean you up.” I lit a cigarette and passed her one, partly to cover the awful smell.

She took a deep drag and said, “I pooped myself in class! Everybody heard it and saw my dirty pants! So gross! My life is over! Everybody hates me, now!” Tears kept streaming from her eyes.

“They might tease you some, but they don’t hate you. It’ll be okay.” I tried to get her mind off it. “Your aunt Renee says she bought a nice winter coat, but it’s too small for her. You should go see her tomorrow. Maybe it will fit you.”

“Auntie lied about you. She said you’re not my real grampa.”

I was, but needed to lie myself to preserve our big family secret. “I’m not. Your mom’s father, your real grandfather, was my best pal Jake. After he and my first wife Elaine passed away, I married your gran. That means I’m your step-grandfather.”

She nervously asked, “But you still love me, right?”

“Always.” I lightly tapped her nose with a fingertip. “BEEP!”

“Hehehe!”

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The night of Janey’s thirteenth birthday was a big turning point in our lives. Like most other birthdays that fell on a weekend, we invited family and friends over for cake and ice cream at lunch time. Other people gave her a purse, shoes, a belt, and a couple of dresses. I can count the number of times she ever wore a dress on both hands, with a few fingers left over. She was definitely a tomboy and ‘daddy’s girl’.

I’m glad my gift was her favorite. From the shape of the wrapping paper, it was obviously a long firearm of some sort. Janey picked it up, shook it a little, and jokingly asked, “Is it a puppy?” Everybody chuckled while she unwrapped it. Her smile seemed too big for her face, and a single tear ran down her cheek. I explained, “It’s a Mossberg 25-06 bolt-action rifle, with a mag of five plus one in the chamber. The scope is variable three to nine power. Muzzle velocity is crazy fast, four thousand feet a second (1.3km/sec). It’s powerful enough for deer or bear, and super accurate at long range.”

She hugged it tightly and exclaimed, “AWESOME! Thank you, Gramps! Thanks so much!” She slung it over her shoulder, hugged me, and kissed my cheek.

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My second wife Nora rarely drank alcohol but made an exception that night. She told our granddaughter, “You’re not old enough to buy alcohol or drink in public, but you should know what it’s like.” She passed me a cold can of beer, set a glass of red wine in front of Janey, and drank wine with dinner herself.

Later the three of us watched a movie on the sofa with me between them. At the end, Nora got another glass of wine for each of them. She looked in Janey’s eyes and said, “It’s time you to learn the most important things about love and marriage.”

I began to object, “But she’s only…”

“I gave birth at thirteen, she’s old enough. Janelle, there are three big requirements for a happy marriage.”

Our granddaughter guessed, “Love, respect, and communication?”

Nora corrected her. “Hahaha! Those help a little, but three others are critical. Keep your house clean, keep your man’s belly full, and keep his cock empty.” She yanked my trousers and boxers down, exposing me in front of our granddaughter! “You need to do this for a husband someday, so watch close.”

I asked, “Nora, are you sure…” She kissed me, then ordered, “Shut up and enjoy.”

Janey stared intently from the other end of the sofa, while her grandmother sucked her grandfather’s penis! Nora paused when I was close to done, asking, “Want to touch it? Taste it?” Janey was very nervous. She lightly touched it, then gently wrapped her fingers around the shaft. “Stroke it nice and slow, and lick and suck on the head.” Our granddaughter obeyed, making my manhood happy and beyond!

My conscience still nagged at me, though. “Janey, you don’t have to…”

She sped up, and played with my nuts with her other hand.

“Oooh! So good!”

Nora explained, “With arthritis in my wrists and fingers, it’s real hard for me to pop you by hand. That’s why I ask you to do it between my boobs lately.”

“Feels so nice, Janey! Don’t worry, Nora. I like boobs, too.”

“I know it’s very important to you, but the last time I wanted sex was a couple years ago. I’m starting to get old.”

I suggested, “I heard there are pills for women now…”

“Ask him what you asked me, Janey.”

She moved her mouth off my rod but held it tightly. “I asked about ten questions how or if I could marry my gramps someday. Then since I can’t date, and kiss, and marry a relative; could I go on a date someday if I find a boy I like. And um... can I practice with you until then?” She kissed my lips for the first time, then licked them.

I asked, “But… but I’m sure there are handsome boys at school? Somebody your own age?”

Our granddaughter shook her head. “No. Just you. You’re so tall, strong, and handsome! I don’t care if you’re old. You’re so wise, smart, and caring. You’re really my step-gramps, so that doesn’t matter. I love you! Maybe more than I should, but I love you. I’m in love with you!”

She was my granddaughter by blood, but Nora, Jake and I had to tell everybody otherwise, to keep our dirty secret.

My wife stood and said, “I’d tell ya’ to be careful and kind to each other, but I know you will. Good girls stay virgins until they’re married. Don't be like your mother! Never, ever let anybody fuck you until you're married! But there’s plenty of other ways to feel good." She turned to me and said, "Just take a shower and come to bed when you’re done, Bruce.”

“Are you really okay with this, Nora? I love you, and I’d never want to hurt you.”

“I want her to date somebody kind and safe. You need it every day, but after menopause, making love is fun as scrubbing floors. If she cleans your floor instead, and it doesn’t make a baby or hurt anybody...” She kissed my lips. “Never forget, I love you both that much.” She kissed Janey’s forehead.

Once Nora left the living room, I told Janey, "It's your birthday, so tonight is about you being happy. Take off your clothes and let me kiss your kitty." I was happy to kiss it until she popped twice, then taught her to do what people call ‘sixty nine’ these days. When I was young, we called it a ‘hot double sloppy’.

Maybe the number is better.

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The first month or so, my granddaughter girlfriend and I made each other happy with our hands or mouths nearly every day, sometimes twice a day. After the first time, I was careful to make sure Nora didn’t see or hear us. Hurting her is the last thing I’d ever want.

Janey and I went hunting three or four times a week. To celebrate each success, we went to the hunting blind in the woods for a couple of the beers I stashed in the creek nearby. The flowing water kept ‘em nice and cool. Once we slaked our thirst, we kissed each other’s erotic bits to completion, then shared a cigarette on the walk home.

Most other days, we went fishing if the weather was decent. On the way to the lake or as we went home, I’d park my truck on a gravel road deep in the forest and have lusty fun with her in the back.

A few other times, we did it in the barn hay loft, the ice shack during the winter, or Janey’s bed when Nora wasn’t home. She was a very naughty girl on my birthday. Only a few months past thirteen, she gave me her rectal virginity! She said she would have given me her real cherry if we were married, and lamented not being my wife. The horny little redhead didn’t enjoy having me up her rump, but promised I could do it every weekend if I’d love her forever. I would have loved her forever for just a smile.

If it wouldn’t dishonor Nora’s memory by comparison, I might praise her further. Nora and Janelle were the loves of my life, my soulmates, angels on Earth.

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